Responses To A Disgruntled Friendship Student

by keaton-furman-prower


Friendship Is Magic, Part 1

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

I think you ought to be grateful I'm letting you go anywhere on your own. Given how many times I've had to ground you for being a bitch, you don't deserve to make any friends at all. Oh, yes, and I've provided you with more knowledge and wisdom than most other ponies could ever dream of.

And the fate of Equestria? Admit it, you just want to be immortalized in statues and glass panes.

It's too bad the first pony you met had to be a junkie, though. Of course, you'd recognize a junkie when you saw one. I don't think I've ever met a pony who could put up with you without being higher than Cloudsdale.

And to be honest, I hope all those apples ended up giving you an eating disorder. It would make life so much easier for all of us. Also, if you have a picture of your mane after your encounter with Rainbow Dash, I'd love to have a copy. Or ten.
And then there was that hot decorator. Given how skilled she is at using her beauty to manipulate the hearts of ponies, I'm not surprised she seduced the dragon. Sadly, you not only lack her sexiness, but you treat everypony like dirt and expect to be treated like a princess.

Hell, your constant attempts at getting laid have scared off more rock bands than I care to count. Sadly, this means I have to get shitty music from animals, which you won't try to drag off to your bedroom.

I hope.

And now you're sleeping at your own party?! I just gave you a golden opportunity to get people to worship you and you just go and waste it?! At this point, I actually hope Nightmare Moon banishes me. Anything is better than listening to your inane bitching.

You're welcome.

Your faithful(?) teacher, Princess Celestia.