Dear Twilight Sparkle:
Fax Machine has a crush on Rarity?! That’s a twist worthy of an M. Neigh Shyamalan movie!
Anyway, he must trust you a lot if he told you a secret that big. Hell, you could measure his trust by how big a secret he reveals to you.
But back to Rarity. If she got Fluttershy into modeling and tricked you into slave labor, then perhaps I ought to take her in as my new student. Of course, her failure in obtaining Photo Finish’s approval while she goes off to fawn over Fluttershy might even things out a bit.
Now that you have so many secrets to keep, I must ask you this: Why would you even consider keeping secrets for lesser races? Rarity might not be so bad, given that she managed to outsmart you, but Fluttershy and Spike? Why not let them live with their shame?
Oh, that’s right. You did try to ruin Fluttershy’s image as a Picture Perfect Pony (I banish anyone who doesn’t like that song to the sun!) by making her look like a ditz. But Rarity ruined it for you once again. I guess she really is the superior unicorn after all!
And let me get this straight: Pinkie Pie appeared to you in a mirror? What the hell have you been smoking?
Your highly amused former educator, Princess Celestia.