Twilight walked down the hall as always. And as always she let herself look into the room that had been untouched for nearly her entire life now.
~ ~
Three hundred and forty-seven years, two months, fourteen days. That’s how long it had been since the day Spike was hatched. She could count down to even the hours, minutes and seconds but it didn’t matter at this point. One day. That’s how long it had been since he passed away. She could count down to even the hours minutes and seconds but it didn’t matter at this point…
Doing so wouldn’t bring him back, nothing could. She’d tried long ago when the last of her friends passed away. Celestia, Luna, Discord and various forms of magic: ancient, modern, foreign, light or dark. None had borne fruit. So, once again, after so long, Twilight simply stood there in front of the chalk board writing down her theorems and equations. Anything to keep her mind from what had happened.
It worked. For the most part. It would’ve worked completely had it not been for all those who either knew her or knew Spike and kept coming to offer her their condolences. Because what somepony grieving wants most is to be reminded of their loss. And there was quite a fewof them. She was a princess after all, and Spike was just as well known for being the dragon-guard of Cantalot.
Her horn glowed as her magic encircled a piece of chalk, scribbling away at the board. Writing down her latest challenge to solve a problem nopony had asked. It was maths for the sake of maths. Endless quantifiable stability with clear patterns and predictable results. What she knew well and what she could handle in a time like this.
Her work went on seemingly endlessly. That was until “Twilight.” A voice came to interrupt her train of thought. “Have you slept at all during my night?” Luna asked form the doorway as the sun began to rise outside the window.
Luna hadn’t been the first to worry over her. She wouldn’t be the last either. All of her friends… all that still lived, had done so at some point. The curse of immortality had always worried her, even if Celestia had once told her ‘Getting to know more ponies than one could in a thousand lifetimes... though always just as tragic, it is well worth the eventual loss to have known each and every one of them. It was a cruel gift, and a lovely curse.’
“I guess I haven’t.” Twilight replied without looking away from the blackboard. The sum in front of her demanded her full attention as she tried to solve the problem she’d created herself. Twilight lifted her chalk towards the board once more, only to have it blocked by Luna’s hoof and lowered.
“This can wait Twilight. You may not need as much sleep as most ponies, but you still need it.” Luna said as she places a hoof on her friends shoulder and gently turned her towards the door. “Come. Let us find your room and draw the curtains. Sleep. It will do you well. Your work will always be here when you return. ”
~ ~
The next day, no, maybe two days later by now, Twilight was once again at her board. Her royal duties all taken by Celestia, Luna and Cadence in her time of grief. It was finally done. Her problem solved: there was no answer. “You’ve wiped away your work?” Discord asked as he appeared from... who knows where.
“What difference does it make if I solve it or not. The world won’t be any different regardless of the outcome.” she sighed in response. It was however long ago now but what seemed best was to take Luna’s advice and get some sleep. She’d been up for another thirty hours at least since then and could use some rest once again as he headed out of the room.
The frame of the doorway morphed and slithered as it turned into Discord who stood there, blocking her way. “I must ask you Twilight. Do you remember when Fluttershy died?” The words, though bringing up a well faded memory, still managed her hit their mark. “Of course you do. I only ask because I know what you’re going through right now.”
“I know you do Discord.” she said as she pushed passed him and started off towards her chambers.
Discord quickly caught up to her, moving backwards on a pair of ice skates, sliding along the hard stone floor. “I know you know I know, but do you know what you know?” he asked. And as Twilight had learned over the years, though it sounded like gibberish at first, Discord’s words always made sense if you could follow along with them.
“What don’t I know?”
All of his props and gags disappeared as Discord did something Twilight had only once ever seen him do before: act serious. “When she died I had no reason to stay how I am. There was nothing to stop me from going back to my old ways. No Elements of Harmony to threaten me and no friend to persuade me.”
“What are you getting at?”
“That what you're feeling isn’t sadness, but defeat.” The words hit her hard; she knew they were true. “I had no reason to stay as I am. And yet I did. I know that it may seem like there’s nothing left for you but I can assure you Twilight, that giving up on everything will only cause more pain. Tell me, why did you erase what you’d spent the last several days working on?”
“Because… because it doesn’t matter. The world won’t change, for better or worse, if I do or don’t solve that equation.” she answered.
“Won’t it?” he stated.
~ ~
The next morning came as Celestia raised the sun. After her morning work she strode through the halls quietly as to not wake those that still slept so early. There was one who wasn’t sleeping however. Her former student, now her equal, who was once more in the room she’d been in since Spike’s death. Celestia was aware of Luna and Discord’s concerns. She had thought it herself too. “Good morning Twilight.” she said as she entered the room.
The sound of chalk clicking against blackboard stopped as Celestia spoke. Twilight turned, tears running down her face. “He kept me together… after everypony else, he was still there with me. Helping me, making sure I was always prepared and cleaning up after every mistake I made without question. I took him for granted and I owe him so much for what he did for me.”
“You don’t owe him anything Twilight. Spike lived for himself. And in living for himself, he chose to help you in that life. It was a life he would never regret and one many would be lucky to have lived.” Celestia replied. And as calm as she tried to sound for Twilight, Twilight didn’t need it. Celestia turned from her fellow ruler to the board she’d been writing on.
It was once again filled. Wall to wall, a repeating set of values each with a different variable and final result. Despite Celestia’s superior age, Twilight greatly surpassed her in intelligence. But Celestia still knew well more than your average pony. She was able to recognize the sums and the results thereof. But the one set they all had, that every single equation had in them, she didn’t.
“Twilight. I’m not quite as versed in this field as you. I recognise this equation, but what is this one here?” she pointed to the set of numbers and figures that each had in common.
“It’s Spike.” Twilight answered with a gloomed smile. As that began to sink in, Celestia began to recognise more than she had before. These aren't just numbers, these were events in Spike’s life quantified into something Twilight could express to the greatest of her ability.
“So then… this would be him hatching.” Celestia said, indicating to the first sum that resulted in the volume of a sphere being removed to create a mass greater than its contents. “And this would be his first steps. His first words. His first birthday, or hatchday rather.” Celestia began to slowly skim over the work. “Ice skating?” Celestia asked at one particular piece she struggled to understand.
“Good! Yes. I had some trouble with the friction variables at first. But Discord helped me with it in the end. Even if he doesn’t know it.” Twilight answered happily. The sound of her voice lifted Celestia’s heart. But not nearly as much as all of this did. Until she came across …
“I’m sorry, this is beyond me.”
“Oh, uh… him bouncing on top of a hot air balloon. The equation for acceleration and twisting is much harder.” Twilight laughed and Celestia joined in. She continued to read. It was like a tapestry depicting every part of Spikes life. It was more beautiful than any words, than any eulogy could ever hope to be to Celestia. And she could only imagine what it meant to Twilight.
Finally though, it came to an end. As Celestia began to read she noticed there was nothing after the equals sign. “This one seems unfinished.” as she asked and turned to Twilight. Twilight smiled and she closed her eyes as a final tear, a final goodbye to her friend rolled down her face. Her horn lit and the piece of chalk moved towards the board to write the final piece of Spike’s life…
∞