Twilight didn't know how, but she was hyperventilating.
DEEP Imaginary breaths Twilight! Deep imaginary breaths. Don't freak out. Don't Don't Don't! Calm down. Deeeeep long breaths. Even though I can't breath. Pretend you're breathing. In... out... in... out. Nice and sslloooooooww.
Ahhhhh. Okay. I'm relaxed. I AM relaxed. I am relaxed. I am relaxed. Now, let's take stock of the situation.
I'm frozen. In stone. By a cockatrice. In the middle of the Everfree forest. And nopony knows where I am... My first deduction: this sucks.
Meanwhile in the Canterlot Castle game room...
"Hey Luna, you should come look at this."
Celestia had been sitting on her favorite couch, studying the chess column in the Canterlot Evening News, when a short scroll popped into existence in front of her. Surprisingly though, it didn’t just fall down, but rather, one end dangled curiously from the portal from which it came, as if more was to come.
As Luna paused her game and trotted over, more came, like from a typewriter.
“What is it sister?” she asked.
"It’s a scroll.”
Luna rolled her eyes. “You don’t say. What, pray tell, are its contents?”
Celestia scanned the lines of text pouring down and furled her brow. “It… appears to be Twilight Sparkle… freaking out?”
Luna raised her eyebrows. “Surely that must be a first time occurrence?”
“No, actually,” Celestia responded, “she has a tendency of… oh, ha ha. Very funny Luna.”
Luna smiled and went back to reading the message alongside her sister. “Tia, this message is most curious. She claims that she is ‘a disembodied voice in the middle of the forest’. Do you not find that at all odd?”
Celestia shushed her. “Shhhh, this is getting good.”
The sisters continued to follow the lengthening scroll:
Um alright, I think I remember a bush, and... Oh! A weasel popped out of it. But... that's it? I, a weasel, I... what? That makes no sense. But was that all? There was a weasel, and... Ugh! Why are my thoughts so hazy. What happened?
Luna snickered. Celestia gave her an annoyed look. “Luna! This isn’t funny. Twilight could be in serious trouble.”
“In trouble with you perhaps. Isn’t it obvious? Even after being gone for so long, I still remember what a hangover is like, and it’s perfectly clear that your star pupil is suffering from one.”
Celestia gave her sister a look of shock. “Luna! How DARE you insinuate that Twilight would ever drink herself to a blackout. The Twilight I know would never do that. Ever!”
Luna just rolled her eyes. “That’s what she wants you to believe, Celly. But look, the evidence is right there!” She pointed to scroll, where the words were appearing faster now, reflecting Twilight’s increasingly panicked state.
Oh, Luna's Beard!
Luna laughed nervously. “Ummm, is it that obvious? I shaved last week.”
BY CELESTIA'S ETHEREAL PUBIC HAIR!
Celestia’s cheeks flushed a much brighter shade of pink than they usually were. The two stared at each other with wide eyes.
“Sister?” asked Celestia.
“Yes?” replied Luna.
“I think this is a serious matter.”
“Agreed. I’ll go get the mouthwash and the spanking paddle.”
Celestia facehoofed. “Priorities, Luna.”