//------------------------------//
// Over A Barrel 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
//------------------------------//

Original letter here, with re-reading strongly suggested!!





Dear Twilight Sparkle:

I am very pleased with this development. Just like so many of the lesser races, the buffalo have been a thorn in our side for far too long. Their extinction shall bring us one step further towards our ultimate goal of Pony Supremacy. All primitive and barbaric cultures must be eliminated if we are to establish our mighty Solar Reich.

However, before we go any further, I would like to address a rumor that has been floating around for some time.

You see, some ponies have come to believe that I like genocide. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like genocide.

I love genocide.

Through my life, I have discovered so many different forms of genocide.

Many millions of years ago, the world was ruled by primitive dragon-creatures. Unlike the powerful and majestic dragons of today, they were weak, stupid, and they ate my cake, so they had to go. So I dropped a bunch of space rocks on top of them.

Dragon genocide.

Then, the weather got very cold, and large glaciers covered the world. Big, hairy elephants thrived, their thick hair protecting them from the icy chill. However, they left huge piles of shit, and everything smelled like ass. So I made the day last for several weeks, which caused the ice to melt and the hairy elephants to drown.

Elephant genocide.

Eventually, the world became infested with bald apes. These apes would continually make terrible decisions, waste all their time arguing with each other, ignore or even justify all the problems in their world, and just be all around idiots. So Luna and I banished them to the re-frozen North Pole to freeze to death.

Ape genocide.

After a while, several pony tribes were formed. However, a group of shapeshifting insect-ponies, sought to create its own independent nation, complete with its own royal family. Of course, since we were not amused by the idea of multiple royal families, we waged a war which reduced their hives to ash.

Insect-pony genocide.

Finally, not too long ago, my baker created a large amount of cupcakes. There were so many of them, in so many flavors, so many colors of frosting, and so many different arrangements. When I found them, my heart was filled with joy, and I knew what I had to do. So I ate them all.

Cupcake genocide.

What I am trying to say, my former student, is that I am a purveyor of genocide. And, thanks to you and your friends, we are now on the precipice of true pony supremacy. The lesser races have no place in this world, and so we shall ensure the purity of our mighty Solar Reich.

Sieg Heil, your faithful Führer, Celestia.

P.S.: I am also quite pleased with the Effect the tree has had on Applejack. We do not need that redneck producing a large number of inbred children with that ultra-manly brother of hers, Big Macintosh.