The next thing Twilight remembered was the sound of laughter. Scratchy, loud, and infuriatingly familiar laughter.
“Wow, Pinkie Pie. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you prank anypony that hard ever.”
“That wasn’t a prank, Dashie, I needed to test out my new horse grabbers,” the pink party pony replied matter-of-factly.
Twilight opened her eyes, but winced as they adjusted to the well-lit interior. “Horse grabbers?” she asked, as she looked around.
Sugarcube Corner’s front room was empty save for four of her best friends and herself. Pinkie Pie stood in the center of the room, grinning broadly at two bizarre constructs bolted to the floor. Each one looked like a harpoon gun had a baby with a barber’s pole’s ugly cousin.
The still snickering Rainbow Dash was hovering over a tangled up Applejack, flapping her wings in long lazy arcs. “You, ha-ha, you shoulda seen the look on your face, Applejack,” the cyan pony said wiping a tear from her eye. “Priceless.”
“Laugh it up, Rainbow. When I get outta these ropes, yer next.”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Yeah, I reckon ya would, wouldn’t ya?” The farmpony said through half-lidded eyes.
“Oh, my goodness,” answered a blushing Fluttershy.
Turning her head as best she could, wrapped in thick pink cord as she was, Twilight watched the demure yellow pegasus next to her trying to help untangle her bindings.
“Thanks, Fluttershy, but I think I’ve got this.” She closed her eyes and blinked out of existence with a trivial effort of will. Half a moment later, she was standing clear on the other side of the room by the fireplace.
“Horse grabbers?” Twilight asked again.
Pinkie Pie turned and trotted over to her. “Yepperoni, pepperoni! We need them to catch… it.”
Twilight squinted at the silly mare. “It?”
“No, no. It. Say it with a flourish.”
“IT?”
“Close, try it again.”
“It?”
Pinkie Pie nodded.
“Okay… So, who’s it?”
Pinkie looked left. Then she looked right. She motioned for her to step closer. Twilight did, and Pinkie Pie took a step closer herself, closing the gap between the two. Then she leaned forward and whispered two small words into Twilight’s right ear.
Twilight blinked at her, “What’s a Gift Horse?”
*KRACK-A-THOOOM* answered an oddly timely crack of thunder.
A fell wind blasted open the front door and forced its way in, snuffing out the warmth and light of the fireplace. Terrified shouts filled the ensuing darkness.
“Not yet, I’m not ready!” screamed Pinkie Pie.
“Get these dang-blasted ropes offa me!” hollered Applejack.
“I’m trying I’m trying, but it’s too dark! Oh no, oh my, oh no, oh—“ whimpered Fluttershy.
Somewhere by the door, Rainbow Dash called out over the howling wind. “That’s once for Twilight!” And then the door was shut, silencing the wind, but not the ponies.
“ENOUGH!” boomed Twilight, as a purple fireball lit up the darkness and flew into the fireplace, reigniting it. “Rainbow Dash, help Fluttershy get Applejack free. Applejack, stop struggling. Fluttershy, don’t forget to breath. And... Pinkie Pie?”
Twilight looked around for the Element of Laughter, but couldn’t spot her.
“Yes Twilight?” Pinkie Pie answered from above.
Twilight looked up and saw her pink friend hanging from a ceiling fan. Her mane frazzled beyond its regular poofiness. A purple aura wrapped itself around the mare and moved her closer to the fireplace where she was softly plopped down to the floor.
“I don’t know how you did that but can we hold off on any more scares? It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve after all. Not Nightmare Night.”
“But Twilight,” Pinkie said bubbly as her eyes darted around the room watching the fire’s shadow dance in every nook and corner, “that wasn’t me. It was the you-know-who.”
“The Gift Horse?”
*KRACK-A-THOOOM*
More screaming.
Rainbow rushed back over to the door and slammed it shut just as it started to fly open again. “That’s twice for Twilight.”
Twilight huffed and rolled her eyes. “This is ridiculous. What’s a Gi—“
“Twilight Stop!” all four mares shouted at once.
“Holy cow, girl,” Applejack said, shaking the last of the pink cord from her left hindleg. “Yer gonna summon the durn thing if ya keep this up.”
Twilight stomped a hoof in frustration. “Does somepony want to tell me what the hay we’re talking about?”
Applejack blinked in disbelief at her oblivious friend. “You mean ta say that ya don’t know about... it?”
“No, I don’t. What is a Gi… it?”
“A monster,” answered Pinkie Pie, warming her hooves by the fireplace. “A monster that brings presents...” She turned to face her purple friend, “Presents and terror.”
“Why would a monster bring presents?”
“Nopony knows,” answered Fluttershy, stroking her tail, “But everypony knows that you can summon… it… by saying its name three times on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
“This is ridiculous,” Twilight scoffed, “I’ve never heard of—“
“It is not ridiculous, Twi” Applejack spit back, “Why when I was a little filly, my cousin’s boyfriend’s uncle once summoned… it in Manehattan. It gave him a right nice box of cigars. Too bad it scared the stripes right off him.”
“Zebra?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Nope, military. They had ta discharge the poor feller ‘cause he went crazy, always carryin’ on ‘bout horses and shadows.”
“Oh, please,” Twilight giggled dismissively. “That has urban legend written all over it.”
Applejack looked at her unbelieving friend with hurt in her eyes. “Twilight… Ya think I’m lyin’?”
“No! No, no no no. I don’t. I believe that you think it’s true. I just think that it’s a tall tale that some well-meaning soul told you, that’s all.” The Alicorn smiled half-heartedly, “Who told you this story in the first place?”
“My cousin’s boyfriend’s uncle.” Applejack said, watching the smile on Twilight’s face wilt away.
“Oh.”
“On a court mandated visit away from the asylum.”
“Oh.”
“Eeyup.”
“But… But why haven’t I heard of it? I’ve had just as many Hearth’s Warmings as the rest of you. Plus I read everything all the time! You’d think a story about a monster that drives ponies crazy would have, I don’t know, come up once or twice.”
“Maybe it never comes to Canterlot?” offered Fluttershy.
“When’s the last time you researched holiday monsters?” asked Rainbow Dash, now leaning casually against the front door.
“A few years ago, when I… was sent to Ponyville and we beat Nightmare Moon…”
“Been a might busy since then, have ya, sugarcube?” asked a knowing Applejack.
“Maybe a little,” replied Twilight with a blush.
Pinkie Pie said nothing, but walked away from the fireplace and over the closer of her two horse grabbers. Once there, she began winding the thick pink cord back around its central housing.
“So…” asked Twilight as she watched Pinkie Pie turn the crank. “Why in Celestia’s name are you trying to catch it?”
Pinkie Pie grinned broadly at her oblivious friend, “Because it brings presents!”
“Presents?” Twilight asked flatly.
“Presents!” Pinkie replied bubbly.
“Okay, so stop me if I’m wrong, but… Your plan is to summon an insanity inducing monster here, capture it, and then… what, ask it for a present?”
“No silly, I’m going to take the all presents!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. You’re going to summon it, capture it, and then steal from it,” Twilight said flatly.
“You know,” admonished Pinkie Pie. “When you say it that way, Negative Nancy, it sounds like a terrible plan.”
“That’s because it is a terrible plan.”
“Yeah, uh, I’m not so sure about this anymore, Pinks,” said an unusually nervous Rainbow Dash. “I mean, you had me at presents earlier today, but…”
“Oh, Dashie, you’re so silly, that’s what we have blindfolds for, remember?” Pinkie Pie fished a silk sleep mask out of her mane, and strapped it around her forehead, just above the eyebrows. “Once it’s captured, we can just take its present bag.”
“And what’s your plan for after you’ve robbed this thing that you’ve tied up in the front room of Sugarcube Corner?” huffed an exasperated Twilight.
Pinkie laughed, “I figured I’d cross that bridge when I burn it down.”
“Don’t you mean—”
Pinkie tuned out the rest of Twilight’s tirade and finished cranking the first horse grabber until it clicked. Then she bounced over to the second one and interrupted the rest of the dressing-down with two words.
“Gift Horse!”
*KRACK-A-THOOOM*
“Pinkie Pie!” the four other mares shouted in unison.
“What? It’s the first time I’ve said it! Well, technically the second, but I whispered the first, and I don’t think that it coun—“
Before she could finish her thought, a wicked sounding whinny boomed through the evening air.
“What was that?”
“It came from outside!”
Pinkie Pie giggled in delight as she quickly wound the last crank. “It’s the Gift Horse!”
*KRACK-A-THOOOM*
That same morose call cried out into the winter storm just beyond their door. Applejack rushed over to help Rainbow Dash hold the door in place.
With a click, the second horse grabber was fully cranked and Pinkie Pie beamed a feral smile. She galloped over to the door and pushed her two friends aside. The door flew open and once again the fireplace went out, casting the room in darkness.
Pinkie Pie rose up on her hind legs, and stood fast against the wind, trying to see the creature out in the darkness. “Twilight, horn!” she shouted.
A purple light burst into life behind her, illuminating the snow, and casting a long shadow before her.
“Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, get to your stations!”
“On it!” replied Rainbow Dash, soaring to her spot behind the first horse grabber. Fluttershy rushed to her position too, but was too terrified to utter anything above a pitiful series of squeaks.
Pinkie Pie squinted out against the blizzard that raged around the bakery. She raised her right forehoof and waited for movement. She didn’t have to wait for long.
Something, a form half-buried in the snow, rose up on its hind legs and whinnied into the night, wheeling it’s front legs through the air.
Pinkie dropped her hoof back down to her side, and the horse grabbers fired. Two lengths of pink cord flew through the air, racing right past the party pony at high speed. In half a heartbeat, the figure outside found itself wrapped in coils against its will, and dragged into the eerie purple light emanating out of Sugarcube Corner.
The whinnying continued and Pinkie Pie resumed barking orders.
“Fireplace!” she yelled as she held one hoof up to her blindfold, ready to pull it down in a moment’s notice. “Get ready for the scare of your life girls!”
“Wai—“ called Applejack, but it was too late. The fireplace was lit.
Five ponies gasped. It wasn’t… it. It was much worse that it. It was Rarity.
Her eyes were clenched tight and she whinnied again. The unicorn fashionista writhed and thrashed against the coiled mass that held her down. Then she peeked open one eye and focuses in one of the pink cords wrapped around her.
“Tentacles!” she screamed, both eyes now as wide as saucers. “My horoscope was right!”
The terrified white unicorn bucked and galloped in place as best she could shouting “Every mare for herself!”
Somewhere beyond her, Rarity thought she heard laughter. Scratchy, loud, and infuriatingly familiar laughter.
“Rarity,” said a calm and rational voice.
Rarity, surprised as she was, tumbled over. When she looked up, she saw Twilight looking at her with pity in her eyes. “Twilight, help! Tentacles!” she begged.
Twilight rolled her eyes, and helped her overly dramatic friend to her hooves. The pink cord glowed a soft purple and released its grasp on Rarity who clambered out of the mess and walked over to the fire place.
It was only then that she was able to take in the rest of her surroundings.
Pounding on the front door was a hysterical Rainbow Dash, who shook so hard with laughter that she had to fight for breath. Sitting next to her was Applejack, who was practically vibrating as she bit down on the rim of her hat to stop herself from laughing.
Fluttershy flitted through the air and landed next to her and offered a few calming strokes of the back. Even Fluttershy had a curious uptick to the corners of her mouth. Rarity pouted at that fact.
Twilight was walking in small circles and carrying on about ‘holidays’ this and ‘monsters’ that. Pinkie Pie, oddly enough, was grumbling to herself as she worked a large crank on some awful contraption of hers.
With each rotation, Rarity watched as one of the dreadful pink tentacles began to wrap itself around…
Rarity gasped. “Pinkie Pie... you did this to me?”
“Sorry,” she said with a wince.
“Sorry? Sorry?! Don’t you think your little prank was funny? Rainbow Dash certainly does.”
A sudden question hit Twilight, “What were you doing out there, anyway?”
“I discovered a letter on my door telling me to come over.” she said before turning to look at Pinkie Pie, “Though truth be told, I’d rather have finished that bottle of merlot by the fire if I knew that by ‘scary’ you meant ‘tentacles.’”
“It wasn’t a prank. We’re trying to catch… it.”
Rarity’s ears flattened. “It? What do you mean it? I… Oh. Oh my. Pinkie Pie, truly?”
“Seriously? I’m the only one who didn’t know what it was?” asked Twilight.
The other mares in the room nodded.
Rarity rubbed her chin with a hoof. “But why?” before any of the girls could answer, she shot up and looked wildly about around the room. “How many times have you all said—“
Rainbow Dash, having regained a bit of her composure, pointed a hoof. “Twilight and Pinkie Pie are both at two.”
Pinkie Pie nodded at the satisfying click from the first crank, and walked over to the second. “Presents,” was all she had to say on the matter.
Rarity blinked at her. “She’s serious, isn’t she?”
Again, the other mares in the room nodded.
“Do you all have a plan for what comes after?”
Nopony nodded.
“So then why in Equestria are we doing this?”
Pinkie Pie focuses back on the last crank and turned it while a dreadfully silence hung in the air. There was a final click and she smiled once again.
“Because presents.” she said with soft finality.
Taking a moment to glance at the door one last time, Applejack was the first to voice her assessment. “Shucks, I can’t leave now. Not when yer ‘bout ta summon some freaky critter from beyond.”
“Pssh, like I’m gonna go to all this effort and not get a totally awesome present,” said Rainbow Dash.
Fluttershy voiced a similar opinion “I’m just glad that we’re all together on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
Rarity nodded apprehensively.
“I guess we’re all in,” said Twilight, her ears flattened against the top of her head.
“Uh… Not that I’m scared or nothin’, but could I get a blindfold too?” asked Applejack.
Blindfolds were distributed, instructions were given, and hugs were exchanged. Finally, Pinkie Pie moved into her position by the front door. She turned to look over her shoulder, ignoring the pinch in her knee. “Ready?”
Five affirmations later, Pinkie Pie took a deep breath and flung the door open. Then she said those two terrifying words, “Gift Horse.”
The fireplace went out and the girls all screamed, even Pinkie Pie. Outside there was no thunder. There was no lightning. There was no wind.
There was no Ponyville.