Adorkable Love

by Einhander

XII: Crazy in Love

ADORKABLE LOVE
By: Einhander

Pre-Read: Cola Bubble Gum
The Best Damn Editing Team In The Pony Business: TheLastBrunnenG, Space Commie

CHAPTER XII: DOWN WITH LOVE

What Blue Bonnet saw was this:

A Pinkie shaped hole in the wall. Furniture and feathers everywhere, peppered with crumpled invitations and books. And in the middle of it all, a giant snake/dragon/horse/goat/lion…. thing in the middle of the room.  And some twenty odd ducklings looking at the creature in amazement.

And what the creature said was: "Fluttershy, I LOVE what you've done with the place!"

He twirled in place, gangly limbs moving with such precision that it was practically a pirouette. "Holes in the wall, the debris, the baffled faces..." He grabbed Fluttershy and wrapped her in a hug, grinning from ear to mismatched horn. "I'm home!"

"Oh hi, Discord." Fluttershy was smushed in his arms, forcing cheerfulness into her voice.  

“And look at all these ducks!” Discord let Fluttershy go, floating over the little featherballs like a fox inspecting a house of baby ducks. “Little bow ties, little frightened expressions, little cigars- oh ho ho, this is going to be fun!”

"Um, actually Pinkie Pie made the mess."

“Hey!” Pinkie Pie yelped. “Spike crashed into the wall too!”

        Spike glared. “Don’t drag me into this more than you already have.”

"Ah yes, your charming friends!" Discord landed and leered at the crowd. "A fine hello to you all." Four ponies and a dragon responded by looking at him with various expressions of exhaustion (Shy), rage (Dash), excitement (Pinkie), fear (Spike) and bafflement (Bonnet).  

Discord sighed. "Oh dear. Some seem less than pleased to see poor old Uncle Discord. But you see, I've changed! Reformed! Presentable for polite pony society!"

Dash snipped, "Oh, that is such-"

A single claw was at her muzzle, silencing her. Discord smiled, then backed up a step. He bowed, claws up, his face the very portrait of a foal begging for forgiveness. Please Ms. Dash, in the face of all these new, fine, feathered friends, allow me to reintroduce myself..."

He disappeared and reappeared in a huge muscular shape, not unlike a certain minotaur...

“The ever impressive!”

Smoke enveloped the creature and when it cleared, a stone statue lay the middle of the floor. A voice floated into the room, hissing, “The long imprisoned!”

Long white strings descended from the ceiling, attaching themselves to the sides of the statute. The strings began to move, and the statue moved with them, dancing and waving its tiny arms about. The crowd looked up to see a floating Discord manipulating the strings like a puppeteer, and providing the voice-over:

“The often imitated, but never duplicated-”

“... duplicated!” The stone statute mimicked his master.

 Suddenly there was another statute, free of strings. Its mouth opened and a creaky, high pitched version of his voice spewed out. “Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

“Duplicated!”

There were over a dozen of them, running around and blowing kisses and smiling at all the ducklings and ponies.

The original Discord threw his head back and “Discord, Draconequus of the-”

One his little copies piped up, “Hold it!”

Everything stopped. The upstart statute pointed at Blue Bonnet. “Who’s he?”

“Uh… hi.” Bonnet said.

Discord gasped, and all of the statues poofed out of existence. He took Fluttershy aside and hissed, “Fluttershy! I don’t mean to alarm you, but there’s a stallion in your house.”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know.”

Eyebrows arched to the point of actually floating off his face, Discord stroked his beard. “Oh myyyy. Things have changed around here.”

“Ahem….” Bonnet offered his hoof. “Blue Bonnet, at your-”

“Yes, yes.” Discord waved him off. “Blue Bassinet, nice to meet you. Now!” He disappeared, only to pop back into existence opposite the hole in the wall. Now he wore a smoking jacket, a pair of reading glasses and, however improbably, fuzzy slippers with stuffed Celestia heads. A pipe was sticking out of his mouth, and standing next to him was an easel with a stack of presentation cards. The title card read, in crayon, "friends of my friend."

Underneath the word 'friend' was a crayon stick figure rendering of Fluttershy smiling.

"I know the rule is you only get two chances at a first impression, but you know, the rules and I have gotten back together recently, and I think she'll forgive me this once..." He snapped his open claw, and all ponies (and Spike) found themselves staring at chairs.  Spike, much to his immediate dismay, was looking a high chair with a baby dragon pattern.

Discord coughed. "Please be seated."

"Oh, come on!" Spike wailed.

"Everypony?" Fluttershy turned to the crowd. "And dragon? Would you mind terribly taking a seat?"  Everypony-dragon did, even a grumbling Spike, except for Rainbow Dash. She leaned against the upturned table, hooves crossed. "Dash?"

"Nope." Dash shook her head violently. "Nope nope nope nope."

Fluttershy looked at her, then looked at the empty chair pointedly.  "Have a seat, Rainbow."

"Shy, are you blind? He's up to something!"

Fluttershy leaned close to Dash and hissed, "Of course he's up to something, he's Discord! But he's asking, and politely, too! And that's progress. Don't. Be. Rude."

Dash threw up her hooves. "Fine! Let's walk into the draconeqqus'  den, knowing it’s a trap!" She collapsed into her seat with a harrumph.

"At least you get a real chair." Spike grumbled, his tiny arms resting on the table part of the high chair.

Discord puffed into his pipe and soap—or perhaps soda—bubbles came out. "Thank you. So nice to see you all. " He opened his free claw, palm up. "Right where I left you." A long black cane shot out of it, as if from an invisible sleeve. It had a white top and a long black wooden middle and it floated in the air for a moment before plummeting back to the ground, right over Dash's head.

She yelped and held up her hooves. Discord's tail shot out and caught the cane. She opened her eyes, and saw the cane held in place, pointing at her.

"The indomitable Rainbow Dash!" Discord crowed, using his magic to move the presentation cards. There was a blue crayon sketch of what appeared to be a frowning Pegasus, although it could have also been a dog with wings. There was a lightning bolt at the top, and several symbols that  looking like euphemisms for swear words drawn around the stick figure's head.

Despite the crudeness of the drawing it was, objectively, not an unreasonable likeness.

"She's always loyal, usually mad about something, supporter of my darling Fluttershy, and the single biggest cause of property damage in Ponyville, narrowly beating out Twilight Sparkle. Did I leave anything out?"

"Yeah." She spat. "I just hate you so much."

"Ah yes." A blue balloon with a sad face painted on it rose behind his left shoulder and halted at his eye level. He turned to face it, head lowering. "Ms. Dash has never been my number one fan, has she?" The balloon shook its head, drooped to match and height and mood of its master as it floated over to Dash's chair.

The balloon gently nudged Dash. She stared it down with a snarl.

"Oh!" Discord stood up straight, cane twirling in his claw. "But that's okay, because we DO have a friend of chaos here tonight!"

“Excuse me?” Bonnet asked.

Discord slammed the floor with his cane, disappearing  as the presentation cards shuffled, revealing a messy pink drawing of a happy pony dancing under a pink cloud. He reappeared in back of Pinkie Pie’s chair.  "Pinkie Pie, amateur chaos creator extraordinaire!” He leaned over the chair, staring at her eye-to-eye upside down, “You know, I've always liked the cut of your jib."

Pinkie put on her best angry face. "Yeah, well I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to me and my friends!" She paused, and her anger melted into nostalgic flavor as she stared at the drawing of her.  "Although to be fair, I HAVE always liked your chocolate milk rain!"

“Of course you do!” He floated over her and landed, using his cane in the air like a pen, and tiny sparkles shot out as he drew the words ‘PINKIE = DISCORD # 1 FAN’.  Pinkie cooed at the words floating in the air, and Discord leaned in close to her.

"After all, you're a pony of wealth and taste."

"WHAT?" Pinkie shouted, falling off her chair. "How- who- what do you mean by that?"

The words faded into the ether as Discord turned towards Pinkie, head tilted. "It's a figure of speech from another world. But as they also say in that world, ‘tee el, dee arr’? You like fun, just like me."

"Oh. Right." Pinkie got back on her chair. "And nothing else?"

Discord grinned a beat too long, then, snapped his fingers, and a tiny pink cloud appeared over a tiny glass that started storming and making tiny chocolate milk. “Care to partake?”

Pinkie Pie squealed and hopped over to the tiny choco-rain storm, waiting for the glass to be filled.

Bonnet coughed. “Um. Excuse me?”

Discord swiveled his head towards the room’s only high chair. "Spike, dear dear Spike. A hatchling in a horse world. Tell me, do you still have that embarrassing habit of, how shall I put this..." He paused, stroking his beard as the presentation cards shifted behind him. His own cane broke him out of his meditation, pointing him towards the new art: a purple dragon (maybe) lying on its back near a pile of squiggly lines. A cackle escaped from his lips. "Ah yes, thank you Mr. Point! Yes, your irresistible urge to vomit up piles of magical scrolls?"

"Hey! My belching is a special duty given to me by Princess Celestia!"

Discord shook his head. "One day her cruel reign will end." He opened his claw and the cane/Mr. Point returned to him as the cards shuffled to the next display. "And next we have—” 

“Excuse me.” Bonnet stood out of his chair, annoyed.

“Oh yes, how could I have forgotten!” Discord quickly floated over to his display cards. “The fair Rarity!”

Silence reigned in Carousel Boutique.

“No?" The cards shuffled, trading a white unicorn covered in sparkles for a Purple one covered in stress marks. "Twilight, the smartest and yet most neurotic pony in the land, missing? Applejack in absentia? And I drew all these apples and lassos for Applejack's card. I thought she'd really like those, and by like I mean begrudgingly admit they were accurate. Ah well." He snapped his claws and magically reshuffled the cards.

“Is there no card for Blue Bonnet?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well I don’t know Mr. Blue Balls, do I?” He turned towards the stallion, face impassive. “But I’m sure we’re going to be fast friends.”

He was bearing his teeth. It could have been a smile.

“Won’t we?”

Bonnet gulped. “Excuse me I must be going.”

“Right behind ya, Bonnie!” Dash snorted. "Thanks, Discord, this has been pointless."

Discord gasped. "Ms. Dash, such language, and in front of Mr. Point no less!" The cane was bowed and trembling. Discord gently offered it a napkin. "That was only the windup, you haven't even heard the pitch yet!"

Pinkie looked up from her milk. "Ooh! Like Hoofball!"

“You see, I’m reformed now! On parole! A convicted felon!” He held his claws up in prayer, kneeling on the ground. “Sweet Celestia, I’ve seen the light!  I’ve changed!”

“Pfft.” Dash shook her head. “And I’m… who’s that old, dead egghead Twilight’s always going on about? Oh yeah. If you’ve reformed, than I’m Starswirl the Bearded!”

Discord paused just a moment too long, staring at Dash with a glint in his eyes. Then he cried out: “Mazel Tov!”

Spike blinked. “Mazel what now?”

“Now, you are a mare!” Discord dropped a wizard’s hat onto the ground by Dash’s hooves, then turned to the rest of his audience. "You see, I have confessed to my crimes against Equinity, and as part of my plea bargain, I have pledged to move on as a citizen of Equestria." He paused, adding under his breath, "an immortal citizen with infinite cosmic powers, now restrained, but a citizen nonetheless."

"Wait a second," Spike fidgeted in his high chair, "I thought they just convicted you. All six of the Element Bearers had to testify! They had you in the bag! Right?"

A sudden aura of awkwardness took over the room, as ponies cyan, pink and yellow all avoided eye contact with Spike and each other. Words ceased, replaced by a cough, sniffs and sighs. Even the ducks picked up on it, ceasing their quackery to stare.

"Right?" Spike repeated, voice faltering. "They convicted you, right?"

"Somepony isn't up on current events!" Discord sidled up to Spike's chair. "Trial was a bit of a fiasco, a circus, a real cluster buck if you will, and I always will. There was no verdict, I took a deal. Save everyone the drama of a mistrial, or," he gasped "a possible not guilty verdict!"

"But you're guilty, right?" Spike was a dog and he wouldn't let the bone go. "You said you did it?"

"All I had to plea to was Reckless attempted treason. A felony, but just a little one.  And it was less ‘I did it’ and more ‘I did it but I'm really sorry.' Law ponies are wonderful creatures, and I had the best. "

"Oh!" Pinkie jumped up. "Was that the old pony with the funny accent who made me all confused and mixed up when I tried to tell the jury what happened to the point where even I wasn't sure what happened?"

Mr. Point jumped into Discord's claw and he thrust him in Pinkie's direction. "The very same! Wonderful old coot. I tell you, as the commercial goes: if you're suddenly in the slammer, better call Drawl!"

Dash looked at Bonnet. "What the buck is a commercial?"

Bonnet shrugged.

"Anyhoots, I now play by the rules, same as you. This charming little accessory forces me to. Rule one! I cannot lie. For instance!" He held Mr. Point upright. "Mr. Point here is a red cane..." He paused as one of the rubies on his necklace began to glow. "... That would be a lie!" The glowing ceased. "See? Whereas if I said, Fluttershy, all the furniture in your house appears to be covered with duck droppings..." They all stared at the necklace. Nothing happened. "You see? The system works."

"Ooh! This is fun!" Pinkie grinned. "What's the second rule?"

"A slight modification on Celestia's prior rule: I cannot use my magic to create chaos, unless the creature asks for it. For instance, there's nothing inherently chaotic about a pie..." He snapped his claws, and a fresh lemon meringue appeared out of the ether. It floated in a fresh crust and to everypony who liked lemon meringue it smelled and looked like, objectively, the most delicious of pies. "But a pie in a pony's face? That simple act of chaos will send me right back to the pokey. Unless the pony is willing, of course."

"Ha! Good luck with that!" Dash grinned. "No pony actually WANTS a pie in-"

THUD.

The pie was now located at the address formerly listed as Pinkie's face. Dash stared, frozen mid sentence.

"Discord!" Fluttershy glared. "How dare you? Clean off Pinkie's face right now!"

"And deny her all the fun? I may be a monster, but I'm not completely heartless! Look how happy she is!"

Pinkie had been still since pie contact, but had begun to shake at Discord's words. After a few moments of strange sounds, a tongue burst through the base of the pie crust, slurping up the crumbs greedily. A familiar, bubbly voice rang out, "Mmm! Lemony!"

Face met hoof as Dash searched for the words. "Why would anyone WANT a pie in the face?"

Discord's grin momentarily dropped. "The heart wants what the heart wants." He shrugged, and his smile returned. "Or in this case, Ms. Pie's stomach wants... Pie."

Pinkie had taken the pie off of her face, and was now munching wholesale. "Thth ith twew."

Glaring with the fire of a thousand suns, Dash seethed, "And the third rule?"

"Now this is where things get a little awkward." Discord waved Mr. Point and summoned a full tea cup. He sipped once, opened his mouth to talk, stopped, then sipped again.

Bonnet turned to look at Dash. Her face was a mask of incredulous rage, muscles tight and teeth bared. It would have been comical but for the prospect of sudden violence.

"Rule three, and I have to give La Luna credit for this, it's quite clever..." He paused, finding his tea cup empty, he bit into it. Chewing thoughtfully, he went on, "... Clever for Luna anyway, who tries hard, the dear, but really isn't—"

"Get on with it!" Dash growled.

Discord paused, giving Dash a look. "If you insist." He swallowed the rest of the cup whole. "Rule number three! Outside of Canterlot, I am a guest. I may only go where invited, and if the host asks me to leave, then leave I must."

Dash's frown turned upside down. She leaned in and somehow bared even more teeth. "Then let me be the first to say: Get.Out."

"Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy gasped. "That's not very nice!"

Dash snorted. "Neither is Discord."

"Very well!" Discord wailed. "I know where I'm not wanted! Come all this way for a party, but crushed right when I came, yes yes, I will go because I now have no choice but to leave this house..." He stopped, showing off his necklace that was glowing again. "Except I that would be a lie, and Lulu said I must tell no lies."

The glowing ceased. Dash  blinked. "So you are lying! There is no rule three!"

"Um, no, because then it would have lit up when he was talking about rule three." Fluttershy turned to Spike. "Right?"

"Don't look at me, I'm the one in the high chair." Spike grunted.

"But I told him to leave, and the bozo's still here!" Dash stomped a hoof. "Pinkie, you speak Discord. What the hay is going on here?"

"Dunno!" Pinkie was eating popcorn. "I just know this is fun!"

Discord chortled, now wearing a clown nose. "Isn't it though?"

"I think..." Bonnet scratched his head. "He doesn't have to leave because it's not Ms. Dash's house? She's not the 'host.' He said he has to leave if the host asks him to." Dash stared at Bonnet open mouthed. He coughed and continued. "So he doesn't have to leave unless Ms. Shy says so."

"That's right!" Discord crowed, summoning a diploma and hovering it in front of the stallion's head, "he can be taught!"

Bonnet stared at it for a moment before taking it out of the air. Upon opening it, it read:

Bonnet squinted at the writing. “THD?”

“That’s a Doctorate of Thinkology.”

Fluttershy smiled. “That’s very nice of you, Discord.”

Bonnet stared at his misspelled name and sighed. . "It's a nice gesture, I guess."

“Ha. Ha ha. HAHHAHAHA!” Cackling seared through the air. They turned to see Dash "You, you you you-” Dash was pointing to Discord, “Youuuuu weren’t invited!" She fell out of her chair, laughing.

Discord stroked his beard. “I don’t get the joke.”

“That’s why it’s funny!” Dash' stood, eyes blazing  with confidence. "You were never invited into this house! That means according to your stupid rules, you’ve got to go!"

Discord smiled. “Does it?”

"Rainbow Dash, enough!" Fluttershy walked between Dash and Discord. "All my friends are always welcome to drop by my cottage.  And Discord is my friend!”

“So ask him to go! If you tell him to go, he has to go, right?”

“Correct.” Discord replied, balancing Mr. Point on the tip of his hoof.

“No.” Fluttershy said. “He’s behaving himself, and he's... he's my friend.”

Discord smiled. "Thank you, Fluttershy. Now! Speaking of friends..." He turned around suddenly and grinned at Pinkie Pie. "What's this I hear about an invitation to a party?"

"The biggest party that Ponyville has ever partied!" Pinkie crowed, holding up her now empty glass of chocolate milk.

"Oh, allow me." Discord took the glass from her hoof, and he conjured up a small pink rain cloud, which caused a very localized storm of chocolate milk to refill her glass. "It all sounds delightful, but I'm afraid Mr. Point has a question." The cane jumped over in front of Pinkie Pie and did a short but nevertheless elaborate series of tiny dance movements.

Pinkie stared at the cane, rubbing her chin in thought. "He's either asking if he can come to the party, or if he can have a cheese sandwich. In either case, the answer is, 'yes!'"

The cane stopped moving and turned in his owner's direction. Discord held up a hoof. "I've got this." He grabbed the cane and held it up high. "What Mr. Point is trying to ask is, how are the preparations coming along for the biggest party that has ever so on and so forth, etc-era."

Discord held out the now full glass, and Pinkie took it back with a smile. "Everything is going according to plan!"

"Pinkie, how can you say that?" Spike sat up in his chair. "We've spent this entire time inviting the whole town to Sugarcube Corner, and none of it actually setting up the party!"

"Exactly!" Pinkie nodded. "Just like we planned."

Spike stared, jaw open. He finally sputtered. "What plan?!"

"Simple." Pinkie put down her glass and raised her hoof. "Step one! Invite every pony in town. Step two!" She paused, raising both hooves and squinting at them. "Finally, Step three... PARTY!" She threw confetti into the air and cheered.

All the creatures, alive and recently animated, stared at Pinkie.

Dash finally broke the silence. "That's not really a plan, Pinkie."

"See, Miss Dash? We can agree on something." Discord floated over to Pinkie. "You know, Miss Pie, back in my old days-one might call them the bad days, I prefer the all-or-nothing days-I was known to throw fairly epic parties. Of course we didn't call them parties." He stroked his beard, lost in a happy memory. "Parties are for punch and dancing, and we drank a lot more than punch and did a lot more than dance."

"Really?" Spike tilted his head. "Like what?"

Pinkie, Dash, Bonnet, and Fluttershy all looked at one another and held their respective breaths.

"We also played games."

As one, they exhaled.

"Ooh! Like pin the tail on the pony?" Spike grinned. "I'm getting good at that."

Discord laughed. "No, my little dragon friend. Something a bit more complicated, a lot more invigorating." He looked at Bonnet, holding his gaze a little too long. "And much higher stakes."

Pinkie jumped up and down. "Ooh! Maybe you could teach us how to play at tonight's party!"

Bonnet swallowed. Why do I get the feeling we're playing already?

"That brings us me and Mr. Point to the point, Miss Pie. You seem to be swamped, even with little Spike here doing his best. You are all friends of my friend Fluttershy, and what do friends do?"

"No." Dash whispered.

"Yes!" Discord grinned. "They help! So with your permission, Pinkie, I offer my humble assistance in whatever way I can to make sure this... How did you put it, ah yes." He reared back, and thunder could be heard in the distance as he bellowed "The biggest party that has ever been partied in Ponyville!"

"No." Dash said, louder now.

"Of course, it's up to you, Miss Pie. I don't want to tread on any hooves here."

They all turned expectantly at Pinkie, who was drinking her milk again like it was a cocktail. She finished a healthy sip, wiped her mouth in a way that only made the milk moustache worse, and proclaimed: "That would be great Discord! Why with your help, I bet this could be the biggest party that's ever been partied in all of Equestria!"

"Splendid! Also, may I have Fluttershy assist me? I want to help but we've had so little time to spend together..."

"Oh, um, sure." Fluttershy smiled. "If that's what you want, Discord."

Bonnet's heart sank.

"No!" Dash roared.

Bonnet's heart leapt back up into his throat.

"You dolts, you ninnies, you lamer than lame jerks!" Dash screamed, her eyes bloodshot and voice hoarse. "He’s playing you like a fiddle made of fiddles. He's up to something, I know it, you all know it, and you're letting him do it! Heck, you're encouraging him! Pinkie, you're drinking his milk-"

"But it's so good!" Pinkie whined, trying to hide her newest moustache behind her glass of milk.

"And let him run your party? Gee, I wonder how that will turn out, you moron!"

Fluttershy gasped. "Rainbow Dash!"

"I... I think it'll turn out fun?" Pinkie said, eyes big and watery.

Dash groaned and turned to the others. "Spike, you're just as bad! Willingly sitting in that stupid chair."

"Hey, I was asked to do this. Do you think I want to be sitting in a baby dragon chair?"

"Then stop sitting in it."

"Wait!" Discord gasped. "Spike, you want a big dragon's chair? All you had to do was ask!"

He snapped his claw, and the high chair lit up, groaned, and ballooned into a tall backed, royalty ready living room chair, fabric backed, cushion bottomed and complete with brass armrests molded into dragon heads. It had the same baby dragon pattern as before on the fabric portion, but was otherwise a significant improvement in the 'adult chair' rubric.

To Bonnet, Spike looked even younger than before, sitting in the middle of this new set piece. Not that the dragon minded. His eye were big as tiny dinner plates.

"Cool!" Spike stood up on the chair, visibly impressed with the craftsmanship. Then he saw the pattern on the back and drooped a little. "Uh, Discord? Could we have something a little more... Adult for the back?"

"Stop encouraging him, Spike!" Dash growled.

Discord grinned at Dash, then turned to Spike. "Of course, friend."

Another snap of the claw, and the pattern changed from baby dragons in booties to a bold, deep purple background with green slashes through it, in a shield outline. Spike claw-pumped.

"Spike!" Dash said. "Come on, dude. You're better than this."

"You're just jealous you don't have an awesome chair. Lighten up, Rainbow." Spike turned to Pinkie and said, "This chair comes to the party."

Pinkie was still muzzle-deep In chocolate milk but managed to raise her hoof and gargle out a "oh-bay!"She shrunk back under Dash's gaze, but kept drinking her milk.

Bonnet leaned over to Fluttershy and whispered "Why is miss Dash so angry with your other friend?"

"Why?!" Dash screamed, and the ducks all quailed and dove out of the way as she flew right up in Bonnet's face. "Are you deaf, new pony? Or hard of hearing? Discord ruins everything everywhere he goes, and turns ponies against each other and makes everypony unhappy and oh yeah he almost destroyed the world!"

"Not true!" Discord thrust a photograph in Bonnet's face. It had three buffaloes pirouette ing in tutu's against a cotton candy cloud backdrop. "As you can clearly see, Mr. Bomber, I almost made the world a better place." He sighed and crumpled up the photo. "Still, one has to adapt and move with the times. And the times are all about harmony and friendship. Besides, only one pony seemed to really appreciate my old work." He pointed one claw at Pinkie, who was holding the glass over her mouth, trying to get every last drop. Then he smiled. "Of course, my new work seems to be picking up some new fans!"

Spike fiddled with a lever on the side of his new throne. There was a click, and the back of the chair tilted in reverse. "It's a recliner?!" He squeed. "That's so cool!"

"No pony is a fan! We're all pretending to be nice because we're afraid of you!" Dash flew up to Discord's face. "If I wasn’t in mixed company, I swear…”

Discord smiled. "Come now, let it go, Ms. Dash. I’m an immortal being. I can take a little constructive criticism.”

"Fine!" Dash snorted and flew up face to face with Discord. "I hate you SO much. I ... its’ like… Flames. Flames on the side of my face? Burning. It's..." She shook her head and took a giant breath. "You think that ponies in pain are funny, You turned me and my best friends into something we're not and thought it was hilarious and I will never forgive you, never trust you, never ever, I don't care how many rules there are or how sorry you say you are, you're the same and you're up to something and anypony who says otherwise is believing in a foal's tale!"

"Rainbow Dash..." Fluttershy said, teeth bared.

Still looking at Discord, Dash said, "Fluttershy, listen to me-"

"No you listen to me."

The force of the words brought Dash to the ground. She turned and found herself facing the fearsome sight of Fluttershy in full Stare.

"You have been unforgivably rude to all of us for no reason, no reason at all. The Princess would be ashamed of you right now. Friends don't treat friends this way, or the friends of their friends. And if you don't apologize right now, to every creature here, you're going to have to leave."

"But... But it's Discord!" Dash's voice was cracking. "He's up to something, I'm sure of it! We fall for it every time, YOU fall for every time! Can't you see he's the one making all the trouble?"

She looked at the tall creature standing in the middle of the room. "Discord is my guest, and my friend. He's behaving himself. You're the one causing the trouble." Fluttershy turned back to Dash, eyes hard. "So apologize. Or leave. It makes no difference to me."

Popcorn stopped being chewed. Quacking ceased. Bonnet fought the impulse to shield his ears.

Dash drew herself up, opened her mouth and... nothing. Her wings sagged and her voice turned cold. “Fine.” She turned to leave, and caught Bonnet’s eye. “Buddy, I’d get out of here as fast as I could, if I were you.”

"Wait, Miss Dash.”

They all turned. Discord's lip curled up just a bit. It wasn't a smile.

“Fair's fair. You told me what you think of me...” Discord shot over to Dash like a cobra. They were eye to eye, and Dash tensed up for a blow. “My turn." He leaned into her ear and started whispering. No pony could hear except for Dash. There was another thundercrash outside. After a solid minute, he leaned back. Dash stared, eyes big as dinner plates, brow furrowed.

Discord’s tilted his head, smirking. “Am I lying?”

Her lips were quivering, mouth open and shifting, but no words came out.

Pinkie swallowed "Uh…. Rainbow?"

If Dash heard the voice, she didn't seem to care. Shaking, she strapped her new goggles to the top of her head,  wiped her eyes and turned towards the door. Her wet hoof picked up one of the invitations on the floor, and it stuck to her as she plodded her way out of the house, knocking over various pieces of debris. The balloon Discord had made for her followed her out the door, still low in height and mood. She opened the door and there were heavy gray clouds outside, ready to burst. She walked out and didn't bother to close the door behind her. It creaked in the wind.

"What did you say to her?" asked Fluttershy.

Discord shrugged. "Only the truth."

"Should someone go after her?" asked Spike.

There was a third thunderclap, and it started pouring outside.

"She'll be fine," Pinkie said.

An earth-shattering scream of rage came from outside the house, followed by the sound of furious flapping.

"Maybe," Pinkie added.

"Oh very well. I'll go find Miss Dash and apologize if you wish, Fluttershy." Discord sighed.

"No." Fluttershy said, picking up a crying Civility. The little duck had finally found her tiny tea set, and it was in pieces. She patted the duck on its back and looked out the window coldy. "She needs some time to cool off."

"I think she just needs to smile!" Pinkie grinned. The grin faded a bit. "Or cry. Or yell. She needs something."

"I can go." Bonnet offered.

"No." Fluttershy's voice was firm. Then Civility buried her head in Fluttershy's neck, and the warmth returned to her voice. "It's nice of you to offer, Mr. Bonnet. She'll realize she was wrong, eventually, and come back and apologize."

"Don't hold your breath," Spike muttered, sinking into his throne.

"Very well!" Discord said. "In that case, Ms. Pie, let's get this party planning started. Wow, an entire day planning a party with my new friends Spike and Pinkie Pie, and then an entire evening with my best friend Fluttershy." Discord glanced at Bonnet, holding his gaze a little too long. "It must be my lucky day."

Bonnet took in the look, and the words. And he said, "I'm going to go."

"No, Mister Bonnet," Fluttershy smiled. "It's very gallant of you but I think Dash should—"

"No, I mean, I'm going. I'm leaving." Bonnet lowered his ears. "It's been fun, well, until it wasn’t, but I think I've overstayed my welcome."

"Silly, this is Fluttershy's house! No pony can overstay their welcome!" Pinkie paused. "Except for Rainbow Dash just now. She overstayed her welcome."

He shook his head. "No, I’m going to go."

Fluttershy's voice became very soft. "But, Mr. Bonnet..."

"Too bad so sad, Blue Boing! But if you must, you must.” Discord leered as he grabbed something off the ground. “Don't forget your hat."

Discord offered the beat up messenger cap. Bonnet stared at it, then shook his head. “No. It’s Bill’s. He won it fair and square.” He nodded at the duck. “Take care of it.”

“Quack.”

“Um… you really don’t have to go, Blue.” Fluttershy tilted her head down, then looked up.

He looked at Discord, then at Fluttershy. “I hope you enjoy your party, Ms. Shy.”

Bonnet left, although he made sure to close the door behind him. After a gentle click, there was a silence.

Swanky perched on the windowsill, watching Bonnet walk away. She pressed her wing on the window, calling out "Quack! Quack..." Her head slumped against the glass. "Quaaaack...."

Bill flew up and landed next to her, watching her for a moment. Tiny tears were rolling down his sister's face. He hesitated a moment and nudged her gently. "Quack?

She looked up at him, then nodded at the glass. Bonnet had made it all the way to Applejack's cart, and was now sitting on it, looking away from the house. He was the picture of a dejected pony, between the slump in his neck and the rain falling on his head.

Bill shrugged. Swanky stamped her foot, then gestured to her left, towards their 'mom'. Fluttershy was standing next to Discord as he was ranting about what to wear at the party, conjuring various outfits out of thin air.

"Perhaps something gallant? Something epic? Something futuristic, yet dated? Maybe water balloons for shoes? Oh my, it's my first Pinkie Party, I don't want to make a poor impression."

It was easy to miss in all of the flashy conjuring of chaos, but Fluttershy was constant: smiling politely, nodding assent, clearly sad. Her eyes were following Discord's magic, but there was little life in them.

Bill sagged. He liked to think of himself as the grown up of all his siblings, but she was his mother too. Swanky tapped him on the shoulder. She pointed one wing out the window, one wing at Fluttershy. Maintaining eye contact, she brought the wings together in a self hug, smiling. She closed her eyes and twirled, and promptly fell off the windowsill, landing on Silly.

Lighting up another tiny cigar, Bill pondered it all. Below him, Swanky and Silly were bickering. He glanced out the window at Bonnet, slouched over Applejack's cart. Eyes shifted back, looking at mom, her smile fading now as she listened to the goat dragon horse thing go on and on.

"Quack." Bill said to his siblings. They didn't hear. The sibling bickering had had turned into a wing slap fight. Quack!" Bill thundered. Silly and Swanky stopped wing slapping as he jumped down in front of them. Pointing at Swanky, he commanded, "Quack quack, quack!"

Swanky looked puzzled, but after a few moments of Bill's stare turned to scoot away. Bill turned to Silly and said, "Quack," and promptly stomped off to the kitchen. Silly shrugged and followed.

Inside the kitchen, they found Artsy doodling on the kitchen table. Crayon and ink smudges all over his feathers, tongue sticking out and eyes narrow, he was drawing furiously. Drowsy was sleeping on the counter across from him.

Bill quacked as he approached. Artsy looked up and smiled. He blew on his work and shook it a few times. Satisfied, he held up his latest magnum opus for Bill: a rather accurate sketch of Drowsy dozing.

Bill nodded appreciatively, then smacked it out of Artsy’s wing.

Artsy gasped.

A pointed wing and defiant roar later, Bill quieted his brother. He was a duck of many talents, one of which was having many balls in the air at the same time; or in this case, getting Artsy to focus while at the same time getting Swanky to produce a specific item.

She waddled up to the table, folded piece of paper under her wing. Bill pointed at the table and she laid the paper out. All ducks stared at the cursive:

Bread
Milk
Tea (for Rarity)
Lettuce
Fancy Carrots for Angel (With Extra Carrot-ness)

Artsy stared up from the note, puzzled.

“Quack quack, quack quack quack?” Bill asked.

Artsy titled his head to the side for a moment and then nodded. Bill waved his wing at him expectantly. Shrugging, Artsy took his pencil and began writing, slowly and carefully:

Bread
Milk
Tea (four Rarity)

Bill held up the two. Other than the typo, there were practically identical. Even the accents were perfect. He smiled at Artsy, then turned towards Swanky. “Quack quack?”

Swanky was practically dancing in place. “Quaaaaack!”

He nodded, then turned back towards a still confused Artsy. Bill puffed up his chest and began dictating: “Quack Quack Quack: Quack quack, quack quack quack….”

Artsy began to write:

Dearest Mister Bonnet…

Bonnet had left the cottage, deposited back onto the paths that carved out Ponyville. He had only gotten a few steps from Fluttershy’s home, only as far as Applejack’s cart, when he froze in place.

It wasn’t sadness, he had been used to that for a long time. It wasn’t guilt, for he had made no promises that had been broken. In fact, she had been the one to rescind the offer so soon after he had made it. It wasn’t the thought of being unloved, as he had taught himself to do without for a long time.

What froze him was had no reason to move in any direction.

Where would he go? What was there left to do? He had already tried responsibility and a good work ethic, which had blown up in his face. He had already abandoning sobriety, which made him more miserable than he had been before. And he had already gone for broke and bared his lonesome pony soul, and all that had gotten him after a few fleeting moments of happiness was some kind of dragon horse hybrid giving him a fake diploma and all but kicking him out the door.

So he sat on the cart, staring into space. He was vaguely aware that is was pouring rain. He was also aware of the not-fantastic smell emanating from the ground beneath him. He recognized it as his own creation from earlier. This was not enough to move him.

He was also aware that he was still in eye-view of the cottage. That also did not mean much to him. His dignity was already in the gutter, along with his self-respect and ego. He leaned back on the cart, which creaked in response.

He felt a gentle nudging against his leg. He looked up and saw Ms. Dash's balloon from earlier, the one with the permanently downturned face.

"Left behind, huh?"

The balloon nodded, and even though the expression painted on its face could not change, it looked even more sad than before.

Bonnet reached out and gently touched the balloon's side. "You and me both, buddy."

It bobbed a bit, then turned and floated lower to the ground. Then he realized there was something in the ground by where it landed. Something... white?

He lowered his neck and picked it up with his teeth, then wiped the mud off. He blinked.

The top read 'Pony Postal Service- Delivery Manifest, Friday.'

He stared at the manifest, one fake name matched to a real address after another. If he had the energy to laugh, he would have. His big dream of gainful employment. Gone now, along with his prospects for a first date with the most beautiful pony in town.

He looked down the manifest, which read like a laundry list of Blue Bonnet buck-ups in the past twenty-four hours.

Eip Eikinp- Twenty Trampolines. Rush.

Sahib Onward- One medium sized box. Fragile.

Gmvuufstiz- One box live ducklings. Fragile.

Ringo Manriki- One Letter. Rush.

He sighed, and sat back down on the cart. Why? Why would ponies bother? Was there some new practical joke holiday he was kept out of the loop on? Was this a Hearts Warming Eve secret swap gag? Was it...

Clink.

He turned his head. There sat the final package, tucked up next to him. A little worse for wear, and not at all meant for the address listed, but still waiting to be delivered.

The 'name' stared at him in open defiance.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

Blue Bonnet glared back. Whoever random number pony was, it wasn’t their fault that their package had gotten sidetracked due to some other pony being a giant hoof-head. Some other pony… who never left a return address...

...wait a second.

He looked back at the manifest. None of the packages yesterday had a return address, and they were all mailed on the same day.

He looked away. He looked back.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

Did it matter? None of his packages had been delivered to the right pony. He’d left them all with the wrong pony. The goggles weren’t meant for the designer. The trampolines weren’t meant for the librarian. Those ducks weren’t meant for…

But they did get to the right pony. In the end, there was no better pony than Miss Shy to take care of those ducks. And Ms. Dash seemed happy with her goggles, to the extent she was ever happy… and Ms. Pie was very happy bouncing, even if it didn’t make other ponies happy.

He looked away. He looked back. He looked away again, flipping through the manifesto. They had to have taken down something. There had to be some kind of receipt for payment. There had to be...

A tiny piece of paper fell out of the manifest. He picked it up and looked at it.

Everything stopped.

Please mail the following packages ASAP. Payment in full- Gems. Sender:

He squinted. The name was crossed out. But they all came from the same pony. And they had paid in gems.

He closed his eyes, trying clear his head. Fluttershy appeared in his mind, looking at him with kindness and sadness, and she said...

"I think somepony's been funning with you, Blue."

She disappeared, and the numbers burned into the back of his eyelids.

18. 1. 18. 9. 20. 25.

He opened his eyes.

“Buck it.”

He picked the package up and stood, the rain still falling. His messenger bag was still on the ground where he had fallen, and he picked that up too and threw the manifest and package inside. Determination filled his heart. He may have struck out at love and at his job, but we was going to find the mysterious stranger who had ruined his life.

The balloon nudged him again as he got his bearings. He turned to it, water dripping off his nose. "You want to go on an adventure?" The balloon seemed to look at him, then lowered and raised itself in what he assumed was nodding.

"This is bigger than us," he said to the balloon, which some small part of him knew was crazy but he didn't care anymore. "This is convoluted and weird and we're going to need help if we're going to figure this out. Somepony smarter." The balloon stared at him as he looked down the road, shielding his eyes from the rain with his hoof. "Maybe even the smartest pony in the land."

He wasn't sure if she would help, but he was sure where she lived.

"Let''s go find the pony who said she wasn't Eip Eiknip."

They trotted and floated down the road, into the rain.

And if he had waited just a few minutes longer, he would have met a very sleepy duck flapping up to the cart to give him a letter.

Alas, he did not.

The sleepy duckling looked around the cart and called out, to no avail. He eventually made his way back to the house, damp letter in his bill and defeated expression on his face. Fifteen minutes later, ducklings came flying out of the front door of Fluttershy's house, flying in several different directions, all carrying envelopes in their bills.

And on every envelope bore the same hastily written title:

To My Dearest Mister Bonnet