//------------------------------// // 60: Ivory Alicorn by warpd // Story: Xenophilia: Shotglass Oneshots // by TheQuietMan //------------------------------// Ivory Alicorn by warpd ********************** Brimming beakers boiled carelessly, ticking instruments dribbled data, and blackboards filled with cryptic inscriptions written over smeared missteps lined the walls. Tools of the mad scientist spilled over from the lab room to the rest of the living area; after all wasted space is useless space. Energy sparks jumped from conduit to conduit in a display of controlled chaos. In the middle of it all, Princess Twilight Sparkle cackled with wings out stretched to their full glory. Twilight’s mane was frayed from disastrous explosions, her coat blemished from ink spills, chalk dust blanketed her back, and pink flower bandaids dotted her flank. None of this mattered to the scientist, for today had brought her the fruit of her labors.For this moment she had prepared her line for her ‘spying’ audience. Her favorite word that her stallion introduced to her. “Eureka! I have found it!” “Twilight, that is a redundant statement.” Lero leaned on the door frame a safe distance. Who was he kidding? “Honey, when was the last time you left your room?” Lero blinked, then found himself staring down the face of his wife; wide, thin long grin and all. “Days maybe, or a few weeks. I don’t know. I’ve been on a roll and I finally found it, and you got here just in time!” “We did schedule for me to be here. Rainbow and Lyra send their love.” Her stallion only had the tiniest urge to run away, but love won out over logic once again. “Alright, what did you find?” “I have discovered new magic.” The princess declared. Her voiced cracked a bit. A hesitant hand caught the twitching ear and slowly rubbed away the tension. “Ok, that’s good, but you have to be more specific. You create new magic enough times for there to be a weekly column in the paper.” A brush of magic tickled the tip of his hair. Gone was the manic grin, replaced with one of foal like glee. “How would you like to be a unicorn for today?” Lero tilted his head, the simple question was not what he expected. “This is what you’ve been working on?” Twilight nodded her head. “Wow, I remember when you said it was impossible.” “I see magic a little bit differently now, so things are more open.” Twilight tilted her head from side to side. “Now then...please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!” “All right, all right, I wasn’t going to say no.” He sighed as her muzzle rubbed his nose. “Where would you like to do it?” “Right here...er.” Twilight looked back at her safe environment that the Cutie Mark Crusaders would hesitate to enter. “Let’s go to your room.” The royal consort’s room hosted the intended Princesses and her consort just fine. It also held any unwelcomed guests fantastically as well. Shoveling popcorn into his mouth with a shovel, Discord’s cheeks continued to expand until they were twice the size of his head. “So what’s todays magical lesson Princess Twilight? Your most faithful student awaits.” “I want a new towel, Twilight.” Lero had disrobed to avoid destroying his clothes during the transformation. The towel he got was… “Oh my.” Discord the Towel glowed. Twilight glared at him as her horn sparkled. “No.” “Oh pooh.” Discord the Towel released his grip as Discord wrapped himself around his head. “I do enjoy how red he gets.” “Let’s just get this over with.” Lero slumped over with a groan as Twilight wrapped another towel around him. The princess spread her legs apart as she lowered her horn at him. Twilight’s eyes glowed white as she found her place in the tapestry of magic that surrounded the world. The roots of harmony stretched out before her, from the lowly animal aura to the massive whirlpool from the spirit of chaos. Finally, to that dead empty spot where her stallion was. ‘Not today. I will give him magic, even for just a little while.’ Twilight carefully divided her magic into three parts as she readied her spell. The air grew heavy as sparks of magical discharges zipped around the room.Lero felt pressure all over his body as his wife lifted him off the ground slowly. His skin prickled as Lero mentally calmed himself with slow breaths. Bones started to shift and patches of hair started to come. It felt weird and it thankfully didn’t hurt, just the odd feeling of losing one's body. Something warm started to build up in his core. ‘That’s different. As is the headache...ow.’ He thought just before a nub of bone protruded from his forehead. ‘That would do it.’ Discord sipped his popcorn and ate his soda. ‘Wonder if Sunbutt found my pet brain slug I left in her crown.” Magic converged to a singular point. Radiance burned from the tower. The unfortunate pegasus guard that happened to be looking at it was only two days from retirement. A beacon of light broke through the heavens. Then nothing. Someone from long ago woke up. Lero’s sight returned slowly, he noted that he would have recovered faster as a human. ‘Unicorns might have more sensitive senses. I can feel my hooves, fur on my body, and tail, so check all across the board. Just like every time, get up carefully.’ He could feel his muscles strain. “Twilight? Twilight are you there? I can’t really see much.” His voice was a little more tenor. A magic induced headache plagued the princess as she lay flat on her back. A towel was draped over her head. “Well princess, aren’t you going to get up?” Twilight magiced the towel away, a thousand yard stare painted her face. With a quick flash of her horn the memory was burned, trampled, and forever cast down to the unknown. “Oh Lero! I’m coming. Sorry about the backlash, guess my math was not...not...Lero is that you?” “Yes? I’m pretty sure I’m me.” Vision returned as Lero blinked rapidly. He could see his wife in her lovely shade of confusion and amazement. “Well I feel a horn, so it worked right? Right?” Lero was tall. Tall enough to look Princess Celestia in the eye. His coat, tail, and mane were pure alabaster that seemed to repel any form of grime and grit. His horn, that fantastic elegant spear on his head, made Princess Celestia’s look petite. “Aaaaahh.” “You ok there?” The new unicorn’s night sky blue eyes twinkled in amusement. “Don’t tell me I leave you that awestruck.” He snickered. “Aaaahh--wait a moment. What the hay!?” Twilight shook her head as some strange things threw off her gaze. “Your hooves, they’re cloven. And your tail looks like a lion’s tail. Your body is so thin. Did I mess up my calculations?” She then heard the sound of clapping. Discord in a surprising display of non-sarcastic praise clapped in approval. Then he was joined by a theater of clapping, whooping, and whistling as flowers from unknown origins that landed at Twilight’s hooves. “Bravo dear, fantastic work.” Twilight raised an eyebrow as a thornless rose landed in her mane. “Discord, I wanted to turn him into a unicorn. This is clearly not a unicorn.” “Well, time for the student to become the teacher.” Discord snapped his talons as a chalkboard dropped from above. Twilight found herself in a student’s desk two sizes too small for her, Lero found himself on display at the front of class. “Now play attention. I don’t do this, well ever really. So magic kindergarten is in session and my dishonorable student you have failed the pop quiz with an A-.” “An A-!” Twilight gasped, then promptly scowled. “You monster.” “No use trying to butter me up. Now then.” Discord whipped Lero’s flank with a crop. Unsurprisingly he whinnied. “Note the disgusting clarity of his voice and how utterly harmonious is sounds. Sadly no cure is possible. Reflective eyes that you can dive into. Cannonball!” In a surprising twist the tiny Discord bounced off Lero’s eye and sailed through the air. “The purifying magic that keeps him protected from most magic. Please catch me my dear and pay attention.” The little Discord smacked Twilight’s muzzle with an audible slap. “He can heal poisons, wounds, curses, mind control (he grumbled), diseases, hexes, and bad food, but not stupidity. Out of luck there kiddo.” Discord patted her cheek with bemused affection before he bounced back up to the front of the class. “Oh and he is about as physically capable as melted jello.” “This is what you unicorns use to be.” Twilight furled her brow. There was always the chance is was lying, but why all the work for a joke? “When did the change happen?” Discord hemmed as he unchewed an apple. “A little around the time when you little ponies decided to get together and become the bestest of friends. Everypony got hanky panky under the blanket.” “This is actually what unicorns were said to look like in our myths.” Lero spoke up. He paused for a moment like a pest bothered him. “Hi my name is Lero. Great, I sound like puberty decided to pass me up, and what happened to my beard?” “Twilight? Lero? Are you alright.” A hesitant but calm voice called out to them outside of the room. “We all saw the eruption of magic. I’m coming in.” Princess Celestia pushed open the door, behind her an entire squadron of guards shaking in their armor readied themselves. “Everythings fine and under control! No need to panic!” Twilight called out, but her words were caught by a baseball glove. “Shhh, I want to see how this plays out.” Discord whispered inside her ear. Lero, with a manly squeaked, spun around to see the princess come in. Appropriately enough his form sparkled as he did so as his mane seemed to glide across the air. “P-princess Celestia!” “Oh...oh. I don’t think we’ve meet. Um...hi.” Celestia’s thoughts seemed to evade her at that moment. “Do you need some help? I could--.” “I’m Lero, Princess.” Lero uttered with a deadpan expression. “Twilight turned me into a unicorn. A full blooded unicorn with none of the genetic variables from the other races.” “Oh come on!” Discord yelled from behind the curtain. “You had this one chance to play it up. Spoilsport.” “I didn’t like where this was going.” Lero groaned. Celestia approached him until they were face to face. Then she started to laugh. “I remember stories as a foal about the old unicorns...had a bit of a fantasy about them too.” “So sorry, Princess” Twilight teleported to her side. “I got carried away with my research again. Though the results have been intriguing. Very intriguing.” “Princess can you assign us to protect him?” They all whipped their heads towards the guard outside the open door. “He looks so delicate.” Lero flinched like he was just slapped. “I am not delicat-whoa! That stumbling means nothing.” ********************** “Breaking news, nerds.” Discord announced to you as a paper spun towards the screen. Princess Twilight Sparkle, in a recent experiment, turned her husband into a unicorn. According to eyewitness accounts evidence has proven that modern unicorns are not as pure as we once thought. Nobles are currently going ballistic as all claims to be above the commoner have been ditched in a moat. “No, please, just no.” Lero repeated to the noble mare before him. Lady Goldentrim would have normally had her snout in the air, but it was a moot point with the two taller ponies. “I was speaking with Princess Twilight Sparkle. I have laid out my proposition to you and I must say I am being quite generous.” “Your daughter doesn’t even have a cutie mark yet, and we already have a lead mare.” Lero grimaced as he looked down the foal not even up to his knees. “Do you allow your stallion to speak for you? Unbecoming of a Princess, though I do suppose you are new at your station.” Goldentrim huffed as flicked her ear back. Twilight stewed on her throne. “Pony after pony has come today with one ridiculous proposition after another. Out!” Goldentrim and her daughter was suddenly teleported outside the open door next to the long line of other petitioners. Twilight teleported next to the door. “Out! Out! Get OUT!” The door slammed shut from her shout alone. “I am not seeing anypony else today! My court is dismissed. Guards, take your leave.” Twilight sat on her haunches as her chest expanded rapidly. She extended her front left hoof and brought it to her barrel. With deep breaths, she practiced her tried and true calming technique. “Honey.” Twilight looked up to her fragile stallion as he nudged her with his muzzle. “Maybe we should just turn me back.” She sniffed a few times as she nodded. “I always wanted to share magic with you, not sit around court all day listening to proposals from jerks. The spell was not even suppose to make you fertile, just turn you into a unicorn. At least we know it is possible. We’ll try again another time...when I can find more time.” Twilight’s horn glowed as she started to weave the reverse spell. The princess reached out to him. The spell was immediately dispelled when it touched Lero. Twilight blinked rapidly as she tried again. Same results. She scrunched up her face as she tried with more force, again it failed. “The purifying magic. I can’t change you back.” Lero became pale, he’s talented like that. “You can’t be serious. Twilight I don’t want to remain like this.” “No, no, no I just need to...um...research this. I can fix this.” Twilight said rapidly as she teleported herself and Lero to her cluttered bedroom. “No need to panic dear. This is just a misstep, yes a simple misstep.” Princess Twilight flipped over a blackboard as she took out three chalk sticks and started sketching different equations. The new unicorn mustered up his self control as he remained calm. ‘No need to make it worse by panicking. She does it enough for the both of us.’ Lero cantered towards the closed window and opened it. “You don’t mind if I open this, do you? Some air would do us some good.” Twilight continued to mumble as books floated above her head as she grabbed another chalk stick. Lero sighed as he decided to watch the sunset, and the smoke rising from the town entrance. “Hey, Twilight. Something is going down in town.” A bright flash of violent magic sparked as a pillar of ice rose from the downtown. There was joyful laughter that followed. “Twilight, this is very important. You need to see this now!” Her stallion yelling brought Twilight out of her trance. “What? I’m trying to fix this problem, Lero.” “I think we might have a new problem.” Lero pointed to the ball of energy that crashed through buildings to reach the castle. “NO! That thing destroyed Donut Joes!” Twilight screamed. “And I hear laughter. Do you hear laughter?” “That sound of someone enjoying inflicting mass destruction, oh yes I hear that.” Lero nodded as he recognized the mundane sound of another super villain rolling into town. “Though doesn’t this usually happen in Ponyville?” Twilight didn’t answer as she focused on the magic the newcomer was using. “This one is really strong. Stay here.” She opened her wings as she jumped out of the window. She dipped low as she clumsily caught herself. There was a black mare surrounded by down guards with a smug look. “Unification has done little for you peasants.” The unicorn was just as tall as Lero, and that’s where the similarities ended. There was something incredibly wrong with her horn. A spiral of bone came from her head, a red base that melded into a white tip. Gold eyes flared like flames as her black mane and tail bellowed. “Where are you, my Prince?” “Cease this at once!” A royal voice blasted from the heavens. A white blur slammed into the ground. Princess Celestia spread her wings out and glared at the intruder. “I will not tolerate this anymore.” “What in Aether’s name are you supposed to be?” She snarled, her sharp pointy teeth evident. “Some kind of mockery of the unicorn?” “I am Princess Celestia and you have already caused enough destruction in my kingdom.” She stamped the ground. “Interesting. I am Princess Mithril. I care less for your kingdom, I want the unicorn you are holding.” Lightning sparks jumped around Mithril as her cloven hooves cracked the ground beneath her. Twilight hovered down slowly next to Celestia. “Another one? You look like the rest of the commoners that call themselves unicorns.” “What do you want?” Twilight called out. Princess Mithril smiled, which reminded Twilight of Nightmare Moon’s teeth. “You have a male unicorn. I want him. I have slept for eons and now a suitable partner has appeared.” “Male Unicorn? You don’t mean...Lero!” Twilight gasped as took as step back. “Lero? Tis an odd name, but I’m sure it has some significance. I will ask it of him after we bond in bed.” “Bond with him? I don’t think so, I’m married to him. He’s my stallion.” Twilight flared her wings out as she glared at the intruder. Mithril eye’s narrowed. “He is yours? I challenge you to a duel for the right to keep him. I will eat the flesh from your bone and present my winnings to him.” “No.” Celestia stepped forward. “You have done enough. By my authority you will surrender or you will be subdued.” The unicorn smiled. Then a long white horn caught her eye, up in one of the tall towers was a white stallion. Her prize. “Fine, I accept your withdrawal. I’ll collect what is mine and be on my way!” With a quick shimmer of her horn, Mithril teleported. A streak of magic zoomed it’s way up the tower. Lero felt it coming. ‘I think it might be a good time to run.’ A ball of light flashed behind him. “Hello.” ‘Oh hell.’ He looked at the creature before him and she was...odd. Mithril pranced before him with tail high and a pleased grin on her face. “My fellow unicorn. I am Princess Mithril. Please come with me we will leave these clumsy rejections for greener pastures.” “What are you talking about?” Lero gulped as he backed away slowly. He found himself backed into a wall quickly. Mithril paused for a moment and tilted her head. “I know I haven’t brought you any war bounty to present to you, but I assure you I am a worthy partner.” She then started to shift her hooves as she contemplated her next words. “Your voice is beautiful and your tail is quite lovely. Curses, I’m not good with this. If only I had some flowers.” Princess Mithril stood up tall and marched to Lero and kissed him roughly. Lero on his part did not kiss back, though he could have sworn he heard a moan of happiness from her. A burst of light appeared between them as Twilight teleported in and shoved Mithril away. “You stay away from him.” “So you do wish to fight for him? I assumed you had lacked the will.” Mithril snarled. “Look husband, I’ll prove to you I am the superior partner.” “First of all creep. He’s not actually a unicorn, I turned him into that this morning.” Twilight snorted as her front right hoof scrapped the floor. The unicorn glared at her. “What sort of meaningless drivel are you spouting?” Lero cleared his throat as he sat down. “Ya, actually I’m a human. Princess Twilight here had a new spell we agreed to try out.” Mithril blinked before she smiled. “Is that so? Well then princess.” She said sarcastically, “dispel it then.” Twilight sighed as she gestured with her wing. “I can’t, his magic counters any attempt to change him back.” “Interesting tale if it were true.” Mithril’s horn glowed as she tilted her head down. “Be ready, interloper.” Twilight lifted off as ice sprung up beneath her. She fired a laser spell that bounced off Mithril’s shield. “You are nothing to a true unicorn!” ‘She can’t dispel my magic. Magic I’m not even sure how to use.’ Lero grumbled. Twilight weaved through spells as she casted her own. ‘Dispel...dispel...could I dispel myself?’ Princess Celestia strode into the room with a contingent of guards. Their magic shots bounced off the intruder’s shield. Mithril tried to fire one back, but was blocked by Celestia’s own shield. ‘Twilight explained it to me how magic feels. If I see myself as cursed, it should work.’ A flare of fire bellowed around the room chasing Twilight. Months of research went up in ashes. “You destroyed all my math work! I’m going to pulverize you!” “I like to see you try.” Mithril chortled as she launched spears at Celestia. Earth Pony Guards blocked them with towering shields as the guards slowly got closer to Mithril. “I wish.” Lero whispered to himself. “I wish to repel this spell.” There was a spark. Twilight saw a twinkle in his eye “This form is not true, return the body to that what it once was!” Magic. His magic. Lero could feel it at that moment. “...Amazing.” A bright flash enveloped the room as all magic spells were extinguished. Mithril stumbled backwards. “What?” Her sight returned and what was once a majestic unicorn stallion stood something else. An strange creature with gangly limbs and an odd standing position.“You just dispelled yourself. No! Change back, I demand it. I didn't come all this way for it to end like this!” She stomped towards him with nostrils flared. Lero raised an eyebrow as he casually reached out and grabbed her horn. Mithril glared at him as she tried to shove it aside with a spell. It did not work as his hand blocked it, so she struggled violently. “Let me go now.” “Are you for real?” Lero asked. “You are actually fighting me with everything you got and I can barely feel you.” “Barbaric strength.” Mithril snarled. “Not really no.” Lero sighed. Then Twilight slightly kicked her back leg. Mithril collapsed with a gasp of pain. “She is quite literally a glass cannon.” “Please. Please come back to me. I have nothing left.” Mithril started to cry. Lero mentally grasped the bridge of his nose. ‘Oh great, now she’s crying. This isn’t awkward at all.’ “I’ll take her, Lero.” Princess Celestia trotted next to them. Chains appeared around Mithril as some of the guards lifted her up in a field of magic. They carefully took her out of the room leaving behind Princess Twilight and her stallion. Twilight looked around the destroyed remains of her room. “My spell. It will take me weeks to get it all back. That’s if I get it right the first time.” Lero placed his hand on her withers. “Sorry. I don’t think any of us saw this coming.” A small grin formed on Twilight’s face. “Could always try a pegasus.”