//------------------------------// // Like it's 999 // Story: Moon Loons // by Super //------------------------------// "Well... that was eventful." Super calmly dusted himself off, now somewhat sobered from the sudden blast of moondust and flying moonrocks. "Nooo! My moon rocks!" Super turned to see a grieving Winter Twister, clutching pebbles that were once his beloved moon rocks, eyes welling with tears. "They're... *sniff* they're..." Winter's eyes shot up, widening in wonderment. His face wore a maddened grin as he shouted out: "BEAUTIFUL!", immediately dropping the pebbles and rushing over to a new pile of gleaming grey rocks. "You're serious about that whole 'rocket ship' thing, aren't you?" Jolttix, still reeling slightly from the blast. "Maaaybe..." Jolt shook his head, "Well, that didn't take too long. How's everypony else holding up?" "Not quite into withdrawal yet." Waffler said. "But I can feel the headache coming on..." "Okay, so that basically means we have about an hour to live." Super again looked down the now enlarged crater. "Still not high enough. Damn." "Hey guys... where's Luna?" The pile of moon rocks shuddered, causing the five ponies to slowly turn their heads. A muffled voice was heard, causing Winter to excitedly bounce up and down. "IT'S ALIVE!" He declared, laughing evilly as suddenly the rocks exploded outward, revealing an unamused moon goddess. "We are here. We wish to know why thou thought it was best to handle heavy explosive ordinance by pushing buttons on said ordinance..." Everyone, excluding Super and Jolttix, looked absolutely dumbfounded at the Princess' words, Jolt muttering something about angry beauty... "In my defense." Super began. "I wasn't in my right mind. Which reminds me, if we're going to stay here for any amount of time, we should probably get a few things to do so we don't go mad with boredom." "Why doesn't the writer just put us back in Equestria?" All heads once again turned towards Winter. "I mean, he just kinda wrote us up here, hell I don't even remember how I-" "Stop it!" Jolttix suddenly cried out. "You're not aloud to break the 4th wall, Winter! Horrible things are going to happen!" He began cowering on the ground, holding his head in his hooves and shaking. Everyone stared at him confused. "What the hell is that even-" "YOU!" Winter froze, turning to meet the eyes of... Pinkie Pie? Before Winter could react, Pinkie somehow produced an aluminum baseball bat out of thin air, hitting him over the head hard, complete with cartoon sound effects. "Nopony breaks the 4th wall around here except for me! Got it buster?" Clutching his throbbing forehead, Winter Twister rapidly nodded in affirmative. Pinkie Pie then produced a small cake tin, sealing herself inside it (despite being several times larger then it's total capacity) as it grew rocket thrusters and launched her into space, back towards the planet 'above'. Everypony sat in uneasy silence, unsure of what to say. "Well." Skyward began. "I'm gonna pretend I never saw any of that." "Agreed." Everypony said in unison, returning to their own problems. "Right then, so as I was saying..." Super surveyed the rather open (excluding the crater) space that was the moon surface. "I can see a pool table here... maybe a computer there, A T,V set, maybe a water slide..." "Um..." "And a liquor cabinet." Waffler insisted. "Right." Super agreed. "Can't have a party without inebriation. So a liquor cabinet of some kind..." "I'm afraid not boys." Luna interjected, another sheepish smile plastered dumbly on her face. "Magic is limited on the moon. I can't make things like that here." "What!? How did you keep from going crazy then?" Jolttix asked, immediately regretting the words. "I didn't." Luna replied coldly, turning away from the broken, somewhat flustered unicorn. "The moon is supposed to be a punishment. It wouldn't be very punishing if you could just party your sentence away..." "So what exactly are we supposed to do?" Skyward asked, absentmindedly poking the moon with an oddly serrated wing. The question caused the group to pause. They were stuck up on the moon for what may possibly be hundreds of years with absolutely nothing to do but pester each-other. Silence was once again shared between the six ponies as they briefly contemplated what life would be like for the next few years... "Welp." Winter said, breaking the silence. "I'm going to start building my rocket. Scuse me..." Winter said, galloping back to his moon rock collection. "I'm going to go freebase coke out of a fishbowl." The Waffler declared, trotting off in the opposite direction, leaving everypony wondering how he got those mysterious sun glasses... "I feel like cutting things." Skyward said, his wings suddenly becoming sharp as knives as he angled himself downward and began cutting into the barren surface, soon disappearing in the tubular hole that was created. Strangely enough, as he disappeared underground, mysterious text appeared at the bottom of the screen. Skyward Flame uses Dig! Too many strange things already having happened today, the group choose to ignore it with the hope it would just go away. The Waffler, still in earshot, shouted after him. "If you find any Gargle Blaster down there, it's mine!" He said, his eye twitching slightly. "No beer and tv make Waffles go something...something..." "Go crazy?" Jolt offered. "Don't mind if I do, RAWAHWAHWAHGRRRR!!!" The Waffler screamed, running in the opposite direction, leaving the remainder of the group confused. (Somewhere in the Equestrian suburbs...) "Wat dis?" Perry Piekinski asked himself, looking at his computer with mild confusion. He was on Fimfiction.net, combing through the extensive fanfiction archives for something funny when he found something disturbing. Moon Loons. The Waffler and several of his friends were stuck on the moon... ...for several hundred years. Perry gasped. If Waffles was on the moon, what would happen to him? Would he disappear from fanfiction forever? What about Cupcakes asskicking? "Trixie!" His girlfriend, whom was beside him in an instant, looked upon him with worry. "What can Trixie help you-" "No time!" He shouted, knocking Trixie on her haunches. "Grab me shirt!" Trixie looked at the obviously insane human with a mixture of confusion and amusement before grabbing a tuft of his shirt in her teeth. What happened next, scientists to this day still argue over. The roof to Perry's house exploded, as the human flew off into the sky, dragging Trixie by her teeth, a rainbow trail following him as he screamed out one word, a word that echoed from Equestria to Aeries. "ADVEEEEEENTUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR!!!!!" (Meanwhile, back on track) "I'm going to go look for a deeper crater... thank Goddess Winter wasn't able to hear-" "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" A voice boomed and echoed throughout the moon, causing Super to groan in annoyance as he angrily trotted off, muttering something about earmuffs and spell checkers... Jolttix sighed, then an idea popped into his head when he realized he was alone with the Princess. An idea that made him smile."Well, Luna." He began. "I guess it's just you and-" "Mr. Strings, please be aware that all other aspects of my magic are working fine, and I would not regret using it to throw you into orbit." Luna stated calmly, glaring warily at the musical unicorn. "Ehehe... right. You probably just need your space. Pardon me, your highness." He tried to say as politely as he could before scampering off in another direction, doing his best to avoid Luna's gaze. 'Wasn't able to stay sane the last time I was here, and certainly won't with those foals running around...' The moon goddess thought as she sighed, looking 'up' at the ball of green and blue that was Equestria. A small gleam caused her to jump. She squinted, trying to see what sort of object was heading their way. 'Is that a meteor? I do pray it is not another bomb...' She sighed in relief when she saw it was nothing more then a bit of trash, metal perhaps from a meteor that broke apart long ago. Then she saw it... move. 'Is that... is that thing blinking at me?' Luna then became aware of how fast it was moving... and that it was moving straight for her. "AH!" With a shriek, she gracefully jumped out of the way of the hunk of space debris, landing on her head in a very ladylike fashion. The object hit the moon with force, but caused no tremors and created no craters, save for the small hole in the ground it was now lodged in. Luna carefully got to her hooves, cautiously approaching the strange object before a strange, electronic voice rang out: "OhMYGOD, OHMYGOD! I'M IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"