Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, or Angry Birds, although between the two afore mentioned names, they own just about everything.
My Little Angry Ponies
By GWFan (The Softcore Brony)
Applejack pranced happily back to the apple cellar, pulling a nice full cart of apples. The apple bucking this morning was going faster than usual, which meant that Applejack would probably have time to do some other much-needed chores around the farm.
After dropping off her apples in the apple cellar, Applejack headed for the barn. It was about time to water some of the apple seedlings. Just as she was reaching for the barn door, Apple Bloom ran up to her.
“Applejack! Can I help?” She asked.
“Well sure Apple Bloom. I was just gonna get the waterin’ cans.”
“I’ll get’em,” The young filly said as she dashed into the barn. After she returned, the two sisters started for the apple seedlings.
“Oh wait.” Applejack thought a moment. “Shoot. I almost forgot bout them dern weeds that been growin’ up round the seedlings. You go on ahead Apple Bloom. I gotta get us some weed killer from the barn.”
“I got it!” Apple Bloom shouted as she raced ahead of her big sister to the barn.
“She sure is bein’ helpful today. Oh I see, I bet she’s tryin’ to get her cutie mark again,” Applejack said with amusement. Her little sister wanted her cutie mark so badly that she constantly tried everything from archery to zoology, trying to find her special talent. If only she would stop and work on the things she was already good at.
After Apple Bloom returned with the weed killer, they both made their way to the seedlings again. On the way though, Applejack started thinking about some of the other chores they needed to do.
“You know as long as we’re out there, we might as well dig up the apple tree we was gonna send to our relatives in Fillydelphia. Can you go to the tool shed and get us some shovels?”
“Sure thing Applejack.” Apple Bloom galloped off to the tool shed.
“While you’re doin’ that, I’ll go get the wheelbarrow.”
Abruptly, Apple Bloom skidded to a halt. “The… the wheelbarrow? The one in the barn?” She shouted back.
“Yeah. It’s the only one we got left that don’t have a flat tire.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that Applejack. I’ll get the wheelbarrow too.” That said, Apple Bloom headed straight for the barn, completely forgoing the tool shed.
“Okay. Thanks,” Applejack said slowly. It was nice that Apple Bloom was being so helpful, but why did it feel as if she was trying too hard? Applejack went back to the barn, wondering what her little sister was up too. As she approached, she saw Apple Bloom struggling to get the wheelbarrow out the door, which for some reason she had only opened just wide enough for it to fit through.
“Apple Bloom?”
Apple Bloom jumped. “Uh… yeah?”
“I just remembered I need to get some seeds out of the barn-”
“I’ll get’em.” She shoved the wheelbarrow out the door, shut it, and came back out a few moments later with some apple seeds. “Here ya go Applejack.”
“Thanks,” Applejack said, sounding a bit more suspicious. “Apple Bloom, why don’t you go back to the house and get us some water. It’s gonna be mighty hot out there, diggin’ up the tree.”
“Okay,” Apple Bloom said, making a beeline for the house.
“While you’re doin’ that,” Applejack shouted, “I’m just gonna head into the barn and-”
“I’ll get it!” Apple Bloom yelled, skidding to a stop.
“Get what?” Applejack said, raising an eyebrow.
“Uh… the… the thing you needed in the barn,” Apple Bloom said slowly.
“Uh huh,” Applejack eyed her sister as she slowly made her way back to her. “Apple Bloom, why does it seem like every time I need somethin’ in the barn, you always gotta go get it?”
“No reason. I just wanted to be helpful-like. That’s all.”
“Are you hidin’ somethin’ in the barn?”
“No!” Apple Bloom said quickly. “Why would I?”
“Then you won’t mind if I just go into the barn-”
“Wait!” Apple Bloom shouted, stepping in front of the barn door. “You uh… you can’t go in there now.”
“And why not?”
“Because uh… cause uh… it’s a surprise party. You wouldn’t wanna spoil the surprise.”
“Surprise party for what? It ain’t my birthday.”
“It’s for uh… for uh…,”
“Step aside little sister,” Applejack said sternly, pushing her out of the way.
“No Applejack! Wait!”
Applejack opened the barn door wide. “What in tarnation?” Before she could react, Applejack was run over by a stampede of pigs.
“No! Come back! It ain’t feedin’ time yet! Soo-wee! Soo-wee!” Apple Bloom called out.
“Apple Bloom!” Applejack shouted angrily, her face covered in pig tracks.
Apple Bloom ceased her pig calling and turned sheepishly back to her big sister, “Uh… yeah?”
Applejack picked herself up off the ground. “The last time I checked we only had four pigs. Why do we have… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...13!? Why do we have nine more pigs?”
“Well…,” Apple Bloom nervously moved dirt around with her hoof, “A while back, I found a pig in the rain and thought it would be okay to take her in. But when I checked her the next day, she had eight little piglets. They was so cute that I couldn’t just kick’em out.”
“Oh Apple Bloom,” Applejack sighed. “It’s fine that you let them stay while they were piglets, but look at’em now. Them pigs is almost full-grown. How are we gonna feed’em?”
“The foods no problem. I’ve just been lettin’em out to graze.”
“Graze? Cows graze. You don’t let pigs out to graze. You feed’em corn and slop.”
“But it’s been workin’ out just fine. They’ve been eaten all the rotten apples that fall off the trees, all those big mushrooms that grow everywhere, and lots of other stuff too.”
Applejack shook her head. “Apple Bloom, we can’t keep all these pigs. We just don’t have the budget for’em. Now we gotta… Big Macintosh!” Applejack spied her older brother coming up the hill with a cart full of apples. “Come on over here. I’m lecturin’ Apple Bloom bout responsibility.”
“But Big Macintosh is the one who said I could keep the pigs.”
At the mention of the pigs, Big Macintosh paused.
“He said… Big Macintosh! Is that true?” Applejack said accusingly to her big brother.
Big Macintosh looked around nervously, before lowering his head a little and replied, “Eeyup.” Then he slowly backed up his cart of apples until he was behind the barn.
“I don’t believe this,” Applejack said, shaking her head. “Untrusted by my own kin. Am I a real hard flank or somethin’? What made you two think you couldn’t just tell me instead of hidin’em in the barn?”
“I didn’t just hide’em in the barn. I hid’em other places you weren’t, too,” Apple Bloom said quietly.
“Apple Bloom, I-” But before she could say another word, Applejack abruptly heard the distinct squeal of a pig in distress.
“Oh no!” Apple Bloom screamed. “Big Macintosh, it sounds like those birds are back again.” Apple Bloom galloped to where she had heard the squeal
Applejack watched Apple Bloom go, feeling a little confused. “Birds? What birds?” Then Big Macintosh raced past her, chasing after Apple Bloom. “What they hay is goin’ on out there?” Applejack said in bewilderment as another loud pig squeal filled her ears.
Apple Bloom raced to where she heard the squeals and sure enough, a dozen brightly colored birds were attacking the pigs. They were quite large, almost the same height as the pigs. They pecked mercilessly at the pigs, corralling them together as they flew around them on their stubby looking wings.
“Get! You get outta here ya mean ol’ birds!” Apple Bloom shouted, trying to charge them.
But the birds flew around her, not giving up their relentless attack on the pigs. Before Apple Bloom could turn around for another pass, Big Macintosh hurled himself at the nearest bird and knocked it out of the air.
“Apple Bloom, stay back,” Big Macintosh ordered. “There’s too many of em.”
It was true. Apple Bloom had never seen this many birds attack before. The last two times it happened there had only been three and five respectively.
“Look out!” Apple Bloom screamed as three of the birds dive-bombed her big brother.
The force of all three of the red birds together was enough to force Big Macintosh to his knees. These birds meant business. They squawked, squealed, and made a terrible racket as the same three birds targeted Big Macintosh with their sharp beaks. Big Macintosh was no fool though. He forced himself up and ducked into some bushes. As soon as he did, the three birds returned to the larger group and continued their onslaught on the pigs.
“Big Macintosh! Are you all right?” Apple Bloom yelled, running to her brother’s side.
“Eeyup.”
For once, it seemed that Big Macintosh had actually lost his cool. He stood up and started to paw the ground, as if getting ready to charge. Before he could though, two apples flew through the air and nailed two of the birds, dead on. Then two more struck two other birds. Then two others. The birds were so stunned that they flopped on the ground and bounced into some other bushes. All except for one that simply sat on the ground, it’s big, fuzzy, black eyebrows lowered in the angriest look Apple Bloom had ever seen.
The bird abruptly took to the air and tried for the pigs again. Another apple promptly pelted him and he fell to the ground.
Apple Bloom and Big Macintosh looked back to see where the apples had suddenly come from. Applejack stood valiantly in the clearing.
“Get you’re filthy beaks off my pigs you dern, dirty birds,” She said menacingly, holding another apple on her hoof, ready to buck it.
The red bird with the eyebrows wiped the apple off its body and hopped up and down angrily, making his way towards her. Applejack raised her apple preparing to throw it, but the bird paused.
“How dare you interfere with us!” It said in a surprisingly deep voice.
Applejack nearly dropped the apple. “You can talk?”
“Of course I can talk. Now answer me, little pony!” The bird said, despite the fact that he only came up to Applejack’s neck. “Why are you interfering with us?”
The rest of the birds suddenly sprang out of the bushes, looking ready to attack again. Lined up the way they were, Applejack could see that they came in five colors: red, blue, black, yellow, and white. The one that had spoken to her was red and stood maybe two inches taller than the other red birds.
“I said answer!” The red bird ordered a second time.
Applejack got over her shock and matched his glare. “Why shouldn’t I interfere? These are my pigs and they’re my responsibility.”
Apple Bloom looked at her surprised. Apparently, Applejack had changed her mind about keeping the pigs.
“If you’re responsible for them then keep them out of our territory!” The bird squawked at her.
“You’re territory? This is the Apple family’s farm. You’re trespassin’ on our land.”
“Your land?” The bird said with distaste. “This has been our territory for generations. You can’t just claim it!” If the bird had teeth, he probably would have started grinding them right about then.
“It’s been my family’s land for generations and I ain’t ever seen you on it before. You wanna attack my pigs on my land and you got trouble on your hooves.”
“So you’re siding with the pigs eh? The pigs have become our mortal enemies. We are going to destroy them.”
“If you think I’m goin’ to sit on my flank and let you do that, then ya’ll are crazy.”
“Crazy?” the bird said slowly as if chewing on the word. Then his feathers puffed up and he angrily shouted, “We are Sparows!” Then he kicked the nearest apple splatter as hard as he could, a small amount reaching Applejack and splattering on her chest.
“I don’t care what you are. Ya’ll stay away from my pigs and my farm,” Applejack said menacingly.
“Little pony, if you-”
Applejack launched an apple at the bird but he jumped in the air to avoid it. The bird looked about ready to attack, but then he noticed Big Macintosh holding more apples, ready to buck them his way.
“Fine. The pigs win this round, pony. But mark my word we will be victorious. Consider this a declaration of war. Tomorrow we come for the pigs in greater numbers. If you don’t want to be hurt little pony, then stay away.” The bird pointed his wing at her threateningly before turning back to his subordinates. “Sparows! We return to our home to prepare for battle!” The birds all squawked in a cheer. Then they took off and flew towards the mountains.
“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Applejack said, watching them go. “This is crazy. All this cause of the pigs? What are those birds so ticked about?” Then she turned to her two siblings. “Well I hope you two are satisfied. I don’t really understand what’s goin’ on, but those pigs gotta go.”
“Now? But Applejack, we can’t just kick’em out,” Apple Bloom pleaded.
“I know. Not now, but we gotta get rid of em soon.”
“It’ll be mighty hard findin’ buyers for these pigs in just a day,” Big Macintosh reasoned. “But even if we only have four left, those strange birds’ll probably come back.”
“Yeah, I think you’re probably right. Apple Bloom?” Applejack turned to her little sister. “You’re partly responsible for this, so do me a favor and run on over to Twilight’s and Fluttershy’s and ask’em to come over to the farm. Fluttershy knows a lot about animals and Twilight knows a lot about everythin’, so between the five of us, maybe we can figure out what to do about those angry birds.”
“Sure thing Applejack,” Apple Bloom said, happy that she could help. Of course, she did feel guilty that the pigs she had hid somehow caused this. As she raced over to Twilight Sparkle’s library, she tried to think of a way to fix it.
Before too long, Applejack saw Apple Bloom heading back with Twilight and Fluttershy right behind her. She was surprised though to see Rainbow Dash flying slightly in front of them as well.
“So what’s this bird problem you’ve got?” Rainbow questioned as soon as they arrived.
“Hey Rainbow. Not that I’m complainin’ but what are you doin’ here?”
“Twilight wanted to test this new spell on me that she cooked up. But when I found out what it was, I was like, No Way. That’s when Apple Bloom showed up, so I’m here partly out of thanks for getting me out of that mess.”
“It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s not like it would have been permanent,” Twilight argued.
“Wasn’t willing to test that. Not with that kind of spell.”
“It was perfectly safe… oh never mind. Sorry Applejack. Apple Bloom said your pigs were attacked by birds?”
“As crazy as it sounds, yeah. I was hopin’ you and Fluttershy could help me deal with’em.”
“I’m sure we can figure something out. What kind of birds are they?”
“They’re called Sparows. You ever heard of em?”
“You mean sparrows?” Twilight corrected.
“No, they distinctly referred to themselves as Sparows.”
“They can talk?” Twilight said surprised.
“Yeah. What’s more, they said they was gonna come back tomorrow with reinforcements. Said they was itchin’ to have a war.”
“Dealin’ with just a few of em is pretty difficult,” Big Macintosh added. “I don’t wanna think about what tanglin’ with two dozen or more might be like.”
“Are they really that bad? I mean, I’ve never even heard of Sparows before, but they’re just birds, right?” Twilight asked.
“They attacked the pigs and brought Big Macintosh to his knees. I’m not about to say they’re ordinary birds,” Applejack said with concern. “Don’t you know anythin’ about them, Twi?”
“I’m sort of familiar with Sparows,” Fluttershy spoke up. “Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“It’s quite all right Fluttershy,” Twilight comforted her timid friend. “So what do you know about these Sparows?”
“Well, they’re very large, intelligent birds that live up on the mountain over there.” Fluttershy pointed to the very same mountain they had once climbed to save Equestria from a sleeping dragon. “Because they’re such naturally large and pudgy birds, they never fly very far and usually only at night so they don’t overheat. But when they eat, they eat a lot. They’re not like other birds that eat seeds and worms either. They eat lots of other things like green vegetables, fruits, and their preferred meal of mushrooms.”
“Mushrooms? Apple Bloom, didn’t you say the pigs was eatin’ the mushrooms around here?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah. And everythin’ else on the ground too,” Apple Bloom confirmed.
“I get it. The pigs are eating their food supply,” Twilight reasoned.
“So that’s why they don’t like the pigs,” Applejack said understandingly. “But it’s not like I can just feed em whatever we got on hoof. We’d run out of food and money. Big Macintosh would hafta rebalance our monthly budget first and that would take time. And I can’t just get rid of the pigs overnight either.”
“I could keep the pigs at my house,” Fluttershy offered.
“I don’t know Fluttershy. What if the birds come look’en for’em? You got so many critters over there already, it could start a real fiasco.”
“And those crazy angry birds are supposed to come back tomorrow?” Rainbow Dash put in. “Sounds like you’re going to have to deal with them the hard way. Kicking their little bird butts.” Rainbow made a show of bucking her hind legs in the air, while flying.
“No. Don’t do that,” Fluttershy pleaded. “You can’t hurt them.”
“Then what do you expect me to do Sugar-Cube? I’m not about to let those dern birds hassle my pigs. They sounded like they’re out for blood,” Applejack worried.
“You have a way with animals Fluttershy,” Twilight said completely unnecessarily. “Maybe you could talk with those birds and convince them not to attack.”
“Well, if it helps. I don’t want to see Applejack’s pigs or the Sparows get hurt.”
“Maybe you could tell them that Applejack isn’t going to have the pigs for much longer. Then they can have their feeding ground back,” Twilight suggested.
“I’ll try,” Fluttershy said, though she looked rather uncertain of herself.
“Well, if you’re going to do it that way,” Rainbow Dash said, sounding just a little disappointed, “I guess we should fly up there right now. I’ll go with you.”
“Thanks Rainbow. It would be kind of scary going up there alone.”
“You two can fly up there faster than the rest of us can climb, so we’ll wait here,” Twilight informed them.
“Don’t worry about us. We’ll be back with good news faster than you can say, Sonic Rainboom,” Rainbow said enthusiastically.
Fluttershy looked at the mountain peak and shivered. She had met only one Sparow in the past. From what he had told her about them, the ever-proud Sparows probably wouldn’t be very reasonable.