After what felt like countless hours of trying to convince Celestia to tell me about her niece and her–I don’t know if I should say remarkable discovery, or... just flat out weird fetish of turning a man into a woman or vice versa–Celestia finally stepped up off the bed and looked at me with a wannabe calm, but still noticeably irritated look. “Lee, you look rather starved.”
“I mean how do you change some– Starved?” I stopped in mid sentence and looked at her perplexed. “I don’t feel hungry.” My stomach decided to use that opportunity to voice its objection. Okay, maybe she was right. I did feel rather famished. I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything since I’d left my house the night before. The thought of food made my stomach growl and churn, which produced a rather pained grimace on my face.
“How about you and I go down to the dining room and get something to eat?” She asked, her expression settling.
“Eh, ye-yeah that’d be great, let’s go.” I said and pushed myself off the edge of the bed and landed on the ground with a light thump.
Celestia spoke to me as we walked to the door, "I'd also like to give you a small tour on the way there, seeing as this is your future place of employment." The princess stopped suddenly, causing me to almost walk into her. She turned to face me while I tried to forget how embarrassing that could have been. “Oh, and don't forget your necklace. I don't want my subjects panicking over a supposed 'infiltration' by some unknown species."
I nodded my head and turned back to get the necklace. To be honest, I wasn’t really even listening to her. The thought of finally eating something was all I could think about. I picked up the still chilled necklace and looped it over my head before stuffing the coin under my collar. I cringed involuntarily as the cold metal graced my skin, and a shiver ran down my spine while I turned to face Celestia once again. She nodded her head and turned away from me. Her horn lit up and the door swung open. I stood there, still mesmerized by how she did that. “I’m never going to get used to that.” I muttered to myself before following her out.
:[-]:
Celestia led me towards the stairwell at the end of the corridor in the massive tower that we were in. She told me that in the meantime, I'll be staying in the same tower as her. Seeing as I've been forcefully made her personal butler, I might as well live close to my liege. As we walked she told me a few things I must know about their species, but nothing really major. She just told me about why they all have marks on their rumps, and that there are four races. Horse, flying horse, horse with a horn, and flying horse with a horn… I’ll be honest and say: I wasn’t really paying attention. However, I’ll justify myself and say it was because I felt as if I was starving.
I hadn’t eaten anything in–I glanced out a window. The sun was almost three fourths its way through the sky, I assumed it was probably around six o’clock. That would’ve meant I hadn’t ate or drank anything for almost a whole twenty four hours. I’m surprised I’m not even on the floor dying! Well, I’ll admit I was kinda overreacting a little, but the only thing that plagued my mind was the prospect of a nice casserole chicken with a little bit of mash potatoes. Just like the kind my wife would make, save for the mash potatoes, that was all me. Maybe add some gravy for a little extr–
“– Just across from us,” Celestia said gesturing towards a window that showed us another large tower on the opposite end of the castle. “Is my sister, Luna’s tower. That is where she and her aides stay.”
I shook my head. Dammit Lee pay attention! “Not to seem pushy, but could we just get to the dining hall? Because I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I haven’t eaten anything since I left home yesterday.” I said trying to push things along.
Celestia nodded her head. “Oh, of course. I’m sorry if I seem talkative. It’s been a long time since I had to show one of my personal butler’s around… at least personally that is. Usually it’s Pens Worth that does all the touring around now a days,” We reached the stairwell and began to head down. “Don’t tell him I said this, but he can be a controller.”
“Well by the way you make it sound, he is the one that is in control,” I said clutching my gut that wouldn’t shut up.
Celestia pursed her lips. “Well he is, but what I’m saying is he likes to control everything. Even things that aren’t supposed to be in his control.” she explained.
“Well you are his boss,” I stated. “Why not fire him?”
“And ruin his dream?”
“Dream?” I took a quick glance toward her.
“I never asked him, but I can tell by looking at him, and the way he looks at me. It’s that he wants to be my personal butler.” She said.
I smiled. “It sounds like you got a little admirer.”
Celestia chuckled and stepped onto the flat marble floor that reached out to a large hallway full to the brim with paintings. Each one seemed to be portraits of famous politicians and war generals. There was even one at the very end that appeared to be a pony similar to Celestia but the only difference was that her mane was red and wasn’t flowing.
“I guess you could say so. The dining hall is this way, Lee.” She said, taking my attention away from the massive paintings.
“Sorry.” I began to follow her down the hallway. “Say, Celestia?” I asked.
Celestia looked back at me with a confused look, I guess she nobody calls her by her first name too often. “Yes, Lee?” She finally asked after a few passing seconds.
"If this, Pens Worth, is competing for your personal butler. What happened to the guy, or girl that previously worked for you?” I asked taking a quick jog just to catch to her.
“It’s kind of a sad tale really, but it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to over the past thousand years–”
W-w-wait, what the fuck? Th-thousand years, did I just hear that right? This woman is over a thousand years old… I don’t know if I should be awed by this or… No, screw it, I’m awed! A thousand years old? But she only sounds like she’s… if my horse facts are right she only looks and sounds like she’s in her thirties.
“Whoa…” Is all I said, Celestia looked back at me and giggled.
“Not the first time I got that reaction, and certainly won’t be the last either.” Celestia said with a smile that slowly cascaded down into a sad frown.
“What happened?” I asked her with a raised eyebrow wondering to myself how many butlers she has had in the past, also how old she truly was. Seriously over a thousand years? Damn I thought thirty-six was at the brink of old age!
Celestia released a suspense filled sigh. “He did what all other ponies do when their service comes to an end.”
“Oh...” I said as the plainly obvious realization struck me. I shamefully lowered my head in respect.
“He retired.”
“Wait what?” My head shot back up, while a confused look slapped my face like a thrown pie.
“Oh, Burgundy was a phenomenal butler, always telling jokes and making sure that I’m on schedule.” Celestia explained.
“Oh... heh, okay. Phew...” I smiled.
“Is something wrong, Gun?” Celestia asked me as she turned her head back.
“I thought I said don’t call–” I began but Celestia stopped me when she cleared her throat and gestured towards the two guards who were stationed by a set of large wooden doors. “Oh, excuse me, Princess,” God if I ever say that again, I give you permission to kill me. “I must have mistaken what you said with... something else.” I said with a poor excuse of a posh accent, that sounded more like one of those English snob stereotypes.
Through the corner of my eye I saw one of the guards looking at me funny. “Evening, Princess.” The guard on the left said as he opened the large door which released a loud creak as it slowly swung open.
I watched it open and stepped through with a smirk. “What do you got in here? King Kong?”
“Excuse me,” Celestia turned her head away from the guard she seemed to be exchanging pleasantries with.
I frowned, and like that she killed the joke. Then again that’s something I was going to have to keep reminding myself that no one is going to get my references. My stomach growled with increasing impatience. “Never mind,” I said. “Lets just get something to eat.” I looked at her, and one of the guards who tilted his head to the side just like Shimmering Grace did when she was confused. “Did I do–” I stopped and realized I wasn’t even using my fake sophisticated voice. “I mean, oh.” I slipped into the accent. “I am feeling quite famished. I say, how about we–”
By the look on Celestia’s face I couldn’t tell if she was either trying to restrain herself from facepalm– I mean hoof, or laughing at how much of a fool that I was making myself out to be.
Celestia looked to one of her very concerned looking guards. “Please don’t mind him, Gun and I had a few drinks earlier back in my room, he just had a little too much that’s all.” She said with a fake guilty smile.
The guard’s jaw dropped and he looked to Celestia. “Your, Highness, you know what Princess Luna said about getting into the wine cabinet!”
Celestia rolled her eyes and waved a hoof to the side. “Yes I know, and she won’t get frustrated as long as you don’t tell her.”
Both guards straightened up and nodded their heads. “Yes, your Majesty!”
Celestia looked at me. “Go on ahead and get yourself situated, Mr. Rose, I’ll be there in a minute.” Celestia gestured for me to go on ahead of her.
Turning away from her I examined the largest rip off of any fantasy movie dining hall, preferably Harry Potter, but then again almost every medieval dining hall is the same. Dammit! I’m dazing off again. The room was massive, almost the size of a city street you would see in New York. Like the hallways, this room was also lined with paintings and even a few stain glass windows. On the left side a red carpet led me towards the long table in the center. The table itself was out lined by chairs and had a pretty white cloth draped over it like a bed sheet that had pink flower designs that zig zagged along the edges. And on the sheets, were sets of decorative plates and utensils. In all honesty, I don’t even see why these ponies even need utensils. They don’t even have hands so I don’t even see the point in having them. Maybe to look nice I don’t know. Out of the corner of my eye, on the other side of the dining room, one of the few doors swung open and in came a unicorn butler who was holding a silver platter with his magic. Okay I guess that kind of explains why they have forks and spoons.
I made my way over to the table, pulling out one of what seemed like few dozen small chairs. I bent down to the point to where I might as well be crouched. After I finally made contact with the chair and attempted to get myself comfortable, I felt like a grown man sitting at the children's table at a family reunion. Yes I’m short, but it still felt as if I was crouching more than sitting.
I rested my elbows on the table and folded my hands. While I sat there I found myself drifting off again. Not really along the lines of sleeping, but more or less about the pickle I have gotten myself into... Well, forced into by the sound of it.
As real as it seems, and I hate to admit it, but I still can’t come to terms with everything around me. Damn, I don’t think anyone could. Talking horses, magic, utensils that aren’t really even needed! The fact that I’m in a castle on the side of a mountain is unbelievable! It’s like a fantasy nerd’s dream come true. Save for the talking horses that is. Speaking of dreams, that was what I felt like I was in. A dream. But if this was a dream? Then why do I feel pain? Why would I possibly dream of something like this? But then that brings up the possibility of drugs–but that’s just a fucking excuse for everything that’s like this. I’ve always been drug free, except for alcohol. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had alcohol before I went to bed. Then again, I don’t ever remember dreaming while drunk, but that’s probably because I was too drunk to even remember the moment. Then there’s always that crappy explanation that always gets under my skin: MAGIC!
Want to know why? Cause you don’t have to explain shit. If that’s the case, I have no clue what I’m going to do. Celestia apparently said that she can’t take me home unless she can find Earth, which is going to take a whole bloody month, in theory that is. But, what if this is a comatosed dream? I have read up on subjects about this that people who have lived their whole lives in a coma. What if this is some type of symbolism? Like, Celestia is my subconscious trying to wake me up, and it’s going to take about a month. That could also explain my severe head wound, and Shimmering Grace. She’s probably a symbolic version of Grace, the real Grace that is... if so, I was kind of bra–
“Why hello there, Mr. Rose. How may I serve you this evening?” Asked an irritated yet still rather elegant voice.
I snapped out of my train of thought and turned to see a white pony wearing a tuxedo... why? I won’t question it, but then again to them I may appear the same way since I’m still wearing my suit. His dark blue mane which had a few lighter shades streaking through it, and it was neatly brushed back. His eyes were half lidded, and his expression looked as if he was getting rather annoyed of me while I just sat there looking at him instead of answering him.
I coughed into my fist. “Excuse me,” I said trying my best to match his tone of voice. “I was just in the middle of... Er, thinking about home–” To them you are at home you dimwit! “Ah-I-I mean my old home, th-that is!” At this point everybody is going to be looking at Celestia and thinking to themselves. She sure is a fucking idiot for hiring this babbling shit.
The butler’s eyes opened fully and he looked at me concerned. “Is everything alright, Mr. Rose? I could get some ice for your head if it’s still bothering you.”
“Nah, I don’t... you know what I changed my mind I think some ice would be great.” I said as my head began to throb do to my growing anxiety of not wanting to mess up any further.
“Would you like me to get you anything else?” He asked.
“Actually yes...” I stopped to think of something that could satisfy my hunger pains. I could go for the chicken casserole, that’s if any of these farm animals could make it. Well, I should go for something light. I shouldn’t eat something as big as that and just go– Fuck it, beef stew it is! “Could you ask the chef to work up a bowl of beef stew for me?” I asked with a smile as I leaned forward in my seat.
The butler’s head jerked back in surprise. “B-beef stew?” He asked losing his professionality for a mere second before quickly regaining it.
“Is there something wrong with that?” I asked completely oblivious to the situation I have currently gotten myself into.
The butler regained his composure and took a few glances around room making sure nobody was eavesdropping. He then leaned towards me cupping one hoof around his mouth. “Mr. Rose,” He hissed into my ear. “Please tell me this some type of cruel joke!”
I leaned away from the pony trying not to gag on his terrible breath. “Why would I be joking? Don’t you see I’m literally dying of starvation?” I stated with my hands.
“You clearly knocked a few screws loose when you took that fall.” He murmured to himself as he leaned away. “Well, I’m afraid to say but we don’t have any beef, but we do have some fish left over after the Griffon ambassadors left.”
“Griffons?” They have griffons here? Alright I’ll admit that’s pretty neat, then again Celestia had already said there were dragons here. I smiled at the thought and turned away from the pony as he walked back towards the doors, which on the other side I presumed to be the kitchen.
“Now you’re just toying with me.” He said as he pushed open the kitchen door and left the room.
I rested my back against the chair and drifted off into space once again. As my mind wandered off, I found myself thinking about something I haven’t thought of since my last conversation with Celestia. I wondered how Alice was taking this. Matter of fact did she even know? What about Grace? How is she going to handle her father being gone for an entire month? Only to have him magically appear out of nowhere?!
My eyes widened at the thought, my heart began to race as my anxiety began to shoot off like a rocket. Sweat began to trickle down my face while I sat there in a trance like state. How are they going to react? I leaned forward once again in my seat, and I rested my head onto the table. Releasing a shaky breath I heard Celestia’s voice coming from the hallway.
“Yes, Flash, I understand... yes, Rose is all right it was only a mere head injury... ” Celestia trailed off into silence listening to the muffled voice I couldn’t make out. “Of course, tell them if they don’t leave we’ll press charges. Now please return to your post.” Again I heard the faint voice mention something before going silent. A moment passed and I heard the steady clicks of Celestia’s hooves as they made contact with the floor.
I took a deep breath before I lifted my head up off the table. I looked at Celestia who was also taking a glance at me. She raised a concerned eyebrow. “Is something bothering you, Lee?” She asked as the door closed behind her signaling that it was okay to refer to me by my real name.
I shrugged. “Well seeing that I woke up in a place I’ve never been before, surrounded by talking farm animals–” This comment seemed to offend her. “–and I won’t be able to see my wife and daughter for an entire month... Yeah, I think I’m quite bothered.” I sarcastically said.
Celestia shrugged my comment off and sat across from me. “You... you have a wife and a daughter?” She asked tilting her head to the side.
“Well yes, yes I do.” I said leaning back, I really need to sit still in my seat. My mind began to drift back towards my family and my stress began to build I began to build once I again. I felt like I was being smashed like a car in a compactor. Just like before when I walked in, the same butler from earlier came out to greet the Princess.
“Just get me the usual, Gold,” She said without even taking a glance at him.
“Yes, your Highness.” He quickly turned and trotted back towards the kitchen.
“Answer me this, Lee,” Celestia shifted in her chair while keeping a rather professional look with me. I raised an eyebrow. “What is your wife’s name?”
I frowned. “Why would you want to know that?”
The butler returned seconds later with our dishes and my bag of ice, damn that was fast, I thought as the Butler stopped in front of our table. “Well Lee,” Celestia said, the Butler’s ears perked up at the sound of my real name.“Seeing that...” Celestia’s right eyebrow raised at the sight of the confused looking butler as he placed a salad in front of Celestia and my bag of ice, along with... a poor excuse of fish stew. “You’re back from your trip, ” Trip? What the hell, what trip? “I noticed that you and I don’t really know much about each other.” She clearly lied.
I looked away from Celestia and at the butler, who now seemed to be in some sort of trance. As if he was trying to comprehend what she was just saying. Taking my eyes off him I saw a small flash of light coming from Celestia’s horn which only lasted for what seemed like a millisecond. The butler shook his head. “Excuse me... uh...” The butler glanced around a new confused look stuck on his face.
“Is something wrong, Gold?” Celestia asked with a warm smile.
“I...? Eh... oh yeah right!” He finally remembered. With a bow and a bit of sweat dripping off his face he apologized, “I’m so sorry, please enjoy your dinner.”
Celestia chuckled. “Why thank you, Gold.” The butler nodded his head and began backing out. “Don’t leave just yet, Gold.” Celestia’s eyes softened. “You look stressed, take the rest of the week off and enjoy the holiday with your family.”
Gold’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “R-really!” He dropped to his knees. “Why, thank you, Princess! You don’t know how much this means to me!”
“Oh, I think I do.” She mumbled to herself.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh nothing.” Celestia turned away and snickered.
Gold stood up and nodded his head. “Thank you once again, Princess.” Gold turned away from us and practically pranced out of the room.
Once the door closed my brow furrowed and glared at her. “What the Hell was that all about?!” I gestured towards the door.
Celestia looked at me slightly shocked. “I was giving him the week off to celebrate Hearths Warming with his family.”
“Oh don’t even pull that bullshit with me, Tia!” I snapped. “I saw what you did to him, with that witchcraft of yours! You... did some type of spell or something!”
“Oh you don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Celestia laughed as she stabbed her salad with her fork.
“Of course I don’t, that’s why I’m asking you!” I grasped my ice that was wrapped in a few layers of napkins and rested it on my sore head.
“Remember when I said, all ponies will see and know you as Gun Rose my personal butler?” She asked.
“As long as I have this necklace on, yeah,” I said using my other hand to take the necklace out from under my suit.
“Well as I said, they know you. Quite literally, to them you’ve worked and lived here for over three years as my butler. Also you attended my school for gifted unicorns, and you’re best friends with my personal guard whose name is Flash Sentry.” Celestia explained.
“...Really?” I asked as I grabbed my fork. “This little...” I glanced down at the silver coin that was draped around my neck. “Necklace... tells them my... fake life story?”
Celestia nodded her head. “I created the story, Luna gathered the materials, and Discord did the enchanting and brainwashing.”
Not bothering to ask who the other two were, I just sat there in awe. “Kind of fucked up really if you ask me.” I said as I shook my head. “You didn’t even give the man time to explain himself. Hell, what if he didn’t even hear the full thing?”
Celestia shook her head. “Lee, we can’t take any chances.” She took her fork and impaled more of her dinner. “What you witnessed, was me slightly re-adjusting your story.”
“What do you mean you can’t take any chances? Why not just tell everyone who I am, why keep this a secret from everybody?” I asked poking a piece of the nasty pink fish... honestly I didn’t even think it was fish, with my fork. “Why go through the trouble brainwashing your own people? That’s practically tyranny, no, that’s worse!”
Celestia sighed. “I know Lee, I don’t enjoy it either. And to be honest, I almost did inform my subjects of your arrival. However, my sister Luna warned me that if I did the thought of an Alien creature from a whole other world they would throw the entire council into a fit.” Celestia explained as she nibbled on her leaves.
“Council?” I took a quick glance at her.
“It’s complicated,” She quickly said. “Basically, it’s all the chairmen and other government bullcrap I don’t really want to get into.”
“Well that’s not really princess like,” I said raising an eyebrow at her ‘curse’ as I impaled one of the pink pieces of fish. I sighed rolled my eyes. “But I know what you mean, I hate talking about politics. Still though, you really had to go with brainwashing?” I swallowed the lump in my throat and stuck a bit of fish in my mouth. “Ah fu–”
Words couldn’t even begin to describe what I had tasted. Instantly my throat clogged up refusing to ingest the disgusting excuse of fish. I dropped my ice and clutched my throat with my right hand while I grasped onto the table with my left. Gagging I leaned over the side of the table and finally throw the fish back up. “Gah!”
“Oh my, Lee, are you alright!”
“They could’ve at least cooked the damn thing!” I gasped for air and occasionally swatted at my tongue as I tried to rid myself of the horrid taste.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t see her expression but judging by her voice, she actually sounded extremely worried. She sounded a lot like a worried a mother more than a friend or even a boss. “Don’t be,” I said as I pulled myself back up. I shoved the dish to the side, “Say... could I have part of that salad?”
Celestia nodded and levitated a few of the green lettuce leaves over towards me. “I am truly sorry, most ambassadors or even other governors who are carnivores don’t even eat cooked flesh. The Chef must of have made it out of a force of habit.”
“Or the jerk is just trying to kill me–”
“Now don't go talking like that around me,” She snipped.
There she goes again. Now that I think about it this isn’t the first time she’s been acting like this. The way she called me over and bandaged my head, I could’ve easily done that myself. Also, if this woman is a being that is over thousands of years old, why does she worry about this council freaking out? Couldn’t she just use her witchcraft to brainwash all of them? It feels like she’s doing all of this personally for me as if she’s trying to make me fit in. Oh Celestia, my dear, I think I’m beginning to catch on to what you’re doing here. I know you’re hiding something, and when I find out, Oh there’ll be Hell on Earth–er, I mean. Damn, what’s the name of this place again?
“So...” I trailed off trying to think of something else to say. “You brainwashed that guy earlier?”
“Well,” She chewed on her food. “Kind of, I more or less rearranged his memories.”
My jaw nearly struck the table. “You can freaking do that?”
“Well for a being that’s well developed in the magical field, it’s actually not that hard. If a unicorn wanted to he or she could actually learn it before they even learn teleportation.” She took a drink of water. “But don’t worry memory tinkering is illegal.”
“So you broke your own law?”
“Only to keep things in order yes.” She nodded her head. “Now you still haven’t answered my question.”
I looked at her confused. “What question?”
“What’s your wife’s name?”
I shrugged. “What the Hell,” I said. “Her name is Alice.”
“Now that’s an unusual name,” Her head tilted as she thought about it.
“What’s wrong with her name?” I frowned.
“N-nothing, it’s just that if you haven’t noticed our names are far from different compared to yours.” Celestia defended herself.
She does have a point there, and matter of fact, what the fuck is up with their names? No really, Gold? Okay I’ll admit I do like that, but then you got... what was it Flash Sentry? Then there was Shimmering Grace, Luna... I think she said something about Discontent... I dunno. Or was it–
“How long have you two been married?” She drove me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry what?” I asked.
“How long have you been together?” Her fork clanged against the her plate as she sat it down.
I took a bite of the few pieces of lettuce I appeared to have been munching over the course of my thoughts without even knowing it. “Fifteen years now, it’ll soon be sixteen years on December twentieth...” What’s the date? I looked at her. “I-I can’t seem to remember that much... what’s the date today?”
“The twenty third, just a day away from the Hearths Warming Eve theatrical play.”
At those exact words, I felt my heart literally shatter like a hammer through glass. I felt my eyes go heavy, not because I was tired, but because I didn’t want her to see my reaction. Resting one hand over my eyes, I leaned back in my chair. My breathing became ragged and at that moment I didn’t really feel anything.
“Lee?” Celestia asked in that once nervous yet motherly tone.
I waved my left hand to the side. “I-... I...” I was at a lost for words. My throat felt like sandpaper (mostly because I hadn’t had anything to drink). My heart raced and the stress that’s been building up throughout the day was at the point to where I felt like I was Atlas holding up the entire world. “I’m j-... I’m just gonna go to bed,” I said pushing my chair out from under the table.
“Lee, please you can tell me anything. Trust me whatever you need, I can help you.” Celestia said.
I stood up and began walking towards the door. “Help me with this then,” I said stopping right in front of the door. “Help me by taking me back to Alice.”