Fear and Loathing in Canterlot
It had been longer than fifteen minutes. Heck, it felt like it had been hours! According to the clock, she'd left twelve minutes ago. Something about that Avant Garde just didn't sit right with me. On top of that, there was that little conversation I overheard last night... still. I don't want to barge down there and ruin her good time or whatever.
Maybe I am being a bit paranoid, but isn't that a good bodyguard's job?
Screw it, I thought. I didn't care if she got mad. I was heading downstairs.
Until I heard a knock at the door.
"Just sign here, initial here, and sign here." Avant said, handing me his quill. It had been quite a morning, but this was the last hurdle for me to finally realize my dream. As I signed, the waiter brought a phone to our table.
"Mr. Avant, you have a call."
He seemed annoyed, but accepted nonetheless. "Yes? Already? But it's only... yes, very well."
He hung up the phone and threw a few hundred bits on the table. "Bad news my dear. I'm afraid the fashion show is starting ahead of schedule. We must get to the venue so you can start choosing your models."
Needless to say, I was a bit shocked. "But I still have pieces in the room that need to be brought down!"
Avant waved a hoof. "Not to worry, I've already sent two of my finest assistants to get them."
He was certainly prompt. "Come now darling, let us be off. I'll escort you in the limo. You will arrive the way a mare of status should arrive!"
I certainly couldn't argue with that. After all, this was my fashion show. We headed outside and a luxurious stretch chariot awaited.
We climbed in, and he immediately opened a bottle of champagne. "Shall we?" he asked, holding a glass towards me. Why not? It had been a delicious brunch.
"Of course," I said as he poured me a glass.
"To your success!" He toasted me as our flutes clanked together. My, was this ever my style! I wasted little time in downing my glass. "So, how much are you looking forward to your emergence day, my dear?"
As if he even needed to ask. I simply couldn't wait to show the Princesses my lines! But, even more importantly than that, the top fashion moguls would be in attendance, simply looking to select the latest and greatest designer from obscurity. Although, technically I was far from obscure... still, the saying applies. This was my destiny!
I opened the door and two bellhops I didn't recognize stood there. Which was weird, because I know all the wage slaves.
"Is this Rarity's room?" one asked.
"Yeah," I replied.
"And you're Gilda?"
"Obviously! What's this about?" I barely had time to get the words out before they jumped me. I caught two hooves in the chest and tumbled backward. When I shook off their hit, the bellhops were gone. Changelings stood in their place.
"Where did you ugly sons of bitches come from?" I asked, getting to my feet. I could take on two changelings... probably.
"We've come to kill you, and once you've been dealt with, we'll take Rarity back to the hive for our Queen to deal with!" I really couldn't believe villains actually gave their plans away like that!
"What did we talk about, Ironhide?!" one said to the other, slapping him. "No revealing the plans!"
Like I said: unbelievable. Anyway, it was time to put my fighting skills to the test. Once I got the ringing out of my ears, I squared up on both of these jerks. If they wanted to throw down, I was more than happy to help them out. Now, there were many techniques and strategies to holding off two attackers at once. None of which I could remember at the time. So I did what any fast-thinking fighter worth their salt would do: I grabbed an empty champagne bottle off the night stand and broke it, giving me a makeshift knife.
I kept them at bay with my busted bottle, but it wasn't going to last forever. It'd at least give me enough time to get my vision focused. Hooves to the face freaking hurt!
By now, I knew Rarity was in trouble, but I had my claws full at the moment.
"Alright freaks, line up for your stabbing!"
They stepped forward like I was holding a candy cane. I'd soon find out why. I took a stab at the first one, and the bottle shattered like I'd thrown it on concrete. Their skin was like armor!
"Damnit," That's all I had time to say before I took another shot to the face. That definitely needed to stop. I stumbled back between the bed and the nightstand, barely catching myself. For bugs, they sure packed a punch. Well, if it was a boxing match they wanted, then I'd give 'em one! With a flap of my wings, I charged one. I made sure to put a fist right in his eye. I nailed him! He'd be feeling that in the morning for sure. I sent him crashing through the wall as he shrieked. They weren't as sturdy as they looked, but I guess being filled with holes'll do that. I gave him a few more punches for good measure. Once I was sure he was out cold, I turned my attention to the other guy.
Now, keeping in mind what happened to my bottle, I figured out that the best way to beat a changeling was with another changeling. How was I going to do that? Glad you asked! I picked up the other one by the leg and started swinging him around, kendo style! After all, what better way to fight hardened shell than with another hardened shell?
"Not so good without sucker punches are ya?" I called, stepping closer with every swing. Just as I was ready to knock this guy into next week, he pulled out a knife.
He lashed out at me, but luckily I had his buddy to block the slash. Before I knew it, I was in a sword fight. Except the other guy had a knife, and I was swinging his buddy. Not something I'd ever thought I'd find myself doing, but then again, I'd never thought I'd have to be a former friends bodyguard either. He slashed left, and cut my arm something good. It stung, but his cut left him wide open to my right swing. I crushed him with his buddy, knocking them both out and putting a huge hole in the wall.
I wiped my brow and caught my breath. Once I'd gathered myself, I remembered that those things were after Rarity. And Rarity was still downstairs! I bolted out the door and took what had to be the slowest elevator in the history of time. Only after I had gotten into the elevator did I remember I could have just jumped off the balcony.
Once I made it to the bottom floor, I must have pushed over at least a dozen guests and employees. Normally, that would have cost me my job, but then again, losing my client would have too, so... yeah. Screw it.
She wasn't in the restaurant, or the bar, or anywhere in the hotel. The hostess told me she had left with that creepy fashion guy on their way to the show. That dude was no good, I could feel it! I had a choice to make: I could either bust into that show and call this guy out, and risk having Rarity super pissed at me if I'm wrong, or, I could do nothing and possibly let my client get kidnapped by changelings. Neither option looked good on a resume.
I decided to take my chances and head to that show. After all, if I was wrong, all I'd have is a pissed off prissy on my talons. But if I was right, then Gilda's the hero!
It took no time for me to fly over to the venue. Even three hours before the show was supposed to start, ponies were crowded around the red carpet. I circled down and realized there was no way I was getting past all these jerks. On top of that, I forgot my jacket! And I was bleeding. With no credentials, it was gonna take some scheming to get in there undetected.
After sneaking around the back of the place, I found the staff entrance where the dresses were being loaded. I casually grabbed one of the dress racks and began pushing it into the building like I was born to do it. Not surprisingly, my plan worked perfectly!
Up until I tried to get backstage. I pushed the cart toward the curtain but was stopped by a minotaur easily twice my size. I mean, this guy's neck was almost as big as my legs! No way was I getting past him like I was. I still hadn't seen Rarity, and if she wasn't backstage, then I was truly shit-out-of-luck. As I took a look around, let me tell you the inside of this building looked like a bad acid trip. I don't know who decorated this place, but they should go to rehab. Anyway, I noticed the only ponies being allowed backstage were models. I looked at the rack, and looked back at the bouncer.
I need this job!
Taking the least ridiculous looking thing I could find from the rack, I stepped around a corner to change. Thank Syrell they don't allow those camera ponies into the show. If Dash ever saw me in this, she'd... I mean screw her! I had to find my mark no matter how stupid I looked. But I did wonder how the hell ponies manage to walk in these crazy shoes.
Thankfully, there weren't any mirrors between here and there, so I checked my dignity at the changing table and strode toward the security guard like I belonged there. And I did it without shattering my ankles. I didn't get a second look from the guy as he held the curtain back for me. But, once I made it backstage, I ran into a mob of stylists, models and homosexuals all hustling to prepare their lines for the show. On top of that, the ceiling was way too low for me to fly. This was going to be tough.
The red carpet was every bit as glamorous as I'd envisioned it! Celebrities left and right, the kings and queens of the fashion world at every turn! It was simply marvelous. Avant and I strolled in, stopping for a brief interview here and there, posing for a few photo ops, and of course, plenty of networking.
"Rarity! Come my darling, it's time for you to prepare your ensembles!" Avant called to me as I wrapped up my interview with Equestire magazine. I was more than ready to get this show started. As we entered the venue, the decor alone was simply delightful. It was so chic! So post-modern! It simply oozed brilliance.
As I walked past the stage managers shouting at their subordinates, I was reminded of the reason I got into fashion in the first place. I called it, the roar.
What is the roar, you ask?
It's the anticipation in the air, the frenetic energy of ponies working together to produce something greater than themselves! Something I could almost hear, I could swear it. Sure, the designs draw the crowd, but without the right lighting, sound, or props, the fashion show would be nothing but... well I'm not sure what, but not near the glorious spectacle I've come to know. And let me tell you, the roar was alive and well here!
We arrived backstage with my designs, but I was quickly shuffled into a dressing room with my name on it!
A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, and sparkling bottles of water and champagne sat chilling on the table. Though it was rather small, I certainly didn't mind.
"Oh this is lovely! We simply must come back after the show to celebrate—" I said, turning to head back toward the changing area before Avant mentioned something curious.
"And of course we shall my dear! But, are you feeling alright? You look a bit unsteady..."
It was at that moment, my head began to swim. I took a seat as Avant and his driver came to my side. "I... I feel..." My mouth went numb, as did my muscles. I felt them laying me down on the carpet, feeling utterly embarrassed at becoming so flustered on the day of my big night! I had only a glass of champagne to drink that day! Surely all this wasn't from one glass!
A flash of green magic danced before my eyes as my vision blurred and began to fade.
Curse my trusting nature!