//------------------------------// // The Greatest Couple since Bunnie & Clyde // Story: My Little Noir // by Colt in the Moon //------------------------------// After having an ibuprofen the size of Las Pegasus, I crossed Fruity’s name off of the suspect list. I realized that I had to stop playing with children, and start talking to the real criminals; Starting with the biggest one of all: Bunnie and Clyde. Bunnie was born into what was formerly known as a small gang, with no real claim to fame to their name. But when Bunnie was around six years old, her father was killed by a rival gang, so she inherited her father’s position as leader. From that moment, it was like the worst player on the team struck out, and the best player was up to bat. Soon that gang and Bunnie became the most feared ponies in the entire underworld. I, of course, wasn’t afraid of them, which is why I had no problem marching right into their hideout. It was a simple building, one that didn’t call attention to it. Shaped like a storage area, it had a long rectangular base, and some busted windows on the side. Two guards stood outside the main entrance. The one on the right held a hoof up to my chest to stop me. “Hold it. Who are ya and what are ya doin’ here?” I held my badge up to him, “Detective Tracer Bullet. I need to ask your boss in there a few questions”. The second lackey opened his mouth to respond, but the door opening interrupted him. A small white rabbit wearing a brown fedora with black pants that went all the way up to his chest. His red tie went down to his feet. His name was Clyde, Bunnie’s number one assistant. He squeaked something at the first pony and he nodded his head in approval. “Just follow the rabbit and you’ll get to the Queen.” He said with a smirk. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Inside the warehouse was actually dirtier than Tootie Fruity’s apartment. But instead of random garbage littered about the place, it was full of dust and dirt. Complete with a plethora of boxes filled with guns and drugs. For some reason, there were random chains hanging from the ceiling. Bunnie was always one for modesty, so when I saw her sitting on a giant throne in the center of the room, I almost did a double take. The lady in charge had a smug grin on her face when she first laid eyes on me. But the two goons beside her remained still with cold looks on their faces. Clyde quickly brushed past me and hopped up right on Bunnie’s lap. “Well look who we have here, Clyde. It’s the almighty Detective Bullet.” The mobster took a confident sip from a glass of water, “I always knew you would come after me, but I didn’t think it would be when I actually didn’t do anything.” “Says you. Tell me, what do you know about the pony, Minty Fresh”? Like Tootie, Bunnie’s face seemed to get a little darker. I really hoped this wouldn’t become a pattern. But Bunnie got a tad more violent. At the mention of Minty’s name, she threw her glass across the room. “THAT BITCH! THAT LOW-DOWN, SNEAKY, SNITCH!” Bunnie took a deep breath and regained her posture, “Please excuse me for my outburst, Detective.” “I know something that’ll cheer you up, Minty is dead”. Bunnie’s pupils shrunk. Her mouth hung down in the shape of an o. But she soon started chuckling, “You don’t say.” “Can it, Buns. You’re at the top of my suspect list, and I want answers now!” “And answers you shall get. You see, a few years ago, the boys were plannin’ on hittin’ up a museum. Around this time Minty had joined our gang. On the night of the break in Minty was nowhere to be seen. It turns out, she went rattin’ to the cops. This quickly rose into a shootout, allowing us to make a clean getaway. I vowed that little snitch would pay someday, so hearing that somepony has beat me to it, is bittersweet”. So she did have a motive, but then I remembered something Gumbelle told me. “Minty’s wife said that you had hired Addams Apple to pay those two a visit. Now why would that be?” She just laughed, “You’ve got me there, Detective. I hired Addams Apple to poison Minty’s food. That way it could’ve been blamed on the spouse. But when Apple came trotting back to me whining that the fuzz was on his trail, I knew that he had failed.” Tonight was being a pain in the flank for me. I was getting so tired of these ponies saying they’re innocent, and being right! But then a wild idea crossed my mind. “Where is Addams Apple now?” “He’s with that pipsqueak Fyre,” Bunnie gruffly responded, “I believe those two are in Club Velvet. Fyre had a job for the failure, fine with me. I don’t need a thug to do my dirty work for me.” “Yeah, thanks for info”. I tipped my hat and started walking towards the door. But two of Bunnie’s goons stepped out from behind the shadows and blocked my path. I heard Bunnie cackle from behind. “Honestly Detective, did you actually think I’d give you such vital information and allow you to leave? And here I thought you had a brain cell”. The two thugs in front of me pointed two machine guns at me. I heard the familiar click of the weapons as they prepared to turn me into Swiss cheese. The second the first bullet was shot, I shot into the air like a-for lack of a better word-bullet. My amazing flying skills have helped me the most in catching low-lives. I circled the room, pulling two chains on my way. When I came back to the assassins, I wrapped them up to cut off their assault. Bunnie didn’t waste any time. She sent out all of her henchponies quick as a whip. These ponies didn’t have guns to wield. I didn’t know who to thank for that, my luck, or their stupidity. The first pony came at me swinging. I gave him a good sock in the jaw, followed by a knee to the gut. The second one earned a buck to the head from me. Pretty soon I was taking down ponies left and right. *CRACK!* that was the sound my face made as Bunnie’s hoof connected with it. Sometimes I wonder why she has a gang; her strength rivals that of a circus strongpony. I spun around to counterattack, but she was too fast. She caught my hoof and hit me with a strong left hook. That sent me sailing across the room. I slid back on my hooves as I noted how the rest of Bunnie’s gang had stopped attacking and instead formed a circle to watch the fight. I didn’t want these guys to feel useless, so I decided to give them a hoof. I grabbed a random stallion and hurled him at his boss. The mobster karate kicked him to the side. That’s when I flew in and slammed her against the wall. The two of us began to roll on the floor, landing hits anytime and anywhere we could. At one point, I raised my hoof to bring it down on Bunnie, but when I came down on her, a stray bullet whizzed past my head. I looked up to see Clyde with a rifle pointed right at me. I flew up, grabbed the little weasel, and threw him out a window. Soon I started to get tired of getting my flank handed to me, so I decided to play a little game of cat and mouse. I catapulted up into the ceiling, zipping by the chains as Bunnie was right on my tail. She was getting angrier and angrier the farther we got. That’s when I made my move. I started flying through the chains, zig-zagging through any open space. Bunnie wasn’t as great a flyer as I was, and that's what I was counting on. It didn’t take long for her to get tangled up in those chains. “AAAARRRRGGHHHH!” I heard her roar, “THIS ISN’T OVER BULLET! YOU WILL SUFFER”! Yeah, but for now, I could fly away into the night.