I just wanted to go to Equestria!

by Ditz

Pinkie Promised

“Shut the fuuuuu…” I stop my cursing and groan, reaching for my phone and turning the loud as heck self-voiced alarm off.

After twenty minutes of extra sleep, I’m forcibly woken up by mom, I release a heavy sigh, and get up. I walk out of my room --dropping my pants and underwear as I go to the complaints of mom-- and get in the shower, after which I manage to wake myself completely, thanks to the deadly waters of Poseidon aka hot water aka hell in liquid form.

I make my way downstairs after having prettied myself up --or as prettied up as I will be with green skin-- and head into the dining room.

“Good morning, son,” greets me dad as I sit down to eat some cereal. “And no, we haven’t received a single call, don’t ask,” well then…

“How do you always guess what‘s on my mind?” I laugh, playing with my cereal and drowning it in milk. Die cereal, die

“I‘m your dad, I know things,” he says as if it were matter of fact, which I guess it is… Parents are scary. “Anyway, you go back to school, so you’ll stop bugging us, huh?” wow dad, very subtle.

“I guess…?” I eat breakfast quietly while watching the news, is not something I’d make a habit out of, but news here are just ridiculous at times in this place.

“And once again, two men were found by the police, tied up by a light pole just outside West’s Diamond Emporium, a bag of diamonds hanging from a thread, no clues were found about the one that caused this, but according to repo-” the news lady’s voice is shut as the mute bar appears on the screen.

“What the heck, dad? I was watching that!” I complain to my oppressing father, oh, this is SO going straight to the internet! Then we’ll see who is sorry.

“I know, but I want you to listen to me,“ he says looking nervous. “You know… This is your last year of school… You are a senior,” nope, I’m not having this talk.

“Dad, I know, and don’t worry, I’ll keep my eye on my studies, I mean, I got good grades in the end, right?” I tell him, reminding him of my efforts for the past three months of ‘break‘… Not a very fun summer, I must admit.

“That’s not what I mean,” he gets up and sits on the chair next to me. “I want you to not only study, but also have fun… And well, I’ll be frank, as this may sound bad; You might not get to see any of your school friends after you graduate.”

‘Of course, I know that. The same thing happened when I was a senior before, dad’ or so I wish I could tell him, but he would just think I’m insane or messing with him, which wouldn’t honestly be too farfetched knowing me.

“Okay dad, I will,” he pats my head and returns to his seat, he opens his newspaper and gives me one last look before returning to it. I guess that’s my cue to go venture into school again… Ugh.

“Be careful too, okay?” he says with worry… Ooookaaaaay then.

I drag my ass to the bus stop -- having not gone to school this early for so long makes it difficult-- habits are tough to break.

I get on the bus, ready to meet a sour greeting from Soa-Hellooo?

“Good morning, Lemon!” some random guy greets me, I feel like I’m staring into a familiar face, but I just can’t quite put my tongue in it… “It’s me, Soarin?” he says, but that can’t be! Soarin is fat and unattractive, this guy is well built and good looking. The world has gone mad, MAD I tell me.
…
“Naaah…”

“Yes, yes, you don’t believe it, well, believe it, as you see, the truth is that it’s a very long story…”

“Soarin!” we both jump as we are staring at this lady sitting behind him, her hair looks familiar… Nah. “What did I tell you about showing off?”

“Not to?”

“Good boy.”

“Okay… I’ll be on my way then…” I say leaving quickly to the back. That lady must have been the one who put him in shape, it just explains so much that I didn’t care about.

I go to the back and stop to look for him… He is not there. Good. Not like I want to see him after the shit he made me do… Besides, I got far more important things to deal with, namely a certain pink girl to talk to... I wonder is she is still mad about what happened...

'I failed… I failed… How did I fail so badly? I mean, Twilight was there! And I was there! It was perfect! Like destiny, or something!' These are my thoughts as the event of two days ago comes to mind.

“Lemon? Are you still sulking?” I look up from my ‘fetal position’ in the several chairs I carefully set up to hold my body, and meet Pinkie’s gaze. “Come on! It’ll be fine! Sure, you probably destroyed your one and only chance to meet the girl you’ve wanted to meet so bad, but at least you got me!” WOW. THANK YOU PINKIE, YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.,WHAT A GREAT FRIEND YOU ARE.

“You are welcome!” dammit, Pinkie.

“You just don’t get it… It was a dream of mine, someone I’ve wanted to meet since April 2011...”

“That’s oddly specific,” she says with a chuckle.

“Shut it.”

“But, what’s the point? I mean, she obviously doesn’t care much for you, besides, she doesn’t look like someone that’s nice at all! She looked like a big meanie!” huh… That she did, didn’t she? “She just isn’t the Twilight you seem to want!”

Huh… Well buy me a soda and shoot my duck… She is right. This isn’t pony Twilight… This is just some imitation… Yeah… Well then, I guess that’s my depression gone right there.... Wow.

“Pinkie, have people ever told you how smart you can be?” I compliment her.

She grins, her cheeks showing a faint red.“Nope! But I’ve been told that I’m an airhead, but that’s just silly! My head would float!” it was good while it lasted. “Come on, Pat! Summer is around the corner! We all are gonna have SO much fun together… If you come, that is…” she finishes with a discouraged look, it would suck if someone- Oh, what the hell.

“I’ll be there, I… Pinkie promise,” she gasps as I raise my hand. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” she gives me the hugest grin I could have ever seen on any anatomically incorrect face and a hug as reward, me awkwardly returning it.

“Oh, it’ll be so much FUN!” Pinkie assures me, and while I don’t really want to go, I guess I need some sort of relaxation after that disaster.

And hey, I’ll probably get to meet the rest of the mane six.

I quickly power-walk through the halls --turns out running is against the pesky rules as stated by Ms. Cheerilee “Buzzkill” Mc. Gee-- and reach Celestia’s office, I don’t even bother to knock; they know I’m coming, or at least that’s what I tell myself.

“Um, good morning, um, Mr. Lime?” greets me Luna with a tired look on her ugly mug, she yawns widely and returns to her form fixing. I know the feel, sister. And in front of me, sits good ol’ Celestia.

“Good morning, Lemon… How may I help you? Ouch! And Pinkie Pie isn't here!” she says, her face showing a pained expression.

I raise a brow. “Um… How did you know I was looking for her?”

“Pinkie Pie isn’t here!” comes a voice from under her desk, Celestia face palms and shrugs at me, I try to approach her but she only shakes her head. You suck, Molly.

“Um… Right… Well, I guess I’ll go then…” I say to the person under the desk, which I swear, if it had been somebody else besides me here, they would have thought something naughty was happening… Not that I’m thinking it myself, that is.

“And don’t try to find her at lunch! You two totally don’t have the same lunch!” the desk says, I look at Celestia again and she rolls her eyes, she writes on a paper on her desk and shows it to me. 'She does' written in big words. Good to know after the addition of a ‘C’ lunch.

“Okay, um, well… Since, um Pinkie is not here or, um, lunch, I’ll probably never go to lunch again, um, ever!” that came out so monotonous that even Jeff Goldblum would be proud. “Well, I’ll see you later, Lulu, Celestia,” I rush out and close the door behind me right as I hear the voices in stereo.

“It’s Luna/Principal Celestia!” ha… I’ve been meaning to do that for a while.

“What do you think of this one?”

“Pinkie…”

“Or this one! Does it look good?”

“Pinkie!”

“What?”

“Do I really have to be here? Why didn’t you ask your friends to come with you?”

“They were all busy! You said you weren’t, so now we are here! Oh, and you too!”

“Who is the other in ‘we’?” I ask curiously.

“Me, duh!” I groan, I’m not even gonna argue.

I sigh for like a minute as I stare at the nest pair of bikinis from Pinkie, she puts them over herself, openly imagining herself wearing them as she runs in the beach that she plans to go to get seashells and listen to the ocean twice… Or so she says.

“You know, it doesn’t really help when you are wearing the clothes, I mean, all I see is a bikini over plain clothes,” I say jokingly, and she seems thoughtful for a bit and nods.

“You are right!“ wait a second.. “You need to see me wearing then, come on!” wait, what? I’m dragged as it is now custom and set down on a nearby chair as she goes into a changing room

“Pinkie! This is now what I m-” my phone vibrates in my pocket in the most blissful way possible. “Um, Pinkie? I have a call from…” I check my phone and groan, I told her not to bother me. “Mom. Be right back,” I hear a whine and roll my eyes, walking outside hearing range and answering. “Hello?”

“About time! I’ve been trying to call you since you left!” she says angry, geez, sorry.

“Sorry mom, what’s the problem? I thought we said that you weren’t gonna call me?” she apologizes instantly, then returns to bitchy mode again.

“I got a call from school, and it’s about your grades,” oh, noooo. “I’ll get to the point; you didn’t pass Lemon, it seems you are going to have to go to summer school.”

FUUU”That’s okay, mom!” UUUUUUUU- “Yeah, okay, I get it…” UUUUUCK! “Alright, I’ll be home at the time I told you, yes, I love you too, bye…” I hang up and toss the phone in my pocket, I look back to the changing room where Pinkie is obviously waiting….This is gonna suck, isn’t it?

I’m thankful that the first week of school is always the simplest, as I exit my new classroom and head to lunch as to Celestia’s words. I’m glad that I’m not the idiot I was when I first started and I’m only slightly stupid now, easily making it to the cafeteria with only a single incident under my belt.

I rush through the tables and find Pinkie easily, her hair is very unique… And alongside her there is a hat wearing guest who needs no introduction.

“Um… Can Ah’ help you, pardner?” the unmistakable form of human Applejack asks, looking from me to Pinkie, I want to say she looks like the stereotypical cowgirl… But with a skirt… I’m pretty sure most cowgirls wear jeans. Eh.

“You can‘t, but that person next to you certainly c-”

“But I thought you said you weren’t coming to lunch ever again!” Pinkie says surprised… Why is she surprised?

“How do you know I said that?” I ask, playing along.

“I didn’t! I just guessed,” she harrumphs, crossing her arms and looking away from me… She must be really pissed, and admittedly, that kinda stings.

“Look, Pinkie, I know you are angry, but, come on! It’s not a big deal!”

"Hold on right there!" says Applejack as Pinkie is stuck in a motion with her mouth open, she moves from the seat she is on to the one Pinkie was on, and then moving Pinkie right next to me. “You may continue now,” what is that supposed to me-

“Not a big deal? NOT A BIG DEAL!?” I tremble as I see Pinkie’s eyes literally look as if on fire… Mommy? “You are… Um…”

“Unbelievable?” Applejack suggests.

“Does that sound bad enough?” she asks through gritted teeth, AJ nods slowly in confirmation. “Then it works! Ugh!” she storms off, leaving me looking completely miserable. What the hell did I do?

“She sure did a number on ya, huh?” AJ says with a smirk.

Whatever you say, hat pony. “Shut it, AJ,” she looks at me with a no-longer friendly mood.

“Ah’ take it you are Pinkie’s ‘psychic’ friend?” she says without reserve. “You know mah’ name, so how about telling me yours then?” using common courtesy against me? Jerk.

“Lemon Lime,” I reply with my shortly forgotten anguish over the name.

“Heh, cute name,” why does everyone say that!? “Anyway, I take it you want to get Pinkie to forgive ya, right? I think I can help with that.”

“You’ll help me? Even when I was being rude?” she nods.

“Well, she IS mah friend, and she is usually the one who cheers me up, so Ah’ think Ah’ can afford to deal with some rude fellow when it comes to her,” well, fair enough.

“Alright… You have a plan?” she grins.

“Of course Ah’ do! Just leave it to me!” well, she is the dependable one in the show… What could go w- I didn’t finish that! It doesn’t count!

“Besides, as you can see, she can’t do the angry girl thing, don’t worry, we’ll get through to her,” she says confidently.

“Alright, AJ; what’s the plan?”

We walk into the sunset --great, I can’t even say that without thinking of that bitch-- as we make our way home, thanks to Pinkie’s idea to stop for ice cream, we end up missing our bus after our ‘fruitful’ trip to the mall.

“Don’t be such a sour-puss! We can use the exercise!” walking five miles to reach home is five miles more than I care for.

“Yeah, sure,” I say with a weak response, it’s not like me to revoke weakly, but I can’t help it when the earlier phone call comes to mind.

“What’s wrong, Pat? You’ve been tree quiet!”

“W-what?” I ask her confused at the odd word in the middle.

“Oh! That’s even more quiet than ‘two’ quiet!” whatever you say, Pinks.

“Right… Anyway, don’t worry, it’s nothi-” she stops in front of me, holding a serious look. “What?” she grabs my hand and pulls me toward an alley close by. “Pinkie? What are you doing? This is too sudden!” she stops and crosses her hands, looking at me with a searching stare… I’m just going to pretend I didn’t say that.

“Talk, mister,” she demands calmly.

“A-about what?”

“I don’t know,” she says without any sarcasm --honestly, can she even sarcasm?--. “It‘s just like, like, a sixth sense!”

“A Pinkie sense, perhaps?“

“Don’t change the topic, buster!“ I keep forgetting that Pinkie can be quite perceptive… Damn it, it seems that I’m going to have to tell her, aren’t I?

“You are not gonna give in until I tell you, are you?” she shakes her head. Welp! “Alright, Pinkie… I might as well get it over with…”

I yawn, staring at my phone and checking the time, “4:57... Where are you, Applejack?” I growl, I’d been waiting by the front door for twenty minutes now, and I’m not having any fun.

BZZZT My phone vibrates, I take it out and read the message, that thankfully, comes from Applejack “Meet me in the gymnasium right now,” I can’t help but being a bit off by her calling it a ‘gymnasium', who even does that anymore?

I return the text and make my way to the GYM where she is waiting for me, holding herself against a door to a closet.

“Hey there, pardner,” she greets me, walking towards me and holding my shoulders. “She is right, whatever you did to upset her, she is right, got it?” I’m standing there in confusion, not knowing what to say… I guess I should find something to say.

“Um… Applej-Agh!” I’m pushed inside the closet before I’m able to say something, and I find myself looking at an unexpected guest; Pinkie Pie… Flattened hair edition.

“Oh, hey Appl- Wait, you aren’t Applejack! You aren’t even an apple!” that’s Pinkie alright. KLANG huh? What? I go to the door and try it… To no avail. It’s locked.

“Applejack, what the hell!?” I whisper through a crack in the door.

“Mah Granny used to do this to us whenever me and mah sis fought, trust me, she’ll want to talk after a bit,” well, I suppose that I should follow the advice of the elder.

“Um, Pinki-… Where did you go?” I look at the spot she had been standing on when I came in, forcing a sigh after finding a number of mattresses, equipment, and other such things surrounding the spot where she stood, I take a look around and see a couple of ball racks and other places where stuff is placed, but nothing else… At least until I finally come upon the sign in front of the pile that says in big letters ‘No Boys Allowed’.

…Really?

“Oh, come Pinkie Pie, that’s just sexist,” I say in a bit of a somewhat off comment, looking away shamefully as I do, I’m pretty sure she wasn’t trying to be one. “Oh…” I turn back to the sign and it now says ‘Nothing To Do With Acidic Fruits Allowed’ well, that’s much more specific.

“You know, I DID tell you to call me Pat, so technicall-eek!” I find myself staring at a glaring Pinkie Pie once I turn again, who I must say is looking specially scary today.

“What do you want, ‘Pinkie Promise Breaker?’”

“I just wanted to talk about, well… You know…”

“Nope! I don’t know! You are gonna have to be specific!” oh, come on!

“Well, first I want to start off with the fact that it wasn’t a big deal!” her glare only intensifies.

“Ha! I knew it! You just don’t get it, do you!” WHAT IS THERE TO GET! I APOLOGIZED!

“So, what is it?” I gulp, I can’t help but be utterly afraid of breaking a Pinkie promise after her reaction in that one Applejack episode.

“I… Well… “ well, better suck it up.

“Pinkie, I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to go vacationing with you” / ”All I did was eat the last cookie! What’s so bad about that!"

“You know full well how much I wanted it! Besides, you Pinkie promised!” she says annoyed, but I just can’t understand her logic, I know it was slightly bad, but she is acting like a child.

“Pinkie! You had a better reason to be mad when I told you I couldn’t go to the trip three months ago,” her face softens a bit, but her glare stays.

“W-well, that’s because you told me it was about school! That meant it was important, and I mean, I even stayed so I could help you study when I was really looking forward to it! We went to the mall and everything to prepare!”

“You bought a bow,” I growl, watching her pet the newly added detail on her hair.

“That’s irrelevant, it still took me a while to pick, duh!” oh my god, I’m going t-’She is right, whatever you did to upset her, she is right, got it?’ dammit Applejack, Element of Honesty, everybody. I give the entrance a glance and sigh, she knew it was going to happen.

“What?” Pinkie says annoyed, her mane still a flat mess(?)

“You are right?”

“Huh?”

“You are right! I Pinkie promised that I wouldn’t eat the cookie, and I broke my promise, I mean, you helped me study during the summer, and that’s how I repay you?” huh, I’m making myself seem more guilty the more I go on, I’m even starting to believe in it myself.

“O-oh… Well, it’s okay…” she looks quiet for a bit and seems a bit off-put. “Thank you, it means a lot,” w-what? “I may have overreacted a little as well…” huh… Well, that’s a surprise.

“Um… Thanks, but I feel like I owe you something, but hold on,” I have been putting this up for a while now, I should really get it over with, it might as well be now. “Hey, AJ?” she opens the door a bit and looks at me with a smirk.

“What’s the matter? Y’all done kissing and making up?” Shut it.

“Can you unlock the door? We are good now, but I want to talk to Pinkie… Alone,” she seems suspicious, but thankfully, she doesn’t argue.

“Alright, but don’t go too crazy, ya hear?”

“You know it… And AJ? Thank you, this really helped,” she smiles and tips her hat before the sound of the door unlocking and her footsteps going away reach my ears.

“Alrighty…” I turn to Pinkie whose hair is now completely fluff once again… Wait, did she know this talk was happening? Nah.

“Oh, hey!” she says in her cheered up self, I’m actually glad she is back.

“So, about what I said…”

“Oh, come on, Pat! You don‘t really have to!” she says in a convincingly cheery manner.

“No, I have to do it… Not to mention is something I was supposed to tell you this summer…” I laugh awkwardly while she dons a serious face.

“S-so, what is it that you want to make it up with?” well, this is happening, so I might as well get it over with…