The Tale of Lord Barleycorn
- - - - - -
Chapter 14: Pesta-what?
---
Leadfoot slumped against the the barn door. His cousin and her friends had proved to be fine company at the dinner table but getting his dad riled up like that? If they wanted to hear his father's tirade so badly they could indulge to their heart's content. The silence of the barn would be a much more amiable atmosphere for his evening meal.
Looking down at the plate held firmly between his teeth, Leadfoot had to admit the steaming food looked wonderful. Maybe eating in the peace and quiet of the barn would make the kale taste better. At first Leadfoot wondered why he never thought about doing this before, and then he remembered that normally the barn was filthy and full of spiders. Such unpleasantness had been banished several days ago and now the barn's only downside was the chill in the air.
The reason for the barn's cleanliness returned to Leadfoot upon seeing the boot marks in the dirt; the thing that was pretending to be a scarecrow. Leadfoot hadn't seen the creature since he and Corn Crib went to breakfast that morning, and presumably it would be back by the time it came to settle down for bed.
Almost on cue, the hay in the hayloft shifted and Leadfoot heard a groan. It was not a groan of agitation or boredom but one that had its birth in pain. The orchestrator of this guttural complaint was clearly male, and Leadfoot seriously doubted that Dr. Nova was hiding on the Harvest family's land after completing a job he obviously had no desire to do.
The light in the barn was already poor from the autumn sunset, but Leadfoot was able to find his way to the narrow, plank stairs that lead up to the hayloft. Upon reaching the top steps the stallion discovered 'Lord' Barleycorn laying in the loose hay with his blanket over him, the burlap mask resting in the hay next to him.
Leadfoot's first thought was he'd be able to see what lurked under the mask, but Grandpa Harvest's ragged straw hat was seated over Lord Barleycorn's face. Looking away from the hat, Leadfoot also noticed that the farm's secret resident had his boots off too. The blanket was long, but not long enough to cover the strangest pair of feet Leadfoot had ever seen.
Leadfoot was no expert in anatomy, but he was at a loss at how Barleycorn's bizarre feet worked. They were longer than they were wide, and ended with small, almost vestigial nubs that looked like the fingers on Lord Barleycorn's hands. The purpose of these nubs was unclear, but what drew Leadfoot's eyes was a half-purple bruise that ringed the creature's left ankle.
Leadfoot walked out onto the hay and flopped down in front of Lord Barleycorn. After resting his plate on his forehooves Leadfoot spoke. "Have some trouble today?"
"A little." Lord Barleycorn muttered, his hand coming up to press the hat to his face. "Or a lot, I'm not sure which."
"What does that mean?" Leadfoot frowned, quickly wolfing down the slithery kale and dandelions to get them out of the way.
"I was in the forest, wandering on through when I walked into a snare." Lord Barleycorn lifted his knee to his chest, allowing him to rub his ankle. "It was set by your neighbor."
Leadfoot smirked, regardless of how bitter that last bite of kale was. "So Bean Sprout let you go after he caught you stealing more eggs?"
"I wasn't anywhere near the Sprout's hen house, and I believe my services speak for themselves with the rabbits." Barleycorn waggled a finger in the air. "I was in the woods behind their property, and the next thing I know I'm hanging by my ankle and at the mercy of a colt that's about your sister's age."
Leadfoot thought for a second, that could mean either Hale Bale or Wind Row. "Did he have a dark brown coat?"
"Nah, he was more like the color of grass." Barleycorn said, grasping his mask and hugging it close to his chest.
That little tidbit resulted in Leadfoot nearly upsetting his dinner as he burst out laughing. "You got bushwhacked by a six-year-old colt! Some spirit of autumn you are!"
Lord Barleycorn responded with a snort, and turned away from Leadfoot as he sat up to pull the burlap sack over his head. "After the snare was sprung, he snapped a picture of me with his camera."
Leadfoot bit his cheek to keep himself from laughing any more. "So he got a picture of you hanging upside down and helpless. What else did the mean foal do?"
"Once he gets the picture developed, he'll probably run all over town shouting about seeing me." Lord Barleycorn stated coolly as he lined the holes of the mask up with his eyes. "Most of the adults will probably blow him off, they'll say that he just strung a scarecrow up, took a picture, and is just making up stories. But suppose a few superstitious ponies like your mother believe him?"
"They would... probably start looking around the Sprout farm for you." Leadfoot's smile slowly drained from his face as he began to put two-and-two together. "If mom or Corn Crib were to say anything..."
"Right, these ponies will likely trample your fields looking for any sign of me or harass you all enough that you can't get the crops picked in time for the Fall Harvest Festival." Lord Barleycorn began to rub his sore ankle, "And if they were to actually catch me, I don't want to ponder what they might do."
Leadfoot frowned, "You're making the assumption that they'd hurt you, and Ponies around here wouldn't do that."
"Violence is a possibility, yes, but violence isn't the only thing they could do. The more likely possibility is they'd make all sorts of requests and demands of me, ones that I could never accomplish." Lord Barleycorn said, "I'd raise their hopes so high that no matter what I did they'd be left crushed. I don't want to destroy what little hope everypony has. You know I can't break a promise if I make one."
The scarecrow flopped back on the hay, "There was one other thing I wanted to ask you. I asked Corn Crib a few things about your farm but she didn't have any good answers."
"What's that?" Leadfoot asked, mildly curious what he could know that Corn Crib wouldn't.
Lord Barleycorn folded his arms behind his head and pulled the blanket down over his bare feet. "I asked her if you ever tried pesticides on your farm, and she said she didn't know what those were. Do other farms in Equestria use them?"
"Pesta-what?" Leadfoot shook his head, "Never heard of them."
"Pesticides are poisons, special ones that are sprayed over crops to deter and kill insects that would infest crops." Lord Barleycorn said, "They normally deteriorate over time into harmless chemical compounds, and can be safely removed with a little running water."
Leadfoot frowned, "Putting poisons on our food? That... sounds like a very stupid thing to do. Don't the bugs have to take a bite of them for it to work anyway?"
"Right, but just that one bite is enough and it would mean they don't go on to make more bugs and eat more crops and so on." Lord Barleycorn shifted under his blanket and yawned. "But that's a moot point, if it doesn't exist in Equestria it can't be implemented. Okay... how often do you rotate your crops?"
Leadfoot scratched his head, "Rotate, like... you want us to turn each and every cornstalk to face the sun?"
Lord Barleycorn let out a frustrated groan as he pulled his hat down over his eyes for a moment. "You mean you ponies just plant your crops in the same plot of land every year?"
"It's tradition. Every farmer does that and it works out fine." Leadfoot stated calmly, "I don't understand the problem is."
"I don't understand how you aren't ruining the soil if everypony plants the same crop in the same place every year." Lord Barleycorn said, "Soy beans tend to really help the soil by putting a lot of nitrogen in the soil, and planting them for two years before corn would really boost your corn yield."
Leadfoot tilted his head. "How do you know this?"
"My grandparents and my father were farmers, and so on further back in my line." Lord Barleycorn said, "You can't help but pick up information when you hear it often enough, even if you aren't interested in it."
Leadfoot raised an eyebrow, this was starting to sound farfetched. "So... the reason that we're having bad luck with the crops is because we keep planting like everypony else?"
The scarecrow shrugged under his blanket, "Well, I suppose you could get over that hurdle if you fertilized the soil really good before each planting."
Leadfoot shook his head, "Every farmer does to some extent, but usually Earth pony magic is enough to cause the crops to grow strong and healthy."
"Earth pony magic? I'd laugh at that if I wasn't surrounded by talking ponies..." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat, "Well I don't know why... your magic wouldn't have the problem licked, but take my advice. When we get things settled out, next year I'd like it if you tried planting the crops in different fields."
"We'll see." Leadfoot said dismissively as he bent his head down to nibble on his neglected and cooling dinner.
"One more thing," Lord Barleycorn said, "I want to take a look at the lumber mill. How far is it from here?"
"You'd have to keep going past the Sprout farm for about fifteen minutes and follow the old road deeper into the forest." Leadfoot said, "But why go there?"
"You said the mill is still standing." Barleycorn said, "If I can break it open and get it working again, maybe the town can still use it. How long has it been closed?"
"I was... six when it closed." Leadfoot chewed on some of his potato as he thought. "And I'm twenty one now, so that makes..."
"Fifteen years." Lord Barleycorn groaned, "An all wood building, sitting unused in the forest for fifteen years... I'm almost afraid of what I'd find."
Leadfoot wolfed down the rest of his potato and pushed the plate aside. "What do you mean? The saws might be a little rusty but they can be replaced."
"It's not the steel. It's all the wood." Lord Barleycorn sighed, hands going under his mask to rub his cheeks. "Fifteen years is a long time, and any manner of animals could work their way inside in that amount of time. But it's not the big ones that would do the worst damage. Termites only need a few years to do irreparable harm to wood."
"You're sure about that? What if they haven't?" Leadfoot asked.
"That's what I'll be checking out tomorrow, and with a little luck everything can be salvaged." Lord Barleycorn then added, "Although, after today I'll be giving the Sprout farm a large berth."
"How are you going to get in?" Leadfoot asked, "Last I saw the mill it was all boarded up and the doors were chained."
"Oh please. I'm sure a borrowed claw hammer from your tool shed can remove a few wooden boards." Lord Barleycorn said, "The issue of the foal's picture will have to be dealt with as it unfolds. If the ponies in town write it off as a child's wild story, then we don't have to do anything."
Leadfoot grumbled, this was getting far too complicated. Too many 'if's."And if they come around here?"
"I-" Lord Barleycorn stopped when the creak of the barn door interrupted him.
"Hello? Leadfoot?" Corn Crib called out before the doors slid shut again.
"Just a sec." Leadfoot shouted back, leaving Lord Barleycorn in the hay to descend to the barn floor.
The filly was alone, and walked with her ears pinned back. It didn't take much for Leadfoot to figure out what happened. "Dad?"
Corn Crib nodded. "Yeah. He got pretty mad this time. Cousin Golden's friends tried to say the Apples weren't that bad."
Leadfoot winced, a little surprised he hadn't heard his father screaming if that topic had passed around the dinner table.
"Don't worry about it." Leadfoot reached out with his hoof and ruffled his sister's mane. "Dad's just got a big chip on his shoulder, don't think too much about it. How'd Cousin Golden take it?"
Corn Crib snorted, "She took it well, but the rose-mare got pretty snippy."
"Can't say I blame her." Leadfoot rolled his eyes, "Are they still going to stay around?"
"I don't know..." Once again, Corn Crib's ears bent back. The filly looked away from her brother, "I wish the Apples were a branch of our family."
"Hey that's dad talking, no more of that." Leadfoot frowned, "Moaning and groaning ain't going to solve all of our problems. Cousin Golden has always had a good head on her shoulders, I doubt she'll turn tail and leave after one round of banter about the Apples."
Corn Crib reluctantly nodded her head.
Leadfoot smiled, if only for his sister's benefit. "Your scarecrow friend's up in the hayloft. Why don't you go say hi?"
The filly's head jerked up, a smile lighting up on her young face. "I will. What are you going to do?"
Leadfoot shrugged, "I'm not really tired yet. I think I'll go for a little run to wear me out."
"That and I have a lot to think about..." Leadfoot thought as he moved to the door. "I left my plate up in the hayloft, if you see it just set it aside I'll take it inside in the morning."
"Okay, have fun." Corn Crib wasn't sure if that was appropriate to say to somepony who was about to go out and exercise, but she couldn't think of anything better to say to her brother.
Leadfoot chuckled and rolled his eyes as he moved to the barn door and slid it open. "I can't let him do everything... it doesn't feel right. There's gotta be something I can think of to do..."
Meanwhile, Corn Crib had already ascended the steps to find Lord Barleycorn laying in the hay. He had wrapped himself with the blanket Corn Crib's mother had given him, and had pushed the hay up to make a rudimentary pillow. Upon seeing Corn Crib he lifted the brim of his hat and stood to give a bow.
"Ah, little princess, you return." Lord Barleycorn said, "Perhaps you could indulge this humble scarecrow in telling him how the day has fared you?"
Corn Crib tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help herself. "If you want to ask me a question you can just say so. You don't have to be super fancy with me."
"As you wish," Lord Barleycorn sat down in the hay, pulling his legs under the blanket. "How was school?"
"Oh that's easy." Corn Crib grinned, "Today's Saturday, no school. I've spent all day working in the fields."
"Ah, my mistake." Lord Barleycorn frowned under the mask, amazed that he had missed such a simple observation. "So how is your cousin and her friends?"
"Cousin Golden's really smart!" Corn Crib chirped as she walked out into the hay to sit next to her hay-covered friend. "She kept asking a lot of questions about how we fertilize the field crops, when we water, and all kinds of other stuff!"
"Yeah she does sound smart." The scarecrow sighed, leaning back onto the hay. "When you told her everything, what'd she say?"
"Well, when she got done asking about the farm we started talking about the family." Corn Crib said, "I didn't know Leadfoot was such a lightweight when it came to the old pie eating contests. He'd eat half a pie then quit because he'd feel sick?"
Lord Barleycorn snickered, "Just half? If I know there's pie after a meal and I can eat four if I can get it! And that's after seconds!"
"I know, right?" Corn Crib stretched, "What did you do all day?"
"Oh... I just hung around." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat, "How's your ankle doing?"
"Pfft... what, that scrape?" Corn Crib gave her friend a confident smirk, although she purposely kept her eyes off her ankle. If she didn't see it, it didn't exist. "I've had worse. But that rose-maned mare that came with Cousin Golden turned green when she got a look at dad's stitches this morning."
Lord Barleycorn chuckled, the filly hadn't been so confident back on the road when she fell. "Heh, some ponies just can't stand the sight of blood. Makes you wonder how doctors make it through medical school, huh?"
Corn Crib blinked, "Huh, never thought about that. I guess Dr. Nova probably had to see all kinda nasty stuff in school."
Lord Barleycorn nodded, "I think that goes for anypony with a profession. A pony who could read a hundred books on how to be a farmer but you'd have all the instinct and experience to make him look like a pretentious wannabe."
Corn Crib looked up at Lord Barleycorn with starry eyes, "So... does that mean that I'll get a cutie mark in farming?"
"I don't know, maybe you will." Lord Barleycorn shrugged, "What about the other ponies your cousin brought with her? Are they nice?"
"Eh, they're kinda lightweights when it comes to the work, but I guess they're nice?" Corn Crib settled down in the hay, "Lily and Daisy kept asking me weird questions about the weather and about the forest."
"I don't see what's so strange here." Lord Barleycorn shrugged, leaning back by supporting himself with his arms. "The weather's been rather pleasant if you ask me."
Corn Crib nodded, "Yeah, but then they started asking about..."
"Ever the popular topic... such is my curse." The scarecrow sighed dramatically, "What did they ask?"
"If I'd seen any forest spirits." Corn Crib looked looked up to look her friend in the face. "But I didn't say anything, I promised I wouldn't!"
"And a promise is a promise." They both said with a chuckle.
"I never had any doubt in you." Lord Barleycorn hooked an arm around Corn Crib and pulled her in for a side hug. "Because you're the one I believe in."
Corn Crib had only just wrapped her hooves around the scarecrow's barrel when she heard that. Her head slowly raised so she could look at him with widened eyes. "You... believe in me?"
A slight nod was Lord Barleycorn's answer, but he didn't break eye contact with the filly. "Of course. I'm just a stranger here, but you've lived here doing all this work, facing all this adversity with the determination of a soldier. Why wouldn't I admire you?"
A warm flush came to Corn Crib's cheeks, and she looked away. "I guess I'm just awesome that way."
The scarecrow simply chuckled and gave her a friendly shake before letting her go. He pulled the blanket over him as he laid down in the hay, settling down for bed if Corn Crib's guess was right.
"So what would you like tonight?" The King of Autumn asked, "Would you like a story, or a song?"
Corn Crib worked her way under the blanket and snuggled up to the scarecrow, "Tell me more of that story. It was funny!"
Lord Barleycorn shifted under the blanket, pulling his feet closer to him so they could share it equally. "Alright, where did I leave off?"
Corn Crib giggled, "King Arthur and Sir Bedevere were heading through the forest, and the old man had just disappeared."
"Ah, yes." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat, "Well, the mist and fog was as dense as the forest the knights had just found themselves in. After gathering their servants, King Arthur and Sir Bedevere lead their way through the forest, wherein they found themselves surrounded by strange, tall knights in dark armor. The tallest of which stood head and shoulders above King Arthur, the antlers of a deer sprouting from his helmet."
Lord Barleycorn paused, relishing the enraptured look on the filly's face.
"Then, the tall knight made his declaration, and it chilled King Arthur, Sir Bedevere, and even Patsy to their bones." Lord Barleycorn leaned in closer for the comedic sting, "NI!"
The sputtering laughter that erupted from Corn Crib brought the story to a halt. The filly leaned her head against the scarecrow as she tried to catch her breath.
"First that black knight, then the giant wooden rabbit, now a bunch of silly deer-knights!" Corn Crib laughed, kicking her hooves under the blanket.
The sound of the barn door caught both of their attentions.
"Hey Leadfoot, hurry up! He's telling more of that story again!" Corn Crib called out for her brother's convenience.
"Now, trembling before these thuggish knights King Arthur summoned his courage and demanded to know who they were." Lord Barleycorn cleared his throat, preparing to begin doing the voices. "They replied; We are the Knights who say... NI! The keepers of the sacred words, NI! PING! and NEEE-WOM!"
The story continued on regardless, with Lord Barleycorn doing the voices of King Arthur, and the Knights of Ni as they began the shrubbery bit. The filly that was laying next to him wore a grin that was perpetually on the verge of devolving into giggling fits as this silly scene was laid out for her benefit.
It was then that the clearing of somepony's throat caught their attention. Both Corn Crib and Lord Barleycorn turned, and there on the top steps was a very perplexed Carrot Top.
The orange-maned mare pointed a hoof to the scarecrow, "How... is that scarecrow talking?"
---
To be continued...
---