//------------------------------// // VII: ROCKET SHIPS // Story: CAPS LOCK // by Final Draft //------------------------------// Caps Lock grumbled to himself as he made his way through the crowded streets of Ponyville. He’d barely gotten away with his dignity intact, no thanks to that stupid, purple unicorn. Now all he wanted to do was grab a snack, go home, and play Battle Stallion 3 before his parents got home and started arguing. He parked his scooter outside of a bakery and wandered inside. Behind the counter was a pink earth pony mare frosting a cake. She looked up after hearing the door open, and her eyes fell on Caps Lock. “NEW PONY!” she shouted, running to greet the colt. “My name is Pinkie Pie! What’s yours?!” “Easy there, spaz,” Caps Lock said, backing up. “I just want a cupcake.” “But you’re new here!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “You get a whole party!” Confetti and balloons began raining from the ceiling and Caps Lock looked around in confusion. “Are you high?” he asked. When he turned to look back at the mare, she had face paint, large shoes, and a red nose. Caps Lock screamed and ducked under a table, covering his eyes and shaking. “Awww, what’s wrong?” Pinkie Pie asked, kicking off the shoes and wiping off her face paint. “No clowns! No clowns!” Caps Lock shouted, still covering his eyes. Visions from his youth flashed in front of him, of him crying at a carnival, and his parents laughing at him. And the clowns, oh the clowns! They chased him through the fun house and just wouldn’t stop! “You’re not afraid of clowns, are you?” “SHUDDUP!” Caps Lock shouted, his eyes starting to well up with tears. “I’m sorry!” Pinkie Pie apologized, “Please don’t cry!” She tried to hug the colt, but he broke away from her. “Just leave me alone!” Caps Lock shouted. “Why do you want to throw me a party anyway? So you can rape me?!” “I throw parties for every new pony that comes to Ponyville!” Pinkie Pie replied. “I throw parties for birthdays, anniversaries, tax returns, weddings, funerals, births—” Caps Lock listened to all the strange reasons Pinkie Pie would throw a party. I bet she’d throw a party if she ever got laid, Caps Lock thought to himself. She’d probably shape the cake like a giant… “—1st successful heart transplant, 1st unsuccessful heart transplant, first—” “What about Rocket Ship Day?” Caps Lock interrupted. He looked at Pinkie Pie with a sly grin on his face. Pinkie Pie stopped completely and removed a calendar from her wild, pink mane. “I’ve never heard of Rocket Ship Day! When is it?” she asked after flipping through the pages a dozen times. “Oh, it’s today,” Caps Lock replied. “WHAT?! AND NOPONY TOLD ME?!” Pinkie asked, jumping into the air. “But how am I going to throw two parties at once?!” “Don’t worry about mine,” Caps Lock said, walking over to the counter. “Rocket Ship Day is much more important than my first day in town.” “Ooooh, but I’m supposed to throw you a party!” Pinkie whined. Caps Lock removed his crayons and a piece of paper from his school bag, and he set them on the counter. “I know,” the colt said, turning to look at Pinkie Pie, “let me design the rocket ship decorations. Helping you with a party will be like having one of my own.” “That’s a great idea!” Pinkie Pie shouted, running to the counter. “I can make cakes, and cookies, and lollipops, and banners, and—” Caps Lock tried to ignore Pinkie as he drew the template for the “rocket ship.” “Okay, you’re gonna wanna start off with the body of the rocket ship.” He picked up a red crayon with his teeth and drew a large upside-down U. Then, he lengthened the lines and drew two circles. “And these are the smoke clouds from the rocket taking off!” Pinkie Pie looked at the completed drawing and saw exactly what Caps Lock told her to see; just a rocket ship about to take off; definitely not a crudely drawn penis. “This is perfect!” she shouted, grabbing up the sketch. “I’ll start right away!” “How big are your parties usually?” Caps Lock asked out of curiosity. “Well for something as important as Rocket Ship Day, it’ll be the whole town!” Pinkie shouted. She ran into the kitchen and began gathering all the things she’d need for rocket ship cookies. “One more thing,” Caps Lock said as he got ready to the leave the bakery. “Make sure the cake explodes white frosting out the top.” Pinkie Pie thought for a moment before shouting, “Great idea!” Caps Lock laughed to himself as he walked out into the sunlight. School had let out so early, it wasn’t even noon yet. There were still so many great possibilities for his day. He went to get on his scooter, but saw the CMC standing there, looking smug. “GTFO MY SCOOTER, BITCHES!” Caps Lock shouted. “You have a small thingy!” Sweetie Belle shouted, pointing between the colt’s legs. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom laughed and also pointed at Caps Lock’s short comings. His face turned red and he glared at the fillies. “Is that how you wanna do this?” “I can’t believe how small it is!” Scootaloo shouted, disregarding the colt’s question. Her words came out sounding forced—fake even—like she knew not the meaning behind them, only that they were insulting. That’s all they have? Caps Lock asked himself, quickly catching on. They think they can use the horn-whore’s one good comeback over and over? Big mistake. “Ah’ve never seen one that small!” Apple Bloom shouted. She was surprised to see Caps Lock simply smiling at her. “Oh, but I bet you’ve seen a lot of them, haven’t you?” Caps Lock said, taking a few steps towards the fillies. “Maybe even had a few, amirite?” “What?!” Sweetie Belle shouted. “Fillies don’t have those! Only colts do!” Caps Lock laughed, “Not what I meant.” At that moment, Pinkie Pie burst from the bakery and shoved a “rocket ship” lollipop into each of the four pony’s mouths. “HAPPY ROCKET SHIP DAY!” she shouted, and several “rocket ship” balloons burst from the doorway. Mayor Mare was filing paperwork at her desk when she noticed several oddly shaped balloons drift past her 2nd story window. She opened the window and saw Pinkie Pie wheeling a ten foot tall “rocket ship” cake to the center of town. “What in Celestia’s name—Dusty! Dusty, come look at this!” the mayor shouted. The town hall’s janitor walked into the mayor’s office pushing his mop bucket. “What is it, Mayor?” “Look! Just look at what Pinkie is doing now!” Mayor Mare pointed out her window furiously. Dusty walked over and had to wait for several balloons to pass before he could get a look at the cake. “Huh,” Dusty said, looking away from the window, “she must have finally gotten laid.”