//------------------------------// // Chapter 18: September 21-22, Fall Weather Friends // Story: Yet Another Human In Equestria Story // by Bardic_Knowledge //------------------------------// Yet Another Human in Equestria Story By: Bardic Knowledge Chapter 18: September 21-22, Fall Weather Friends “Ugh,” I groaned, failing to resist rubbing my eyes. My allergic reaction to fall had kicked in with a vengeance. Not that I should have been surprised, the way the leaves all changed colour over the course of a single week. Turns out that allergies aren't a problem in Equestria, which meant no allergy medicine. So all I could do was grimace and bear it. On top of the usual dry, pink eyes, it seemed my photosensitivity had been magnified as well, causing pain in sunlight even with my eyes closed and my sunglasses on. An umbrella helped, but with how thin the membrane of an umbrella is, it couldn't completely block out the sun. Thankfully, with the magic of Equestria involving weather control, I had gotten a large, dark cloud tethered to me so that I didn't have to deal with the sun every time I went outside. This seemed to annoy most of the others, though. Which is why I was talking a walk in the much darker Everfree Forest. The leaves there had also changed colour, but, in keeping with it's uncontrollable nature, more of the leaves had fallen than in Ponyville. My walk in the woods was for several reasons, actually. Not only was I trying to limit my ocular pain, but I figured I could visit Zecora and “Steven Magnet” while I was there, as I hadn't seen either of them in a while. First stop was Steven, who had allowed the nickname, so that I could dry off at Zecora's on the way back if I needed to. I didn't get splashed often when meeting him, since he respected my (to him) irrational dislike of water, but it still happened on occasion. Today I came bearing gifts, from Rarity in particular, including a picture of all of us in our gala gear. Being a fashion conscious river serpent, he would definitely appreciate them. His normal moustache had grown back a month ago, and he had fashioned Rarity's ex-tail into a bracelet of sorts. I just passed the Proof of Laughter when I heard humming from the river. Like most other Equestrians, Steven had an excellent singing voice, but he rarely indulged, so I was rather curious. “What's got you so happy?” I asked, as soon as I entered the clearing by the river. “Oh, Joe! How have you been? I was just packing up. It gets quite cold here in winter, so I have to move south for a while,” he replied, gesturing to an over-sized suitcase I hadn't seen at first. “And, well, I was humming to try and cheer myself up. I usually don't mind my southward trips, but now I have you and Rarity,” he stroked the bracelet lovingly, “and Zecora and Pinkie as friends here and I don't want to leave.” Didn't know Pinkie had been visiting him, too. “You come back sometime, though, right?” “Yes, I don't know the calender outside the forest, but I'm usually back a few days after spring begins.” “Then don't be sad that you're going away. Be happy in knowing that you're coming back, and that we'll still be here for you when you return. And, hey, if you wait a couple days we can get Pinkie to throw you a farewell party. Tomorrow's the Running of the Leaves over in Ponyville, so we'll be a bit busy then.” With a wave of water, Steven rushed to the river bank and swept me into a hug. Since I was about as tall as his hand is long, I was feeling pretty uncomfortable in his wet embrace. “Oh, thank you sooo much! Tell you what,” he set me back down, “I'll even make some traditional sea serpent food for it! This should be such a relief, thank you so much, Joe!” “Not a problem, Steven. I just stopped by for a chat, and then I'm going to be over to Zecora's for a while. See you in a couple days!” I turned and headed back into the forest, looking over my shoulder with a wave. “Bye-bye!” he said, waving back to me. I then heard him singing outright as I left earshot. It wasn't long before I reached Zecora's tree/house, and I knocked on the door. “Good afternoon, Joseph, you have not been by in quite some time. What brings you to this house of mine?” I thought for a moment before replying, “I haven't seen you for so long, I just wanted to stop by. Is that so wrong?” I had made it a game of sorts to try and rhyme while I was at Zecora's, to see how long I could last at it. It was pretty tough. “Of course not, my friend, come inside. But please leave your cloud tethered outside.” I glanced over to her cauldron. It wasn't usually bubbling, which meant she was working on something. “I see there is something brewing, might I ask what it is you're doing?” “There is special magic in the fall, so I am distilling some herbs, that is all.” We talked for a moment about her potions-work (though I insisted on calling it alchemy), and I almost slipped up on my rhyming a couple times, when there came a rapid knocking on the door. “Hi, there!” said Pinkie, as the door opened. “Hey, Pinks, what brings you here? Something specific or...” I paused, trying to think of a rhyme. “There's something I thought you should hear!” I guess that works. “Applejack and Rainbow Dash are having a competition, and I thought you guys might want to watch!” “My herbs has almost finished cooking, so I'm afraid I cannot go. But there's nothing stopping you from going, Joe,” said Zecora, nodding in my direction. “True, though I'm not usually much for sports-y things. Especially when I already know that Dash will cheat with her wings.” “Cheat?! That's not very nice of her.” “Nice or not, that's how it goes. And tomorrow they'll both lose by a nose!” Pinkie looked at me quizzically. “Why are you rhyming?” she gasped. “Is it contagious? Am I going to start speaking in rhyme all the time-” she gasped again. “Oh, no! It's already starting to happen!” Zecora and I glanced at each other, then broke down laughing. “Rhyming isn't contagious, Pinks. It's something I do when I'm visiting Zecora. It's sorta like a battle of wits or something. And I lose more often than not.” “It would be easier for you to do, if you had a strong memory like I do,” Zecora chimed in. “Well you cheat sometimes, rhyming words with themselves. Anywhoozle, I guess I'll go watch the rest of the 'Iron Pony Competition' Ashleigh Ball's having against herself.” I paused for a second. “Voice actor joke.” I explained quickly. I shook hooves/hands with Zecora, then followed Pinkie out the door, reattached my dark cloud to my collar and we started on our way out of the Everfree Forest. I winced as the Ponyvillian sunlight hit my eyes before my enchanted glasses could darken into sunglasses, and waved off Pinkie's concerns. It was only a temporary pain, after all. And, hopefully, once the Running of the Leaves was finished, my allergies would go away, too. Hopefully, my Spring allergies won't be magnified as well. I'd hate to completely exsanguinate through the nose. It wasn't long before we reached Sweet Apple Acres and joined Trixie and Spike sitting in the grass at the edge of the competition zone. It seemed that we'd arrived just in time for the push-up competition, and they were nearing the hundreds. I rubbed at my eyes again before squinting over at the score board. All tied up, just as I recalled. And... there we go, Dash just started using her wings. “You know,” I commented. “It wouldn't be nearly so cheat-y if she started doing the push-ups with her wings instead of hooves, rather than flapping her wings.” “It would still be using her wings for an unfair advantage,” replied Spike, holding the twig with a leaf on near the end between us. Ah, it seems we're back on speaking terms. “True, but by using her wings to lift herself instead of flapping them, she'd be using the muscles differently than normal, causing greater strain.” I rubbed my eyes again. Being in the bright environment of normal Equestria was making them more irritable than while I was in the Everfree. The competitions continued, with the long jump next. Again, I made note of how Rainbow could have used her wings in a more “fair” way. In this case, it would have been if she had given a flap as she jumped, rather than blatantly boosting herself at the last second. Next was the... Chick Magnet bit. “How is this even a test of athleticism?” I asked. Spike raised a claw and opened his mouth, then closed it. Thought it over, then said, “I... have no idea.” “Yeaaah. This one shouldn't count either way.” Several events and snarky commentary later, Twilight announced the final event: the tug-o-war. “So, Joe,” asked Spike, dashing over from starting the event, “how could Rainbow Dash use her wings fairly in this event?” “Well, if she used them to fly laterally, that is, across the ground, that would give her a bit more pull without invalidating Applejack's own ability.” At that moment, AJ pulled Dash over the mud pit, and she responded by flying straight up. “However, I have a minor intervention here.” Before I could say anything else, Applejack released the rope and shouted, “I said-! Uh, oh.” Then she fell in the mud, prompting the watchers to cheer. But, before Rainbow Dash could put her score on the board, I pointed at her and yelled, “Hold it!” Everyone stopped cheering and looked at me. I resisted rubbing my eyes again, and continued. “This is currently a draw, as both competitors have released the rope without either end being on their side of the mud pit!” “What?!” cried Dash, flying over to me. “I won! Applejack's in the mud!” “You cheated! That's not winning!” retorted AJ, climbing out of said mud. “The goal,” I said, attempting to head off an argument, “is to get the pennant in the middle of the rope on your side of the pit. Neither of you accomplished that. The mud is simply there in an attempt to humiliate the loser.” “Not going to help any,” said Rainbow. “I've still won by a landslide.” And with that proclamation, she did a flip into the air, declaring herself the “Iron Pony,” which set off the argument anew. “Fine,” I muttered, stalking away. “Ignore me! Blasted personal SEP Field...” Trixie got up to follow me, putting a hoof on my arm that I patted softly. “I'll be alright. It's just frustrating when I get ignored like that.” “Does it happen often?” she asked softly. “Not so much since I came here, but back home I had to practically shout to get someone's attention, even if I was just on the other side of the table from them. I had taken to referring to the effect as my personal Somebody Else's Problem Field. Essentially, people would tend to see me as somebody else's problem and therefore ignore me.” “Sounds like we both have issues with being ignored.” “Yeah, I suppose. Though in your case, there's not much chance of that.You only made two in-show appearances and you've got tons of fans. Wingshreds, you had all those fans after only one appearance.” “Not that I would have known about them had you not come here.” I snorted softly, “At least I don't have to worry about my greatest fear coming to pass while I'm here.” Ooh, that rhymed! “Your greatest fear?” “If I remember right, it's called athazagophobia. Essentially, it's the fear of being forgotten. I believe that as long as someone remembers you, you will live forever.” “And so, if no one remembers you...” she trailed off. I slouched a bit further, staring at the ground in front of me. We walked in silence for a few minutes before reaching the house, where I went into the library and grabbed a book I could sink into for a while and forget the outside world. I'm not sure what Trixie did. A few hours later, just after the sun began to set, there was a knock on the door. I didn't react at first, thinking Trixie would get it, but after the second knock, I got up to see who it was. “Princess!” I gasped, before backing away and bowing her in. “What brings you here?” “I received a message from Trixie telling me you were in a poor mood, and I have business in Ponyville tomorrow anyways,” she said. “Thanks, but I've pretty much worked through it at this point.” “So you say, but I can still feel some lingering resentment in your voice. Maybe another visitor would be helpful?” I snapped up in surprise at those words. Entering behind Princess Celestia was Princess Luna, still Woona-fied, but looking somewhat darker in colour, and I thought I saw a sparkle of some kind in her hair every now and then. “Princess Luna!” I bowed lower than I had for Celestia. “An honour, Your Highness.” “WE THANK THEE FOR THY HOSPITALITY, SIR JOSEPH,” she bellowed, rattling the windows. I winced then rubbed at my ears. “Sister!” Celestia gasped. “We spoke of this!” “Sorry, big sister,” she said, almost mumbling. “Asides which,” I said, “I'm not a 'sir.' Unless being Liaison gives me that title, but I doubt it.” I closed the door behind Luna after she entered, then realized how dark the house was. “I hope you don't mind the dimness, my eyes are extra sensitive right now.” “Extra sensitive to what?” asked Luna. “Light. I've long been afflicted with an aversion to bright lights, but my allergy to the autumn season has magnified it greatly. It is much worse this year than it has been in the past, but I soldier on.” “Thou dost not... enjoy light?” she sounded almost amazed by the thought. “Not for quite some time,” I answered and busied myself filling a teapot to put on the stove. Celestia had since moved into the living room and sat on one of the couches, lighting a lamp with her magic. “I actually discovered a few years back at how much so when I learned I was mostly unable to sleep after sunset.” “Celestia hath spoken of those who prefer the night in this age compared to... before. However, We did not realize her own appointed Liaison would be such a one.” “I didn't exactly advertise the fact when we first met, and she appointed me not long after.” I paused for a moment. “Thou shouldst recall this, as thou were present that day.” “Thou speakest in the old way?” she said, surprised again. “On occasion. 'Tis not often done in this era, and I am likely not fluent. I adopt it now for thine own comfort.” “We thank thee, Joseph McCord.” The teapot chose then to whistle. “Please, Highness, 'Joe' will do.” I got down some of my best tasting tea and set everything on a tray and carried it out to the living room. “I am quite surprised that both thee and thy sister are here. Be there no royal duties to perform this night?” I poured out three mugs of tea (I had no dainty teacups, only mugs). “Not tonight,” answered Celestia, taking a sip of her mug. “We are still recovering some from Our ordeal,” answered Luna. “Though We can now administer to the night sky, it does tire Us more than We would like.” “I asked if I could take over tonight so she could come and meet you and perhaps Trixie before she returned to Canterlot for the day.” “Sister! Wherefore can I not stay hither with thee?!” “You said it yourself, you're still recovering. You need all the rest you can get.” “Any more rest and We shall truly roll out of bed at night,” muttered Luna, sipping at her own tea. I chuckled. “I doubt thou shalt have such issues, Highness. Unless thou dost over-indulge in cake and other sweet treats.” “Wise words, dear sister,” said Luna. “Mayhaps thou wouldst listen to your Liaison's advice.” We all chuckled at that one, and then I'm struck by how bizarrely comfortable I am with royalty in my living room! “Something wrong, Joe?” asked Celestia. “Not wrong, per se. Just...” I scratched my cheek. “You are royalty. I'm just a boring little alien from another universe. And here I am having tea and joking with you.” “Boring?” asked Luna. “When there are so many wondrous things in thy home reality? I- We have heard much of what wonders thou hast left behind such as the 'car' and the 'television.' How couldst thou be boring with that knowledge behind thee? We have read thy books, if thou dost recall.” “They are the works of greater minds than mine. Books of mine own invention were never completed, though I started several.” “Please, tell us more of your home world, Joe. I'm rather curious myself,” said Celestia, then she leaned over. “And you can probably drop the accent for now.” “Very well, Your Highness.” And I spent the rest of the night speaking of the typical wonders of human culture, including descriptions of our Solar System and some of humanities great achievements, such as landing on our moon. As four 'o'clock rolled around, Luna let out a yawn that she barely managed to cover with her hoof, which was Celestia's cue to send her back to Canterlot. I bid Celestia a good morrow (she said she could last another couple days without sleep, so I didn't have to worry about accommodating her) and headed for my room. Just as I reached my room, I heard the kitchen door open, and a gasp of surprise as Trixie came home and found the princess in the living room. Heh. --- The next afternoon, I awoke to a surprising lack of itchy-eyes. They'd been bothering me all week, so I was glad, but I expected it to continue until tomorrow at the earliest. Not bothering to change out of my pyjamas, I headed for the living room window and looked out (It was still kinda bizarre to not see the massive old black walnut in my front yard). Odd, the leaves haven't fallen yet. I would've figured they'd start the Running of the Leaves in the morning. Trixie was already gone (I checked by knocking on her door), which meant she was probably there. I wonder what place she'll come in? Shrugging, I got dressed and headed for White Tail Woods, where the race was meant to begin. Just as I got there, I moved to get in line (intending to just keep up with Twilight), but was curtly informed by somepony I didn't know that the race was for ponies only. Ah, well. I then noticed the Twinkling Balloon, with Pinkie in it, descending just a few feet away, so I headed in that direction. “Joe! You made it!” she hugged me from the basket. This was odd, considering it was still several feet above me. “I did indeed,” I replied. “Quick question, though: Why aren't you in the Running of the Leaves?” “Well, after I won five years in a row, they asked me to step down for a while and give somepony else a chance to win. Just as well, it's much more fun commentating.” “Hey, Pinkie Pie?” shouted Spike from behind me. “Hey, Spike! What's up? Oh, wait, it's me! I'm up!” Pinkie giggled. “Uh, yeah, uh, I know you're doing the announcing today and stuff... I'm sure you're going to do a great job and all, but I was just wondering...” “What?” “Aw, forget it,” Spike grumbled, before starting to turn away. “Spike, would you like to be my co-reporter? We could comment on the action together!” “We could?” A rope descended from the balloon. “Come on up!” Pinkie called. “Joe? How about you?” “I'm not strong enough to climb the rope myself,” I answered. “Besides, you two can do this yourselves. I'm just going to wait by the finish line.” “Okie dokie lokie!” They drifted into the sky and I watched them go, before heading through the crowd to find out the location of the finish line. As I passed the starting line, however, I heard laughter before Twilight saw me. “Joe! Tell them I'm not an egghead!” “You seriously want me to dispute facts? I'm an egghead, too ya know. Heck, my head's actually more egg-shaped than yours!” That got some confused looks from Twilight, Dash, and AJ, before Dash suddenyl seemed to get an idea. “Hey, Joe! Do you know who's going to win? Me or Applejack?” “Nothin' saying.” Though I don't know, the show never said. Twilight comes in fifth, but we never find out who won. “Just try to keep a cool head, both o' ya.” Then I walked off, looking for someone to point me to the finish line. The race itself was pretty much unchanged from canon, with Dash and AJ tieing for last place. Turns out the first four positions were filled by Derpy, Time Turner, Roseluck, and Lily, with Twilight just barely beating out Daisy for fifth. Trixie was in tenth place, but didn't seem too upset about that. Overhead, we could hear Pinkie's commentary as the awards were handed out, giving a blow-by-blow of the two fighting athletes, until they literally fought their way across the finish line, where they were greeted by Princess Celestia, who had been handing out the awards. Aesop complete, AJ and Dash galloped off back into the forest, literally head-to-head. Oh, and we had Steven's Farewell Party the next day. It was okay, since most of the conversation was between Rarity and Steven about fashion. Turns out traditional Sea Serpent food includes sushi, which I hadn't had in ages. It's amazing how he wrapped them so small with such gigantic hands, though...