Fool and Order
"And you say you have the human locked deep in the dungeons, Twilight?"
"Of course, Celestia. We have his wrists strapped in hoofcuffs and we gave him a unicorn horn blocker to cancel out any magic powers that guy can do. We also took the liberty of confiscating whatever gear and tricks he had hidden in his tuxedo as a precaution."
"Good. I would like a word with him alone."
Twilight and Celestia ventured deep into the dungeons, where Twilight locked The Fool away. The dungeons were built deep in the underground caves of Canterlot Mountain, lit only dimly by the illuminating crystals in the cavern walls. They came across a barred cell, guarded by two armored stallions on each side of the cell.
"I wish to speak to the human," Celestia requested.
The guard unicorns stepped aside and opened the cell door, letting Celestia inside and leaving Twilight out. Inside the cell, The Fool was standing in perfect balance on his cuffed gloved hands, humming randomly while Celestia stared at the human jester with a stern look.
"I take it your visit to dungeons has been pleasurable," she said with a dropped tone in her voice.
"You have no idea, Your Highness!" The Fool chuckled, flipping back on his feet. "I just love the dungeons here! The crags are just phenomenal, there's plenty of room for me to practice my yoga and..." The Fool trailed off as he began to tap dance on the rocky floor, turned a full 360 on one foot and gave a big finish. "...very good ground for a little jig or two. Hohoho-hahaha!"
"You my keep laughing however you want," Celestia said sternly. "Because tomorrow, you will be held for trial on account of all the atrocities you've committed."
"Atrocities? Why, whatever did I do to get on your bad side?" The Fool asked, feigning ignorance.
"We will get to all that later," Celestia answered, still scowling at the human jester. "Right now, I want to ask you a few questions. Who are you? How did you find your way to Equestria? More importantly, why did you create such chaos on my subjects?"
The Fool chortled. "Hohohoho-hahahaha! Oh dear! Did I really forget my manners several chapters ago?" he asked rhetorically. "Well then, since our introductions have gone stale from the time we first met, then allow me to introduce myself. I am The Fool, a lone jester alone on the road." The Fool bowed deep and removed his hat in respect. "At your service, m'lady."
"Refrain from calling me your lady,'" Celestia ordered coldly. "Now, tell me how you arrived in Equestria."
"Hohoho-hahaha. Oh, that's an easy one." The Fool leaned to Celestia's ear and whispered, "I walked here."
"You walked here?"
"Mm-hmm."
"But how was it that you simply walked here?" the ivory alicorn asked, slightly surprised. "From what my faithful student said, you humans live in another world separate to ours. You couldn't have just walked in Equestria without the use of a portal."
The Fool chortled. "Hohoho-hahahaha! I'll tell you how I walked here," he said, slowly walking to the prison door.
"Put one foot in front of the other,
And soon, you'll be walking 'cross the floo-hoo-hor!
Put one foot in front of the other,
And soon, you'll be walking out the dooooor!"
The Fool gripped the prison door and swung it open. There, the guards immediately revealed their spears to the human, making him jump back a little. With no way out of the cell, The Fool slammed the door and walked backwards. Heck, the song he sung just now sounded backwards!
"!roooood eht tuo gnilkaw eb ll'uoy ,noos dnA
,rehto eht fo tnorf ni toof eno tuP
!roh-roh-oolf eht ssorc' gniklaw eb ll'uoy ,noos dnA
,rehto eht fo tnorf ni toof eno tuP"
The Fool sat down on a chair and looked back to Celestia, who wore her stoic mask over her peeved inner self. "Nothing gets through to you that quickly, does it, Fool?" she asked neutrally.
"Nothing except for a three-bean chili con carne," The Fool said, laughing to his terrible pun.
"Mr. Fool, the reason I am down here is NOT to make jokes," Celestia said, reverting back to her authoritative tone. “I am here to collect information regarding how you came to this world and your motive for creating such chaos in Ponyville.”
“And I’m telling ‘how I came to this world,’” The Fool chortled, imitating the ivory alicorn’s voice. “I simply walked into Equestria. Nothing more.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “You just walked into Equestria?”
“While I was sleeping.”
Celestia’s stoic face now became surprised, complete with buggy eyes. “You walked into Equestria while you were sleeping? And you never bothered to wake up and see where you were going at the time!?”
The Fool nodded.
Celestia growled like an animal, with foam forming in her mouth. Her eyes became bloodshot with rage. She shook rapidly like she was having a seizure before she stopped, breathed deeply and regained herself.
“Steady, Celestia. This will all pay off soon.” With the clearing of her throat, Celestia went back to the questions. “Now that your explanation of your arrival has raised even more questions...” she said, grumbling at the last three words. “What I want to know is why you have created such chaos among my loyal subjects.”
“Your loyal subjects!?” The Fool echoed with a spittle. “Phbbt! Puh-lease! I wouldn’t call them my loyal subjects if they started screaming and running around like pansies when I ask them the directions to Canada! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such terrible manners to treat a visitor passing by!”
"So you got back to everypony by pulling ridiculous pranks?" Celestia asked.
"Well, what's wrong with having a little fun?"
"I can tell you two things that are wrong with your fun!" Celestia said with a raise of tone. "One, my sister and I banned such chaos a thousand years ago, thanks to your new friend, Discord! Second, the ponies that you have tricked have suffered greatly becuase of your so-called fun!"
"Well, not all of them suffered," The Fool chortled, remembering his encounter with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Celestia was still not amused. "Most of the citizens of Ponyville have suffered," she spat. "And now they are pressing charges against you for the chaos you caused upon them. In addition, you're also charged with multiple assaults against the Royal Family, which happens to be one of the worst crimes you could commit."
"Assaults," The Fool asked, tilting his head. "No, I don't like assaults. I prefer garlic powder. Hohohoho-hahahaha!"
Celestia slapped her hoof to her forehead and dragged it down her face. "No, not salts," she growled. "Assaults. As in trying to make a physical attack onto somepony else, like when you tampered with Prince Blueblood's voice earlier today."
"Oh, that? Well, someone with both a high position and an arrogant attitude needed to be put in his place," the human jester said, leaning slightly towards Celestia. "Plus, I did you a favor. He would've overthrown you and your kingdom if I never stepped up to the plate."
"That's hard to believe, considering that you also sent my sister, Luna, my niece, Mi Amore Cadenza and the guards present to the psychiatric ward."
"To be honest, I told them I did NOT want to take my mask off in front of them."
"What about the bum cigar you shoved in my mouth?"
"An old custom among my people. You were such a good shot with that destructo-beam of yours, that I could NOT let your attempt go unrewarded. Hohohohohoho!"
Celestia rubbed her temples. The Fool was so irritating, he was actually giving her a headache. "Mr. Fool, I didn't come down here to joke around," she stated seriously. "Assaulting a member of the Royal Family, including Yours Truly, is a serious crime. The punishment of doing so are either execution, banishment or a life-long sentence in prison."
The ivory alicorn turned and trotted out the door. "You will appear before me in the Day Court tomorrow to discuss your judgment. Though, it is most likely that execution might be your sentence."
"Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool chortled. "Sorry to ruin your good mood, but I don't think that sentence is going to happen anytime soon."
Celestia turned her gaze to The Fool.
"And why is that?"
The jester pointed to the ground. Celestia looked to her hooves and, to her complete surprise, saw her hooves shackled in in the same cuffs The Fool was restrained by the wrists. The jester chuckled as he removed two fake arms from his sleeves. "Rule number one about capturing a trickster like me," The Fool explained. "When you're restraining the hands of a jester with magic nullifying cuffs, make sure they are actually my hands. Hohohohoho-hahahaha!"
"GUARDS!"
The cell door opened and a few guards rushed into the cell, spears unsheathed. Twilight cantered in after the guards and gasped. The Fool had formulated his escape plan from the very moment he got captured! Now the final phase of his escape was about to begin.
"Thank you, thank you! You've been a wonderful audience!" The Fool said, bowing with his hat off. "And now for my final trick, I shall pull a rabbit out of my hat!" The Fool reached deep inside his triangular hat and pulled out a rocket launcher, labeled "RABBIT."
"What? Didn't think this was the rabbit you were looking for?" The Fool asked the audience.
The Fool then pointed the rocket to the craggy wall.
He clicked the trigger.
BOOOM!
Everypony except for The Fool was blown back to the bars by the loud and explosive force of the rocket's detonation. As the smoke cleared, a giant hole was formed, revealing the glorious shine of daylight. The Fool walked nonchalantly to the hole and turned back to the ponies. He carried a boom box on his shoulder.
"It looks like I have gone out..." The Fool applied a pair of sunglasses over the eyeholes of his mask. "...with a bang."
CLICK
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The Fool somersaulted backwards out of the hole and down 1000 feet of the mountainside and disappeared into the forest below. The armored stallions and the two alicorns staggered up on their hooves. The alicorns' ears were ringing intensely, but they swore they could hear The Fool's shrill laughter in the background. Celestia limped to the hole and looked down into the forest, where The Fool disappeared to.
"Now, let it be war upon you, Fool," Celestia said, glaring at the forest.
The Fool was now officially persona non grata.
And it's not the cheese you would sprinkle on spaghetti.