“Listen to me you little—"
“Listen to me you little,” Caps Lock repeated in a nasally voice.
Rarity took a deep breath and pointed to Sweetie Belle’s uneven mane. “Why did you cut my sister’s mane?”
“It was a mess and I tried to fix it," Caps Lock said, defending his actions. "The SLOB that worked on it last clearly knew nothing about S’ing D’s.”
“I styled her mane last!”
“Did I say slob? I meant FAT UGLY SKANK!”
“HOW DARE YOU CALL ME—”
“BLAH BLAHBLAHBLAH!”
Rarity began grinding her teeth in frustration. The colt in front of her smiled as he waited for her to continue. Behind her, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were watching the strange confrontation.
“You mad?” Caps Lock asked after Rarity once again failed to get a word in over his imitation of her. The argument had gone on nearly ten minutes, and Rarity finally blew a gasket.
“I WILL END YOU!” Rarity shouted, lunging at the colt. The Cutie Mark Crusaders all grabbed hold of her tail, stopping her inches from Caps Lock.
“COME AT ME BRO! I’M RIGHT HERE!” Caps Lock shouted, pounding his chest. Rarity swung her front hooves out madly, reaching for the colt. “BOW BEFORE CAPS LOCK: MASTER TROLL!”
And with those words, Caps Lock got on his scooter and raced away from the boutique. The CMC released Rarity’s tail and she face planted into the ground. She immediately got up and started mumbling angrily to herself.
“Rarity, are you all right?” Sweetie Belle asked with concern. Her sister turned and glared at her.
“No I’m not alright! Did you hear how that filthy little BRAT spoke to me?!” Rarity was angrier than she could ever remember being. She stomped back into the boutique and levitated the smock and scissors into the air. “How dare he call me such derogatory terms?!”
Sweetie Belle nearly choked as Rarity used her magic to wrap the smock around the filly’s neck. She was dragged by the smock back into the salon chair, and watched nervously as the scissors approached.
“Rarity, what’s a skank?” Apple Bloom asked out of curiosity. Sweetie Belle flinched as the scissors zoomed past her ear.
“I don't know!” Rarity shouted, trying to stay focused on her sister’s mane. "But the way he said it makes me think it is something very, very appalling!"
“And what’s a troll?” Scootaloo asked.
Rarity didn’t answer, as she was too busy trying to salvage what was left of Sweetie Belle’s mane. The boutique went quiet with the exception of the furious snipping of scissors. With a final *snip*, Rarity levitated the scissors and smock back into their respective drawers.
“Well, it’s certainly better than it was,” Rarity said, looking over her work. Sweetie Belle’s mane was now a quarter the length it had been, and the filly tried to smile at her sister.
“Thanks Rarity,” she said, hugging the unicorn. She then turned to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, and asked, “How does it look?”
Her two friends looked at her mane, searching for the right words to say. “Well,” Scootaloo started slowly, but paused when Rarity shot her a glare, silently demanding a compliment. “It’s nice! I wish mine was that short!”
“Really?” Rarity asked, levitating the smock and scissors out of their drawers. “Because that can be arranged. Maybe it will even become a new trend!”
“Uh, we have to get going!” Scootaloo replied nervously. “Lots of crusader stuff to do! Bye!”
The three fillies ran from the boutique and into town. “Let’s go see Twilight! Maybe she’ll know what a troll is and how to stop one!” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“And maybe she’ll tell us what a skank is too!” Apple Bloom shouted.
They arrived at the Golden Oaks Library and knocked on the door. After a moment, Spike answered and looked at the three fillies, his gaze stopping on Sweetie Belle.
“What happened to your mane?” he asked, trying not to laugh. “Did you make Rarity mad or something?”
“Spike, is Twilight home?” Apple Bloom asked. At that moment, the purple unicorn poked her head around the door.
“My little ponies! What brings you here?” Twilight asked cheerfully, inviting them into the library. “And what happened to your mane?” she asked, looking at Sweetie Belle. “Did you make Rarity mad or something?”
“Ha! That’s what I said,” Spike laughed. Sweetie Belle turned bright red and tried not to cry.
“No, it was this new pony from school!” Apple Bloom answered for her friend. “He’s been doin’ all kindsa bad things since he got here! We need your help!”
“I already told you girls once, I can’t go turning bullies into frogs for you,” Twilight replied, referring to a previous request made about Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “Do you want me to talk to him?”
“Rarity tried that!” Sweetie Belle replied. “And he called her a skank!”
Twilight, not recognizing the word, levitated several books off the bookshelf and skimmed them for a definition. After a moment, she found the word, and read the definition quietly to herself.
“A loose limbered dance? I don't get it...” Twilight said, closing the book.
“After that, he said he was a troll; a MASTER troll!” Scootaloo added. This time, Twilight levitated a book about mythological creatures.
“A slow-witted, bridge-dwelling monster that turns to stone if exposed to sunlight?” she read aloud. “Are you sure he said troll?”
“YES!” the three fillies shouted in unison, angry at being questioned. Twilight looked at them in confusion and flipped through the pages of her book.
“They aren’t known for their magical abilities, so I think it’s highly unlikely one shape-shifted into a colt. I think you must have heard wrong,” Twilight said, returning the book to its shelf. “Tell me, what else did he do?”
The CMC went on to describe the colt’s strange behavior at school and Twilight’s eyes went wide with shock. “Drink bleach?! That’s terrible!” she said, her hoof over her mouth. “Why, that wouldn’t help an upset stomach at all!”
Twilight, a bastion of knowledge, went on to describe exactly what would happen to a pony’s stomach if bleach was ingested. The Cutie Mark Crusaders listened in horror as the unicorn went into excruciating detail.
While Twilight educated the ponies, a black mane zipped past the front window. None of them were aware Caps Lock had followed them to the library. They all looked up when a knock came at the door. Spike grabbed a step stool and looked through the peephole.
“Who is it, Spike?” Twilight asked.
“Fire!” Spike shouted after seeing plumes of smoke rising past the peephole. He frantically jumped off the step stool and flung open the door. A flaming paper bag was burning on the library’s door step, and he stomped up and down on it with both feet.
“Be careful, Spike!” Sweetie Belle shouted, sensing something wasn’t right.
“I got it! I got it!” Spike shouted. Once the flames were out, the dragon stood there looking accomplished. But, as he wiggled the claws on his feet, he realized something didn’t feel right. He lifted his foot and examined the brown substance now caked to it. As he stood there looking at it, a foul odor hit his nostrils and realization swept over him.
“Spike, what’s that smell?” Twilight asked, approaching her assistant. “Is that what I think it is?”
“WHYYYYYYYYYY?!” the dragon shouted at the top of his lungs, raising his claws to the sky. A burst of laughter came from the bushes outside the library and Caps Lock fell out. He rolled around on the ground, laughing and clutching his stomach.
“ROFLMAO! That was perfect!” Caps Lock said, standing up and wiping a tear from his eye. “I can’t believe you fell for that, you stupid scrub!”
Spike nearly started to cry. Twilight approached him and put her hoof on his shoulder. He turned and cried into her chest while she glared at Caps Lock.
“That’s him, Twilight! That’s him!” Apple Bloom shouted. Twilight released Spike and stepped toward the colt. The CMC ran out of the library and stood behind Twilight as they had done with Rarity.
Caps Lock looked at Twilight and debated what to do. Flaming the other unicorn had been a lot of fun. Why not rile this one up?