//------------------------------// // Camper Tank // Story: Happy Campers // by Okhlahoma Beat-Down //------------------------------// Sniper sat on the balcony of his room, overlooking the night-life of the city and this new country. He had put on his hat, Trophy Belt and all, and a set of Tooth-Kickers, both of which he had painted with some red paint to show his worth for his team. Tonight, if he couldn't talk Engie into it, he was going to leave and find his own way home, with or without his friend. He couldn't leave Earth forever. Too much to do. His parents were still there, likely wondering where he was and why he wasn't answering their calls. Plus, he missed his van, and the freedom he was given by driving it. Here, there were so many restrictions placed onto him, Engineer, and the 5 robots following them. Even the Spycrabs were receiving more respect. Heck, some mare had about 5 following her around the streets below from what he could see, and each one was wearing a fashionable hat. Frowning slightly, and looking at his own hat, Sniper sighed. The red band holding the teeth in was getting frayed, and the fabric of the hat itself was slowly becoming less and less durable. Soon, it'd easily rip open, and then where would he be? Without his beloved hat from his childhood, obviously. Everyone else laughed at him for wearing a shirt all the time when he was back in Australia, and they jeered at him for not having biceps the size of Bristol. But now who was earning $5,000,000 per year and refusing to spend it? Desmond Mundy, that's bloody who! He chuckled, replacing his hat. The faint sound of a door closing next door meant it was time to go talk Engineer into leaving the palace and joining Sniper in finding a way home. He flicked his legs over the railings he was dangling his legs from over a 1000ft drop from a mountain, and stood on the balcony. Placing his kukri into its sheath, and clutching his rifle with his trusty Sub-Machine Gun strapped to his side, he took one last look out at Equestria, before turning to leave. Then, he noticed that stood in front of him looking scared was Princess Luna. Likely, she wasn't expecting him to turn around at that moment, and had been silently observing him. Both stared at each other for a few seconds, neither daring to make a move. Luna was scared he might kill her. Sniper was scared he'd be hunted for killing her, but he had no intention to kill her, since she was someone he could understand. She hadn't said much to him, in fact she hadn't said much to ANYBODY he'd seen her speak with, and most of what she said came out sounding miserable. "Greetings..." Luna coughed, slightly embarrassed as she began to back away. "S-Sniper, was it?" "Yeah, that's me." he replied calmly. "No reason for you t' be cowering. I'm 'ardly as deadly as Engineer can be at this range." Luna stopped backing away, the blue alicorn cocking her head and eyeing the human. "From what I remember seeing you put into your back sheath, you have a machete-" "Kukri." Sniper corrected. "-Kukri, and from what I gather another weapon in your hands, and yet ANOTHER weapon on your hip. No doubt the 'backpack' Engineer mentioned earlier is carrying a few more weapons for you, so I have reason to be wary." Luna concluded. Sniper groaned and took a seat on the marble railing at the edge of the balcony, and dangled his legs over the huge fall over the edge of the mountain. "Yeah, I know." Sniper sighed. "I've got nothin' else I can do. Engineer's not wantin' to leave this place, I don't know HOW I can leave this place, and there's a bad feelin' I have that somethin's gonna go wrong soon. I've got me parents, me van, me job, and five million dollars waitin' for me back 'ome, but...I can't go 'ome." Slowly, the blue alicorn of the night made her way to his side, flying up slightly to sit next to him on the balcony rail. He was gazing downwards into the drop below, swinging his legs slightly over the drop. "You've been away from home before, have you not?" Luna asked him. Sniper nodded silently. "Well, this must be no different." "Nah, it is different." Sniper muttered. "My parents are still alive, and have no clue why I'm not answering their calls. They must be worried bloody sick; When I did go away from 'ome, it was usually only a few feet. I live in a camper-van, y'see, so my 'ome was on wheels and I could take it where I bloody wanted. Now where am I? Stuck in bloody happy dimension, unable to call me mum and dad, and talkin' to a pony about my problems. I'm a bloody wreck." He then did something Luna did not expect: he removed his sunglasses, placed them in his pocket, and looked straight at Luna. "Look at my eyes, Shiela. Whaddya see?" Luna was taken aback, before genuinely looking into them. "Um..." she coughed. "I see...a...man who...misses his parents...and...erm...his van and freedom...and doesn't sleep much?" Now Sniper was confused. "Wait, back up," he interuppted. "'Ow the bloody hell did you know I don't get much sleep?" "Why, I know all things sleep-related, do all things sleep-related, and see all dreams." the blue alicorn explained. "I could pretty much send you into a deep sleep right now if I wanted to." Sniper blinked. "N-Nah, Shiela," he replied cautiously, flicking his vision down into the drop. "I'll be good." Luna simply giggled. "I'm joking." she assured him, placing a hoof on his shoulder which was rapidly brushed off. "Anyway, the point I am attempting to make is that I have seen into your dreams. All of them are the same; death. You hunt, and end up being the hunted to a man in a suit and mask." "That's a dream 'bout my life, Shiela." he sighed. "My job. My job is to fight for a company. I die. Every. Bloody. Day. It hurts no less to die: sometimes it hurts more. And here? You're all so bloody happy. You have families you can see every day, you love your subjects and they love you, Shiela, and you're all equal." Luna raised a hoof to interject. "Stallions actually receive 20% less pay than mares, on average. They also receive less respect..." she noted. Sniper's sad gaze made her stop. He looked very depressed without his sunglasses, even if he gave her a small smile to stop her looking so sad. "Ahh, it's fine, Shiela." he sighed, before casting his eyes to the next balcony. "Wish I knew what Engie was doin'." "Why don't we go visit him?" Luna suggested, preparing to rise. Sniper stopped her. "Nah, now might not be the best time, come t' think of it." he chuckled. Then, he gestured for her to be quiet. In the other room, to Luna's absolute horror, was the unmistakeable sound of her sister. And Engineer. In bed. Sniper was shocked as well. "Me best mate..." he murmured. "Bloody ponies." Luna looked at him. He was still sat looking down over the edge, sunglasses tucked in his pocket. Beside him was his rifle, bearing dents and lacerations of all types. On the side of the stock, small, barely visible lines tallied kills on animals. Her own moon shone the Australian in a different light than that of the day: it seemed as though he was born for the night. Moonlight reflected from the metal toe-caps of his boots and onto the wall behind him. Suddenly, there was a major flash beneath them. It shook the castle, almost knocking Sniper from his perch and Luna from the same one. The Australian looked down, and narrowed his eyes at the new target. Quite clearly, it was carrying a bomb. Keeping balance, Sniper growled, grabbed his weapons, and put his sunglasses on. Then, he jumped up onto the banister that served as the edge of a 1000ft drop. Luna was about to grab him and pull him back to his senses, but was stopped by Sniper's sudden burst of athleticism. He ran forward, throwing his rifle to the other balcony as he went, and leaped over the 7 metre gap, grabbing the balcony rail on the other side. After some grunting, he managed to tug himself up and onto the ledge, rolling over the rail and landing on all fours on the other side. He then stood up, raised a leg, and busted down the locks to the room his friend was inside. Luna had no clue what happened, deciding her only option was to fly the gap and see what he was doing. Quickly, the deep blue alicorn spread her wings and flew the short gap, landing just in time to hear Sniper yelling; 'Stop muckin' about, and HELP ME STOP THE TANK!'