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// Griffon the Brushoff 
// Story: Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student 
// by keaton-furman-prower 
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Dear Twilight Sparkle:

First of all, if you lost your recipe for an orgasm-intensifying potion due to Pinkie's prank, all you have to do is ask me! I happen to have one right here! Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not sharing it with you because you're a colossal bitch.

Oh well, I'm sure your brother and foalsitter will be happy to have some extra.

Now, I must say that it's interesting that you mention the griffon. Trust me, they may be weird, but it actually gets better: if you get knocked up by a griffon, the resulting abomination will have the lion bits replaced by pony bits! They call it a hippogriff! Of course, since griffons and ponies usually hate each other's guts, most hippogriffs are the result of date-rape.

So remember to stay alert if you're in a nightclub and see a griffon. Especially if he offers you a drink.

Anyway, she doesn't sound too bad, especially if she's worried about the junkie. And she definitely seems to have the right idea about Fluttershy. As much as I hate to agree with you, you're right: leading baby ducks right down the center of main street should be criminalized, and Fluttershy should be banished and thrown in a dungeon in the place she was banished to.

I must admit, Gilda could have made a fine addition to Ponyville. She could definitely have taught them a lot, and definitely more than you! But then again, I guess Pinkie Pie's drug-induced ideas would have made her leave sooner or later. It's too bad it had to be Rainbow Dash who ended up making her leave. I mean, if they'd remained friends, we might have been able to convince her to help teach ponies how to act properly.

On the other hoof, she is not a pony, and therefore could never be equal to us. So perhaps it was for the best.

Your faithful sun-shifting Goddess, Princess Celestia.