//------------------------------// // 32: The best kind of house // Story: Honor the Dead // by BinaryTroll //------------------------------// Honor the Dead by BinaryTroll Pre-read/Edited by Honored Service Chapter 32: “The best kind of house.” -------------- One day later I rolled over on my bed and sighed. It's surprising how quickly you can get bored in a castle, especially when there's a pair of possibly insane and definitely violent humans running around. Not to mention a half-dragon and a changeling. I need more comics. I rolled off my bed and onto my ridiculously plush carpet with a dull thump. I groaned and lay there for a moment before dragging myself to my hooves. I pushed the door open and slowly walked down the empty hall, wondering for the umpteenth time why my sister and I needed such a large castle. I needed to call back my guards too, after sending them away without explaining anything. I shrugged. I'll do it later. I turned the corner, lazily waved off the salutes of the guards and continued my journey to the library. Maybe I should stop off at the kitchens and grab a coffee. I might find the two humans there. They'd been suspiciously quiet since Edward's dramatic entrance yesterday. I took a small detour, turning left and going downstairs to get to the kitchens. Walking inside, I searched for the coffee maker. After some searching, I finally found it in a small cupboard, next to a jar of ground coffee beans. I took them out and boiled some water while I searched for the milk and sugar. I grabbed them from the fridge and the spice rack respectively and headed back to the now boiled water. I strained the coffee and let it brew for a bit before stirring in the sugar and milk. I lifted the life giving drink to my lips and sighed appreciatively. After packing away the coffee, I continued towards the library, floating my coffee over my head. I saluted the guards at the library entrance and entered. I took another sip and looked around. Comics were somewhere at the back, where nopony really went. I probably could have hid the Necronomicon back there and nopony would find it. Maybe not, but I did wonder why they were all stuck at the dustiest and most forsaken corner of the library. I slowly sipped my coffee as I walked over to the little forgotten corner. How did my sister even obtain all of these anyway? I've never seen anypony besides myself reading them. Maybe it's because I'm the only one who knows of their existence. I should tell somepony about them. I scanned the long rows of brightly colored covers, looking for something I hadn't read. “I smell coffee.” Muttered a tired and oddly familiar voice from above me. I looked up. Suspended between the two bookcases were four huge hammocks, one black, one red, one neon green and one leaf green. The black one shifted slightly and Edward's head leaned over the side. “Morning.” He muttered, yawning. “Do you have coffee?” I blinked. “Um, yes. I do.” “Is it black coffee?” “No.” One of his arms appeared and he pointed to the door. “Get out.” He slurred, before letting his arm drop and resting his head on it. The hammock overturned and he tumbled out, falling a good few meters before hitting the floor. “Ow.” He groaned, not moving. “Are you alright?” I asked, almost dropping my coffee. “Do you have black coffee now?” “No.” “Then no. I'm dying. Quick, caffeine to mouth resuscitation.” I rolled my eyes and went back to trying to find something good to read. The human slowly picked himself up and leaned drunkenly on the wall. “Blegh, I hate mornings. This is why I always leave the kettle next to my bed. Do you have one of those by chance? Or like, a magical coffee machine?” “Magic can't be used for everything.” I replied, selecting a few volumes of a series that I had skipped. “Bullshit.” He muttered, standing up a bit straighter and rubbing sleep out of his eyes. I looked up at the hammocks again. “How did you do this anyway? Where did you get the materials?” “Eh, there's a bunch of random stuff hanging around in the dungeons. Including some seriously massive rats that are a bitch to deal with without weapons. I'm going to need those back by the way.” I tucked the stack of comics under my wing. “I doubt that my sister would allow you to have them back. You haven't exactly given her reason to considering yesterday's events.” “Where's my coat and boots too? Also all Joel's stuff. No doubt he'd like his shoes and hoodie back.” I finished off my coffee. “I believe they are in the care of one of the castle's most trusted servants.” “Hmmm, that's a bit problematic. It's hard enough sneaking past the guards, especially when I'm carrying a bunch of cloth and rope. Could you get them or something?” I thought for a second. “I might be able to have them sent up here, but it could raise some hard to answer questions. Why do you want to keep all this secret anyway?” “A few reasons, the less ponies that know I'm here, the less ponies have worry about their safety. If nobody hires me, nobody gets stolen from or dies or whatever. Also, I really don't want word of my existence getting to Honored Service.” “Why not?” He gritted his teeth. “I have a... dubious relationship with the US military after I stole several million dollars of expensive equipment for a trusted client's use. I also may have used a bit too. And the horrendous amount of intel I've stolen. Not to mention the hundreds of soldiers that I've probably killed, both directly and indirectly. All in all, they don't like me much. Also, I pose a threat to both you, your sister and Twilight, as well as other important figures. I know I wouldn't take any of those hits, at least against the princesses, but he doesn't. And he has no reason to take my word for it.” “I see.” I said slowly, taking it all in. This man had stolen from the military, and probably would do so again if he was paid well enough. I made a mental note to step up the security around all of the valuable magical artifacts. “Also, I just like being all secretive. It's kinda fun.” I facehoofed. “Seriously?” “Well, no. The opposite of serious really.” I sighed. “Well, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do.” “Like read tons of comics.” He deadpanned. “And arrange somehow to get your clothing up here.” I deadpanned back. He sighed.“I should totally show you YouTube. Shame my ipod's out of battery. And in my coat.” “Your what now?” “Ipod. Small rectangular thing in a black case.” He held up his hands. “About this big. Plays music, somehow can connect to the internet here, and is excellent for showing random stuff to friends. To me, it's basically just portable internet.” “What is the internet? You mentioned it the first time I met you but you never really explained it.” “Well, that's because I can't. The internet is a bit difficult. I'd need my ipod or a computer or something to be able to show you. And it's nigh impossible to explain without examples.” I thought for a second. “What if I could get your ipod working again?” “Then I could show you the beauty and horror that is the internet. But I'm not sure how you would. You'd have to send a perfect electrical current through it to charge the battery, and then keep it like that for some time.” I considered the offer. “I don't really have much else better to do, so okay, I'll see if I can get your ipod working.” The human punched the air above his head. “Excellent. Now I need to get some coffee.” An hour or so later I lifted the small device up and studied it. I was back in my room, lying on my bed. The comics I had borrowed lay on the floor, forgotten. “How do you work?” I asked the small rectangle. It didn't deign to reply. I turned it over and examined it closely. It's back was a smooth, shiny surface that had numerous scratches running all over it, making it look almost dirty. There was a white depiction of what appeared to be an apple in the center. I flipped it back over. The front was black and entirely flat, except for a jagged crack running through it and a small depression at the bottom with a gray square in it. It reminded me a bit of Edward's computer screen, except much smaller. I pressed the little indent but nothing happened. I frowned. Maybe this is what he meant by out of battery. I seem to remember batteries being associated with electrical energy, so maybe this machine runs on that? Out of battery might mean that it no longer has electrical energy left? I sighed and set it down on my beside table. Roam wasn't built in a day, and I doubt I'll fix this 'ipod' any faster. I need to understand how it works before I can fix it anyway. Maybe Edward would know. He did seem to know a lot about the things he carried with him. And the faster I get this done, the faster I get to know what YouTube is. Maybe it's another game! My interest rekindled, I cantered back to the library, floating the ipod along behind me. I reached the comic section and looked around. Edward didn't seem to be there. With a couple of flaps, I flew up to the top of the bookcases and looked down into the hammocks that Edward and his friends had set up. The neon, black and red ones were empty. In the leafy green one, Joel lay, still fast asleep. I didn't wake him. I glided back down to the ground, still trailing the ipod along in the air behind me. Where would he have gone? I really hope he didn't do something stupid. Meanwhile “This was a really stupid idea.” I muttered, slowly edging my way along a tiny ledge outside the library window. I looked up to the tower where Celestia's quarters most likely lay. The sun shined bright behind it, getting in my eyes, as if to say 'fuck you, you aren't getting up here'. Yeah, well fuck you too. I reached for a handhold above me, grabbed a protruding brick, and hauled myself up half a floor. Yay. Only two billion more to go. I stretched out with my left arm and grabbed the cill of the window above me. I forgot how much of a pain climbing is. Just don't fucking look down. I got my right hand onto the window too and kicked off below me, quickly getting my upper body up and allowing me to swing my legs onto the ledge. I looked into the window to make sure nopony had seen me, but the room was deserted. I tried the window and it was unlocked. So I made my way into the room to see if I could find some rope or something that could make my life a little less perilous. I scanned the room. It looked a bit like a classroom, and very familiar. “Oh shit. I really hope that magic kindergarten doesn't have any classes today, or I am screwed.” I landed on the floor as softly as I could manage, which was pretty softly without my boots, and started to search. There were quite a few desks, lined up neatly for easy access, as well as a few small cupboards. I doubt I'll find much rope here. But since I didn't have anything to lose, I searched all the desks. All of them were full of books and stationary, including a few odd items like crystals or little bars of precious metals. One even had a small rod of wood that looked suspiciously like a wand. But no rope. Or anything else I knew how to use. Searching the cupboards was even more of a waste of time, they all seemed to be completely bare. I sighed and turned back to the window. It was worth a shot. Shame it didn't pay out. And then somewhere nearby, a bell rang.