Preface:
Ed2481: Omega and I have been feeling down lately (and I’ve had a bit of writer’s block as well when it comes to the ‘equestria girls’ story) so we decided to do a bit of an experiment together, let us know what you think. (We know it’s a bit cliche, but the whole thing reeks of Ethan)
Omega_Code: Yep, how many of you can guess which material we stole were inspired by to form this little crazy miniseries
Experiment Part 1
Ethan strolled down the cracked Mojave highway, whistling along to the tune of ‘Ain't that a Kick in the head’. Slung across his back was his red glassy bastard sword, on either hip was a 12.7mm submachine gun along with a pistol, one deadly plasma pistol known as the Novasurge, the other a large magnum loving called the Blackhawk. Worn across his shoulders was his heavy armoured duster, its mithril link lined interior and ballistic armor reflecting nicely in the sunlight.
He’d just finished murdering his way through a raider camp and was on the way home to see his wife and take his daughter out on a hunting trip.
“Ethan Smith, I presume?” a male voice asked. Ethan raised an eyebrow and turned to see a dark tanned male dressed in riveted black combat armor with a strange pistol and a sheathed sword hung by his many pocketed belt. The other man’s features was that he was lean, tall, well fight, and his face was a bit odd...with a some sort of tattoo-like black marking that seem to grow out of his left eye and down his neck.
“Yeah, and who the hell are you?” Ethan asked the man, his hand reaching for the sub machinegun. “I swear, if you’re another person here to try and ‘make a name for yourself’ by killing me I’m going to shove my sword up your ass.”
“I’m here to inform that you will be coming with me to participate in Chairman Drek’s Worlds Battle Tournament,” the man instead replied.
“I’m married with children, jackass, I’m not participating in some stupid sounding tournament,” Ethan told him flatly. “Now fuck off or I kill you.”
The man shook his head. “You are coming whether you like it or not,” he replied. “Don’t try to fight, this will be a lot easier on you if you cooperate.”
“Fuck you,” Ethan said, drawing the sub machinegun and unleashing a hail of 12.7mm bullets at the man. The man just stood as the bullets rained down on him, yet not one bullet was able to hit its mark as they impacted a thin force field.
The man shook his head. “They always fight back...” he muttered to himself. “Flechette ammo,” he said out loud, reaching down and drawing out his gun. He then fired once and the bullet hit Ethan in the leg. As it did, instead of just piercing through the flesh, it exploded into dozens of razor sharp slivers of metal. The slivers ate through the man’s armor and leg, making it look like a deathclaw had just torn into it.
Ethan winced at the pain and fell to his knee. “Okay... now I’m going to shove my sword down your throat and pull it out your ASS!” he shouted at the other man as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pulse grenade, throwing at the man.
The grenade went off, engulfing the man with a pulsing EMP field, yet the man didn’t seem all that worried. He fried again, hitting Ethan in the shoulder blade. This time the armor did its job, though the leather and mithril were badly torn, allowing some of the slivers to bounce off and into the side of Ethan’s neck.
Ethan winced yet again but clamped his teeth together, pulling what looked like a scroll of some sort out of his pocket. He flung it open and a magic doorway appeared hovering in mid air.
“Sparky, code 97!” he shouted through it. Just then something landed beneath him and he glance to see a small orb. It blew up into a powerful pushful force, sending Ethan flying backwards and onto his back, several feet away from the portal.
There was another sound the man’s gun going off, and a red hot orb hit the scroll, setting it alight. The scroll began to burn up, causing the portal to close and the ashes fall to the ground.
“Like I said, you’re coming with me, like it or not,” the man said as he walked up to Ethan. “Don’t make this hard on yourself, I’ve fought beings like you before and more...I will win.”
“Boom,” Ethan replied, right on cue for four plasma grenades to go off right underneath the man’s feet. The man was sent up into the air and flying backwards, landing on his back. However in mere seconds was on his feet, with a small frown towards Ethan.
There were clear signs of burnt flesh on his hand and face, but the man didn’t seem to care. “So be it,” he told Ethan. He reached down, grabbed three orbs and flung them towards Ethan.
The Wanderer dodged to the side, having stealthfuly injected a stimpack into his wounded leg returning him to near full mobility. He charged out of range of the orbs heading towards the other man, drawing his sword as he did so. Then a hissing sound emitted behind him, causing Ethan to glanced back to see a thick cloud of grey smoke growing behind him. He then felt and flurry of solid punches land on him as the man ran by him and into the covered of smoke.
“Yeah, I’m not following you into that,” Ethan said, wincing slightly from the blows. He then began to back away from the smokey cloud, keeping his head on a swivel. He then tossed a plasma grenade at the man’s approximate position for good measure. It went off, making a flash of green erupt inside the cloud of grey; though if it hit the man, Ethan had no idea .
Just then a loud shot rang out and Ethan felt his right arm literally be shredded to the bone. Another two shots rang and the man’s legs followed suit. He had only a moment to stare at the blood covered bones, muscle tissue still attached in places, before he felt something stab through his back. He glanced down to see a thin steel sword with a glowing blue edge piercing right through his heart.
“I told you, I would win,” the man’s voice whispered neutrally next to Ethan. The sword was cleanly pulled out and there was a loud ‘thunk’ to the Ethan’s skull before the man blacked out.
Two minutes later, Twilight Sparkle appeared, armed to the teeth, Vengeance floating beside her head. Unfortunately, all she found was a patch of blood stained ground along with several plasma signatures. The mare glanced around before her ears fell back against her skull.
"Damnit! Not again!”
Ethan’s eyes shot open and his body jerked and he unleashed several rasping coughs if he hadn’t breathed in a long time. When he finally regained control of himself he looked down to see that instead of his armour he was wearing a plain set of dirty tan clothes, as well as his hand were bound together with energy chain handcuffs. Thankfully, he still had his pip-boy on his arm and according to the readout he was still irradiated. Good. Ethan grinned, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about that. Then he frowned for a moment, remembering what had happened to him.
Then he began to examine the ‘cuffs’, attempting to find a way to remove them, breaking his arm if needed. This was hardly the first time he’d been handcuffed to something. Of course, he didn’t have Cassandra distracting him this time, so his mind was much more focused.
“Don’t bother,” a scratchy male voice spoke across from him. “Tamper with them and they disintegrate you in a heartbeat.”
Ethan looked up to see a rather odd sight. A green scaled reptilian looking humanoid was sitting across from him, wearing the same set of clothes and bound the same way as Ethan. He was holding a large metal pan in one of his hands, scraping a finger across the edges for the last bit of what Ethan assumed was food. The reptilian man glanced up to Ethan with his red colored eyes, giving the man a quick studying look.
“So, you’re the new meat to ‘liven’ up this complex huh? You don’t look like much,” he muttered as he glanced down at his pan to see if he missed any bits of food.
“No offense dinoman, but neither do you,” Ethan replied with a shrug, having already adjusted to the odd setting he’d found himself in. “Where the fuck are we?”
“You are in the competitor’s living quarters for the lowest ranking members of Mr. Drek’s Worlds Battle Tournament,” the dinoman replied as if he’d done it a thousand times.
“Right... that’s what the jackass said,” Ethan mused with a frown. “I take it that any escape attempts are pretty much pointless?”
“Not unless you’re asking for an early death,” the dinoman answered.
“Well then, fanfuckingtastic,” Ethan said with a roll of his eyes. “Guess I’ll have to survive until Sparky gets here and busts me out.”
The dinoman began to chuckle. “Heh...you don’t get it don’t you?” he asked the man. “The only way to get out of here is becoming chow for the dogs.”
“That’s pussy talk,” Ethan replied with a shrug as he got to his feet and stretched. “Nice talking with ya dinoman, but I’ve got to find a weapon, or at least a bathroom.”
The reptilian man shook his head as Ethan got up and walked out of the small room he woke up in. Ethan looked around and saw a large multilevel room, filled with alien beings ranging from more reptilians, to insectoids, furry, and all other kinds that even Ethan had never seen before, conversing with one another. Placed around the room at various intervals were large vid-screens displaying what looked like a gladiator match between two aliens.
As Ethan looked around a variety of new, and for the most part rank, smells assaulted his nose and it took him a moment to truly adjust. At the same time, thousands of conversations reached his ears as did the roar of what he could only assume was a crowd which came out of the vid-screens above him.
The man looked around for a second and then nodded to himself before saying. “I don’t suppose any of you nice random aliens would happen to know where I can find a weapon would you?”
Many eyes looked at the man before several aliens rang out in laughter.
“A weapon he says,” a deep throated male called out.
“Ha, what a fish,” another agreed.
“Won’t last a single round I say,” a shrill voice stated out.
“Dibs on his clothing!” someone shouted out.
“Dibs on his body,” another shouted out, it sounded feminine.
“Wow, fun group of assholes you lot are,” Ethan stated, rolling his eyes. “I’m Ethan the Lone Wanderer, aka that Crazy Son of a Bitch, now who the fuck is the biggest, baddest motherfucker in here? I’d like a word.”
“A word he says,” the deep throated male stated. “Hehehe, this human thinks he’s already at the top of the food chain.”
“Fucking moron,” a dismissive voice, the second, stated with a chuckle. Ethan turned in the being’s direction to see a chitinous insectoid man partnered with a large fat pale round headed ‘man’ though his proportions were off. “Who do you think you are?” the insect added.
“I just told everyone,” Ethan stated with a shrug as he walked up to the two. “Didn’t you hear me buggy? What about you lardo, are you hard of hearing too?”
“All I heard was you blabbing out some useless title human,” the fat man replied with a chuckle. “Human’s title don’t carry any weight around here.”
“Really now? And what does?” Ethan inquired, raising an eyebrow.
“Wins,” he replied with a devious grin. “And so far, you have zero while I have seven under my belt.”
Ethan frowned for a moment and turned to the insect. “How about you, how many do you have?”
“Six,” the bugman stated.
“Well then, I guess I have thirteen,” Ethan stated.
In the blink of an eye he’d closed the distance between himself and the bugman, his hands wrapping the energy cuffs around his neck and using them to snap the insect’s neck with a swift jerk. The fat alien bellowed out an angry cry as he charged towards Ethan, giving a powerful shove with his elbow into the man’s gut. Ethan grunted as the elbow landed but let out a chuckle as he drove his knee into the fat being’s crotch. The fat alien let out a small grunt but chuckle amusingly at Ethan.
“Wrong spot,” he told the man as he threw a heavy punch towards Ethan’s chest.
“Bloody alien anatomy,” Ethan cursed as he recovered from the punch and dodged another. “Let’s try this then lardo, I’d tell you I used it on your mother last night, but to be honest, I wouldn’t go anywhere near something that disgusting,” he added as he danced around the being and punched him hard in the side.
This time the punch hurt the fat alien a bit as he winced away but just gritted his teeth and threw another punch at Ethan. The man deflected it to the side with his wrist and danced around the alien, throwing a hard elbow into his other side. The alien winced away, but he lashed out with a kick, which was a big mistake. Ethan grinned and dodged the kick before closing the distance between the two of them and slashing his leg out at the alien’s remaining leg before he could recover.
There was a satisfying crack of bone as Ethan’s foot landed into the fat alien’s leg, and the alien let out a wail of pain as he collapsed to the ground. Ethan calmly walked over to his fat alien’s neck and sent his foot slamming down, causing alien's neck to break, immediately killing him.
“Well that was fun,” he observed. “Anyone else want to crack jokes about the ‘little human’?” he asked, scanning the room of newly silent aliens. “Because honest to God, I’m not in the fucking mood for it, kay?”
No one spoke up as the whole room of stared at him with small awe and fear.
“Now look, I’m not a bad guy,” Ethan continued, taking their silence as a cue to do so. “But I’ve got a wife and kids who I’d really like to see again, so if I need more kills to get respect then I won’t hesitate to get them from the people who mock me pointlessly,” he stated, his eyes scouring the room. “Other than that, feel free to talk to me, I’m a nice guy,” he added with a shrug before he turned his back on the stunned crowd.
The crowd began to murmur to each other in low voices.
“He’s not like those other humans.”
“He fights like Kharon, do you think he came from the same world?”
“He’s got to be, no regular human fights like that.”
Ethan just smiled to himself as he listened to them speak as he walked over to the side of the room where there was a small table with a pair of chairs. He’d made his point, now he just had to find a way out of the hellhole.
“You fight well for a human,” a female voice spoke out.
Ethan looked up to see a brown coated pony mare with a hazel green mane covering the left side of her face. Ethan examined her silently for a moment before smiling.
“Thanks,” he replied. “So, what’s an Equestrian doing in this little slice of ‘paradise’? You get tired of Sun Butt’s rules or something?”
The mare raised her right eyebrow at the man. “No...I got pulled here the same as you,” she replied as she took a seat next to him. “I was scavenging the ruins of Manhattan before I got pounced on my way back to Tenpony Tower and was knocked out by someone,” she replied. “Didn’t have a fucking chance to fight back.”
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Wait, ‘ruins’? I know that Tia said that she needed to get the place more funding, but I didn’t know it was that bad,” he said, a bit confused.
The earth pony gave Ethan a muddled look. “Who the hell are you talking about?”
“Princess Celestia, Aka Sun Butt, aka Sparky’s Favorite Fuck Buddy,” Ethan answered with a frown. “Although she doesn’t like that last one as much.”
The mare shook her head with the same confused look. “Princess Celestia is dead dude,” she replied. “Just before the whole world got fucked up by the mega spells from those zebra basterds.”
“Nah, Tia’s alive,” Ethan said with a frown. “Or, she is where I’m from anyways,” he added. “I was just in Equestria... about two days ago.”
“Pfft, then it sure as hell wasn’t my Equestria,” the mare informed him. “Mine’s a radioactive wasteland filled to the brim with death every five feet.”
“Wow, deja vu,” Ethan muttered. “That’s what my home used to be like, the Capital Wasteland in case you’re wondering.”
“Heh, small universe ain’t it?” the mare said with a small chuckle. “Though it does make sense with that crazy title of yours, hehe.”
“Want to know a secret?” Ethan asked her, chuckling as well. The mare’s ears perked up with some interest. “I didn’t even come up with it, Three Dog the neighborhood Disc Jockey did,” the man told her with a smirk.
The mare frowned. “I have no idea who that is...but he must have one crazy mind to come up with a crazy name,” she said with a small chuckle.
“He’s a pretty fruity guy,” the man agreed. “So, what’s your name? I mean, I could just call you ‘earth pony’ but that doesn’t have the same ring to it does it?”
“Glen,” she replied. “And no, it doesn’t.”
“Well then Glen, want to help me get out of this shit hole; or failing that, wait till Sparky comes to spring me?” Ethan asked her with a raised eyebrow.
Glen chuckled. “Ah, new blood always thinking there’s hope for escape,” she said slowly shaking her head.
“Glen, if I can fight my way out of a base full of power armor wearing Enclave soldiers in nothing but my underwear and then blow the fucker sky high, then I can handle this place,” Ethan told her with a small shrug.
“Maybe...but you've never met Drek have you?” she asked. Before Ethan could answer a familiar male voice spoke out behind.
“Chairman Drek wishes to see you, Ethan Smith,” the dark tanned man spoke out.
Ethan raised an eyebrow. “Well look who it is,” he said casually. “You know, I think I’ll stay here. If this ‘Drek’ guy wants to talk to me he can haul his ass down here and suck-”
A high voltage shock coursed through Ethan, causing his whole body to stiffen and his muscle to tense.
“That wasn’t a suggestion,” the man informed Ethan flatly.
“You know junior, you should buy a guy dinner before you make him get hard,” Ethan told the man, only wincing slightly at the pain coursing through his body.
“Go with him Ethan, you do not want to start a fight with Kharon,” Glen muttered to Ethan with an edge of fear mixed into her voice.
“Well, who said anything about fighting,” Ethan asked as he rose to his feet and put an arm around Kharon’s shoulder. “I’m just chatting with my friend Kharon here, he’s kind of a tool, but you get used to it.”
Kharon gave Ethan a flat stare before his right hand reached over and shoved Ethan’s arm off his shoulder. “Let’s go,” he told him, reaching his left arm over towards the man’s chain and snapping on a electrical leash.
“I’m not into bondage Kharon, at least not on the first date,” Ethan informed him, though he didn’t struggle. “Besides, I’m a married man, it would be scandalous.” Kharon just rolled his eyes and gave one hard yank on the chain to drag Ethan along with him. “Later Glen, don’t die without me here,” Ethan called over his shoulder.
Glen just let out a sigh, both out of relief and of small disappointment as Ethan and Kharon walked through the room of aliens and onto a small lift, heading up to who knows where.