//------------------------------// // Dreams of a Radda // Story: Schnitzel in Equestria // by Abramus5250 //------------------------------// Chapter Three Dreams of a Radda After a troubling series of experiments, which included but were not limited to buoyancy properties, electrical conductivity, flame-resistance and ticklishness, Schnitzel was finally able to climb into the small bed in the spare room. Night was falling rapidly, and Spike had already gone off to bed, though why he had brought a sock with him, Schnitzel didn;t want to know. Sadly, the bed he lay in suddenly collapsed under his weight, the legs giving out as if under the weight of Tom, but he didn’t care; he was too tired to care anymore. Maybe he could care tomorrow, if his caring batteries had a chance to recharge during sleepy-time. “Radda radda,” he muttered to himself, closing his eyes and attempting to drift off to sleep. This place was indeed a rather strange, and at times, scary place to live, even if he had been here for only a few hours. Still, if Schnitzel had to admit one thing, it was that it was still at least a bit better than his life back in Marzipan City. By now, Chowder would have undoubtedly drawn him into some harebrained scheme, likely having something to do with that rabbit Panini who had an unhealthy crush on the young cat-thing. As much as Schnitzel tried to have nothing to do with Chowder, usually out of a sense of self-preservation, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for him at times. With that final (and surprisingly tender) thought, the rock creature managed to drift off to sleep, his body as tired as could be. The images in his mind flickered from coherent to utter randomness, and son became something else entirely. High up in the castle of Canterlot, Luna was watching the dreams of her citizens through her mind’s eye, letting them flicker in and out as if they were nothing more than a roll of film. Her mental facilities were great enough that she could do this without strain, and her magic helped her as well. After exiting a rather bizarre dream of Sweetie Belle’s that involved a tire and a tofu blender, Luna’s inner eyes swung towards the town library, where Twilight and Spike lay resting. Zooming in on Twilight’s dream, she saw what she usually saw: bright pink elephants reading books, performing trigonometry and balancing on unicycles, all at the same time. Luna knew something was wrong if Twilight didn’t have a dream similar to that; she was insanely sane, so much so others might never have guessed it from her dreams. Switching over to Spike, Luna peered into his subconscious and saw two dreams at once. Adult dragons could dream like this, but for one so young, it was a bit unusual. In one, Spike was a mare’s dream stallion, going around and wooing mare after mare after mare, the trail of fainting and love-struck ponies stretching as far as the eye could see. She saw ponies of all shapes and sizes, many of them mares she had seen in Ponyville and Canterlot. All of age, of course; he wasn’t some scumbag like Luna's nephew. However, Spike’s other dream was something else entirely. Smoke was rising from burning skyscrapers as a giant orange-ish and bipedal lobster-thing walked around, scarfing up garbage and whatever else it could get its two massive claws on. The ground shook as it moved, ponies running everywhere as it carved a swath of destruction brought on by some old scientists' dream of giant stuff. Then, from a distant plume of smoke, emerged two enormous figures: a giant metal... monkey? It was upright, but had a horn and seemed to have an affinity for alcohol, as it drained an entire brewery in mere seconds. Next to it emerged a massive green and purple dragon, roaring defiantly at the mega-lobster. The titans of steel and scale gave each other fist-bumps and charged the gigantic lobster creature, shouting what must have been catch-phrases or something equally ridiculous. “I’ll have to tell Twilight that Spike may have some issues,” Luna muttered to herself as she left the dream amidst a massive blast from the giant dragon. “Now, where is that-,” She stopped; there was another presence at the library, one she had never felt before. In fact, it was unlike anything she had ever felt; alien to an extreme, but close enough to her own thoughts that she had little trouble penetrating the fog that enshrouded it. Had Twilight found some new sentient creature? She had yet to read the notes she received during the day, as she was asleep at that time. Peering deeper into the creature’s dreams, she nearly fell to her knees in-dream at what she saw. Blazing colors flew across the largest kitchen she had ever seen. It was nearly as large as the palace she lived in, and yet... it was so empty. Shelves were everywhere, along with some kind of chandelier, but other than that, there was just so much... empty space. High above, smoke billowed out of a special-designed spout, and her eyes followed the trail down to an utterly massive oven. Seriously you could bake... at least four witches in that thing, provided the foals that pushed them it weren’t vaporized when they opened it. Upon hearing thundering footsteps, Luna turned from her invisible spot to see a lumbering creature headed towards the oven. Rippling thighs, bulging biceps, a broadly-muscled back and toned abs, all somehow visible under a tight kitchen apron; it strode with a purpose matched in size only by its long, flowing locks of golden hair. With the strength of twenty – no, thirty stallions, it seemed to effortlessly open the blast-door-resembling oven and, with what appeared to be the utter thinnest of oven mitts, pulled forth from within... “Buns of... steel?” Luna asked, watching as the light glinted magnificently off of the processed iron baked goods. Were those things even edible? The creature, with a simple flick of its long hair, shut the oven behind it and set the tray of buns down on a table crafted from what appeared to be the finest concrete twenty bits could buy. The table creaked and somehow squeaked under the weight, but the massive creature seemed not to care. The heat from the tray seemed not to bother him at all, even as the glow of the furnace somehow shone from his slightly sweaty hide. Upon turning the oven off and putting away the mitts, he slowly strode by Luna’s spot, only to fix his eyes on her in sudden realization. That face. That chin. That eye; okay, there were two of them, but Luna felt her mind go a bit dizzy as the creature looked down upon her, the lips forming a thin line. It appeared to be in thought as to her appearance in this kitchen of the gods; perhaps this was a cook of ultimate power, whose works surpassed even those of legend? The one called Boyardee had long ago created culinary works that had started mini-wars between the royal sisters, and the Pillsbury sect of the baker’s religion had long ago passed into obscurity, but this... creature seemed to be all they ever were, and so much more. “Radda,” it said, its husky, smooth and baritone voice snapping Luna out of her dream-state altogether. There had been very few times that had ever happened, and those had all taken effort. This one just merely had to say that one beautiful, if a bit mystifying, word, and she was gone in an instant. Rising from where she had somehow fallen to her knees, Luna tried to pry her way into the dream once more, but it was shut to her. That also practically never happened, and deciding it would be best to not try and press her luck, Luna instead walked over to her desk and began to write a letter. Early that morning, Celestia knew something would have to be done about this “Schnitzel” Twilight had informed her of. The creature, according to the notes, seemed rather harmless, if a bit unsure of itself in Equestria, and perhaps she, being a princess, could invite him to stay in Canterlot in order to keep an eye on him. She too wanted to meet this creature, and perhaps- “Sister!” Luna called, barging into Celestia’ personal quarters despite the do-not-disturb sign on the outer door. “We wish to speak with thee about the creature called Schnitzel!” “Oh, um, Luna...” Celestia said, realizing she had been caught red-hoofed. She couldn’t have hid the evidence, even if she had tried. Luna’s eyes widened at the sight before her. “You... you... you took him to bed with you? Even after we promised it was my turn this week?!” “Luna, please, it was an honest mistake. I’ve been having trouble sleeping, and only he can give me the comfort I need!” Celestia replied, cuddling slightly against the poor thing in bed with her. He really didn’t know what was happening. “But... but... but you promised!” Luna cried out. “He is my special friend! How could you just... take him without asking? How could you just taken Mr. Teddy?” The teddy bear in question didn’t say a word, being wise enough to know when to stay quiet. Also, he lacked vocal cords. “Look, Luna, I’m sorry, but can we move onto something else?” Celestia said, worried her sister was going to cry. “Here, you can have him for the next week as well.” “That’s not good enough, sister,” Luna said, advancing in a dangerous manner, a gleam in her eyes that even Celestia had learned to respect and fear. Oh no, she wasn't going to cry: she was going to do something much worse. “Two weeks!” Celestia said as her sister grabbed a pillow from the foot of the bed. Luna was the pillow-fighting champion of Canterlot three years running, and it had only been going on for two years. That was how skilled she was. “You’re getting warmer!” Luna shouted through the pillow’s corner as she dove at her sister. Under the merciless pillow assault, all Celestia could do was try and stage a counterassault with her own pillow, but Luna’s smaller size gave her a distinct advantage. She could dodge; her big sister was a bigger target, as was still a bit groggy. “Three weeks, and for the upcoming holidays too!” Celestia shouted as the pillow relentlessly smacked her flank. “Deal!” Luna said, letting the pillow fly loose from her mouth as she did so. Sadly, one of the guards outside had come in to check the noise, and flew back down the hall from the sheer force of the colliding projectile. “Now, about the one called Schnitzel...” Meanwhile, in Ponyville, a certain rock creature was waking up to something that smelled delicious. Immediately recognizing that this couldn’t have been Mung’s kitchen, he put his apron back on and slowly made his way out of the spare room and into what he believed to be the kitchen. It was hard to tell, what with the sheer amount of books everywhere. You’d think a library would be a bit more organized. “Oh, you’re awake!” a voice said, causing Schnitzel to look down. Spike was slaving away at a stove, piling untold numbers of what could only be flapjacks, toast and... grass? Oh, right; ponies. “You hungry?” “Radda radda,” Schnitzel said, walking over to seat himself at the table. Wow, it felt good for once to not be the one helping with all the cooking. Gingerly, he sat down on the chair, hoping- Crunch. Dammit, again with the flimsy furniture not being enough to support his bulk. These ponies; had they ever heard of steel before, or even bronze? Why was everything made of wood? It was a fire hazard just waiting to happen, and with a dragon living in a library, one of the most flame-friendly places in the world outside of a match and gasoline factory, one would really have to be careful to avoid spontaneous combustion. “Here you go,” Spike said, handing the lumbering rock creature a pile of flapjacks. Gingerly biting into one, Schnitzel immediately liked it. Maybe the fact it wasn’t still moving from some partially-alive ingredient Mung always used gave it a taste he liked. Digging in from his position on the floor, he looked up to see Twilight walk in, her mane all fuzzy and her eyes a bit watery. Must have still been tired; or she suddenly had a cold. “Hey, Spike,” she said, her words slurring slightly. “Didja get any mail this fine morning?” “Actually, I did,” the small dragon said, handing her a letter. “From Celestia, though both she and Luna signed it. I wish I knew why; must be important.” Twilight, rubbing her eyes and magically unfurling the scroll, intently read it for a few short seconds. “Well, Schnitzel, it seems you won’t be staying with us much longer,” she said. What? They were going to kill him? Come on, he just got here, and despite his previous treatment, he was beginning to like it here! “Radda radda!” he cried out, to make his point even clearer. “It seems the princesses want you to stay in Canterlot, possibly helping prepare food,” Twilight said. “Although if you are going to live there, then you’ll need some of the finest clothes bits can buy. Luckily for you, we have an excellent seamstress here in Ponyville who I’m sure would love to help you.” Oh great; trading a mildly crazy librarian for two princesses who wanted him to cook. Schnitzel mentally shrugged as he continued to eat. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. So long as he didn’t have to put out any more kitchen fires or undergo some strenuous tests, he’d be okay, right? Wrong. So very, very wrong.