//------------------------------// // Albert Wesker and the Party, Part V // Story: My Little Wesker // by Iamdanny0 //------------------------------// Author's Note: I have got a ridiculous sleeping pattern and I'm procrastinating horribly to avoid doing my university essays, ergo: More pony/ Weskery goodness. As always, this was made legible by REV6Pilot. P.S. Listen to Lightspeed Champion. SO AWESOME. Rarity immediately rushed over to Wesker once the monstrous cake had been moved to another, far more secure, table. "Oh, thank goodness you were here, Albert! I can't even imagine how embarrassed I would have been if I'd ruined Pinkie Pie's cake." The blond pony offered a small smirk. "Not as embarrassed as I would have been if I hadn't caught it." Rarity tittered lightly as Rainbow tried to conceal her annoyance at his 'slick moves'. He guessed that she resented the fact that she hadn't been the one to rescue the baked colossus. "I'm just glad that the party's still running smoothly, aren't you Miss Dash?" Rainbow slapped a grin onto her face with such rapidity that the former human almost flinched. "Sure am, Al. Tell you what, that was a pretty sweet dive! Someday you'll be as awesome at those maneuvers as me." Wesker returned the pegasus' fake smile with a forced one of his own. "I live in hope, Miss Dash." How 'awesome' would she think it was if he cracked her skull open...? Al... Joking. Definitely joking... There were too many witnesses around. Al! The main lesson the scientist had learnt from communicating with Rainbow Dash was that she did not enjoy sarcasm when it seemingly poked fun at her, but she had also realized that she couldn't respond outright aggressively, for fear of being rebuked by her friends. Wesker and her had entered a passive-aggressive war, one which Rainbow wisely did not immediately continue, if only because Rarity chose this moment to chip in. "I was going to say, Rainbow, that was a piece of acrobatic skill that even you would have been proud of! You and Albert should get to know each other better." Wesker's mind was torn between annoyance at being compared in any fashion to the irritating pegasus, and muted delight at the disguised look of distaste that appeared on Rainbow's face. He doubted conversation would flow if he was sent off to talk to her. Of course not, Albert, maybe the two of you can discuss how badly you want to kill her. He forced himself to swallow his sizeable pride. There was no way he could refuse this secondary invitation without appearing incredibly rude. "Quite, Miss Rarity." He turned towards Rainbow and gestured towards the new home of the cake, which thankfully had a certain pink pony aside it, studiously watching the legs of everypony who attempted to cut themselves a slice... or stand near it... or so much as look at it. "I didn't actually get a chance to sample the cake before. Shall we?" Rainbow nodded once and trotted after him. Being cordial to someone he disliked was hardly a foreign situation to Wesker – Umbrella fundraisers had produced several whom the blond was forced to greet like old friends and hear about their tedious, dusty lives, while making it seem like he cared. He had to assume that Rainbow Dash was not as accustomed to cloaking her feelings in such a peaceful, happy-go-lucky town, where everyone was her friend. The upper hand was most assuredly his. To this end, he started the chatter. "I didn't get the chance to say it to you personally: I feel I must apologise for my earlier behavior." Rainbow scratched awkwardly behind her ear with a hoof as she picked over her words. "That's okay, Al... I mean, I didn't mean to scare you... or make you angry. I just thought it'd be funny." The words 'But it wasn't' attempted valiantly to claw their way out of Wesker's throat, but he remained resolute. "No harm done, Miss Dash, I'm sure there will be ample opportunity for pranks in the future… Preferably not with me involved, though." He offered her a ghost of a grin as they arrived at the cake table, one which she tentatively returned. Without warning, he suddenly recalled the last time someone had dared play a prank on him... April 1st1997 "What is this?" Wesker's voice simmered somewhere between uncontrollable fury and absolute bemusement. What the S.T.A.R.S. captain referred to was a paper snake which had shot out of his top drawer once he'd opened it, along with some coloured confetti, nearly giving him a heart attack. His handgun hung loosely in his hand, having been drawn instinctively once the 'snake' had appeared, and his other hand held the offending item at eye level as he stormed into the main S.T.A.R.S. office. Wesker scanned the faces of all Alpha Team members present, examining their reactions. Frost stood stock still as he leaned on Jill's desk, staring open-mouthed at the incandescent Captain. Valentine looked entirely blank, which gave credence to his initial theory, one that he would share once he'd investigated further. Chris looked to be attempting desperately not to express amusement –his shoulders were shaking with repressed laughter as he contorted his facial muscles together in an attempt to look serious. Brad Vickers looked terrified, as usual, though Wesker knew it couldn't be him. The pilot's fear of his commander was near irrational, and the idea of Vickers even setting foot in his office without invitation was ludicrous. Barry Burton, who was sitting at his desk, looked up when his commanding officer stormed in and shook his head once he saw the cause of the commotion, going back to writing his reports as though nothing had happened – Wesker immediately struck him off the list of suspects. He was far too old to be playing pranks anyway. Chris, on the other hand, was not so."Something amusing about this to you, Redfield?" Wesker wiggled the paper snake lightly as he spoke, approaching the Alpha team sharpshooter's desk. Chris was on the brink of losing it, his Captain could tell. He wasn't sure what would happen first: Redfield's head exploding with repressed humorous emotion, or him shooting the young man in the leg to 'help him focus'. "Do share, Redfield, I'm sure the entire office is dying to hear whatever private joke you have stored in that yawning vacuum you call a brain." The insult served its intended purpose, and Chris managed to straighten his face enough to speak. "Nothing's funny sir." Wesker arched an eyebrow. "Really now? You don't find the idea of me almost firing a bullet into a paper snake amusing?" Redfield was shaking violently, his face an impressive shade of red as he tried to avoid laughing. The blond almost felt sorry for his subordinate. "You aren't tickled by the idea of me nearly falling off my chair as a crude toy leapt at me from my desk drawer?" It was too much for Chris. Sweat trickled down the side of his face and tears began leaking from his eyes as his poker face started to crumble. He just about managed to choke out a "no, sir" before he collapsed in a fit of giggles, the pent-up hilarity releasing itself in a vast wave as he leant on his desk, completely wracked by chuckles. Wesker watched him with an entirely blank face as the rest of the S.T.A.R.S. Alpha team slowly edged their desks away from the unusual pair, bracing themselves for the coming storm. The Captain slowly removed his glasses and began gently polishing them, waiting, as Chris began to regain control of his senses… and realise just how doomed he was. His facial expression changed from deeply amused to terrified so rapidly that the blond was almost impressed. "Before you ask, Redfield," Wesker began, "I am not going to fire you... yet." Chris' shoulders slumped with relief. The Umbrella scientist's gaze immediately edged round to Jill Valentine, whose mouth opened slightly in pre-emption as he continued speaking to his target. "I am aware of three things: one, both my office door and my drawer were locked as of last night; two, you are entirely too dense to pick locks; and three, only one member of S.T.A.R.S. is actually capable of picking a lock." He spun round and pointed an accusing finger at Jill. "I have no idea how that dullard convinced you to take part in this, but I'm waiting to hear it." The female Alpha team member mumbled something incomprehensible. Wesker cupped his ear and leaned in towards her. "Again, Valentine, so that it's decipherable to human beings." Jill seemed very embarrassed, fidgeting nervously. Finally, she summoned up the courage to reply. "He said it would be funny." Wesker was so surprised that he actually let out a bark of laughter, before composing himself and hoping that he hadn't ruined his disciplinary action with that outbreak. "That's it, Valentine? That's all it took to risk your job, and, dare I say it, your well-being?" He snorted. "Clearly I've been incorrectly hand-selecting my team members..." The blond began polishing his eyewear again with a sigh. "I'm aware that I dealt with this in the manner of a schoolteacher, but if you act like children, I will treat you like children. Both of you, 20 laps around the building, and 50 push-ups once you get back in." The pair groaned, but stood reluctantly and headed for the exit. Wesker couldn't resist, and called out as they reached the door. "Redfield? Valentine?" They both turned to face their captain as they leaned against the doorframe. "I'm not saying this wasn't amusing but..." He offered a ghost of a smirk, "…find an easier target next time."