Up until now, everything made sense. I woke up in a Conversion Bureau because I was given a life threatening drug that was constantly killing me. Gotcha. I was turned into a Pony to be saved from the effects of the drug. Right. I adjusted to my life pretty quickly in the Bureau, but now that I started to think about it some more, I gained a higher understanding of what was going on. My life would never be the same. No more hands or fingers, and I lost my feet and toes. I was a Pony, a different race with different ideologies and behaviorisms unfamiliar to humanity. The behaviorisms and ideology was kind of built in already, and without understanding of these traits, my comprehension of it all was a bit rusty to say the least. New eyes, a new brain, new bones, new body and a new heart. I wasn’t Delvin anymore, my mother was right about that much. I had the personality of the human that once existed named Delvin, and my mind was programmed to believe that, but even this mind had a few tricks to play on me. My consciousness had been transferred from one mind to this one, and was forced to believe that this was me. I had the memories of a dead man.
My new mind didn’t permit anger very easily. Every time I utilized this human emotion, my body rejected it. A part of me couldn’t exist anymore. Locked up in a cage of fire, and whenever it tried to get out, the cage would just burn it up.
This new body wouldn’t permit me to enjoy the things I used too. The things my memory longed for. I wanted to enjoy Hamburger, or Chicken, but because of this limited new body I wouldn’t ever be able to satisfy the memory of my old taste buds. What I would give to just feel something with my fingers again… What I would give to feel the texture of a flower, or the trigger of a gun. To be able to enjoy pastimes such as video games, or playing the guitar… I had grown up with these things, and now I would never be able to experience them again.
“Not with these goddamn hooves! Not anymore…” Expressing my thoughts aloud now, all I could think about were the things I would no longer be able to do.
“No more video games, guitar, computer…” The list went on and on, but I found my voice becoming increasingly unstable as my emotions erupted in my sore and aching throat. When I was a kid, I played a lot of video games. I took an interest in the old video games my dad played when he was a kid, and loved every moment of gameplay. I also learned how to play guitar going through high school, and performed many a time in front of an audience. I developed a deep passion for these things, and still engaged in them from time to time. Now that I was being deprived of them only made me want to enjoy these things once again. Looking down at my bloodied hoof, my voice rose once again.
“No… NO! God no!... Why?...” I began to let my tears soak my furry legs as I avoided my injuries. You know that feeling where you really want to fix something, but you can’t? Like losing your eyes if your passion was art. You want to die. Everything in your life has no more meaning to you, and you wish you could get them back… Only you can’t, and you know you can’t. God it sucked. The feeling is so helpless and devoid of hope, and everything around you doesn’t even matter anymore. My bleeding hoof? I didn’t give a shit. My broken mirror? I could care less. My future? Fuck that. My life was ruined. I longed to lay there and not move anymore. Just lay there and starve to death… Or bleed to death, as the case alluded. The bleeding wasn’t very bad at all, however, and I wasn’t losing a lot of blood anyway. In all of my ranting and miserable sobbing, the middle aged woman standing in my doorway had gone unnoticed.
“D-Delvin? What… What happened? You’re mirror…” I avoided eye contact with my mother. She had arrived earlier than she had originally decided. I heard a quick gasp, followed by quickly placed footsteps that drew nearer.
“Is… Is that blood? Did you break your mirror? Delvin, please tell me what’s going on...” Still quaking and sobbing quietly, I remained looking the other way, towards my windows. I heard soft shuffling on my carpet, and then a gentle hand began to rub my mane. Still burying myself in my foreleg, I was reluctant to face my mother whose concern was growing rapidly.
“You’re shaking… Delvin pleas-“
“Who’s Delvin?! Never heard of him!” I whipped around to face my mother, revealing my sodden and strained face. Apparently my hoof became visible too.
“Your hoof! Delvin please tell me what’s going on!” My mother pleaded, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. I raised my head again and looked at her solemnly.
“I’m not Delvin. Not anymore, you said it yourself. I was just having a hard time believing you at first. Now… Now I know that you were right.” A look of horror and deep hurt emerged on her soft face. Unable to comprehend my own words, I began to lose the will to hold back my frustration and sadness, and began to weep once more.
“No… No I… I don’t know… Oh, Mom…” As my voice began to fade, I crawled over to her like a child, and cried into her sweater. How pathetic I was. She began to caress my mane once again, and I let out bawl after bawl. A man can only take so much until he crawls back to his mother for comfort and security. It takes a lot to break a man, and I think I overdosed on emotional pain.
“Shh… It’s okay… you’re okay… Everything’s going to be okay…” I looked up at her weakly.
“But… I’m n-not ok-kay…” My breath shuddered, and I continued, “I’m not human anymore… I… I never will be. Until now, I took humanity for granted, and now that I’m… This... It’s gone… So many things I wanted to do as a Human… So many things I wish I still could do…” With that, another round of emotions hit me like a tidal wave.
“Of course you’re human, Delvi-“
“I’m not Delvin anymore! I’m a goddam horse!” I squeaked out.
“Delvin.” She forced my head up to look into her solemn eyes.
“You will always be Delvin, my son, no matter what happens, and you have to understand that. Delvin, you can fly! Humanity has always dreamed about natural flight. It’s a common fantasy we all have, and you can do it now! That’s special, Devy. Who knows? Your father may come up with a ridiculous contraption that’ll let you play guitar or play video games! You have to understand that this is just life. Actually, it’s better. You were given a second chance. I… I don’t know what I’d do without you Delvin. You would’ve died if your father never allowed you the treatment. Please, let me help you.” She rose to her feet and walked over to my bathroom. As swiftly as she entered, she returned with gauze and disinfectant spray. She had made it her duty to learn every nook and cranny in my apartment, and I guess it had paid off. I began to notice how bad my hoof felt. It felt like it had gotten stuck inside of a blender, or worse. As she picked me up off the floor and onto the couch, she avoided putting me in any pain if possible. Laying me on my side, she gently caressed my foreleg above the injury and examined it.
“Hmm… It’s not too bad, but it needs to be treated. I have to disinfect it first.” Being a mother, she knew all about first aid. When I was little, I was very rambunctious, therefore I was rather prone to injury. Without warning, a searing pain shot up through my foreleg and I yelled out in agony. What the fuck had she used on my wounds? It felt like she dumped acid on my damn leg! I felt tears prick my eyes as I tried my best to not hit my mom in the face.
“WHAT DID YOU DO?!!?” My exasperated voice frightened my mom, it seems. Her face lightened as I saw a realization flash through her eyes.
“Oh… I’m sorry… I believe Ponies react differently to Human disinfectants. Still gets the job done, but it doesn’t feel that great for you.” I eyed her timid smile and equipped a sarcastic one.
“YOU DON’T SAY?” I uttered, gritting my teeth. She laughed lightly as she began to apply more disinfectant.
“GYAHH!! MoffuYAHH!” I repeatedly kicked my hind legs, as if that would help any. Realizing the pain was over, I tried to relax my head on the pillow she had laid me on. I finally felt her wrapping the gauze around it, and I felt relieved. I thought back to what she said earlier.
“I guess being able to fly isn’t that bad… But I still miss the things I used to be able to do. I won’t be able to get over it anytime soon, mom.” I continued to stare blankly into my ceiling. Sighing, I felt her gaze on me.
“Delvin… You have no idea how lucky you are.” That didn’t help that aching feeling go away any easier. I brought my free hoof up to my belly, and allowed it to rest there. A few moments later, it rumbled with enough force to destroy Los Angeles. This godforsaken body was always hungry. I frowned as the familiar sense of hunger washed over me. As my mom finished, she began to speak.
“You know, I brought dinner. I want to talk with you.” Standing, she waltzed over to the kitchen counter where she had placed a bag of what I now knew as food. My stomach rumbled once again, but I mentally quieted it.
“We’ll eat on the floor. That way you’ll be more comfortable.” I began to feel like a burden on everyone. Everything was designed for humans, and being a Pony I would always find it hard to be comfortable with anything. I frowned slightly, and rolled off my couch. Limping over to my mother who was already sitting, I lowered myself weakly on my haunches. She looked at me for a moment, sending messages of reassurance.
“It’ll get better soon enough Delvin. Your dad’s working on something revolutionary that will benefit you in countless ways. You’ll be able to do what you love again! Devy, I may not agree with your career choice, but as long as you’re happy…” I nodded silently and looked down at the food she had placed before us. She prepared a salad for herself, while I was given Alfalfa, Hay, and another salad similar to my mother’s own. Deciding to save the best for last, I started with the hay and Alfalfa.
“After you left for breakfast at the Bureau, I decided to wander a bit and explore the place. It’s all very state of the art. Kind of reminds me of Taris Medical in Chicago when your father and I went there to offer them a partnership. Of course, they continue to be Martin Industries number one rival, but the level of design and advancement of their headquarters was breath taking. I guess the UEG wants nothing but the best. Anyway, I ran into someone, or rather somepony.” At this, I dropped my concentration on eating and perked up my ears. “That girl you used to run with. I believe her name was miss Hock, am I ri-“ My eyes widened beyond the point of no return.
“WHAT?!? SHE GOT PONIFIED?! That’s… Hey, are you messing with me?” I shot her a suspicious glance, but a quick shake of her head left me in a state of bewilderment.
“That’s impossible… Well, not impossible, really, but… Veron always told me she never liked the idea of Ponification. Creeped her out, you know? God, Veronica Hock a Pony, eh? Never thought that would happen…” I continued to stare off into space until my mom spoke again.
“Yeah. Why haven’t I met her before? She seems like a nice girl. I bumped into her on accident, and we managed to exchange names. I told her my full name, so that’s how she found out I was your mother. I told her I was visiting your cousin John just in case you guys had bad blood with each other or something. I know you two stopped running together a while back, so I decided it would be best not to mention you were here. Well, I found out that she was leaving for Equestria tomorrow evening. Signed up for the Conversion a week ago. I figured you may want to know that I met her.” I tried to process her words through my head. Signed up for conversion a week ago and leaving for Equestria tomorrow morning? She always expressed her dislike of Equestria, and how she would never succumb to Ponification no matter what.
“We aren’t exactly mad at each other or anything. Veronica… The last time we saw each other was that night… After that job. We took down a man, Jerod Hallsley. He was one of the last men to attempt to assassinate dad. Afterwards, we went back to my apartment, had a couple of drinks, played around…” Realizing I should spare my mom the details, I jumped to the point.
“The next morning, she was gone. She left me a note saying, ‘see you tomorrow night.’ But I never saw her again. We had another contract that night, but she never showed up. Ever since she left, things have been harder. God… Veronica Hock…” Every time I heard her name it was blast from the past. “I called her several times, sent her Email’s, you name it. Never heard from her again. I hadn’t even heard news or anything about her. It was like she disappeared off the face of the Earth.” My ears flattened back as a drop of sadness hit my heart. “This is the first time that I’ve heard of her since.” I looked back up at my mother who had been listening intently. Formulating a plan in my head, I rose to my unsteady feet, and attempted to limp over to my door.
“Where are you going?”
“To see Veronica.” I looked back to her, almost falling on my side. If she was leaving tomorrow, I needed to see her now.
“You need to finish your dinner, and you need to rest your hoof. Delvin, come to your senses, you’re not going anywhere tonight. You can see her in the morning.” Accepting defeat, I nodded my head in agreement. “She’ll still be there in the morning. You can see her then.” My Mom obviously cared a lot about my injuries.
“I hope you’re right.” I looked outside into the now stormy night. Sighing, I eased back down on my haunches and continued to eat.