//------------------------------// // Well, He Knows... // Story: I Killed Fiddy Men, Not Ponies // by LtMajorDude //------------------------------// Sweet Apple Acres Cotton yawned. He was really exhausted from last night. He felt like sleeping in the barn instead at Arlen House. "Damn those moms." He muttered. "Might as well go into town." As he walked, he noticed AppleBloom jumped around happily. Cotton smiled. "Hey young'un." AppleBloom smiled back. "Hi Cotton!" Cotton's smile was gone. "I called ya the thing ya don't like being called." AppleBloom giggled. "I'm in a good mood today! Mah cousin Babs Seed is moving to Ponyville!" Cotton widen his eyes. "Babs?-! Like the one from the alternate dimension?" He thought. AppleBloom smiled. "Now we can try to get our Cutie Marks together! She even gave me a postcard telling me that she's visiting!" AppleBloom showed Cotton a postcard. The front of the postcard was a picture of Babs Seed standing in front of the statue. Cotton cringed. He remembered that statue. It was were his identity was blown in the alternate dimension. Cotton saw G.H. walking towards him. Cotton smiled. "I never get tired of seeing you Good Hank." G.H. smiled. "Likewise." AppleBloom smiled at G.H. "Hey Good Hank!" G.H. laughed. "It's G.H." AppleBloom showed him the postcard. "Check it out! Mah cousin Babs is moving here!" G.H. saw the picture of Babs. "Wow...she looks cute..." He said with slightly wide eyes and a small smile. "She looks what?" AppleBloom said. "Oh! Um...cool. Yeah. She looks...cool. Yeah." G.H. said with a nervous grin. Cotton just chuckled. "G.H. and Babs. That should be interesting." Cotton was walking in the middle of town. "Hello Cotton!" Nancy greeted. Cotton saw Nancy with Redcorn, Dale, and Rainbow Dash. Cotton smirked. "Hey." He said to them. "Hello sir." Dale said as he saluted Cotton. He had a cigarette in his mouth. Cotton raised an eyebrow. "How did you make...?" Dale smiled. "Oh. Hank makes them, as long as he gets 4 bits per cigarette and O bring the tobacco." "Cotton." Redcorn said with a smile. Cotton smirked. "Hey Redcorn." "What's up Cotton?" Rainbow Dash said with a smile. "Eh. Same old, same old." "Heard that some mothers are in a really sour mood." Cotton gritted his teeth. "Gribble told you why?" Both Dale and Rainbow Dash both shrugged with a small smile. Mark was walking in town with Derpy. "I can't believe that Cotton lost all the babies in the forest!" Derpy said with a grin. Mark chuckled. "Yeah. That's him." Mark looked in the ground. Derpy looked at him. "What's wrong Mark? Is it your...?" "No. I forgave myself for killing them...it's just..." Mark wondered how he was gonna put this. "Hey Derpy." "Yeah?" "Um...let me put it this way...there's this stallion who secretly 'likes' this girl." Derpy widen her eyes. "Are you saying...me...you...?" Mark gasped. "Oh God no! I didn't mean that. I respect you as a friend but...I had always seen you as a friend and not someone whom I...um...(sigh)...love?" Derpy giggled. "Hey don't worry about it! I respect you too! I just don't see you as somepony I love." Mark let out a relieved smile. "Anyway, continuing on. Let's say that this girl is...rich...but this stallion isn't that rich. How would he...um...win her heart?" Derpy thought for a while. "I dunno. But that kinda reminds me of Shining Armor and Princess Cadance." Mark widen his eyes. "Yeah...You're right! Shining Armor may be the captain of the Royal Guard, but that guy's married to a princess! Thanks Derpy!" "No problem. By the way, who's the pony you're trying to win?" Mark coughed. "Uh...well...it's um..." "Hey Mark!" Cotton shouted. He was with Nancy, Redcorn, Dale, and Rainbow Dash. "I'll tell you about it later." Mark said to Derpy. He still had to figure out a way to tell her it's Luna he's trying to win. "How's it going Mark?" Cotton said as Mark and Derpy walked towards him. "Good thanks." Mark said. "And you?" Cotton let out a giant frown. "Oh right." Mark said as he scratched the back of his head. "You're still pissed off at the mothers and babies last night." "Damn right." Cotton muttered. Mark turned to Nancy. "You're Gribble's wife, right?" Nancy nodded. "Yes. I'm Nancy-Hicks Gribble." Mark looked at Redcorn. "You're John Redcorn, right? Nancy's ex-husband or something?" Nancy and Redcorn widen the eyes. Dale just chuckled. "Ex-husband...nice one Mark!" Dale said as he continued chuckling. Mark blinked. "Oh...you're not...oops sorry. It's just that you always hang out with each other." "He heals my wife. Or used to. Now they're good friends." Dale said as he finished chuckling. "Oh...I swear that you used to be married." Mark said. "I mean, look at your son...um...Joseph, is it? He looks like Redcorn." Nancy and Redcorn bit their lips. Rainbow Dash glared at them. "Yeah..." She said. "Joseph DOES look like Redcorn than Gribble..." Cotton noticed Dale just standing there. Dale had a blank face. Cotton closed his eyes and shrugged. "Redcorn banged your wife." Nancy and Redcorn both gave death glares at Cotton. Cotton shrugged. "What? He was gonna find out anyway." Dale blinked rapidly. He thought for a while. "Joseph, Redcorn, Man with No Face, Little Strongheart, Chief Thunderhooves, Braeburn, Babs Seed, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, Revenge, Jedi, 7th Star Wars Movie, J.J. Abrams, Star Trek, Into Darkness, Khan, Connie, Joseph, Redcorn..." He put a hoof on his chin. "...Scepter, Discord, John de Lancie, Breaking Bad, Malcolm in the Middle, American Dad, Aliens, Avatar, Pocahontas, Redcorn, Joseph..." He carefully removed his sunglasses. "...Daring Do, That Rainbow Dash Smile, Gak, Spike's Card, Academy Record, Spitfire, Wonderbolt, Rainbow Dash, Best Pony, A second Chance, My Little King of the Hill: Friendship is Magic and Efficien-WAIT. Redcorn and Joseph..." Dale's eyes were wide as dinner plates. "Oh crap..." He muttered. Nancy and Redcorn looked at each other with scared faces. Rainbow Dash, Mark, and Derpy looked at each other with concerned faces. Cotton just shrugged and let out a tiny smile. "Dis gonna be good."