//------------------------------// // I: Last Minute Shopping // Story: I Should Have Never Bought That Pony // by Final Draft //------------------------------// It was Christmas time once again, and David had no desire to live. Well, he wanted to live, but if he could just be dead until the holiday season passed, that would be just fine with him. He didn’t HATE Christmas, per se, but the thought of spending absurd amounts of money to please others sat in his stomach heavier than a fruitcake. Buying for his co-workers was easy: a handle of vodka, Season 5 of Breaking Bad, an “I’m with Stupid” shirt, but his family demanded more thought-out gifts. In particular, his daughter had always been hard to please. She was seven now and kept on insisting that she wanted a pony. We live in New York; there isn’t room for a pony, honey. He’d tried to explain this to her several times in vain. She’d pout her lips, kick her feet, and whine for the rest of the evening. Even if they had enough room for a pony, he couldn’t afford to take care of it with his meager paychecks. As it was, they were barely scraping by in their 3rd story apartment. His wife, Kristin, held a part-time job and looked after their daughter while he was away at work. Tiffany, his daughter, had just started 2nd grade and was beginning to understand the materialism of society. She was made fun of for her hand-me-down clothes and her lack of nice toys. David tried his hardest to provide a nice life for her, but she was still too young to understand. It seemed the only thing that would actually please her was a pony. “I don’t want dollies! I want a pony!” Tiffany was screaming now, her face turning beet-red. “I’ve told you sweetie, we don’t—” “I WANT A PONY!” The tenants of the neighboring apartment began banging on the paper-thin wall. Kristin looked to David, her eyes pleading for him to silence their daughter. He bent down and put his hand on the girl’s shoulder, but she swatted it away angrily. She cried louder and the neighbors began shouting through the wall. In that moment of stress, David finally broke. “Fine! FINE!” he shouted over all the noise. “I’ll buy you a pony!” Instantly, the girl’s fit was over, and she smiled up at her father. “Oh, thank you, Daddy!” she said, hugging his leg. Kristin looked to her husband, her eyes asking him what he was going to do. “I don’t know,” he mouthed silently. What could he do? There was no way he could just buy his daughter a pony. In past moments of insanity, he’d actually run the idea through his head, looking for a way to make it possible. Each and every time though, it came down to them not having enough space, time, or money to raise one. And what if she outgrew the pony phase? What if it became like her old toys? Just something she played with until she tired of it? Eventually, David looked down at his daughter and coaxed her into releasing her death-grip on his leg. “I love you sooo much, Daddy!” she said, smiling up at him innocently. She then ran off to her waiting collection of dolls to tell them all the good news about her pony. Kristin walked over to David and pulled him into the kitchen, away from their daughter. “What are we going to do?” she asked, biting her lower lip and pacing. “We can’t lie to our daughter. At this early age, she may develop long-lasting trust issues!” “Maybe…maybe we could keep one at the stables in upstate. Take her there every weekend to see it?” David suggested, but his wife shook her head. “Or we could name one at the Brooklyn Zoo for her, that way when we take her there, she can say that’s her pony.” “David, you know she’s going to want to see that pony every day,” Kristin said quietly. “What? So you want me to just uproot our life and move to some farm somewhere?” David asked angrily. “I never said anything like that, David. I—” “I’m going out for a drink,” he interrupted, grabbing his coat off the table. “I’ll think of something…maybe there are some life-like robotic ones at the toy store.” He wrapped his scarf around his neck and opened the door to leave the apartment. Behind him, his wife and daughter watched with concern as he stood there. After a moment of silence, he shut the door behind him. The streets were packed with last-minute shoppers and a heavy snow had begun to fall. He brushed elbows with the strangers, keeping his hands in his pockets as he walked; partially for warmth, partially to keep hold of his wallet. The tavern he frequented was only two blocks from the apartment, so he was known as a bit of regular there. “Dave!” the bartender shouted after his favorite patron entered. “Hey Mike, give me the regular,” David said, hanging up his coat and scarf. Tim and Bill (two of the other regulars who enjoyed their ale more than their home lives) were playing pool and watching the small color TV mounted to the wall. Aside from them, David was the only customer in the bar. “Bit cold out there, isn’t it?” Mike asked, pouring David’s favorite IPA into a glass. Before he could answer, the door opened and a fierce northern wind blew inside. He and the others turned to see a walking bundle of coats, hats, and scarves walk in. “Well, that answers my question,” Mike said with a laugh. David slowly drank his IPA, listening to the sound of the new customer removing his many layers. His glass was half empty by the time the new patron finally joined him at the bar. “What’ll ya have?” Mike asked the gentleman, taking out a clean glass from below the counter. “Gin and tonic, if you could, my good sir,” the stranger said smoothly. David discreetly glanced over to look at his drinking companion. The gentleman beside him was exactly that: a gentleman. He wore a cleanly tailored gray blazer with red trousers, a purple button up shirt, and a white tie. His hands were covered by elaborately stitched yellow gloves, not the kind for winter, but the kind for fancy occasions. The stranger stroked the long, white goatee that extended from his chin and looked over to David. “And how are you this fine evening?” the stranger asked politely. David looked up from his glass and into the stranger’s glaring yellow eyes. God, he must have liver failure, David thought to himself. Beneath the stranger’s eyes were dark circles, likely caused from a lack of sleep. “I’m, uh, I’m okay,” David replied, looking back to his glass. The stranger raised one of his massive white eyebrows. “Now that doesn’t sound terribly convincing,” the stranger said. Mike brought over the man’s gin and tonic and placed it on the counter. “Tell me what’s on your mind, friend,” he said, picking the lime out of his glass and flicking it off to the side. “Christmas,” David sighed. He didn’t really want to go into all his problems with a complete stranger, at least not before a few more drinks. Mike had already finished filling a new glass, and he slid it across the bar into David’s open hand. David took a sip and sighed again. “Something tells me you don’t enjoy the chaos quite as much as I do,” the gentleman said. David looked down into his drink and watched the suds swirl around. “Can’t say I’ve ever cared for it.” He reflected on his life for a moment before looking over to his companion. “Do you have any kids?” The man laughed a deep, hearty laugh. “I have many, but none will call me father.” He downed his gin and tonic, placing the empty glass on the counter. “Why is it that you ask, hmm?” “Well, you see, I’ve got this daughter. She’s seven, and—” “Ah, ah, ah, stop right there,” he interrupted. “Did you make a promise to her you couldn’t keep?” David looked at the yellow-eyed man in confusion. “Yeah…how’d you guess?” “No guesses, my friend, only drawn conclusions,” he replied, picking the lime out of his new drink and flicking it like he’d done with the other. “So tell me,” he paused to sip his drink, “what did you promise her?” “I know it was stupid of me, but I promised her a pony,” David sighed, downing his glass and waiting for a third. “A pony! Oh, that’s just perfect for a seven-year-old girl!” the man laughed. “There’s only three days until Christmas, you know. Most places are sold out of ponies!” “I was thinking I could get her a big toy one,” David replied, swirling his glass. The man laughed and put his arm around David’s shoulder. “You know that won’t do! Your daughter is going to want a living, breathing, talking pony.” “I heard the talking ones cost extra,” David joked. They both laughed and the man brought his arm back in. He reached beneath the bar and removed an expensive looking cane with a jeweled dragon head handle. “I might be able to cut you a deal,” the gentleman said with a grin. His front left canine tooth slid over his lower lip, and David couldn’t help but think it looked like a fang. “You just happen to sell talking ponies?” David asked with a laugh. The man nodded and stared intently into David’s eyes. “You’re joking, right?” “No joke, my friend! Would you like to come see my wares?” “Wait, wait, wait, wait,” David replied, waving his hands in objection. “Even if I got one of these ‘magical’ talking ponies, where—” “Ah, ah, ah,” the gentleman interrupted, holding up his index finger to silence David. “The magical ones are even more expensive.” Is this guy for real? For starters, he looks like a friggin’ cartoon character, and now, he’s promising me ponies that talk and do magic. I think he’s trying to con me. The yellow-eyed man reached into his blazer and removed a handful of gold coins. He looked at them before quickly throwing them back into his pocket and digging deeper. “Haven’t had a chance to visit the currency exchange yet,” he said, noticing David’s stare. Eventually, he pulled up a large roll of bills and removed the band. He took out a one hundred dollar bill and set it on the counter. “His drinks are on me,” he said as Mike walked over. David looked down at the bill, then up to his drinking companion whom he barely knew. “Thank you, uh, what did you say your name was?” he asked as the man stood up to leave. “Here’s my card,” the gentleman said, reaching into his coat pocket once more and removing a 3.5 X 2 inch card. The only thing written on it, in gold letters, was “DISCORD.” “Discord?” David asked, reading the card and looking up. “At your service,” he replied. He stood up with his cane and walked over to his collection of winter wear. With one tap of his cane, the garments came to life and wrapped themselves around him. Or at least that’s what David thought he saw. David rubbed his eyes and looked back down to the card in his hand. He flipped it over several times, trying to find hidden words or a meaning in the cryptic lettering. The door of the bar opened as Discord went to leave and David quickly jumped up from his bar stool. He grabbed his coat and scarf and ran out the door behind his strange acquaintance. “Walk with me, talk with me, my friend,” Discord said, slowing his pace to match David’s. Together, they walked through the crowded streets of Manhattan, eventually turning down several sketchy back alleyways. “Do, uh, do you have a care plan for the ponies?” David asked, stepping over mounds of garbage. “Like, do you have pens, or a track, or offer riding lessons, and do I have to pay for feeding and grooming?” Discord laughed. “No, I have none of that, but these are special ponies! They learn to take care of themselves after a while.” “Yeah, okay,” David replied skeptically, still feeling he was the butt of some great joke. “I can’t just keep a live pony in my apartment though!” “Well sure you can!” Discord replied, opening a set of rusted double doors. David looked at the old building with unease. A single light bulb flickered in the dark hallway behind the doors. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the overwhelming desire not to disappoint his daughter, but David took a deep breath and walked into the dark building. Discord closed the doors behind them, turning several keys in the darkness. David stood shivering, listening as his thoughts began to get the better of him. This is stupid. Even if this guy has completely normal, non-magical, mute ponies, you can’t afford one! They’re probably disease-ridden. And the problem still remains of Where The Hell are you going to keep it?! The apartment is too small! The landlord only allows SMALL pets. Ponies are NOT small! Tiffany is seven; she’ll get over not getting a pony! But Kristin will never forgive you if you do get the damn horse! “Watch your step, and follow me,” Discord said, turning to David. His yellow eyes literally glowed in the darkness, and David began wondering if something had been slipped in his drink. “Listen, Discord, I’m not sure Tiffany really needs—” “Shhh,” Discord whispered as they reached the end of the hallway. “You don’t want to startle them.” David stood quietly in the darkness as Discord fumbled with his keys. Over the sound of metal clinking together, he thought he could hear panicked whispers coming from beyond the door. As soon as Discord found the correct key and put it in the lock, the whispers stopped. The tumblers fell into place loudly and the heavy metal door swung inward. David hesitantly stepped inside and looked around with his mouth slightly agape. The room was lined with metal cages containing brightly colored miniature ponies. They all looked at him with big, sad eyes as he walked around. “If you see one you like, let me know!” Discord said, standing in the doorway so his customer was free to browse. David couldn’t fathom what he was looking at. If they were animatronics, they were the best he’d ever seen. He put his hand into the cage of a small orange pony and tried to pet it. It scooted as far into the corner as it could go, closing its eyes in fear as his hand stroked its maroon mane. “Are those wings?” David asked, pointing to the feathered appendages on the pony’s back. “The flying ones are extra as well,” Discord said, stroking his goatee. “But that one can’t fly, so I could make a deal…” David just shook his head in disbelief. He continued to pat the scared pony, marveling at how warm it felt, and how it shook each time his hand passed. It sniffed and a large tear rolled down from its eye. “Does your daughter have a particular favorite color?” Discord asked. “Pink,” David replied without hesitation. He stood up and the orange pony began (what sounded like) crying. “Ah, she’ll be wanting a filly companion then! I have one in particular that I’d be happy to get rid of!” Discord said, walking to the very back row of cages. In the furthest corner was a pink pony with a little tiara atop its purple mane. Filly…That’s female, David thought to himself. “Uh, not to be rude, but I thought you said these ponies could talk,” David said, looking Discord in his big, yellow eyes. “Oh, they just get a little shy around new people is all,” Discord explained. “Why, this one usually never shuts up!” he laughed, pointing to the pink pony. The pony’s eyes welled up with tears and it scrunched its nose up in anger. “Riiight,” David said, looking around at all the cages again. “So where did you get these? Did you breed them? Or are they futuristic spy robots from Japan?” “I assure you, they did not come from Japan,” Discord smiled. “And these weren’t so much bred as…’hand selected’ by yours truly.” “So the color is natural?” “You are a very concerned buyer!” “I’m not a buyer yet,” David said, correcting Discord. “So, how much bigger do they get?” “Twice their current size, sometimes a little bigger,” Discord answered impatiently. David bent down and looked at the pink pony. It was no bigger than a small dog. Hell, he could probably convince the landlord it was a dog. The pony looked very upset at David putting his hand in its cage, but it remained still as he pet it. “She’s perfect,” he said at last. Discord sighed in relief and took a large scroll of parchment from within his blazer. At some point while David was browsing, Discord’s winter clothing had wandered off, leaving him in just his suit. “Now the part I’m sure you’re most concerned about…the bill,” Discord said, looking over his scroll. “Just name your price and I’ll pay it,” David said, standing up, grabbing his wallet in the process. No matter how crazy this all was, he’d finally found a feasible way of getting Tiffany her pony. Discord smiled, his fang exposing itself once more. “For you my friend, nothing,” he said. “What?” David asked in surprise. He thought he heard an echo, and turned to see the pony looked just as shocked as he did. “Just take good care of her, and give little Tiffany my best regards,” Discord replied, holding out the scroll and a quill in front of David. “Just sign this and she’s all yours. Then we can talk about my other services.” David took the quill and didn’t bother to read over any of the document before signing his name. As sketchy as the whole situation was, Tiffany was getting her pony, and he would be the best father ever! He finished signing his last name and Discord took back the quill and parchment. “Thank you, thank you so much,” David said, as Discord handed him the caged pink pony. “So… does she have a name?” Discord looked into the cage with a sly grin on his face. The pony got right up to his yellow eyes and glared at him as he said, “I’ve been calling this one Fluffy.” David turned the cage so the pony was looking at him, and it shouted, “My name isn’t Fluffy! My name is Diamond Tiara, and I wanna go home now!”