//------------------------------//
// Chapter 2/Epilogue 
// Story: Twilight Eats a Peach and Invents the Universe 
// by Moog Prodigy 
//------------------------------//

And holding up the almighty scepter, she said, “Let there be light!”

The holy scepter’s horn glowed. Twilight shut her eyes. Beams of pure energy erupted from the tip of the staff, the force of it being enough to push Twilight back a ways. She opened her eyes. The infinitely dark void soon gained light—in the form of burning orbs. New stars were born from the power of the Twicane.

And she went on, using the energy in the scepter to create a new universe—stars, asteroids, nebulae, galaxies—The scepter may have had control over her brain, but Twilight’s normal self was currently overloaded with delight.

Twilight observed her magnum opus. There was no honor greater than knowing that she had single-handedly invented the universe. The apparently-invincible mare soon found one particular cloud of dust and gas. ‘Yes,’ she thought, ‘That will do nicely.’

Shockwaves from the scepter sent the cloud spinning, flattening into a disk. Faster and faster it went. Bits of debris stuck to each other, and chain reactions started happening in the center of the disk. Soon, the cloud had become a new star and several planets.

There was one in particular that our imperial goddess chose to be the vessel for life. With a slow swipe of the Twicane, gas and other particles in the air condensed into clouds, bringing torrential rains on the desolate space rock.

The water got a bit out of hand, though, and soon the planet was one giant ocean. Then Twilight said, “Let there be dry land!” And the planet obeyed. She shaped the single landmass—which covered over a third of the planet—into the shape of her holy head, with mountains, lakes, valleys, and other geographic phenomena forming her regal face.

And Twilight then flew down to the landmass, and landed near a river. She scooped clay from the bottom and formed a pony in her image. She repeated the process hundreds of times, before breathing the breath of life into each of them.
“PONIES, I AM YOUR RULER AND YOUR GODDESS,” She proclaimed in Canterlock. “I CREATED YOU FROM MERE EARTH IN MY IMAGE. YOU SHALL KNOW ME AS TWILIGHT SPARKLE, CREATOR OF ALL THINGS, WIELDER OF THE HOLY SCEPTER, IMPERIAL GODDESS OF THIS LAND.”

One daring pony spoke up. “Er, and what might this land be named, your holiness?”

Twilight hesitated for a moment, before remembering the name of her old home, before the first end of the universe. “THIS LAND IS EQUESTRIA, WHICH HAS BEEN GIVEN UNTO YOU ALL BY THE POWER AND SYMPATHY VESTED IN ME AND THIS HOLY SCEPTER.” Twilight held up the sword of state. “BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY, AND INHERIT THIS LAND FOR YOUR BENEFIT. BUT SHOULD YOU DISOBEY THE WORD OF I, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, YOUR EXISTENCE SHALL BE PURGED. DUST YOU HAVE COME FROM, AND DUST YOU SHALL RETURN HEED THESE WORDS, PONIES!”

And all the ponies rejoiced, singing the praises of Her Holiness, the Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle. In due time, the ponies multiplied and inherited the Earth. A palace was built for Twilight, where she resided and took command of the planet.

Nothing was in her way.


~***~ ~***~ ~***~


Twilight Sparkle laid on the hospital bed, occasionally twitching sporadically. Surrounding her were the  three princesses (Celestia, Luna, and Cadance), Shining Armor, Spike, and Twilight’s 5 friends.  The Twicane lay near the comatose alicorn.

Celestia summoned Discord, who entered through a portal in the ceiling. “Yesss?” he asked.

Celestia was audibly angry. “Discord, this scepter is dangerous to ponies, especially Twilight. Since you made it, you are the one who’ll destroy it!”

“And if I refuse?”

A loud throat-clearing resonated throughout the room. Fluttershy glared angrily at the Draconequus whom she called her friend. “You’re going to destroy that cane, mister, whether you like it or not! And if you don’t, I’ll never forgive you!” The four ponies, four royalties, and single dragon all nodded in agreement.

Discord jerked back and laughed nervously. “One destroyed staff, coming right up!” He grabbed the Twicane and, not being one to pass up a crappy joke, added, “Would you like fries with that?” With a snap of his fingers, and a puff of pink smoke, he and the scepter were gone.

A teal-coated, blue-maned stallion wearing a doctor’s robe entered the room. He held in his teeth a clipboard, which he set down on a nearby table. “Okay, I’ve returned with the results from the lab,” he announced.

“Will Twilight be alright?” Cadence asked.
“What was in those peaches?” added Rainbow Dash.

The doctor cleared his throat. “We don’t know whether or not she will awaken from the coma. However, what we can conclude is that this particular crate of peaches originated from an orchard of a pony with a very shady background. The peaches contained heavy traces of Lysergic acid diethylamide, which causes vivid hallucinations. In addition to that, there was a cocktail of sleeping chemicals.”

Rainbow looked at the doctor quizzically. “So… in laypony’s terms, please?”

Pinkie Pie cut in before the doctor could say anything. “Twilight tripped serious balls and got knocked out.”

“That’s…” the doctor hesitated. “exactly what happened.”

And everypony learned to eat their school, stay in drugs, and not do vegetables.


The (really unsatisfying) end.