Eight Out of Hell

by The card holder


In Which Things are Explained

After entering the library, the eight warriors plopped down on any available chairs, and once those were gone, the floor. As the ponies followed, a rather distinct smell could be detected.

“Geez! What is that smell?” Lyra asked, covering her nose with one hoof while the other one tried in vain to dissipate the odor.

“Sweat, blood, maybe some of Corvus’s potions,” Marine began listing off.

“Oh, my goodness! When was the last time any of you bathed?” Octavia said while also covering her nose.

“Not counting the times we had to go for a swim for a bit?” BJ sat in silence, thinking over the issue, before shrugging. “I don’t have a clue.”

As the warriors started to partake in small talk, Twilight and her friends entered the room and whispered to the other ponies. “Will you excuse us?” she told the humans before leading the ponies up to her room.

“So, Twilight. What do you think these beings are?”

“I don’t know, Octavia. Haven’t read anything of bipeds like these.”

“Well… Maybe we can ask them?”

“Well, one of them said they were humans, but that doesn’t tell us much. You’re probably right, Lyra.”

Her friends also voiced their approval of this plan, so Twilight went back downstairs alone, where the one in green armor was about to punch the one in a chex-like suit.

“For the last time, I don’t know why I’m the only marine who survived! Stop implying I killed them all!”

“Right, because you’re just a shining example of sanity, aren’t you?”

Twilight cleared her throat, gaining the attention of the two who were about to fight and the other six, who were either trying to separate the two or were in the middle of placing bets with the others.

“Sorry to interrupt, but… My friends and I want to know… What are you?”

“I already told you, humans,” Marine said.

“Yes, but what exactly are humans?”

Duke shrugged. “...us?”

Twilight face hoofed. “Alright, well, since you’re the first humans to ever be in Equestria, I think it’s only right that I document such a thing.”

The warriors just nodded at the obvious conclusion that the purple pony made.

“So?...” BJ asked, using his hand to allude to his unspoken question.

“So… I’d like to study you. If you are a new species, then you must be cataloged at once.”

Marine was angered by that last sentence.

“Listen, you talking pony! We’re not an experiment for you! We just got out of the Hell itself for the umpteenth time, I think! And you’re saying that you want to catalog us like if we were-”

“What is that ‘Hell’ thing you keep mentioning?” Twilight asked, interrupting the annoyed human in front of her.

“This ‘Hell’ thing is the place where the bad guys go when they die, basically. Also, it’s full of demons and shit,” BJ answered her.

“... Demons…” Twilight started to think for a moment. “Oh, I think that you’re referring to Tartarus.”

Suddenly, her eyes became tiny at the sudden revelation she had.

“... Y-You came… from… Tartarus?”

“Nah. We just got out of there again, as Marine said,” Chex explained.

“But… Tartarus is inescapable! Nopony has ever returned from there!”

“Oh, that. Look, we’re not dead. We just went in there to give those demons an ass-kickin’ they’ll never forget,” Marine said.

“Although we have also fought the likes of aliens, mythical creatures, and at one point other humans,” Cyber added.

“Nazis,” BJ corrected. “With what I’ve seen those bastards do, they don’t deserve to be called the same species as us.”

Twilight was speechless, trying to process all that was said. “So, have you all known each other for all of that?”

“Not quite,” Ranger said. “We each had our own evil to fight, and eventually we just happened to run into each other after a series of teleports through time, space, and dimensions.”

“So you each have your own stories?” The humans’ nods told Twilight the answer. “Well… I suppose it can’t hurt to listen to all of you.”

BJ went first, telling of his imprisonment at the hands of what he referred to as “Nazis”. Twilight was horrified when he said that they were also humans, but he was quick to assure her that they were a hated minority.

After him was Marine, who told his story about how his unit was killed by demons, and he singlehandedly not only pushed them off the base, but even followed them to Hell and killed them there. Twice, no less!

Duke’s story was quite a bit shorter, considering that he only said that aliens kidnapped his “babes” and trashed his planet, so he returned the favor by way of killing them all.

Ranger was short and to the point about his story, saying that it was fairly similar to both Marine’s and Duke’s stories.

Cyber said that he was a cybernetically enhanced human who fought against a horde of aliens.

Chex told them that he helped defend his planet from a race of slime creatures, though he made sure to mention that he didn’t actually kill them, just sent them back to their home planet. Marine’s mocking of his method didn’t help anything.

Corvus and Parias both had very similar tales, telling of how they fought against an evil warlock. Notably, Corvus seemed to have a personal grudge in the matter, but he wouldn’t say why.

Once Twilight heard all of their stories and took notes over them where appropriate, she just sat there, thinking about every single thing she had just listened to. Eight beings, all of whom fought evil in one way or another…

It was just as the legend said.

“... C-Can you excuse for a few seconds?”

“Of course, purple one,” Parias said. Strangely, he had removed most of his armor, but had chosen to keep the helmet on.

Twilight rushed to her room, only to find the rest of the ponies with their ears glued to the floor.

“...What are you doing?”

“Listening to them,” Dash said, matter-of-factly. “What else?”

Twilight guessed then that they heard all the creatures’ stories.

She just shrugged and began walking over to where she left her book on various legends. However, on the way, she saw Spike with an ear glued to the floor, too.

“Spike! I thought you were asleep!”

“I was, but I woke up when you brought those things here.”

“Well… doesn’t matter. In fact, it’s a good timing that you are awake,” Twilight said, looking over the book she read earlier for confirmation.

“Why is that?”

“Can you write a letter to Princess Celestia?”


Meanwhile, the heroes continued their small talk. By now, they were all starting to enjoy the relaxation involved with not having to deal with all manner of creatures trying to kill them.

Soon, however, they started to doze off, one by one. Even Cyber, who was more cyborg than human, started to fall asleep to appease the human side of him.

However, a sudden knock on the door made them stand alert.

“Who goes there?” Parias asked to the door, scrambling to find one of his weapons in his pile of armor.

Almost immediately, the purple unicorn came from downstairs. Opening the door, a white pony with both wings and a horn, and a strange flowing mane, was waiting.

“Greetings, Twilight. Your letter said that you needed me immediately, correct?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia.”

“Princess?”

Both ponies turned around to see both Parias and Chex kneeling, while the others just looked on. BJ, who was as confused as the others, shrugged and settled for a simple salute. Celestia started to walk toward them.

“And what do we have here? Sorry for my manners. My name is Celestia.”

The group immediately started to mumble something between themselves and then, one of them went ahead, wearing cereal-like armor. “We are pleased to meet you,” he said, making a small bow.

“Pleased to meet you, too.”

Then, Chex turned to his comrades.

“These here are my…” Chex started to think for a word to describe the curious relationship they had.

“Friends?”

“I think the term ‘comrades in arms’ is more appropriate,” Marine said.

“What? You’re telling me that you’re not friends?”

“Nope. We’re just co-workers.”

Celestia eyed them for a moment. It was only then that she noted the discarded armor not too far away from them, and how worn it all looked.

“Well, I think it’s only appropriate that I get to learn your stories.”

“Here we go again,” Duke said, lighting up yet another cigar, despite Twilight’s protests.


In a dark cave, torches were suddenly lit, revealing a huge room and a pit next to it. On the other side of the pit, a huge demonic face was displayed.

With an eye-piercing scream, the face called for his minions.

On the other side of the pit, a huge door opened. A number of monstrosities, including spider-shaped demons and a few one-eyed, armored giants, entered the room.

One of the spider-demons said something that no mortal could understand.

The face on the wall emitted another scream in reply.

The spider-demon continued to speak in its language, seeming to explain the details to a specific place.

Another scream was heard from the huge face.

The spider-demon said just a few words in its untranslatable language.

A cyclops came to the front, armor hugging most of his giant frame.

The cyclops spoke, in a language similar to the one the spider-demon used. From its tone, it sounded as if it was talking about something it hated very much.

Another scream from the face.

The cyclops continued talking, now using a tone that was usually associated with scheming.

The face emitted another scream and the assembled creatures left.

The torches blew out, and the whole room fell into darkness again.