"Soo… What you are saying is that you a human but not really a human of here that comes from another world where there other humans that aren’t multicolored and in there I’m part of a TV show about talking technicolored ponies where I’m a pony myself? And you were brought here by magic but your world doesn’t have magic but since that other world has magic and this is a parallel of that one you think we might have magic to get you back?”
“Um, yes, that is exactly what I finished telling you like, thirty seconds ago, Pinkie,” I can’t help but being a bit harsh at her response, as her completely neutral face shows no sign or hint of what she is thinking… So just being herself, okay.
“Hmm…” she mumbles, abruptly turning her back at me, she seems to be thinking about my words, or at least I hope she is, much better than her thinking about how insane they are… Please be the former.
“Okay,” she says rather suddenly. I look to her with a doubtful eye.
“R-really?” I ask, and she only shrugs.
“Yeah, I don’t really get it, but you need my help, right?” she says nonchalantly, and well, it's better than what I expected, honestly.
“So… You’ll help me?” I ask, as she nods rapidly in response.
“Of course! Friends! Duh!” she reminds me, I keep forgetting that bit.
“But I mean, is this really what you wanna do? Doesn‘t it sound crazy, or anything? Not that it‘s a lie, of course!” WHAT AM I SAYING.
“Nah, I know you wouldn‘t lie, because FrIenDs Don‘T LiE tO eAch OtHeR YoU knOW?” she, um, responds, um... Why do I suddenly feel like pissing my pants? “So, I’m gonna show you magic to help you go back, right?” oh? That’s sweet! She is gonna find me ma- “So, I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch with the magic and such, Pat! I’m running late! Bye, bye!” ma- ma- ma- ma- ma- ma- ma-
“Magic?” I finally let the words out as I trace after the path the now gone Pinkie took. “She couldn’t have been serious… Right?”
I suppose I’ll just have to wait and find out, this is gonna bug me till then though.
~~~~~
Ah, a new day, and there is nothing like a good cereal killing to start the day right … And something is bugging me but I can’t care too much, I have terrible puns to make.
“What’s the matter, Lemon?” Mom asks me, looking over her shoulder as she makes herself a coffee, she is wearing a nice suit for work --the only difference between her and my actual stay-at-home mom-- and looking specially beautiful today… No brain, don’t go there.
SLAP
“What was that for…?” asks mom looking confused as I have just slapped myself across the face.
“Trust me, this fic was about to go wrong in MANY ways,” wait, did I say fic? I was supposed to say conversation… Huh, I need to get more sleep tonight.
“Sure… But no more random acts of violence on yourself, please," she reprimands me.
"I'm not making any promises," I reply truthfully as she chuckles.
“Well? Is something bothering you?” she asks once again, sitting down across me and eyeing me with worry.
“Well…” damn, moms are as scary as dads with how easy they can read their kids. “I guess I do?” I say, trying my best to remember the problem as she places her hand over mine and smiles.
“Go ahead, you know I’m always here to listen to anything you have to say… As long as it is within the next five minutes,” she says while checking her phone. Mom, never change.
Hmm… Oh yeah, I remember now…
“Well, it has to do with Pinkie Pie…” I begin, and she looks surprised.
“Oh! What? Did something go wrong when you tried making up?” she asks me already knowing about our previous incident.
“No, we did make up, but I sorta… Told her something that was supposed to be a secret an-” she puts her hands on my shoulders, her face now looking serious. “Mom?” I say with my voice totally not breaking. “You are scaring me…”
“What did you tell her?” she asks looking at me with an intense stare.
“Um… Something that is… Personal, but nothing too bad? Why?” she sighs in relief and hugs me. Geez, bipolar much?
“Nothing. I guess I was just worried over nothing,” she gets up and grabs her purse, she crouches down and kisses my cheek. “Have a good day, love you,” she says as she does that, she leaves the house leaving me with my now far too soggy cereal.
…
“Da fuck was that all about!?”
~~~~~
I arrive at lunch as usual, and I keep thinking over Pinkie’s words --does she really have a source of magic? Or not?-- and if those words are correct, does she mean she knows how to use it? Damn it, this is gonna keep my mind too busy to o -yay! Apple sauce!
“Hey Pat!” Pinkie calls over my shoulder sounding as overly happy as always, I turn around and find next to her a shy looking Fluttershy… Obviously.
“Hello…” Fluttershy greets me calmly.
“Hey Pinks, hey Shy, glad to finally be able to see you outside of Mr. Jerk’s c- Ouch! That’s my ear!” I complain as Fluttershy pulls my ear. A very rude thing to do ‘Ms. Kindness’.
“What did I say about insulting Mr. Clop?” AHAHA-OUCH! FLUTTERSHY IS PULLING MY EAR.
“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I apologize and she lets go of my ear while I nurse it with my free hand. Fluttershy can be a BITCH when you get to know her, geez.
“Pssh, Pat!” both Shy and I turn to Pinkie‘s voice, is she attempting to whisper? “Can we taaalk,” geez Pinkie, way to be inconspicuous.
“I’m going to guess that she wants to talk to you alone, Pat," Fluttershy very astutely points out. "I’ll find a table and see you guys there, okay?” she smiles sweetly and leaves to find one. She sure is much more open now that she knows I’m friend’s with Pinks here.
“What’s the matter, Pinkie?” I ask, she looks around and turns to me again.
“Follow me!” she says much louder, grabbing my wrist and dragging me across the different tables, until we reach a sort of stage… Was that there before?
“What are we doi-” I’m hushed by Pinkie as she stares at the stage… But there is nothing there. “Pinkie, are you s-” this time, her whole hand covers my mouth, and I can’t help but sigh. Very well woman, you win, I will wait.
We sit in the table next to it for a few minutes while I eat my lunch in silence while nothing changes, and I’m about to give up… That is until the curtain rises.
“Ooh! It’s starting!” Pinkie says excitedly, I look at the stage and see smoke appear out of nowhere, is there a fire happening?
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! And welcome, to the best show that you have ever seen!” that voice sounds familiar… “Prepare to be amazed, as she, who is the granddaughter of Starswirl the Great!” nope, doesn’t ring any bells… “Will give you, the BEST MAGIC ACT EVER PERFORMED!” did she say magic? Oh cra-
“It is her! The Great, and Powerful, Trrrrixie!” I look at Pinkie who is now giving me two thumbs up.
I hate my life
.
I look back at Trixie who is wearing a blue hoodie alongside a purple skirt with a neat blue line that goes around and ends with it holding what appears to be a magic wand, she also dons the show’s cape and always iconic wizard hat.
… Not bad.
“Trixie will now show you the act, of disappearing! And she will do so with this toy!” she takes out a small dog toy that looks suspiciously like a Diamond Dog and puts a tissue over it. “Now… BEHOLD!” she waves her fingers over it and then picks up the sheet and… It’s still there.
“Um, Pinkie?” I call, but she is far too busy whistling to pay me any mind.
“Um… This wasn’t supposed to happen!” Trixie says quietly but loud enough for me to make out, putting the tissue on once again and moving her fingers over it once more, but with the same results.
“Get off the stage, Trixie, you suck!” says one the kids sitting close by.
‘If if didn’t work the past two years, it’s not going to work this one,” Trixie looks at the pair who just spoke up and growls.
“Quiet! You simpletons just cannot appreciate the complicated and amazing feats that magic can d- Eek!” a tomato hits her in the face as she retaliates, causing her to fall back on her bum. I give her bonus points on the outfit for those purple panties of hers.
“Magic isn’t real! It’s just tricks! Find something better to do!” several voices say to her, while she eyes the crowd with a desperate look, not knowing what to do to deal with it.
“Stop everyone!” Pinkie says, now on-stage, stopping further ‘Attacks by flying tomatoes from the cafeteria’ which I totally claim copyright for a movie title. “What is with this reaction? Come on everybody! Let’s just be supportive of our classmate an- Ouch! Hey! That wasn’t nice!” she complains as a tomato has hit her face.
“Shove off, Pinkie, we don’t care!” several cries of disapproval begin and I’m here wondering why the hell I haven’t interrupted yet. But this apple sauce is SO go-… Dammit, okay, I’m coming, Pinkie.
“We should go,” I inform her as I grab her arm and drag her away from the stage and its mess, quickly looking for a way out, thankfully, I find Fluttershy rather easily thanks to her noticing the mess.
“Oh my goodness! You guys okay?” she asks Pinkie and I as we sit down, she hands each of us some napkins to clean ourselves
“I’m fine… You, Pinkie?” I tell her, while Pinkie nods still a bit shaken up from the reactions. Geez, tough crowd.
“And you?” she asks someone who I didn’t notice on our rush; Trixie is sitting down, cleaning the mess on her face as well as clothing.
“Trixie is fine, she did not need your help, pink woman,” she tells Pinkie who is holding her hand, at least until Trixie decides that she wants it back. “She could have handled herself!” Pinkie looks at her apologetically and then smiles again.
“Oh, of course! You are pretty great and powerful after all!” Trixie turns to her with an amused smirk.
“Yes… Trixie sure is!” shut up, Pinkie.
:”So! I was wondering if the Great and Powerful Trixie could help us out!” Trixie gives Pinkie a condescending look and scoffs.
“Well, Trixie supposes that she CAN help one of her many fans… Of course, she will expect something in return for her services,” Pinkie, I swear to god…
“Whatever it is, Pat here will pay!” she says, pointing at me. “He needs magic of sorts an-”
“No,” yes, I just did that.
“Huh?” Pinkie looks at me confused and tilts her head, cleaning her ears with her fingers to see if she heard correctly.
“Don’t even bother asking, the answer is still no,” I continue, she gives me an angry stare, but fuck it if I’m letting her give me a talk. “Don’t start, you saw how useless she is in magic, she is worthless at it! She doesn’t have even a little knowledge of it, so don’t start. She is a fraud! Period. End of discussion!” I don’t notice that my voice has been raised by this point and I’m now literally screaming at Trixie while talking to Pinkie.
Huh, where did that anger come from?
“…” I look at Trixie who seems to be taking deep breaths, and her eyes are red. She gets off her seat and runs out of the cafeteria while I just realize what I’ve done.
“Um… Pinkie? Look, I can expl-” I stop as I see her and Fluttershy gathering their trays and walking away from me, the rest of the kids who were staring at us quickly go back to their own little groups, possibly whispering about what just happened.
“Argh!” I complain out loud and sit down with a groan. This… Is not my day.
~~~~~
After meticulous amounts of thinking, I realize that what I did was a huge mistake and I may have made some teenage girl go into depression… I blame my blatant dislike over original Trixie that brought the hate upon this tangible form of Trixie that is real.
I guess that just makes it less valid, huh?
“Dammit, what was I thinking back there?” I groan as I’m walking home from school due to my dumb donkey missing the bus, I’m thankful that phones have GPS. TECHNOLOGY IS GREAT. I minimize the app and move into messages, sending Pinkie one, in the hopes that she will respond.
… Damn, ten seconds and no response? I must have pissed her o-RIIIIIIING! I’m interrupted by the loud voice of Pinkie coming through the phone as it rings… When the hell did she put that in?
“H-hello?” I answer carefully.
“Hello! I hope you have a good explanation or I‘ll dislike you for infinitever!” comes her eerily ‘happy’ voice through the phone. Not the best way to open up my first phone call with Pinkie.
“Pinkie, I can explain…”
“You can explain why you broke the aspirations of a girl that didn’t really deserve the treatment when you’ve never met her?”
“Okay, first; maybe I can’t really explain, and second, stop using such big words! It’s weird!”
"But you said all those awful things to her,"Pinkie says through the phone, a sad tone easily read in her voice, even with the static-ky noise that should have been fixed forever ago. Step up, technology.
“Well…” I stutter, that’s not fair, her sad voice makes ME sad. “It couldn’t have been THAT bad, right?” silence follows my question and a beep interrupts my call, I check to find a message with a photo… A photo of Trixie’s hat and cloak in a trashcan… Ooooh, boy.
"I'm listening Pat, my boy," Okay, seriously, why do these girls have to be high school girls? Why couldn’t they be adults? At least then their emotions would be bottled up.
“Okay, I DO have a reason, it has to do wi-…” I stop. She’ll probably find it weird that I hated a character from a TV show with legitimate hate, or even worse, think that I only like Pinkie herself BECAUSE of the show… And while that may or may not be true, I can’t risk it.
“I… Was a racist where I came from… Yeah…” Lemon ‘Patrick’ Lime’s explanation of the year.
“Really? But racism for colors is dumb and bad and dumb!” strong argument, Pinkie.
“Which is why I was, um, trying to change… As you can see it didn’t go well when I met Trixie,” more silence follows after my words, it’s almost like she is building suspense.
“Well, it’s great that you wanna change!” she replies happily, I can’t believe that worked. “So, it’s time to apologize to her then! Meet me back at school in twenty minutes!”
“B-but I’m walking h-” CLICK “…”
No choice for Pat then.
~~~~~
After ten grueling minutes of travel on my trusty footmobile, I find Pinkie meeting me halfway there, with both cloak and hat in tow.
“Hey Pat!” she doesn’t sound mad, thank pony Celestia.
“So, what’s the plan?” I ask.
“You are going to her place! Here is the address,” she fidgets with her phone and I receive a text. “All you gotta do is apologize to her and everything will be fine!” she tosses the things in my hands and I look to her confused.
“Wait, you aren’t coming with me!?” I ask in horror/
“Nope! You are doing this on your own! Come on! It might help your quest for magic!” I vaguely remember that she had wanted to help me find a way home… Trixie is the closest thing to magic too… Ugh, I guess-
“I have no choice in this, huh?”
“Oh, stop complaining ‘Sir Complains a-lot’! It’s not far! Good luck, Pat!” she salutes me in a very respectful way and then proceeds to run away and leave me on my own… Wait, how did she even get her address? No… Don’t question her, it’s Pinkie.
…
THREE MILES IS NOT CLOSE YOU LYING PINK B-… Grr, I’m here already, might as well. I turn a corner and my jaw falls.
“Oh, come on!” I look upon the place and can’t help but being depressed as numerous trailers are before me… The area looking pretty run-down and practically dead. As I get closer, the place isn’t looking any better, with abandoned trailers and some animals here and there.
Where is the amazing clean look from school? This place could have used some of that.
I manage to find her place after some quick searching --amounts of signs with the numbers barely visible barely helping, useless things-- and after choosing between going back and staying for five minutes, the door opens, and an old lady finds me… Oh crap.
“Are you alright, young man? Are you lost?” she asks me in a very kind voice that gives me a Granny Smith vibe, and just like her, looks slightly… Full, but instead of being green, she is dark blue.
“No, um, it’s just…” I can't really find a thing to say.
“No, no, nothing! Come on in! Let’s talk,” she 'invites' me in, um, I need an adult?
Before I know it, I’m inside the trailer home, sitting in… A rather homely setting, I must admit. The lady brings a cup of tea and sets it on the table in front of me, as she then takes the seat across me.
“Thank you, ma’am,” I say, taking a sip of the delici- “Psst! Oh god! What is this!” I complain as the most foul tea I’ve ever tasted touches my tongue.
“Ah! I seem to have gotten the sugar with the hot sauce confused! I apologize, young man…” or so she says... She then puts her hands on her chin and looks at me with a powerful stare. “Now, would you mind telling me what you are doing with my Granddaughter’s magic outfit?” oh… I completely forgot I was carrying thi- Wait, did she do the tea thing on purpose!?
“T-this is why I’m here for, ma’am! To talk to Trixie about this, I found this in the trash and I came to talk to Trixie about it, because I know it‘s Trixie‘s!” the old lady seems understanding and nods, she grabs a cane close by and walks outside without looking back at me, closing the door on her way out… What?
“Dammit, Gran Gran…” someone says from further in the trailer.
“T-Trixie? Is that you?” a door further in opens and Trixie appears wearing a simple t-shirt and some jogging pants, her hair is a mess and her eyes look puffy… I may have had something to do with that.
“What do you want? I’m not in the mood,” she begins the conversation, thankfully.
“Don’t you mean ‘Trixie isn’t in the mood’?” I correct.
“The days of that Trixie are over, as those items in the trash would have told you, you made me see the truth,” she can’t be saying that she took face value to an opinion of somewhat she just me- Oh, right. Teenager.
“I was just… Having a bad day, and well, Pinkie said you could help me, but you didn’t make the best first impression on me either… Sorry, Trixie. But come on, you can get better!” phew, almost forgot that last bit.
She scoffs and walks towards me, grabbing the cloak and hat from my hands and looking at them with a stare that just oozes ‘longing’.
“You know, I wasn’t lying when I said Starswirl the Great was my Grandpa,” oh, so it’s backstory time, where is the popcorn when I need it. “These pieces of clothing were his first outfit when he started out, he had hardships, but he made it, and became the world’s most famous magician in the world… Until his death, of course,” she raises the hat to eye level and scans it. “All of his assets were taken, he had been tricked into giving them to his managers, and they kept the secrets, which they sold to other magicians who are now world renowned thanks to them,” she tosses the hat aside and sits on the couch her grandma had been.
“Wait, are you angry with him?” I ask, invested in her story.
“No. But I am disappointed that he fell for that… Which is why I made it my mission to invent my OWN assets, and bring the family name back into the world of magic,” she looks at me with a sad smile, that quickly becomes an annoyed frown.
“Back in school, that act, I heard you had done it before,” she rolls her eyes and crosses her legs as she visibly recoils at the event.
“If you must know, every year since Freshman year, I have tried to create an act… With basically the same results,” I can’t help but feel bad as her eyes start to quiver. “Ugh, why am I even telling you this!? You insulted my work!”
I look at her curious with the same question in mind… Maybe she is just stupid.
“I know I did, and I’m sorry for that, I’ll have to be honest… I really DO need your help, and it’s something that only you, and your magical abilities can do,” she looks at me puzzled as I walk towards the hat and the cloak and pick it up. “So, will you help me? I believe in your abilities,” I say as I place the items on her lap and put my hand over hers and sit next to her… Smoooth.
“Trixie SUPPOSES she can’t help to be so great,” she says, slapping my offending hand. “And she will begrudgingly help YOU,” she finishes by pushing me to the ground. That was fast. “But she will require some form of payment.”
I look in my pockets for anything to give her, in one pocket I find a small packet and take it out, I extend my hand to hers and place it on her palm.
“What is this?” she asks me not impressed.
“It’s peanut-butter crackers?” I say, reading the label on it.
“You cannot be serious.”
“Oh, come on! It’s all I have!” she scoffs and closes her hand on the treat.
“Very well, this will have to do, for now,” the way she tosses the last two words makes me a bit nervous. “Now, what is the grave matter that requires Trixie’s very valuable time?” geez, I didn’t know crying was a viable pastime.
“It’s something a bit odd, it’s something that I require more time to talk to you about, and it may be a bit tough to believe…”
“Oh, please, Trixie has seen all! There is nothing she doesn’t believe in!”
~~~~~
“Trixie doesn’t believe you.”
“Damn it all!“ I instantly cover my mouth as to avoid any from listening, in hindsight, making this meeting by the bleachers after school might have been a bad idea. “But Trixie, you told me there isn’t anything you don’t believe in!” I whisper.
“Trixie says many things!” I face palm at Trixie’s answer…While Pinkie who is also here eats a cupcake, I would make a joke about that but I have a bitch to deal with.
“I told you it would be something that would be hard to believe! But can’t be THAT hard! I mean, Pinkie believed me!” I say pointing at Pinkie while she stuffs her face with chocolates. “Okay, BAD example! But I’m not lying!”
“Oh, come on Trix!” Pinkie says while I resist the urge to laugh. “What do you have to lose! You are still going to get paid!” she scoffs and holds her chin in thought.
“The pink woman raises a very good point. Very well, The Great, and Powerful Trixie shall help you with your increasingly crazy thoughts!” thanks… I guess. “And in return, you shall become my life-long assistant!”
“What!?” Pinkie shrieks in surprise.
“Is there a problem, pink one?” Trixie asks with a raised brow.
“No, there isn’t. Right, Pinkie? Whatever it takes,” what is up with her?
“Oh! Right! No problem!” she pulls a zipper and closes it across her mouth, giving me a thumbs up in agreement.
“Right… So, do you have any ideas, Trixie?” she seems to mull over it, thankfully, she isn’t screwing around.
“You said that in this other world there are alternate versions of us, correct?” I nod. “Have you tried looking for powerful beings? Maybe someone who is skilled in the art of magic that is in that… Um, show? Maybe some dastardly creatyre who may have brought you here?” she seems reluctant as she explains, as she should be, I nearly think she is crazy herself.
“Oh?” I quickly recall some of the villains from the show; Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Somb-Pfff and D- “So, what you are saying is that I was brought here by someone… Evil?”
“Yes… In theory! Not even a theory, there is no way that can be true!” I roll my eyes as she continues her disbelief, of course, I can’t help but find some true in what she says, it feels good to finally have some sort of goal in mind... Even if I should have thought about that myself, that was my bad.
Well, first order of business for Pinkie and I; Find the human version of the vi-
“Trixie will help.”
“What!? Why?” I ask, she whips her hair around at my questions.
“You would not understand the intricate thoughts of The Grand and Powerful Trixie! Trixie will help, and that’s final!” grand?
“Er, okay…”
So... First order of business for Pinkie, Trixie, and I; Find the human versions of the show’s villians… Fun, fun, FUN.