Chapter 5: Independent
Celestia gazed in anxiety at the discarded memento that had been left in her student’s wake.”Twilight?” She ventured, trying to ignore the growing pit in her stomach and the chill that ran down her spine. “Where have you gone, my student?” It was then that her ears perked up against the chilly wind emanating from her balcony, a faint howl registering lightly against the insides of her ear drums. Celestia turned to see her balcony doors flung open, a single purple feather on the floor.
“No…” She whispered to herself, looking outward. “She wouldn’t have done this so early…would she?” Celestia paced towards the door, regaining her composure and making sure that she was outwardly a bastion of calm amongst the storm that was raging at her insides. “Guard?” She inquired, keeping a neutral smile all the while.
“Yes, milady?” the guard replied, his countenance never changing as he spoke.
“Have you seen Twilight lately?” It was never too late to hope.
“Not since she requested access to your chambers, your royal majesty.” He gave a polite smile.
“Very well. Would you mind organizing a group to look around the castle for her? I trust her not to get into any trouble, but I would rather know where she is.”
“Consider it done,” the guard replied, saluting as cantered off.
The princess didn’t want to believe that her most beloved student had unwittingly looked back. She didn’t want to believe that she had looked back upon her past before she was ready to learn it with her. And yet, the discarded book, wide open balcony and single plumage—though insignificant on their own—were ample evidence towards an unfortunate confirmation. Having successfully distracted her guard from her pursuit and covered another potential option as to where Twilight may have vanished, Celestia took flight from her balcony, hoping to find Twilight in the air.
“Please,” She pleaded, more to herself than anyone else. “Please be alright, Twilight. I can’t bear the thought of losing you a second time…”
Princess Twilight Sparkle made her first landing in the town square of Ponyville. Unfortunately for her, landing was not something she had practiced with Celestia when they had done rudimentary flying lessons, and so her landing apparatus for this particular flight was her face and elbows. Twilight cried out as she bounced along the ground, her skin stretching and bruises forming as she tumbled. The sound of laughter broke out behind her.
“Pffft! Do you see the look on your face?! Hahahahahahaha! Priceless! You look like one of Fluttershy’s chickens in the middle o--Twilight?!” Twilight’s ears swiveled towards the source of the laughter. Something deep and primal inside her said that she knew that voice, and that laughter.
“Rainbow...Dash?” She ventured, trying to pick herself up. “Is that you?”
The blue pony in question landed in front of her at speeds that would have startled even Pinkie Pie, causing the freshly reborn pony to flinch.
“Woah! It really is you! What the hay, Twi?! You haven’t said a word to any of us for like three weeks, and now you show up with these puppies on your back?!” Dash took a pause for breath, hooves crossed disapprovingly.
Twilight was at a lossCh for how to quantify her response. She wanted to explain the breadth of her troubles, but there were few words in her current repertoire that fit what she meant to express. She tapped her hooves against each other, trying to find some way to reply, but every time she opened her mouth, she only let out murmurs of doubt.
“Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked, the look in her eyes starting to soften. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…”
Twilight eventually managed to get out a stammering reply. “I-I’m sorry. I...I was just trying to...n-nevermind. Could we...talk? I haven’t really gotten...well, I mean to say...I’m not the pony you think I am.” Twilight looked at the ground, her body looking flat and lifeless despite her being at her full height. Her eyes seemed less full, the curious edge they always bore dulled by an even further diminished sense of self-worth.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked, taken aback slightly at her comment. “You look like Twilight to me. Same coat, same mane, same eyes and cutie mark. All that’s really different are those two wings on your back… Right?”
Twilight sniffed, her ears drooping as she shook her head painfully slowly. “I’m not your friend. I-I’m not even a bookworm, I’m just a l-lie. I’m just some...thing living in your friend’s body. I’m not Twilight, Dash. Twilight is dead.” She looked up at Dash, eyes wide and pleading. “I’m not even sure if I’m myself anymore.”
“You—” Dash gasped, looking at Twilight in disbelief. “You can’t be serious! What the hay do you mean, Twi? You don’t look any different, and you sure sound like Twilight. What’s going on? You aren’t telling me something, are you?”
“There is not much to tell,” Twilight sighed, shaking her head more. “The only thing I know is The Elements of Harmony. The elements, and the ponies who bear them. Beyond that… there’s nothing but emptiness.”
A hush fell between the two of them as Twilight continued to stare somberly at Rainbow Dash. Those eyes, once sparking with curious wonder, were dark and empty. That eager smile was wiped clean off, and her body seemed less vibrant. Not since Discord had Twilight seemed to be so depressed, and the pegasus barely remembered that day.
“Hey, c’mon, Twi. So...you don’t remember anything?”
“I didn’t even know how to eat at first. Or use the bathroom, or speak or--” Twilight sat on her haunches, the magnitude of her loneliness overtaking her for a moment. “I shouldn’t be here. It was wrong of me to come, I--”
“Hey! Now that is crazy talk. I dunno what’s going on with your magic right now, but you’re my friend, and that isn’t gonna change no matter what you can and can’t do.” Dash put a hoof on the other pony’s shoulder.
“I’m not even sure if it’s my magic, Rainbow. I just remember waking up in some old castle…”
“Whatever, Twi. C’mon, let’s get you to the library. Spike’s been dying to see you ever since you poofed on us.”
“Spike? Is that a friend of mine?”
Rainbow looked at Twilight incredulously. She honestly couldn’t tell if she was being serious, but given how earnest a tone she spoke in, she sounded fairly genuine.
“My gosh… you really don’t remember, do you?”
Twilight only shook her head glumly.
“I guess we’re gonna have to find a way to break it to him gently,” Rainbow relented.
“Was I...important to him?” Guilt began to trickle back into Twilight’s voice. “Oh, I never should have...I guess it doesn’t matter now…”
“It matters a lot, Twilight!”
Twilight flinched at the rebuke, anticipating it to continue. “Oh...well I...okay...I’m sorry I didn’t...Okay, would you like to know?”
“You’re practically like a big sister to him, Twi,” Rainbow said, holding her close. “It’d mean the world for him if he could see you.”
Twilight looked uneasy as Rainbow led her to the tree she used to take shelter in.
“Does he know about what happened?” Twilight asked in a meager tone.
“Of course he does, egghead,” Rainbow chuckled. “He burped the Princess’s letter right out in front of us.”
“What is an...egghead? Is my head shaped wrong?” She tilted her head, trying her best to stare at her own noggin.
“Not at all,” Rainbow snickered. “It just means you’re really smart.”
“Oh.” Twilight smiled uncertainly at the compliment. “She sounded pretty smart.”
“Smart as they come,” Rainbow said as she smiled. “But if you say she’s gone… then what do we call you, exactly?”
“I don’t know...Twilight Two? Twolight? I’m me, I guess.” She shrugged, looking as lost as Rainbow was.
“Nah, nothing like that,” Rainbow scoffed. “We’re gonna need something simple. Something with a lot of meaning.”
“I...I dunno. What was my mum’s maiden name?” .
“Well, the letter said your full name was Twilight Lumena Sparkle. So maybe something like that, but with a unique twist.”
“Lumena...I suppose that could work.”
“You wanna be called by your middle name? That’s silly!”
Twilight looked at her hooves. “Oh...okay. Um. What about nicknames?”
“Well, what did the Princess say about you?”
“She said I was a very special pony. And that she loved me, and, uh, that I was...an alicorn. What about Twilicorn? Could we call me Twilicorn?”
“We could, but what else you got?
“Uhh...new Twilight? Celestia was the first pony I saw. Could we call me Twilestia? Does that sound weird?”
“It kinda sounds like you’re in a relationship with her. Not that I have anything against that, but try digging a little deeper.”
“What’s a relationship?”
“It’s when you and a pony are really, really close.”
“Is that like when you have a wife?”
“Kinda, yeah…”
“I like Twilestia. Twilestia is good.” Twilight nodded, her eyes sparkling.
“I’m sorry, but that if we ever called you that out loud, everypony would start thinking you and the princess were gonna get married.”
Twilight let out a distant sigh.
“I wouldn’t hate that, but, well, I liked Lumena, too. Are you sure we can’t just call me Luminous or something?”
“Well, We could call you something a little fancy. Like Twice-Bright Twilight!”
“I don’t feel fancy…”
“Doesn’t mean you can’t have a cool name to go with it. Lots of ponies have cool nicknames. A nickname is like a status symbol. When ponies give you a good one, you know it’ll stick.”
Rainbow mulled over some of the ones presented, a hoof to her chin.
“Memento?”
“Wait! I think I’ve got a good one! How about Twibright?”
“I...I dunno. Brightlight?
“Ah, horsefeathers; At this rate, it’d just be easier to call you Twilight the Second or something like that.”
“We’ll have time to think about it later, I guess. What about you? Where did you get your name?” Twilight asked, happy that the conversation was able to drift away from her.
“Well, I got the name because I was fast, for one.” Rainbow proudly proclaimed, whipping her tail. “And for this awesome hairdo you see right here.”
“It is cool.” Twilight agreed, albeit quietly.
“And that’s not all,” Rainbow replied, smiling stupidly wide. “The day I got my cutie mark was during this big race I had with these bullies that were messing with Fluttershy. I went so fast, I ended up pulling off one of the most legendary stunts known to pegasi: The Sonic Rainboom! Thanks to that little stunt, all six of us got our marks that day.”
“Applejack saw the rainbow and it broke Rarity’s rock and knocked Fluttershy down to the animals and inspired Pinkie Pie and unlocked my magic.” Twilight nodded, continuing to
“Wait a minute,” Rainbow asked. “So you can remember anything related to the Elements of Harmony… But nothing about yourself?”
“Yes.” Twilight nodded. “I am the alicorn of harmony. My friends are important.” Her eyes glazed over as she said this, her wings spreading out to dwarf Rainbow’s wingspan.
“That has to be the weirdest kind of amnesia ever,” Rainbow sighed as she blushed at the sight of Twilight’s rather impressive wingspan. “Do you remember anything else? Like how Spike might connect to you?”
“I had no need to conceptualize “Spike”. I just know what I need to know to do my duty. I am a fact in the life of Equestria.”
“So what you’re saying is, you’ve basically been reincarnated by the Elements or something like that?”
Twilight blinked, shaking her head. “I guess so? All I know is that I showed up in a stone palace in a forest and then Princess Celestia came for me and I’ve been learning as much as I can about being a normal pony every day since. I don’t have a family, and I don’t know what my friends will think, and I don’t even know if I can trust the Princess or not.”
“Okay, that’s definitely something Twilight would never say,” Rainbow gasped, stopping dead in her tracks. “What happened?”
“She kept l-lying to me. She wouldn’t let me see anyone besides her and some of the guards and servants.”
“Well, she must have had a good reason for it...right? I mean, treating amnesia isn’t actually something that anypony can do overnight, and from what you’re telling me, it’s not a case of losing memories. To me, it sounds like you may never have had them to start with, aside from what the Elements kept recorded for you.” Rainbow paused for thought. “Wait… have you ever tried using your Element and seeing what it left for you?”
“I don’t have it with me. She won’t let me go anywhere, or see anybody, or, or, I don’t even know. She’s all I have, but she never told me there was another me, and she only told me I had a brother when I asked.” Twilight’s eyes shimmered. “I have a brother, and I’m a total stranger to him. I don’t even know what he looks like, or what his voice sounds like, and to him I’m a whole other pony from what I am now.”
“Well, think about it for a moment,” Rainbow said, looking to her more closely. “If she told you all this right off the bat, would you even believe her? About your friends, your family, and all that stuff you did?”
“Yes. I, I trusted her with my life, Dash. She taught me everything I know about my life. What else would I have done? And, now that I know she can lie to me, and hides things from me, how do I know what to trust of what she taught me. Are the books she gave me full of lies too? Does she love me, or did she tell me that because she wanted me to stay away from my family? I...I want to think she does...but…Anyway, that’s why I’m here. I need to be something other than just Celestia’s pony.”
“So you went off on your own without telling her?!” Rainbow balked. “Don’t get me wrong, I can get where you’re coming from, but you can’t just leave without telling anypony. Trust me; Running away doesn’t always make things better.”
“I couldn’t stay! She was so harsh and she locked me away and I...Oh, I’m so bad at this.” Twilight sat down, her front hooves shaking.
“Look, I can understand you want answers,” Rainbow said, putting a hoof on her shoulder.
“I don’t even know if I want answers. I just, I don’t know. Would you care about me if I didn’t live in the skin of your old friend? What if some pony who couldn’t even speak or eat, or didn’t know what a bathroom was and didn’t ever shower, just wandered into town?”
“If that pony reminded me of Twilight, I’d help her out just as much as I am now,” Rainbow stated. “There’s a few things that even complete memory loss can’t take away, Twi.”
“Don’t call me that!” Twilight rounded on her new and old friend, fire in her eyes. “Twilight is dead, don’t you get it?! I’m nothing! I’m half what she was at best! I’m not a hero or a good friend or a sister or a daughter! I was born from a star in a castle! I don’t deserve her life! I don’t want her life! Maybe I look like her, maybe I act like her, but I’m not her. And…I never could be.”
Rainbow stood silent as she looked her friend in the eye. Something was resolute in her gaze. She looked like Twilight, but she felt like somepony wholly different from her. There was that same lust for knowledge of herself as there was before, but the feeling behind it was much different. As she looked deeper, she couldn’t tell what was even there anymore, aside from raw, untapped magic.
“Then what are you, if you aren’t Twilight?” Rainbow asked, a hoof on top of hers as she gazed ever deeper. “If you aren’t a heroine, a friend, a sister, or a daughter, then what are you? What do you want?”
“I...I don’t know. But...but that’s why I’m here, I guess. I want to find out. Will you help me? Please? Not for Twilight Sparkle, but for me?” Twilight looked at the pegasus with a guarded gaze, her eyes not fully meeting the other pony’s.
Rainbow was uneasy at first, but as she looked at how meager her friend was becoming, she began to smile warmly.
“I’ll do my best,” she said as she drew her close. “For both of you.”
Twilight both figuratively and literally flew into the hug she could not hold back.
“I guess the best place to start is from the beginning,” Rainbow muttered, rubbing a hoof behind her head. “When you first came here to Ponyville a couple of years ago, you looked really busy. Like you had some kinda mission and needed to get it done. Pinkie Pie started spreading word of some unicorn that was visiting for the Summer Sun Celebration, and you started meeting the rest of us one by one.”
“What was she like?” Twilight asked.
“You were a real busy-body. No nonsense and everything. You wanted to make sure everything got done. No small-talk or anything like that. When I met you, it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of introduction.”
“I don’t get it. The letters she sent were all so...so heartfelt. Not all of the letters were meant for you, and...sometimes she sounded like she was scared to lose you, or she’d go on about how lucky to have friends she was. What made her change?”
“The night we all stood together against Nightmare Moon. That was a night I don’t think any of us forgot. We were all set to go for an awesome celebration, but when it came time for Celestia to make her curtain call, she ended up a no-show, and then BAM! Out of the darkness came this huge black mare who wanted to put the whole kingdom into eternal night! Nopony knew who she was or what to do except you. Before we knew it, we were going flanks deep into the Everfree Forest, and she threw everything she could at us. Collapsing cliffs, angry manticores, depressed sea serpents, and even copies of my idols! But we helped each other out every step of the way.”
Twilight’s mouth opened slightly, and she stopped to hear Dash’s animated account, eyes widening more and more with each incredible feat.
“Then, we got to that old castle and gathered the Elements. We gave you some alone time to cast whatever spell you needed, and you got to work. Then Nightmare Moon started putting you on the ropes. As soon as we saw what was going on up there, we rushed to help you. By the time we got there, it looked like all hope was lost… Then came that spark. Something changed inside you, then. You started to realize that the Elements weren’t just a bunch of rocks filled with magic, but dependable ponies with wicked awesome power! We all got together, and we practically became the Elements themselves, and together, we straight up blew Nightmare Moon right outta Luna!” Dash pumped a hoof in the air for emphasis, which Twilight followed with an innocent smile.
“That’s the start of my memories of you. You all stood around in a circle watching...Luna and Celestia, I think? Something was making Pinkie Pie tear up.”
“Yeah...soon as we opened up a can of rainbows on Nightmare Moon, the two of them had a real tender moment together. I don’t think poor Pinkie could take it. She never was good with the mushy stuff.” Dash gave a shrug. “It wasn’t the only time we broke those bad boys out, either. If I remember right, we used them two more times after that night.”
“Discord.” Twilight’s eyes suddenly narrowed, her brows contorting and light flashing around her in a circling arc.
“That was a hay of a time back then,” Dash pondered, her eyelids drooping slightly. “Probably the only time I remember Celestia actually being angry.”
He won’t hurt you now. I promise.” Twilight’s eyes flashed with white light for a moment, and then she settled back down, smiling in the same way as she had been before the draconequus’ name was mentioned.
“I know, Twi; you were there when Fluttershy was working to rehab him.”
“She did. But he’s…” Twilight’s entire form flickered for a moment, flashing white. “Let’s not meet with him for a while, okay?”
“I get ya; Don’t wanna dig up any bad memories,” Dash sighed, putting a hoof to her shoulder. “But what’s with the light show? You’re not usually this… sparky.”
It was then that Dash’s eyes flickered with inspiration as she grinned nice and wide.
“That’s it!” she cheered with glee. “We’ll call you Sparky!”
“I don’t like entropy.” Twilight simply stated, then blinked. “Sparky...that...that could work. Alright, I’m Sparky Lumena.” Twilight gave a simple nod.
“Let’s just keep it at Sparky for short,” Dash insisted, chuckling “It kinda sounds silly when you say both at once.”
“Whatever you say, Rainbow Dash.” Twilight giggled, stopping at a large tree. “Is that...a library? The library? I lived in a tree?”
“Oh yeah,” Rainbow replied, nodding. “You loved books, Sparky. It was because of you I actually got into reading, if you can believe that.”
“Daring Do.” Twilight nodded. “Celestia and I practiced reading them. She said that somepony I used to know wrote them.”
“If I remember right, your mom did,” Rainbow pointed out. “She actually dedicated each one to you, too.”
“Twilight’s mother writes Daring Do? I’ll...have to speak to her, I suppose. Thank her for them. They were wonderful books.”
“I’ll make sure to put that on a bucket list for you, Twilight Lumena.”
Twilight’s ear flicked in irritation, but she ignored the name change. “What’s a bucket list? And, uh, should we go inside? I don’t want to keep Spike waiting…”
“Oh right, sorry,” Rainbow chuckled, opening the door. “It’s a list of things you wanna get done in life before you--”
Dash was interrupted at this point by a purple ball of scales dropping a plate on the floor.
“T...Twilight? Twilight, is that really you?” Spike’s eyes filled with tears, his feet twitching against the urge to run over to her. Twilight, for her part, only raised a hoof to her mouth, brows arched upwards in shock.
“You didn’t tell me he was so...little.” She whispered.
He’s only a baby, Twi,” Rainbow pointed out. “But he’s a sharp one, when it comes to his brains.”
“So he’ll know if I lie?”
“He’s a smart one. You’re better off telling him the story nice and easy.”
“Alright,” Twilight swallowed. “H-Hey...Spike. I...I’m sorry, but I don’t remember a lot about you. I’m still trying to piece things back together, but…Yes, I’m home. Yes, I’ll be here for you. Yes, I’m back.”
“We’re still trying to find something to call her by, though,” Rainbow explained. “She’s finding it a little hard to call herself by her name. I guess you could call it some identity crisis.”
“It’s not just some crisis, it—!” Twilight looked over at Spike, once again wincing at the look on his face. “Alright, yes.” She sighed. “I’m just trying to get back on my hooves. Okay, Spike?”
Spike simply hugged Twilight’s shin, smiling as he buried his teary face into her coat. Twilight pulled back slightly at the touch, before smiling herself and hugging back, using both a leg and a wing.
“It doesn’t matter what you wanna call yourself, Twilight,” Spike said with a smile. “I’m just so glad to have you back again.”
Twilight curled against the dragon herself, shooting Rainbow Dash a glance. “I’m...glad...too.” She ran her hoof down the length of the smaller being’s back, much like Celestia had done for her in the weeks she had spent learning from her.
“I’m glad too.”