Discord Babysitting
Applejack
Huffing and panting as she crawled for the door, Applejack glared at the three fillies that wouldn't get off her. "Apple Bloom, you and your friends need to get off so I can go!" Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo were all clinging to her, begging her not to go. "Consarn it, you three act like you never had a babysitter before! Are you two just going to watch?! Help me!"
Rainbow Dash rolled around laughing and wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm sorry. I'm too busy laughing to help! Besides, it is kind of cute."
Rarity nodded in agreement and said, "I'd rather not get this dress damaged by these ruffians. I am rather shocked they can slow you down though. I thought you were stronger than this."
Applejack huffed in annoyance. "These three are determined right now!" She gave one good buck and sent them all flying. "Finally, now we can go to the ceremony! Big Macintosh and Granny Smith are gonna be worried if I don't get there to help out soon with the cider!"
Rainbow Dash began to drool as she stared off in thought. She shook off her stupor and said, "What are we waiting for? We don't want to be late!" She blinked feeling a familiar filly clinging to her, and lookied down to see Scootaloo giving her puppy eyes. She groaned and said, "Don't look at me like that kid. I'm needed at the ceremony and can't look after you tonight."
With a whine Scootaloo said, "But I don't want some big dumb old geezer babysitting me! I want someone cool, like you Rainbow Dash!"
"He is not dumb! Old yes, but that crafty geezer knows his stuff! He's super cool, give him a chance!"
Sweetie Belle shook her head and said, "But what if he's boring! He's not gonna play with us!"
Rarity put a hoof to her lips and said, "Don't judge a book by its cover. He's plenty fun! He can turn a rock into fun if he wanted to."
Apple Bloom stomped her hooves with a little huff. "But what about the apples! Who's going to take care of them?"
With a light laugh Applejack said, "Nice try, but we're only going to be gone for the night. And besides, if he needed to help out around the orchard he would! He's a swell thing."
All three young fillies chimed, "But he's Discord, the god of chaos!"
Their older sisters counter chimed, "And Equestria's number one babysitter."
The fillies pouted in defeat. A knock came to the door, and Applejack excitedly trotted over. "Ohhh, there he is!" She opened the door to find another her waiting at the door. "What in tarnation? This can't be right!"
"Yeah, that can't possibly be the real Applejack!" She blinked and looked up to see Discord looming over her. He brought his face in close next to her and said, "Who does she think she is?" Applejack looks back at the double, only to find some form of cannon in her place. The cannon fired and a pie went splat in her face. "Oh wait, that's not Applejack, that's an apple pie, being shot from my cannon."
Rarity and Rainbow Dash squealed and rushed over to hug Discord, who turned around with a big grin. Applejack slurped up most of the pie and said, "My favorite! Discord you are such a hoot! Great to see you again! Why don't you ever visit?"
Rainbow Dash nodded with a pout and said, "Yeah! I have so many cool new tricks since we last saw each other!"
Rarity joined saying, "You could at least stop by for a cup of tea to chat and catch up."
Discord chuckled at the attention he was getting. "I'm sorry girls, but I go where I'm needed. Tonight that just happens to be right here. If you really wanted to spend some time together, just ask Pinkie Pie. I'm sure she can help get us some time together. After all she is my girlfriend." He noticed the girls and leaned down to look at them as they quivered worriedly. "So these are your little sisters I've heard so much about? They don't look like too much trouble."
Applejack rolled her eyes and said, "You've never babysat these three at once!"
Rarity nodded vigorously and said, "They are destructive as can be! Don't let your guard down!"
Discord laughed and said, "Who do you think you're talking to here? I'm the lord of chaos! I live for stuff like that on the job. I think I'll be able to handle myself."
Rainbow Dash gave a shrug. "If you say so dude. Now make sure Scootaloo takes a bath!" Scootaloo cringed and stuck out her tongue when she heard this.
Rarity added, "Make sure you play with them and keep them entertained." Sweetie Belle groaned and plopped on the floor with her flank in the air, scooting away across the floor already bored.
Applejack nodded in agreement with the others. "Make sure they have a good dinner. And most importantly, take good care of them sugar cube." Apple Bloom found some furniture to lean against and pouted some more.
Discord donned a scout master hat and saluted them. "Scouts honor! You have nothing to fear with me on the job girls." The three mares smiled and trotted out the front door. "You have fun at the ceremony! Take care, sayonara, hasta la vista, bonne anniversaire, tate kudasai, blah blah blah!" He slammed the door shut and turns around, facing the girls with a maniacal laugh as lightning struck outside. The girls clung to each other quivering like before. "So girls, would you like to play… a GAME?!" He took out a boxed game as lightning struck outside again and thunder roared.
The three girls screamed in unison, and slowly stopped as they stared at the harmless game. Scootaloo smiled and said, "Is that Battleship Cloudsdale edition? I love that one!"
Apple Bloom bopped her on the noggin and said, "Hold it right there Discord! None of us are okay with having a babysitter, especially not you!" Scootaloo blushed at her moment of weakness, and she and Sweetie Belle stood their ground nodding in agreement.
Discord raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Aww, you three are just grumpy because you need to be fed. I mean just listen to those stomachs."
Apple Bloom blinked and stood on her back hooves rubbing her tummy. "But it's not making any noise." Discord snapped his fingers, and a mouth appeared on her stomach saying, "Feed me some apples!" Apple Bloom screamed and rolled around on the floor as if trying to get rid of it the same way you put out a fire.
Sweetie Belle gulps and stood, looking at her stomach. With a snap of Discord's fingers, her stomach grew a mouth as well to say, "Apples sound delightful right about now!" She flailed her hooves in the air and joined Apple Blooms rolling, unsure what to do.
Scootaloo smileed and said, "Awesome! I wonder what my stomach has to say!" Discord grinned and snapped his fingers again, and when Scootaloo stood she blinked seeing sunglasses above her stomach. Her stomach grew a mouth and simply said, "Swag!" She smiled and said, "Swag."
Discord scooped up the girls and said, "Sounds like you three want apples and swag. We're fresh out of swag, but let's go cook you up some apples shall we?" He sat them all in chairs and dawned an apron that said 'Kiss the Draconequus' and a chef's hat. "Why don't we make a salad with some freshly sliced apples, and a pie for dessert?"
Apple Bloom's stomach actually grumbled this time as she said, "Well, that does sound delicious."
With a chuckle Discord said, "I assume it would, if you love apples as much as the rest of your family."
Apple Bloom scowled and said, "And just what do you know about my family?"
While juggling a few apples he responded, "Oh don't get all defensive. I only know because of when I babysat your big sister in the past, and even your grandmother when she was younger."
Sweetie Belle blinked and said, "Wow, you really are a geezer huh? You babysat Apple Bloom's family?"
Discord nodded and said, "Of course! I've even babysat your older sister, Sweetie Belle. Not to mention Rainbow Dash." He shot a smirk to the now gasping and excited Scootaloo. "From Twilight Sparkle to the princess. I've been doing this for a long time you know."
The girls went wide eyed and stare at each other. Sweetie Belle was the first able to speak and said, "You babysat the princess herself?"
He rubbed his chin and said, "Well we were kids back then, but it is a crazy story. I got a story for almost every pony in Equestria! Would you like to hear one?" He tossed the apples over his shoulder into a bowl, and they shattered into apple slices. The girls beamed and nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, which one?"
"Rainbow Dash!"
"Rarity!"
"Applejack!"
Discord stroked his goatee and said, "Well, this is Apple Bloom's home, so I think she deserves first pick." Apple Bloom stuck out her tongue at the others who pouted. "Now let's see. It all started back when you were being born actually….."
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Applejack rushed after her granny and brother whimpering. "Why do you get to go see ma and pa, and I have to stay home! Taint fair!"
Granny Smith turned back to her granddaughter and said, "Now deary, your parents are having a new born filly that's going to be your little sister. I need your big brother to come with me because I'm old and need a strapping young man to escort me. You need to stay home and take care of the farm. Don't worry, you won't be alone. I hired the best babysitter in the business to look after you. In fact, I believe that's him coming up the road now."
They peered down the road and saw Discord floating their way, a scarf around his neck and goggles on. He looked as if he was riding an invisible bike as he sung to himself, "Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy, all for the love of you. Wait a moment, half crazy? That's just silly. Being completely crazy is much more fun." He laughed and put on the brakes, stepping off his non-existing bike and removing his goggles. "Hello granny smith! Looking as young as you did last week... did you do something with your mane?"
Granny Smith laughed her teeth out, Big Mac helped her get them back in. "Don't you sass me Discord, I'm too old for your sense of humor"
He waved a hand at her and said, "Nonsense, you look spry as someone in their three hundreds." She lauged and wheezed, Discord patting her back. "I'm sorry Granny Smith, you're just too easy! You always have been with a name like that."
The old mare nodded. "I suppose your right, but you're not here to crack wise about me. You're here to take care of my granddaughter. Say hello to Mr. Discord sweetie."
Applejack tilted her head curiously. "You're a funny looking varmint."
Granny Smith went wide eyed. "Applejack!"
"Well he is!" Applejack whined and shrank to the floor a little.
Discord chuckled and said, "Don't worry granny, no use scolding a pony for being honest, right? But Applejack, I am not silly looking." He put on a fish costume and a rainbow afro. "Now I'm funny looking!"
Applejack blinked and began laughing. Granny Smith smiled and said, "Take good care of her sweetie! Let's get going Mac."
Macintosh nodded and answered, "Sure thing granny. You take care till we get back little sister."
The little filly frowned and waved weakly as they left. She looked up to Discord and said, "I need to go buck some apples now if you don't mind mister."
As she trotted off hanging her head, he rubbed his chin a little. "Now what's got her so down? This little filly needs to lighten up. I'm just the draconesquus for the job!" He chuckled and hovered after her, watching as she bucked at a tree. She growled as no apples fell, and backed up getting a running kick at it. One apple fell atop her head and made her wobble around dizzily. "Just what are you trying to accomplish?"
She shook her head and blushed. "I'm trying to buck us some apples for dinner! I'm too small and weak I guess."
Discord grinned a little and stated, "Nonsense! You just have to buck in the right spot!"
Applejack blinked in confusion. "Really?"
The chaotic god nodded and rubbed his hand over the tree, putting an ear up against it. He knocked on it a few times, and then drew an X on the tree with his claw. "Right there, just give it a good buck and you'll be surprised." Applejack jumped excitedly and wiggled her flank in the air before sprinting towards the tree and giving it a good buck. The trees roots ripped from the dirt, and it went flying into the sky. Her jaw dropped and her eyes went wide, going pale as she watched it disappear from sight. Discord shielded his eyes from the sun and said, "Wow, you got some distance on that one."
Applejack began to panic. "What am I going to do?! I just sent one of the farms trees flying into the great blue yonder! How am I going to explain this missing tree to Granny?!"
"Why don't we just replace it with an exact replica?" She looked at him confused. "In fact, what's that behind your ear?" He reached behind her ear and pulled out a bit coin. "Hmm, that's not right." He tossed the quarter and pulled a bunny from behind her ear. "No." He tossed the screaming bunny and pulled out an apple. "Aha! Here we are!"
Applejack shook her head and tried cleaning out her ear. "But mister Discord, that's just one apple! How's that gonna help?"
"Oh ye of little faith, watch and learn." He tapped the apple on his knee, and it made a cracking noise. He peeled it open like an egg shell, and the lost tree burst from it and into its original patch of dirt. "And voila, one new tree ala mode!" He reached up and grabbed an apple, rubbing it on his chest and holding it out to the goofy eyed filly. "Apple?"
She shook her head and said in a soft tone, "Don't wanna… spoil dinner." Discord shrugged and took a bite, tossing it behind him and kicking it off. As the rabbit from before managed to get to its feet and brush itself off, it got hit by the apple with a squeak. "You sure are magical mister Discord."
He shrugged in response, "Maybe a little. I'm nothing special." He pulled out a metal plate, and gave the tree a kick with the back of his foot, catching a pyramid of apples. "This should do fine for dinner, right?"
Applejack nodded and said, "That's plenty! Come on inside and we can cook up something good." She hurried into the house, holding open the door for him as he strut in dressed as a butler and set the apples down on the table.
He picked her up and sat her in a chair, handing her a menu. "And how would you like your apples prepared this evening madam?"
A bib appeared around her neck and she looked over the menu. All it said was apples, every page, just the word repeated over and over. "Uh... I'd like it prepared… apples?"
"A very fine choice madam," he said with a bow. He then took out a metal lid and put it over the pyramid of apples. He lifted it to reveal a large pear with a mouth, which said, "Lol wut?" He slammed the lid back over it and said, "Now that's not an apple, that's a pear." He lifted it again to reveal a pile of apple confections, including apple fritters, apple cupcakes, apple tarts, an apple pie, and a big cup of apple juice. "Now what's that term you country ponies use? Yeehaw! Soups on!"
Discord chuckled, watching her mouth water to the point of over flowing. He pushed the plate closer so she could dig in excitedly. "This is delicious! I don't know how you done it, but I don't care!" She slurped up her own face, and sighed contently. "I don't think there's any room left in my gut."
"Let's take a look under the hood then shall we?" He grabbed her stomach and opened it like a door, revealing a small and lanky pony with a shriveled up mane cuddling a gold ring. He cackled and said, "My precious, my precious!" He shut her stomach and said, "Yes it seems pretty occupied in there."
She stared at him a little horrified for a moment. "I know I haven't asked till now, but how do you keep doing that? It's messing with my brain."
Discord laughed and answered, "Then I'm doing my job right! I'm the master of chaos, and that's always a good thing. Especially when it comes to young fillies, although they are usually more rambunctious than you've been."
Applejack sighed sadly. "I'm just feeling a little down about not getting to see my parents after so long sir. They're always so busy. I'm just not feeling rambunctious."
"Then let's make you rambunctious!" He clapped his hands, and a spring eruptted from beneath her sending her into the air. He caught her on his back, and neighed like a horse, flying off into her house. "Hold on tight!"
A saddle appeared beneath her, and a cowboy hat on her head. She squealed with delight, holding on as he flew around her house, bucking about and knocking things over. She hooted and hollered excitedly, holding on with one hoof while waving her new hat around with the other. He came to a stop in the middle of her living room, letting her roll off laughing as he joined her laughter, laying next to her. "That was a hoot mister Discord! You are gonna clean up this mess right?"
"Maybe when you're older," he replied as if not listening to her.
She blinked confused, and just shruged it off and got comfy on the floor. "Mister Discord, can I tell you something?"
She peered over to see a giant ear with his horns where he'd been laying. "I'm listening…"
"I'm not really down because I don't get to see my parents. I love them and understand why I can't live with them and stuff. What really worries me is this new filly coming into our lives. I'm scared that she's going to get more attention than me! What if everyone forgets about me Discord?"
Discord stood up, walking over to a nearby window where the sun was visibly setting. "Applejack, there's an old saying I live by. If you can't beat em, eat em." He grabbed the sun right from the sky as if it had been within grasp all along and took a bite from it, turning it into a crescent moon. "Mmm, vanilla flavored." He set it back in the sky, and it abruptly became night. He looked back at her and said, "If you can't eat em, join them!"
Applejack sat up and asked, "What are you talking about?"
The draconesquus kneeled in front of her. "Sweetie, you were a baby pony too once, and you needed lots of love care and attention! Now this new baby pony needs it, and you should be there to help take care of her. Help her grow up right, and protect her like a big sister should. Doesn't that sound like the right thing to do?"
Applejack teared up and wiped her eyes smiling with a nod. "You know what? You're right Discord. Here I am being all selfish, when I should be thinking about the little sister I'm going to have soon! I know what I gotta do now, and I owe that to you Discord!" She hugged him, and he chuckled patting her back. She blushed and said, "Can I keep the hat? I've taken a fancy to it."
He laughed and scooped her up, tickling her with his beard and making her laugh and wiggle. "Such a silly filly, of course you can keep the hat! It rather suits you if I say so myself."
Applejack shooed away his beard, and sighed with relief as the tickling stopped. She stared outside and said, "Are the princess' going to get mad that you changed the time of day like that?"
Discord snorted in response. "Oh you have no idea. How about we play a game and ignore it for now?"
Applejack gulped and said, "Good idea."
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Discord set a pie on the center of the table, and gave each girl a bowl of the salad he had made. "After that we played a few games. I babysat her for a few days before Granny and Big Mac came home with a baby you Apple Bloom."
Apple Bloom sniffled and said, "Applejack is always there for me when I need her! Thank you for what you told her Discord."
Discord waved a hand dismissively. "Peeshaw, I only told her the truth. Maybe I just have a heart of gold and I don't even realize it." He reached into his chest and pulled out what looked like a gold heart. He gave it a knock and said, "Nah, just pyrite." He chuckled and put it back in his chest.
Sweetie Belle gulped down some of the salad and said, "How did the princess' react when you took a bite of the sun anyways."
He rubbed the back of his head a little. "Funny you should ask…"
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Celestia sighed peacefully as she gazed out to the setting sun. "Another day nears its end. I do so enjoy the beauty of a sunset though." The sun disappeared and she stared for a moment. "W-Where did the sun go?" The moon appeared in its place and it suddenly became dark outside. Her jaw dropped and she cried out, "Luna! Luna what did you do?!"
Luna walked into the throne room with a groggy look yawning. "What are you talking abo-" She blinked and noticed how dark it was. "Did you raise the moon without my permission? Tia, how could you! That's my job!" She began to whine and sob, stomping her hooves.
Celestia gulped and began sweating. "N-No! I didn't! I…" Celestia growled and shouted to the heavens, "Discord! How many times do I have to tell you? The sun is not a cookie!"
End Part 1