Granny had put her hoof down after a moody, disheartening lunch - Applejack was sleeping, and that was that. And after the best 3 hours of sleep she’d ever gotten, Applejack finally felt like herself. Well, more or less. She tasted a tiny piece of fritter batter critically and added another dash of nutmeg. Fluttershy liked extra nutmeg in her fritters. Her wings would lift a little and she’d get a tiny, peaceful smile as she chewed. Applejack sighed and forced her old wooden spoon through the batter three more times and tossed in two finely-diced apples, folding them in with quick, precise movements.
Her test fritter, a tiny wisp of a thing, crisped and browned almost instantly in the hot oil. She scooped out three at a time for the pot until the batter was gone. She ran upstairs while they cooled on a tray and ran a brush through her mane for the fourth time since waking, the long strokes calming her anxieties and leaving her hair silky smooth and shiny. Her hat had gotten a spot-cleaning, and her hooves practically shone with a hard-won cleanliness. She looked herself over in her cracked and tarnished mirror. She looked pretty good, all things considered. Dark bags still hung beneath her slightly bloodshot eyes, but she looked like she cared about her appearance, for once. Hopefully, it would be enough. She fussed with the tilt of her hat for another minute or two and finally made herself walk downstairs, pack the fritters, and let the others know she was heading out.
That part was made easier by the three of them walking into the kitchen to kick off Pasta Night. Applejack crossed necks with each of them warmly. “I’ll prob’ly be back late tonight,” she said, adjusting her saddlebags nervously. “Y’all enjoy your dinner?”
Granny chuckled and clicked her teeth in mocking disappointment. “You be sure to treat ‘er right, tonight, Applejack,” she warbled. “That young bird’s a keeper if’n I ever saw one…”
Applejack grinned and tugged on her hat respectfully. “Yes’m,” she grunted, before ruffling Apple Bloom’s hair.
“Hey!” Apple Bloom squawked, setting her bow straight again. Chuckling and practically skipping, Applejack made her way to Fluttershy’s cottage in close-to-record time.
Getting to Fluttershy’s porch stoop was easy. But knocking on the door? Whole other can o’ worms. Applejack raised her hoof yet another time in who knew how many minutes, wound it back, and … What if she’s busy? set it back down on the stoop.
“C’mon, you idiot,” she muttered, glaring at her traitor of a leg. “Jes’ two more inches …” Finally, as a chilly drop of sweat prickled down her back, she took a deep breath, touched her hat for luck, and slammed her foreleg into Fluttershy’s door with an embarrassingly loud thud. And then she waited, patiently, her perked ears picking up Fluttershy’s voice but not the words she said.
The door creaked open and Applejack skittered back nervously, trying her best to look suave, collected, anything but the bundle of stampeding nerves she felt. Her back hoof caught on the edge of the stoop and she tumbled into a bush. An irate squirrel ran across her face with tiny razor feet, chittering in protest.
“Oh, my goodness!” Fluttershy cried, rushing over worriedly.
“Uhh …” Applejack managed, disentangling herself from various twigs.
Fluttershy swooped down next to her and eyed the small scratches and dirt stains on her shoulders and haunches. “Oh dear, oh dear …” she muttered, before her eyes snapped onto Applejack’s nervous smile. “Would you like to come inside?” Fluttershy offered.
“Thank you kindly.” Applejack moved in for a cautious nuzzle before ambling inside and shucking her saddlebags. She pulled out the sack of fritters - hardly any of them were squished, surprisingly. “Fluttershy? Lend me a plate for these?”
Fluttershy smiled and pulled down the mouth-carved wooden platter they’d gotten at last year’s Harvest Parade from its high shelf. Applejack lifted the paper sack and the fritters tumbled out, followed by a few greasy crumbs and globs of powdered sugar. Applejack folded the bag carefully and stashed it back in her saddlebag before flashing a quick smile at Fluttershy. She almost gestured toward the couch in the living room but stopped herself short. What if that set ‘Shy off again? This was Fluttershy’s house, after all. It’d be awful presumptuous to order her girlfriend around in her own home. Applejack shifted nervously from one hoof to the next, her eyes wandering around the various nests and warrens that occupied the walls, ceiling, floor corners…
“Would you like to sit down?” Fluttershy finally asked. Applejack nodded gratefully and followed Fluttershy onto the faded green loveseat, curling her legs beneath her. Fluttershy hooked one of Applejack’s forelegs with her own, and Applejack sank into the easy comfort of the worn upholstery and Fluttershy’s eyes.
Minutes might have gone by as Applejack finally gave in and pressed her face against Fluttershy’s, nosed through her long, soft mane and snorted in the wildflower and stormcloud perfume that always lingered there. She nickered happily as Fluttershy nuzzled her back, nibbled along her ears and left tiny, warm kisses on the underside of her jaw. At some point, they’d gotten tangled together on the tiny old sofa, so that Applejack was nearly breathing in Fluttershy’s feathers while she stared into Fluttershy’s eyes, and her hindlegs were probably tangled up in Fluttershy’s tail. Really, though, Applejack couldn’t complain. For the first time in weeks, she felt like she could lie still and the world would wait with her. For the first time in weeks, she felt like she was right where she needed to be. For the first time in weeks, she felt like she belonged. For the first time in weeks, she felt whole. She wished this moment could stretch on for weeks, for years...
The universe had a tendency of ending these moments for Applejack, though. This time, the universe (in the form of Angel Bunny) cut it short by bouncing a rock-hard carrot end off her head. Repeatedly. She chuckled and kissed Fluttershy’s nose, earning a harder throw. She wiggled around and kissed Fluttershy full on the mouth, fighting off giggles as Fluttershy’s tongue worked its way smoothly into her mouth and Angel Bunny landed on her side, tapping his back foot impatiently, and probably territorially, too. She’d gotten used to his little jealous fits long ago - it came with the territory. She broke off the kiss with Fluttershy somewhat reluctantly and looked back at the furious, growling rabbit.
“What, you wanna kiss ‘er too?” she joked. Angel turned bright red and made what was presumably a rude gesture at around the same time Fluttershy whacked her playfully. Applejack broke out into the loud chuckles she’d been fighting for so long and carefully, gently removed herself from the mess of limbs, ‘accidentally’ knocking Angel off her ribcage as she went. She snatched one last quick smooch from Fluttershy and glanced around at the various critters who’d gathered around the room, twitching their wet little noses. “You want help feeding the masses, sugar?” she asked. Fluttershy shook her head. Applejack nodded. “Alright. Mind if I get ahead on feeding the two of us, then?”
Fluttershy got off the couch and stretched, her lithe muscles rippling and twitching as she sighed. “There’s some cheese I got at the market. You could throw it in a salad,” she suggested, hefting a bag of rabbit pellets. Applejack trotted to the ice box with a little grin on her face. For the first time in weeks, she felt like things were headed the right way.
After dinner, the two of them had migrated back to the sofa and resumed their snuggling. Fluttershy rested half-awake in her forelegs, warm and soft like always. Each slow breath Fluttershy took lulled Applejack further and further into a state of total, relaxed surrender. Tears lingered in her eyes as she remembered her earlier behavior - she had to clear the air. She had to get this guilt out of her body so she could relax and enjoy this precious moment.
“Fluttershy,” she murmured. ‘Shy shifted, and a single turquoise eye peered through the curtains of her mane. “I’m sorry for how I acted earlier today. Real sorry.” Fluttershy blinked, and Applejack’s heart jumped up into her throat, heavy ahd cold. She swallowed.
“I know you are,” Fluttershy murmured, snuggling further back into Applejack’s chest. That should have been it. That little exchange should have killed the nagging sense of wrongness brewing in Applejack’s chest, but if anything, it got a little worse.
“And …” Applejack squeezed lightly at Fluttershy’s midriff, as if to make sure she couldn’t leave, wouldn’t leave, “And I’m sorry if I’ve been too busy lately,” she whispered, kissing Fluttershy’s neck with a tender softness. “I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together lately, just the two of us …” Fluttershy had gone rigid, an unnatural stillness that set off all of Applejack’s alarms. “Darlin’, if you ever need me for anything you just tell me, alright?” she soothed, running a hoof down Fluttershy’s stiff side. “I’ll drop everything the moment you say so. You know that, right?” Applejack hated the way her voice sounded - the whiny, needy edge to it. She hated Fluttershy’s silence. She hated the tension running between the two of them; live wires, a storm of barbed silence.
“Fluttershy?” Fluttershy had started trembling slightly, little twitches in her primaries. “‘Baby? What’d I do?” Silence. “Please, Fluttershy, what’d I say?” Applejack couldn’t breathe - the room had shrunk, somehow, until it was just the two of them and the weight of whatever mistake she'd made. "'Shy, I'm sorry," she moaned brokenly, nosing at the spot below Fluttershy's ear that normally relaxed her.
Fluttershy sighed and rolled over, stared woodenly into Applejack's watery eyes. "Applejack, I'm tired. Can we just ... Not do this, right now?" she sighed. Her blue-green eyes looked haunted for a fleeting moment, and then she rolled off the sofa. "Let's go to bed, alright?"
Applejack snorted softly and glanced at the door once, twice. "I told Granny I'd be home tonight..." She stopped short at the flash of familiar lonely desire in Fluttershy's face.
"Applejack, I need you here tonight," Fluttershy said. Applejack couldn't think of what was stranger - that Fluttershy hadn't asked, or that Fluttershy's near-demand didn't surprise her.
Applejack sighed. "Could you get one of your bat friends to drop a message, then? I don't want the family to worry..."
Fluttershy nodded and smiled gently, her whole face brightening. "I'll take care of it," she said, nudging Applejack toward the staircase. "See you upstairs?" Applejack nodded and trudged up to the second floor. It was all she could do to run a lazy pass with her spare toothbrush. A lead weight sat in her chest, urging her to rest. So she flopped onto the soft mattress and looked out the window at the bright stars. After a while, Fluttershy slid beneath the covers to join her, cuddling up to her with a happy murmur.
Applejack snuck a hoof behind Fluttershy's withers and kissed her forehead, smiling as Fluttershy giggled breathily and curled in closer to her. Fluttershy's breaths slowed down gradually as she drifted asleep. Applejack stroked Fluttershy's silky mane for a time, watching her peaceful face in the silvery light from outside. Then she looked out towards the stars again and watched them march slowly across the sky. She shivered despite the warm softness of Fluttershy pressed against her. Something was wrong, no doubt about it. Something needed to change. Applejack stroked Fluttershy's mane absently and thought, as the cold light of the stars outside shone on.