“You’re really good at this,” Caps Lock said, closing his eyes once more. “A lot better than my mom.”
Diamond Tiara giggled at the compliment. “Well, I’ve had some experience with my father.”
“Yeah, you look like a filly that LOVES to S the D. This one time, I tried to S my own D, but it was too long, and I—”
“Why do you keep abbreviating it?” she asked in annoyance, running her hooves through his curly, dark hairs as she spoke.
“Enough talking, just S faster,” Caps Lock said, arching his neck back. The filly nodded and contorted her face in determination. Caps Lock began watching as Diamond Tiara worked, and he shook in anticipation.
“Almost…Almost…ALMOST…ALMOST! AWWWWW YEAH! PERFECT!”
Caps Lock held the mirror up, admiring his new mane-style. His black mane had been piled high, similar to several famous musicians from decades passed. He bobbed his head up and down to make sure it would stay up.
“So now that I’ve ‘Styled your Do’ will you help?” Diamond Tiara asked patiently. She stood and waited while Caps Lock pondered the question, running a comb through his thick mane.
After a moment, he turned and shouted, “LOL, NO! GTFO!”
“But, you said if I styled your mane—”
“S’d my D,” Caps Lock corrected her, grinning broadly.
“UGH! You said if I ‘S’d your D’ you’d help bully those blank flanks!”
“I’m not a bully; I’m a troll. And a good troll does not pick his targets; he lets them come to him,” Caps Lock replied. “Kinda like YOU came to ME? YOU MAD?”
Diamond Tiara shook with anger and got right up to Caps Lock’s face. “No I’m not mad!”
“YOU MAD!” Caps Lock shouted in disagreement. He then ran from the alley before Diamond Tiara could do anything to stop him. Silver Spoon, who had been waiting patiently, watched as Caps Lock made his escape on his scooter. Diamond Tiara stormed out of the alley and approached her friend.
“Did you S his D?” Silver asked.
“Stop calling it that,” Diamond snapped. “But yes, I ‘Styled his Do’ and now he isn’t even going to help us!” The filly paced angrily in a small circle until an idea came to her. “Why don’t we play a trick on HIM?! It’ll show him who’s boss around here! We can deal with The Crusaders another time.”
Silver Spoon nodded in agreement and the two fillies laughed together. Once they were done laughing, Silver Spoon asked, “So ‘S his D’ stood for ‘Style his Do’? I was worried it was something like a BJ.”
“At least that would have taken less time,” Diamond Tiara grumbled.
---
The wind blew through Caps Lock’s new do as he rode his scooter through Ponyville. The citizens gave him odd looks as he passed by, singing his favorite song. Battle Stallion 3 was calling his name, but the day was still young and he still felt devious urges from within he had to satisfy.
Perhaps he would go troll the blanks flanks from school. The scrubs would be easy pickings and he could probably stretch it out for days, maybe even weeks before it got boring. He’d have to start off light; some name calling, mocking, and other common forms of antagonizing. But that would require him to get in the right mindset. Perhaps some pictures of cats would help.
--------
Sweetie Belle sniffled as Rarity attempted to fix the damage done to the filly’s mane. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were sitting on the floor, trying to explain their new classmate’s behavior.
“—and then he said his parents were dead! Why would anypony lie about that?” Apple Bloom asked the elder unicorn.
Before Rarity could respond, Scootaloo interrupted by mumbling something about two mares and a cup. The filly then lay there gurgling quietly. After a moment, Rarity said, “He sounds like he’s crying out for attention. Maybe he just needs some friends.”
“He was even mean to the ones who liked him!” Sweetie Belle said, watching hairs fall as the levitating scissors made corrections. “The only nice thing he did was tell everypony how to cure a tummy-ache!”
“Hmm, and how’s that?” Rarity asked, more focused on fixing Sweetie Belle’s mane than Sweetie herself.
“Bleach,” AppleBloom replied. The scissors snapped closed over a large portion of Sweetie Bell’s mane as Rarity looked up in horror. The hair fell to the floor and Sweetie Belle’s eyes welled up with tears.
Rarity’s eyes darted to Scootaloo and she galloped toward the sick pegasus filly. “TELL ME YOU DIDN’T!”
Scootaloo tried not to throw up as Rarity shook her violently, demanding an answer. “Didn’t what?” she asked, closing her eyes tightly.
“TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DRINK BLEACH!” Rarity screamed and shook nervously.
“I didn’t! I didn’t!” the filly shouted. Rarity, still stricken with panic, looked around the boutique frantically. Her eyes fell on the rotary dial telephone she rarely used, and she sprinted to it. Just as she reached it, it began ringing.
“H-hello?” Rarity asked into the transmitter.
“Rarity!” a frantic voice shouted through the receiver. “Is Sweetie Belle home yet?”
“Yes, she is,” Rarity replied, looking to her sister and biting her lower lip. “Please be quick, I have urgent—”
“Rarity! Listen! Don’t let her go near any bleach! My son Snails came home and told me his classmate said—”
“It would help an upset stomach?” Rarity said slowly, finishing the mare on the other end’s sentence.
“Yes! All the parents in town caught their kids going under the sink after coming home ill. I just hoped I got hold of you before…” The mare trailed off and waited for Rarity to say something.
“Sweetie’s fine, and so are Apple Bloom and Scootaloo,” Rarity said. Relief had washed over her after knowing no harm had come to any of the fillies or colts.
“Oh thank Celestia,” Snail’s mom replied. “We need to tell the children not to believe everything they hear. This could have been a real tragedy!”
At that moment, Caps Lock happened to wander by the window of Rarity’s Boutique. “Look! There he is!” Apple Bloom shouted, pointing to the window.
Rarity turned in time to see the colt’s ridiculous mane bob past and out of sight. She hung up the phone and went to look out the door. Sweetie Belle threw off her smock and joined the other two fillies behind her sister.
“Come on, do something!” Caps Lock shouted, holding a camera up to his eye. Opalescense, never amused by anything, simply licked her paw and scowled at the young colt that had interrupted her nap. Caps snapped a couple photos and looked at them in disgust, shouting, “This isn’t gonna make the homepage!”
“What is he doing to my poor Opal?!” Rarity asked. She kept the fillies behind her while they stood in the doorway watching the strange colt.
Opal finished licking her paw and gave Caps Lock her full, aggravated attention. He snapped another picture and looked at it, a smile forming on his face. “Yes, this is perfect! I’m gonna call you Grumpy Cat!”
“Excuse me!” Rarity shouted, approaching the colt.
“ABANDON THREAD!” Caps Lock shouted. He went to jump on his scooter, but then he saw the three fillies standing behind the unicorn. The colt screeched to a halt and turned to face Rarity. “One mare, three fillies? ME GUSTA!”
Rarity ignored Caps Lock’s strange behavior and approached him. “Are you the awful little colt that told your classmates to drink bleach?”
“I am OP, yes,” Caps Lock replied, running his hoof through his mane.
“Why ever would you do that?” Rarity asked angrily.
“YOLO!” Caps Lock shouted in reply. He then laughed stupidly to himself and began his advance. “I’m just giving the stupid ones the abortions their parents should have given them.”
“That’s terrible!” Rarity shouted. She was completely appalled at Caps Lock, but she was falling right into his trap.
Forget the fillies, Caps Lock thought to himself, a large grin on his face, this dildo-headed foal-factory is BEGGING to be trolled!