//------------------------------// // Old Scars // Story: The Winds of Change: Loose Ends // by AgentSnail //------------------------------// Old Scars "Jason, come here!" Dash yelled, looking at a pile of gun parts on the ground. "I don't know how to put it back!" "You'll get it eventually." He replied, and the mare gritted her teeth. "Alright…" She growled, "Attempt ninety-four." Jason peered in, looking at the parts that were spread out across a towel. "You know you're going to need this later." He said, watching her as she slid things into place. "I can do anything with my pistol, I'm not sure why I can't just dramatically throw this away when it stops working and pull out a new one." Dash replied, briefly wiping off the barrel with a rag before she set it aside. "I'd love to go in there all matrix style, you know, but I'm lazy, and carrying more than two guns seems a little ridiculous." "But there'd be no reloading." Dash pointed out. "Makes me jealous of Tank with his ammo belts." "Hey, two hundred rounds doesn't take a long time to fire, when he's the one trying to cover us. Plus, those things are way heavier than I thought they'd be, considering there's not much metal involved. Just the connectors, I think." "Yeah, well-" "Jason!" Scoots yelled from downstairs. "Are you coming back?!" "Just a second!!" Jason hollered back, shaking his head as he returned his attention to Dash. "What have you got going with her?" She asked, some of her annoyance left behind. "She's got some school stuff to do, on some book. The kid wants my help, for whatever that's worth." He paused. "I mean, she chose a human book, but still." "She's doing a remarkably good job keeping the whole thing secret." Dash noted. Jason scratched his chin, leaning against the doorframe. "She kept the whole orphan thing under wraps pretty well too." Dash didn't respond immediately, the clinking of metal the only sound. "I suppose you're right. It makes me happy to think that she got us. At least, for whatever we're worth." She let her head droop a little, and Jason walked over, sitting against the bed next to her. "You know that we're not bad parents." He said. "Yeah, but I want her to have a childhood where she doesn't have to worry about us. I want her cutie mark to be her biggest concern, like back when she started crusading. When she was my biggest fan and all that, I liked the attention--you know me--but I also liked the idea of being a role model. It was like what the Wonderbolts were to me, I was to her. I kinda lost the good intentions there sometimes, but now that I'm completely responsible for her, I just feel a little…" She twirled her hoof, trying to come up with the right word. "Overwhelmed?" Jason tried, but she shook her head. "Scared?" "Yeah. Like I'm not going to be what she needs from me. I can be a role model any day, but a mentor? A teacher? I just don't know." "Jason!" Scoots yelled again. "Just a minute!" His voice lowered. "I'm pretty sure this just proves the fact that you know what you're doing. Bad mothers don't question themselves." Maybe that wasn't true, but it sounded good the way it was. "There's no way that's true." Dash said. Dammit. "You're not a bad parent. You're smart. I'm smart, I think. Our kid looks to us, admires us, and we provide better than a lot of ponies could, especially under the circumstances." He paused. "I didn't just go along with having kids because it means romantic sex," he put a hoof to his chest. "which I love, but because I knew we could rear an awesome goddamn kid. They say that parents work their asses off to make life better for their kids, and I think we'll have succeeded at that by about a million times." "Maybe a million and one." Dash replied, wrapping a greasy hoof around his neck as she leaned over to peck him on the cheek. "You better come up some crazy way to make a baby romantically," she whispered into his ear, "because as soon as that week hits, you know I won't be putting up with that." Jason got up with a chuckle, giving her a small kiss back. "How am I supposed to concentrate on a book when you say these things?" "You'll get it eventually." She said, grinning as Jason let out a groan. "Using my own words against me." He muttered, turning to leave. He shot back a glance. "You win this round, Rainbow." "Alright, where were we, Scoots?" Jason asked, watching the foal labor over a piece of paper at the coffee table. "Why did I pick such a long book?" She whined, looking up with tired eyes. "I just want to go to bed!" Jason let himself collapse onto the couch. "Well, you're finding themes and such, because apparently prompts don't even change on other planets, so you can just do anything you want." "But-" "The trouble, Scoots, is backing up your theme. You can call anything you want one, but you'll only make a good essay if you can be clever about how you argue your point, so to speak." She handed him her book, which he turned over in his hooves. Jason grinned. "Lord of the Flies! I loved this one!" "Yeah, it was in the bookshelf, so I grabbed it." Scoots replied, pointing into the map room. "I guess I didn't expect the Fly Lord to be… that, but then again, it wasn't a bad read." Jason debated the idea of having Scoots call in sick tomorrow. But keeping her in school was probably the better idea, especially with so much left to do. "So, what theme are you doing?" "Well, I thought about the idea of civilization versus… whatever they become, and-" "Savages." Jason filled in, and she nodded. "But that seemed to… I dunno, repetitive. So I could focus on symbols instead, like that guys glasses or the conch, or…" She trailed off. "Well, that's two out of three paragraphs." Jason reminded with a grin, lightly pushing at her shoulder. "You didn't need me for that, ya goof!" "I only thought of that when you were around though!" She complained, and Jason let his grin warm a little. "Oh, hush. See if you can get that far, and I'll help you with the rest when you finish." "Promise?" She asked. "What if Twilight gets here?" Jason laid a hoof on her shoulder. "I can make time." _________________________________________________ Twilight felt the air whoosh away after her final teleport, welcome to cold to her swollen face. It wasn't as bad as before, but Eravel hadn't let up as much as she thought he would. She was starting to think that they were all going to be hard-asses when it came to her. Not that she cared a lot, it was to be expected. Of course, that didn't make the fact that everything hurt seem any better. Though she suddenly had an appreciation for the pain Dash or Jason felt when they got beat up. At least she had a pistol at her hip now, though it had taken a bit of explaining to make few- fur- Ferris understand that she hadn't been mugged. And he'd only told her about a thousand times not to touch it. Twilight heard sounds of laughter, and looked inside through a window next to the front door. She wasn't keen on entering right away anyway. "What are we going to do Piggy?" Scoots asked Jason, and Twilight furrowed her brow. "We can't light a fire without your glasses!" "Uh-" Jason stammered, holding up a book, which he skimmed for a moment and set down. "We- we'll use the conch, Ralph. We can help Jack see the error of his ways if we can just find a shred of humanity left in him." "But-" Scoots sighed, looking around at invisible ponies. "We're so few, and- Wait, Jason, you screwed something up here." "I think we swapped lines." The door shut with a quiet click and both of their heads swiveled to the mare in the doorway. Scoots quickly put Jason between her and Twilight. "God, you bruise easy." Jason said, walking over. Twilight giggled, her laugh turning into a whine as she jostled at a painful tooth. "You can fix it?" She asked, her voice low. Jason sat down in front of her, watching the mare tenderly do the same. "Hey, I got an idea for the essay!" Scoots exclaimed, hopping over to the table to write some stuff down. "Good." Jason replied shortly, gently pushing Twilight's head to one side so that he could see her cheek. It wasn't that bad, really. Steve had been worse when they'd been fighting Nightmare and he'd ran into a wall face-first. And it was still far better than earlier, but that was probably because of the fact that she hadn't had as long to swell up. Twilight let out a noise of protest at Jason's slow proceedings, and he took his hoof away. "Don't move, alright? I'm going to do this in the easiest way possible, if it means conserving a little energy." She nodded, but jumped a little as he pushed his horn carefully against the side of her cheek. It was always easier with shared contact, which reminded him a little of electricity. "Jas-" "I said not to move." He replied, closing his eyes. Twilight felt his horn heat up, the warmth spreading out along her cheeks as she felt her swelling lessen. Her tooth rattled uncomfortably a few times before it solidified its roots again and stuck fast. It felt pleasurable, in a way. It was like the sudden diminishing of pain had a feeling all its own, one of relief more than corporal enjoyment. "You better be healing her, Jason." Dash said from upstairs, and Twilight flicked her eyes upwards, over Jason's mane. He let out a huff that left the fur on her neck humid feeling, but made no response. "Yup," Dash continued, looking over Scoots' shoulder at her writing. "Definitely healing." "Does he always-" A hoof held her jaw in place, and she stopped. Jason removed his horn from her, grinning as his head slumped and came back up, like a foal trying to stay awake. "You all good?" He asked. "Sore, but yeah." She checked the loose tooth with her tongue, amazed that it was fixed. "That's some power you have right there." "When it comes down to it though, it's really pretty limited." He shook his head. "I can heal a few ponies a whole lot, but I can't replace a lot of what isn't there. If they lose a lot of blood, I can't do much. Obviously getting shot in the head falls into the same general category." "And you almost pass out after being incapacitated for a while." Twilight finished. "Which, by the way, what's it like?" "Healing?" Jason shrugged. "It's not something I think about too much, after I start. I could do it without thought, but then you'd just end up healed of everything, and that'd put me out like a light. I'm assuming that it's some changeling response to shut down with such a sudden loss of love like that, because I've not had a lot of trouble with repeated smaller spells. But when I concentrate, I guess it's like fixing a house. You get in experienced people to fix stuff, which is like me, but of course, to save money, you'd want to do the easy stuff yourself. That's my best analogy, because I don't really remember a whole lot of it. It's a weird time…" Twilight furrowed her brow, but didn't respond. Dash took a step forwards, opening her mouth to speak. "So I guess you two have to get stuff together. I'll probably find something to do out here and get stuff packed, but just call if you need me for anything." Jason threw a salute back with a grin, directing Twilight's gaze towards a table. "So here's what I have so far." He began. "I got the walkie talkies to network with this computer, using the reception and power it already has to allow the signal to reach a little further. I even got this camera hooked up to stream to it." He pulled over a helmet with a camera stuck to the top, tapping a few buttons on the computer. "Hey, that works!" Twilight exclaimed, staring at a low frame rate video projecting from the computer screen. "Well, kinda." Jason murmured, moving the helmet around. "It's delayed and has trouble with high frame rates, which is to be expected. I just want some sort of visual contact, so that I don't have to try to describe things." "Yeah, alright." "So I made an antenna for it, which I actually took from an old cell phone, and-" He pulled at a little antenna, extending it a foot and a half upwards. "It works a lot better that way." The frame rate sped up, and as Jason shifted the helmet the view stayed smooth. "It works at close range, but that's about it." "And you want me to extend the signal?" "Yeah." "Good to know you're using my skills effectively." She muttered, and Jason frowned. "You know, I don't want to use your skills to their full potential." He said, crossing his arms. "We're in for the long haul, and I don't know anything about what you do well. So yeah, you're stuck with a job like this. Hopefully it's easy to do the magic, because you'll be rattling off information like crazy. I can't do magic during all that, and I needed someone who could." Twilight nodded, looking at the computer again. She turned back, opening her mouth to speak. "So, why did Dash say stuff about humans earlier?" She asked, changing the subject. Jason paused. "It was a joke." He turned his head back to the table, writing something down. "Look, Jason, I know everything." She said, keeping a straight face even though she was bluffing like crazy. "You're bluffing." He said, and she mentally berated herself. Was she that obvious? "But I guess you don't have a terrible poker face. Just might want to work on those emotions." She face hoofed, shaking her head at the realization that she had expected that to even have a chance at success. "You know," Twilight began, "I'm part of the team now, I deserve to know these things." Jason paused mid-word, before his pencil finished off the sentence. "Fine." He turned in his chair, looking her in the eyes. "Since you won't ever leave anything alone." He sighed. "I wasn't born a changeling, or a pony, or anything with four legs. I was a human, on a planet where the only sapient beings were humans. I had friends, a family for a while, and I was fairly happy. Then I got into a car accident, died or something, and ended up in this stupid body in this stupid place." "But-" "So of course, after I went to Ponyville, got chased out, went through the whole rigamarole, I ended up with Dash and Scoots, and some friends. I also got this power that I don't even want." He paused. "So instead of living a fairly- well, it might not have been normal, but I was used to it, kind of life, I got stuck here." "Is that why the soul magic guy's interested in you?" Twilight asked. "Look, if I knew why he wanted me to experiment on or kill, I would've acted on that clue by now. But I don't. I don't know why he wants me, I don't know why the soul magic on the map had something wrong, and I don't even know why I was brought here!" His voice rose. "I have no idea why I have to wade through ten feet of shit for a country that isn't even mine, or why I do it!" Jason's breath caught, and a wiped his eyes before any tears could slip out. "I just want to see my friends again." He finished, leaving the room quietly. Twilight stared after him, sighing to herself. This is what always happened when she asked too many questions. It also happened to be like the fifth time she'd annoyed Jason, and even beyond that, the information just wasn't fulfilling. She liked knowing things because it made her feel safer, that she knew what was coming. But that had just made her feel like an asshole. That was probably the problem anyway. She wasn't the most compassionate pony in the world, and it was really starting to show. Jason wasn't as cold as she'd thought, which should have been obvious given the fact that he was married to Dash of all ponies. But the fact that he'd lost it scared her. Twilight had read about war, and the terrors thereof, and Eravel was right. You never left it behind. It was always there, always etched into your memory. Maybe Jason didn't have a day to day problem with it, and she couldn't know how it affected him, but when it came to Dash, she could see the differences. The mare had become more calm and collected, still showing off her boisterous, competitive side, but in a conservative way. Like, in repressing some of her memories she had in fact repressed herself in general. She rose, wondering briefly why she had gotten herself into this mess once again. But more importantly, Jason at least deserved an apology. He deserved several thousand, probably, but she could at least knock out the tip of the iceberg. _________________________________________________________ "What's got you all riled up?" Dash asked as Jason walked into her room and laid down on the bed beside her. He shook his head, knocking a tear sideways. "It's not Twilight." He murmured, closing his eyes and pushing himself into her side a little. "What then?" She inquired when he didn't continue. "I-" He paused, trying to keep his voice steady. "She asked me about human things, and I was kinda mad at her, so I spilled. I just- I just kept talking and yelling about things that we still have to go through, and then I remembered…" He trailed off, and Dash was about to cut in when he continued. "You remember that dream last night?" "Yeah. Of course." The blue mare replied, swiping a tear from his cheek. "I'm not sure where the faceless guys came from, but-" "Those were supposed to be my friends!" He exclaimed, unable to hold himself together any longer. "I- I kept trying, that whole time, to remember what they looked like, but I couldn't. I couldn't remember." Dash wrapped her arms around Jason and he planted his muzzle in her shoulder. "I can deal with the regular nightmares, but that-" He sobbed. "I just want to see them again. I want to tell them that I'm alive, and I want to just have a conversation with them one more time." Twilight pulled her head from the doorway, sighing to herself. Of course she just felt like more of a jerk now. Maybe some of that was because of the fact that Jason wasn't such an emotionless rock. She'd always been suspicious when Dash would claim that he was hilarious, and yet he didn't try any sort of real comedy on them. The reasons were fairly obvious now, considering the fact that he didn't have references he could pull or a society he could make fun of. The way he'd talked about his home before now, she'd assumed that it was much the same, minus the technology. But he wasn't even the same species as her, or his wife. Some part of her commended him for not taking the change with more issues. That was probably what made him stronger than her. He feared combat, but not because of his own safety. He wanted a foal, and he wanted a wife to help raise it. But even then, the fact that missing his friends took such a high priority made her think. He had all these things to worry about, yet everything came down to other people, and how they were doing. Chances are, it was the same thing with Dash. "Twilight, what'd you do to Jason?" Scoots asked, her purple eyes seeming to burrow into the similarly colored mare's soul. "I-" She sighed. "I just asked him what he was hiding from me, when there really wasn't much to know." "So you know about…" The foal trailed off, gesturing with a hoof. "Yeah, that Jason was human." She muttered, looking away. "You got to see him, then." Scoots began, "in human form, right?" "Uh, no. I mean- That was him?" Twilight questioned, mentally groaning. Of course it was. "How?" "Poison joke." The filly said dismissively, "but that's not the point. I mean, I think-" She took a step in, lowering her voice. "Don't tell anypony, but I think those two are getting a little distant." Her eyes turned downwards. "Ever since they got stuck back into this they got kinda quiet. I'm not sure what they're thinking, but it can't be good." "You don't have to tell me this." Twilight pointed out, but Scoots shook her head. "I sometimes get pulled into their dreams, and for a while it was great. We did dream things, but I could do whatever I wanted outside of massive changes. There were a few nightmares, but we fought them off and it was still kinda nice. But they're- the last one, a few days ago… they aren't winning anymore. Stuff's just past their level I guess, and they know it." Her voice cracked, and she took a few steps away. Her eyes retained the same hardness, as if she was adverse to showing emotion. "I just want to have a family that I can keep." Twilight watched the foal walk away and up the stairs, disappearing onto the landing. Is this what this turned ponies into? She didn't- then something clicked. They weren't worried about the fighting. They didn't fear death, at least not overly so. This family, grouped through the trials of what they'd accomplished and bound by loyalty and love, really just feared the idea of being alone. They would fight tooth and hoof for their allies, but Jason and Dash were smart; not everypony would make it out alive. They weren't scared of overwhelming odds, so long as they didn't have to fight them alone. __________________________________________________________________ "Twilight, wake up." The mare moved, groaning as she stretched her hooves above her head and yawned. She opened her eyes and glanced to one side, where Jason was watching her. "You fell asleep." He said. "Yeah, I guess I did." She responded, her sore muscles complaining about the movement. "What time is it?" "One." Jason replied. "Everyone else is asleep." Twilight yawned again. "It's really quiet up here." "Sometimes I wish it wasn't." He said, stretching an arm out. "I miss the sounds of the city." "I'm surprised you find it nice to sleep with noise." She noted. "It's just one of those things, I guess." Jason continued. "I'm sorry for going off on you earlier, but I guess the last few days haven't exactly been easy." "Oh no no no, you're not apologizing to me. You're the one that deserves an apology. I pestered you too much about things that didn't matter, and I'm sorry." "Well, it's one thing off your mind, I suppose. It's not like you to forget about something like that anyway." "I just wish you would have told me by yourself, without all of that." Twilight said, sighing. "But of course, now I can see why you wouldn't." "I just don't want my whole life on display, you know?" He asked, and she nodded. "It's not much of a secret, but it's one that I don't think would go over well. Even beyond that, I just don't want ponies to know. Outside of my friends and family, I would rather just stay under the radar. I don't want ponies going crazy over me, I just want them to remember what we accomplished." He paused. "And I guess I want my paycheck, but that's more because I don't want to live off of someone else's money. If I didn't have the position I have now though, I kinda wonder what would have happened to me." Twilight watched him pull a red box with a plus onto the table, which her tired mind eventually deduced to be a first-aid kit. "I wonder what would have happened to Equestria." "I'd like to say that we were the keystone in that, but we weren't." He shook his head with a chuckle. "Things may have ended differently, but I'm sure someone would have arisen to fill our spot." "You'd really rather have some job in town, keeping your head down?" The lavender mare asked as Jason unclasped the side of the box. "Looking back, yeah. I'm sure I would've joined a resistance, but after I'd be right back to my job. I don't like the chaos around here, with magic and what-not. I'm pretty sure the laws of physics still work, but I can't really be sure of that either. Thing is, any idea of an army invading my country is just that: it would never happen, outside of some sort of natural disaster or nuclear war." He put a hoof to his forehead and sighed. "I'm getting off topic. Point is, there's stability there that just doesn't seem to exist here to the same extent, and I'd like as much of that as I can get. There's no such thing as a guy too powerful to take out, sitting in a bunker somewhere in Manehattan. We were all human, and you got out what you put in, for the most part." "Equal playing field." Twilight filled in. "Yeah, we didn't have a third of the population that did this or that, no talents on our butts… If something caught your fancy and you put your mind to it, it could be achieved. People just seemed less committed to a trade than they do here. My friend joined the military at the beginning of his career, when he could have done a million other things. But he set his heart on fighting enemies halfway across the world, nowhere near the immediate threat level the griffins had." "What happened to him?" She asked, watching him organize the contents of the container. "I don't know." Jason responded. "That's why I want to go back." "To see what happened?" "To make sure he's okay, to tell them I am… Any way you look at it, I'm quite literally dead to that world, and it wasn't even a good way to go." "Cars, right?" She asked, and he nodded. He couldn't remember when he'd given her that information, but he didn't doubt that he had. "I guess this begs the question of how you would want to die, if you had a choice." "You know, I just wanted it to be fast." Jason began, frowning. "I didn't want to have some disease and try to fight a losing battle. But at the same time, I didn't want things to be abrupt. I want to say my goodbyes, have Dash, Scoots and hopefully the rest of my family around. At least go when I'm happy." "You're not much of one for uplifting conversations, huh?" "I didn't schedule any for today, so no." He returned his attention to the table. "But whatever, let's just get this stuff done." "Sounds good to me." "Alright." Jason said, taking in a breath. "I assembled a big amount of medical stuff that I'm going to divvy up between us." "But you can just heal us, so it won't really be used, right?" Twilight asked. "Three things. I could die, won't always be near you, and could need it for myself." Jason replied succinctly, pointing with his hoof to a row of items. "Now, these are syrettes. One use, and they basically dose up the pony with morphine. It dulls pain, if you don't know, and it's fast acting." "And these are gauze, tape and suchers." Twilight added, pointing those out in turn. "But what're these big needles?" "Adrenaline." Jason said. "All the effects of regular bodily adrenaline, but concentrated." He set them aside, watching her grab at one. "I take it this will be a little more than a regular dose, what with the size of humans?" "If we need adrenaline, I don't think that'll matter." He paused, shaking his head in thought. "There are a lot of conventional ways to use it, but with magic and all the other things that could happen… I just don't want to think about any of this." "I know what you mean." "There was a book I read, once, about a guy that could kinda see his whole life at one, without time as a factor. It was just a meaningless thing to him, other than as a dating device. He knew when he'd die, and when he was born, and how. The book was a haphazard set of skips to various points in his life, where something happened, and he moved again. But he was always passive about what happened, knew that there was nothing he could do to change his eventual fate. It was almost as if he just sat back for the ride." Jason went silent for at least a minute, but Twilight knew he had a follow-up and waited. "I wish I could see what was going to happen, when this is all over. I might care if it was bad, but at least I would see it coming." "What's the book called?" Twilight asked after a few moments of silence. Jason stared for a second, before he gestured for the mare to follow him and got up. "I have a few bookshelves filled with books and magazines and stuff. You're welcome to look at them whenever, so long as you don't lose them or give away any secrets." "It's been a long time since I've seen anything like these though." She said. "I promise I'll be careful with them." Jason's mouth turned up into a small grin as he led her into the map room, one wall covered by bookshelves. "I went through everything we found a couple weeks back, and stuck them all in here. They may not be my books, but a fair number of the ones I read still came through." Twilight browsed along a shelf, her horn tingling with magic as she grabbed an interesting one gently and pulled it free. She held her breath, feeling as if a simple breath would cause the paperback to fall apart. "This is so cool." "And you'd be surprised the kinds of things writers could come up with." Jason grinned a little wider, both from pride and a little humor. "I guess it'll all be sci-fi to you though." He heard Twilight giggle as she opened the book to the first page. Jason continued to look over the bookshelf, his grin transitioning into a warm smile. He always had a little bit of humanity here, after all. Sure, it wasn't a friend, or even a being. But so much was represented, so many emotions and thoughts that were uniquely human. He passed by a familiar title, and memories passed through his head. The plot of the book came second to everything else he remembered about what had happened while he'd been reading it. The fact that his book, even if this wasn't it on his shelf, had been given to him by a friend, that Ben had almost given the ending away… The way they'd laughed at the movie. Jason felt warm, the feelings of fear and anger, of loneliness even, all but covered. He felt content, and for the first time he hadn't needed to be in Dash's arms, forgetful of the outside world only because of the fact that his love for her pushed that away. He still felt that love, and the closeness to her despite his separation. Memories continued to sweep back through his mind, some of his life here, some of his time before. He wasn't happy about what he'd been through, but he could at least be happy about what he'd made of it. "You okay, Jason?" Twilight asked. "You've been standing there for like five minutes." He shook his head, breaking the trance. "Yeah, actually." He smiled back at her. "I'm going to go lay down. We can do the rest of what we need to in the morning. Read however long you want, but if you want to migrate, Dash left some blankets on the couch for you." With that he was gone. Twilight watched him go, his rather abrupt change in demeanor more than a little strange. But what should she know? She signed up for this, and… in a way, beyond all the problems, the loneliness, the unpredictability… The idea of a similar life to his, after the fighting, seemed a nice idea. Twilight looked at her book, eyes losing focus as she thought. There was only one thing that could lay everything out in front of her, concisely. One thing that could make all the trials and tribulations clear, and lay out her goals and obstacles. She needed… a checklist.