”I guess it’s kind of tough to put into words. Do I love her? Did I always love her? Heck, the two of us butted heads sometimes. Heh… loads of times. You know, since the first day I glided into Ponyville to become this town’s loyal weather flier, Applejack was the only pony who ever stood up to me. I mean… pffft… not like I was some bully or flankhole or nothin’. Just, I always knew what I wanted to do or what I wanted to have happened and so I went after it. Everypony stepped aside for my awesomeness. Applejack? Applejack didn’t.
“She was the first to challenge anything I ever said or did. While every pony thought I was cool, she was always there to raise her hoof and explain her reservations. Heck, I never even had a second thought about any of the cool stuff I wanted to do until she plopped her orange flank into the equation! If I wanted to do a low-fly by over the farm fields, she’d bark at me for disturbing the crops with my speed. When I was too lazy to kick away the northern rain clouds, she’d give me an earful about how the moisture could be needed in the arid fields to the south, and suggested I’d get off my lazy butt and move them elsewhere. If there was a prank that I did that went too crazy, she’d be the first to bite my head off.
“At first, I thought she was challenging me. Heck, there are moments when I still think that. I can’t how many friggin’ times she’s bitten onto my tail and hoisted me down to the ground like I’m some sort of runaway parade balloon. Who does she think she is? Biting a pegasus’ tail? What--does she think she owns the earth or something?
“Well, I told myself that if she owned the ground, then I owned the sky! And, boy, if that doesn’t beat the ground in sheer awesomeness by a factor of… of… I dunno, a really huge friggin’ number! Heh. I simply gave her the cold wing and went about my business. But the dang mare didn’t let up! Every time she saw me, there was something or another that she had to chew my ear out about. Always some bone to pick. It was like she was on some sort of divine mission to drive me crazy.
“So… y’know… I kind of got really bugged out by her. You remember this, don’tcha? I used to complain about it all the time. But then one day I totally owned her. I forget what it was. Some sort of race we did around the outside of Sweet Apple Acres. I did it to make her shut up about how quickly I could clear up the skies. I’d have given the same dare to Twilight, but I knew the egghead would have cracked in two if she so much as galloped ten feet.
“Anyways, I totally smoked Applejack in the race. Doesn’t matter if she was stuck on the ground and I was up in the air. I showed who was boss that day. I realized then that the mare was all talk. Pffft… Like I should have given a crap about what she felt about me or my work ethic or my attitude.
“And yet, even though I beat her, she… didn’t let up. At first, I thought it was stubborn pride, but it was different. Totally different. I’ve dealt with sore losers before, Fluttershy. If you win as much as me, then you know that they’re a friggin’ dime-o-dozen. With Applejac, it’s like she wasn’t ever angry at me. Well, okay, so maybe she was angry at me. It was the kind of anger that only comes and goes when it has to, like the tide or some crap. It’s the sort of anger that I would expect from a parent. And at first that kind of bugged me. But then I realized that… well… I couldn’t remember at time when… when my Dad was ever angry at me. My Dad was super kind and gentle and awesome in his own quiet way. But he never got angry with me. In all honesty, he couldn’t afford to… what with his health and all. And my Mom… well… there’s no point in going there, now is there?
“So, I started thinkin’... what if I never really had anypony truly angry at me before? Like… for reasons that they should be ticked off at me? Have I really had anypony rein me in? Did I need that to be done? My dad passed away, and I was on my own when I was super young. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I was kind of… well… ‘free’ at a young age. I got to do whatever I wanted and there was nopony fast enough, strong enough, or courageous enough to tell me that I was going in over my head when I… needed it… ow… eheheh…
“And then there was Applejack, older sister to a friggin’ infant, the glue that kept her family together, and there was dang-sure nothing in the whole world that stopped her from speaking her mind to me. Why did she talk me down when nopony else did? Was there just something stuck up her saddle? Was she some lone, vindictive pony who got her bucks out of chewing me a new one in public with everypony else listening in?
“She was a maniac! She had to be! How could one pony be right about me and every other pony be wrong? Maybe that was the real situation… or maybe it wasn’t. The thing is, Fluttershy, it weighed on me. I just couldn’t… stop freaking out about what this pony’s deal was! It was like some nemesis I couldn’t defeat! Even when I clearly could!
“You know what happens when a challenger eggs me on, Fluttershy. I go into full overdrive! I had to teach this pony who was boss, even if it meant kicking her teeth in! I tried little things here and there. I tried embarrassing her. I tried poking fun and using friendly insults. I even pulled pranks and scared other ponies right within sight of her, just to see what she would do. She’d never try and hoof-tackle me or nothin’, but she kept her pestering glare and her persistent… I dunno… persnicketiness. Ugh. I hate that word.
“Thing is, she wasn’t… like… ugly about it. That’s what made it hard to--y’know--hate her! For every moment when she chided me or made angry faces in my direction, there were three times as many occasions when she’d pat me on the back or call me ‘sugahcuuuuube’ or… uhhh… do her kind ‘big sister’ thing. Even still, I could only focus on all the times when she bumped elbows with me. It was like she was trying to prove a point. What was it?
“Whelp, I guess everything hit a boiling point when it came time for last year’s Running of the Leaves. I figured this was my last chance to show her once and for all who was boss. Still, who was I kidding? The Iron Pony Competition didn’t humble her any. So how was this race gonna make her leave me alone already? The more that I think about it, I really don’t think I wanted her to let up at that point. I was… uhm… k-kind of getting used to the intense rivalry thingy we had going, as if we were in some sort of intense duel that knew no end. I just wanted to… g-gain the lead for a while! Yeah… that’s it.
“That week turned out to be one of the most horrible times in my life. I totally made a fool of myself in front of Princess Celestia. I outright butted heads with Applejack. Heh… even punched her a few times. She had a few nasty right hooks to give me too, but I’m not proud about any of it. Heck, I even feel sick thinking about it now. The darn thing just went too far. Even if I had crossed the finishing line before Applejack, I-I’m not sure I would have felt all that snazzy about it.
“But Applejack? She just shrugged it off. Like… ‘lesson learned!’ ‘Thanks, Princess Celestia!’ ‘Hey partner, wanna go for another one?’ I was tripping all over myself to pretend that I was just as much game as she was. Truth is, I felt like throwing up, and you know how hard it is for a horse to throw up… don’tcha?
“Anways, I felt like utter crap for weeks. I didn’t want to look at Applejack. I didn’t even want to think about her. And yet I did. Just… how could a pony who cared so much about good sportsmanship and good manners recover like that? Especially when she screwed up almost as big as I did? It’s like she knew some secret that I didn’t. I know it sounds horrible, but I kind of wished there was some way to find out that she in fact felt as depressed if not more so than I did!
“So, finally, I built up the nerve, and I went to Sweet Apple Acres. I went to talk to Applejack at her place, to try and see if I could pull something out of her. I made up some excuse about Twilight asking me to help around the farm because she thought that ‘Big Macintosh was sick.’ Whatever the case, I got roped into apple bucking with AJ for an entire afternoon. Imagine my surprise when Applejack outright apologized to me for the crap that went down at the Running of the Leaves. She didn’t even need to take some sort of hint! And believe you me, I had plenty that I was willing to give her.
“I dunno how to explain it, Fluttershy. It’s like something clicked that day. Applejack said she was sorry for what she did during the Running of the Leaves because she truly felt sorry. Like… she felt it in her heart, and she shared that piece of her heart with me… as if I had pure access to her most tender and vulnerable self simply for the sake of being a living pony… for being a friend to her.
“I realized then that while I always believed in my heart that I was the ‘best,’ Applejack knew that she wasn’t, and she was always striving to improve herself. She still is today. What’s more, she isn’t trying to make just herself into a better pony, she’s trying to do the same for everyone… b-because she’s tried to do the same for me.
“All this time, Applejack wasn’t trying to challenge me, she was trying to support me. To help me. To teach me that… th-that I’m not nearly as awesome as I really think, that th-there’s something about me that can be improved, that can be perfected, that can be… like… kicked loose from my pedestal and harvested like all the apples she turns into golden delicious… st-stuff.
“After all, what’s the point in living when you’ve already won everything? Applejack has it all down pat. And it’s so simple. So… so awesome.
“From that moment on--what, has it been six months now? Anyways… I stopped competing against Applejack. I mean… sure, maybe it looks like I’m still trying to challenge her back… b-but honestly, Fluttershy? It’s just me trying to… to win her attention. As if maybe someway, somehow, that’ll get her to open up to me… and explain what it is that she found in me, beyond all the sass and all the coolness and all the--let’s face it--friggin’ bullcrap that I toss up in front of me, day after day. Maybe she can tell me what she saw, what she reached in and nuzzled, because whatever it is… I’m… I-I’m starting to feel it every single moment I see her.
“It started like a tiny flutter, but now it’s a full-on friggin’ tidal wave. I pretty much turn to butter whenever she trots into the room. When I see that coat of orange… when I spot the flouncing golden mane… when I spot so much as a single freckle--ohhhh Celestiaaaaa the freckles! (Squee!)...
“Ahem… well… uhm… yeah. I just… I just came. Came together. It all came together, I-I mean. Eheheh. Applejack’s kindness. Applejack’s dependability. Applejack’s strength and yet her subtle, girlish charm. Omigosh, it all sounds so lame when I try to spell it out, which is why I don’t try. I just close my eyes and I see her face--it could be smiling at me, blinking at me, frowning at me--I don’t care! So long as I’ve got that bit of her stuck in my head, it’s all gravy. I feel like I’ve got a compass in this world. Not some lame, boring ‘moral’ compass, really. But… well… even the best flier in the world has gotta look at the ground every now and then. And if Applejack is Tartarus-bent on running the show down here in Ponyville, that’s fine. All the better for me to gaze down at her in secret… eheheheheh…
“I’ve done that, y’know. Just hovered on a cloud and… looked down at her. I know it sounds creepy. I don’t care. I’m the only one who knows… erm… aaaaaaaaand you too now I guess. Eheheh. But I bet you know what I’m getting at. Applejack… is just… she really is… I mean… she’s…
“She’s the most damn beautiful mare in all of Equestria. Both inside and outside. I really mean it. And the fact is--she doesn’t know it, or even has to know it. Because I know that, in the long run, that really isn’t important to her. She strives for something that is bigger than all of us. And something that’s bigger than me? Well, pffft, that’s gotta be friggin’ mountainous.
“No, Applejack’s a masterpiece among many. It’s taken me nearly a year or two to figure that out about her. Now, whenever I see her, I think about how much I’ve improved in my life, and just how much of that I owe to her. And I don’t mean improving just who I am and what I do… but how I feel about myself. Because, whenever she’s around, I feel like I mean something… y’know? I feel like there’s something that I’ve won without even knowing about it. All I had to do was be born, and somehow that meant there was something in the universe I had already won. Heck, maybe it’s the universe itself. We’re all crazy, dizzy, squishy things trying to make sense of it all, and there’s Applejack, bucking apples, laughing with her family, kissing her little sister on her way to school. And she’s not only won the universe ten times over, but she doesn’t even care. It’s not important. How… how can anypony possibly be that cool?
“I thought I envied her for it. But then I realized it was something else, something I hadn’t felt before. Not with Listing Breeze. Not with Gilda. Not with… ungh… doIhavetobringupLasPegasusagain? Ahem. With you, sure, but it’s a different kind of love you and I share, Fluttershy. We both know that, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything in the world.
“But to share that love with Applejack, to let her know how much I think she’s awesome, to give her the chance for some part of this universe--no matter how goofy or silly or head-over-heels delirious over somepony else--to just… give her some of that awesomeness back, to exalt her, to worship her like the mare deserves to be worshipped…”
Rainbow Dash was floating towards the ceiling at this point, her forelimbs wringing together as her face hung in a deliriously rosy cloud.
“Hmmmm…” Those ruby eyes positively sparkled. “...well… that would totally make my day.” She gulped. “If not my life.”
Silence.
Blinking, Rainbow Dash gazed down at Fluttershy.
The afternoon had waxed cold, and the crimson bands of a dying sunset brought a glazed sheen to Fluttershy’s stupefied expression. “Wow, Rainbow Dash,” the mare cooed. “You are really, really, truly in love.”
Rainbow bit her lip and rubbed the back of her mane. “Eheheh… yeahhhhh…” She winced. “I kinda am, aren’t I?”
There was a vicious, pounding knock on the cottage’s front door.
Rainbow Dash’s skull torpedo’d into the ceiling. “Owww!” She hissed through her teeth. “Sonuva…”
“My goodness!” Fluttershy laid her knitting materials down and strolled off the couch. “Who could that be at this hour?”
“With my friggin’ luck, it’s probably A--” Rainbow Dash’s pupils shrank. She hid behind a ceiling beam, her wings trembling. “Oh jeez! Oh jeez! Don’t tell me it’s you kn-know who!”
“Huh?” Fluttershy parted the curtains of the front window and craned her neck. “No…” Fluttershy’s eyes widened and her dainty wings shot straight out. “Is isn’t…”
“Whew….” Rainbow Dash exhaled with relief.
Fluttershy grinned ecstatically. “It’s her brother, Big Macintosh!”
Rainbow Dash’s skull hit the ceiling again. Thud!