//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Guilt // Story: The Untold Secret // by Rubez2525 //------------------------------// The sun rose above the horizon and painted the sky a beautiful golden-orange. The rays of the large celestial body caught Fluttershy’s face and stirred her from her much needed sleep. It was unusual for her to be sleeping on a cloud, but her mind was too muddled to be thinking about heights at the moment. "Fluttershy?" she noticed Rainbow Dash hovering above her, a worried look prevalent on her face. "Rainbow Dash, what are you doing up so early? Is it cider season again?" asked Fluttershy, her sleepy mind temporally forgetting where she was and what had happened. "Well no, I couldn’t get much sleep last night, so I decided to go for a morning fly. I should be asking why you are sleeping on a cloud" Rainbow Dash said with a quizzical look. As Fluttershy's grogginess faded away, her mind recollected the moments of last afternoon. "Why do you care?" she asked in a surprisingly angry tone. Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. "Why would you fly away from me like that? Why do you care now? You and the others just want to kick me out of the group, don’t you?" She turned around to avoid eye contact with the blue mare. "Fluttershy, that’s ridiculous. I would never let that happen. Where did you even get an idea like that?" Rainbow Dash was taken aback by Fluttershy’s sudden outburst. She flew around to look at the yellow pegasus in the eye, to show that she was not joking. She was afraid that she was witnessing the ‘mean Fluttershy’ that was rumored by Rarity and Pinkie Pie. It was a relief to see Fluttershy's face soften, anger replaced by sadness, but that only caused Rainbow Dash to feel guilty again. She took a breath. "Look, I’m sorry I left you like that. I was just upset because I thought you didn’t trust me anymore." "Of course I trust you. Where did you even get an idea like that?" Fluttershy tried to lighten the mood with her cheesy copying of Rainbow’s words. She could not help but to smile at her. "You are still not going to talk about the thing that is bothering you?" Rainbow Dash asked. Fluttershy's smile disappeared. "I just need some time," Fluttershy said in a shakey voice as she looked down. Not the answer Rainbow Dash hoped for, but it was still an improvement from yesterday. "Hey, do you want to get some breakfast?" Rainbow Dash landed next to her and put a hoof on top of Fluttershy's head, causing her to look up at her. "That sounds...nice," Fluttershy said, the light contact calming her down a little. They both floated down to the ground and landed on a path on the outskirts of Ponyville. Their slightly muffled hoofsteps filled the morning air as they walked on the hard packed dirt. There were no exchanges between the two, but Fluttershy was not much for talking. She was happy that Rainbow did not press the issue. Perhaps she could just put it behind her and return to normalcy. ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ They arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie was working behind the counter being her usual bouncy pink self when the two pegusi entered. When the pink pony spotted Fluttershy, however, she took on a more serious, almost worried look. "Hi Dashie, hi Fluttershy. How are you feeling today?" Pinkie Pie was grinning, but she looked very nervous, as if she had done something wrong. It was out of character for her to be greeting any of her friends this way. So much for normalcy. Fluttershy raised an eyebrow at Rainbow Dash, as if expecting an answer. "Yea, I maaay have told the others about what happened yesterday." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head; a nervous look came across her face as well. Fluttershy just wanted to disappear, to hide until this whole thing blows over. But instead, she sighed and looked back to Pinkie Pie. “I feel a lot better. I was just having a bad day” she lied. "Okie dokie, just remember that your auntie Pinkie Pie is here to take care of your troubled mind" she said as she quickly zoomed over and put a foreleg over Fluttershy’s shoulder, her normal bouncy attitude beaming once again. Fluttershy questioned if the party pony could even offer condolence outside of just pure laughter. The two ordered their breakfast and headed to an outside table and ate in silence. As time ticked on, the lack of words became more noticeable. It was normal for Fluttershy to stay quiet for this long. It was unusual, however, for Rainbow Dash to stay quiet for more than five minutes. They continued to eat, the silence becoming more and more intense. It became uncomfortable even for Fluttershy. The lack of words from Rainbow Dash’s mouth actually started to worry her. She decided to break the silence. "Rainbow Dash." "Yeah?" Rainbow Dash put down her meal and gave Fluttershy a look, wondering what she is about to say. "You don't have to worry about me." Rainbow sighed. "Fluttershy, I can't help but be worried about you." Fluttershy nodded slowly. She decided that it was best to sit and listen instead of responding. Rainbow Dash continued. "I mean, you honestly can’t expect us ignore this issue if you go around moping. What did you do, murder somepony? Is it another bully issue? Why can’t you tell us?" "You just don’t understand. It will just become a bigger issue if I tell you. I...I don’t need anypony to worry about me, I’m fine." "Who are you trying to convince, Fluttershy?" "..." Those words got Fluttershy thinking. Had she actually convinced herself that she was fine when in fact she was not? Is keeping this secret really the best idea? "Well, I have some weather duties to attend to. Will you be alright on your own?" The amount of concern Rainbow Dash has for her had become overwhelming lately, and it made Fluttershy feel terrible. Fluttershy nodded again. She had to tend to her critters anyway. She was sure that doing her regular daily tasks will keep her mind off things. With that, Rainbow Dash got out of her seat and turned around. She was preparing for takeoff when Fluttershy stopped her. "Wait, Rainbow Dash." The blue mare stopped and turned around again as Fluttershy trotted up to her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you before" Fluttershy said as she scratched the ground with her front hoof, looking at the ground to again avoid eye contact. "It’s alright, don’t worry about it" said Rainbow Dash casually. She figured it is not worth making a big deal out of it. "Thank you for understanding" Fluttershy said as she leapt up and wrapped her forelegs around Rainbow’s neck. Rainbow Dash could feel Fluttershy shaking, but she instinctively pulled away from the hug. "Fluttershy, please, you’re embarrassing me." "Oh, I’m sorry." She seemed almost hurt by Rainbow Dash pulling away. The tears formed in her eyes. "I…I didn’t mean to embarrass you." She turned and galloped away before Rainbow could respond. Rainbow Dash just stood there dazed and confused. Fluttershy’s behavior has been very odd lately and it concerned her greatly. What did Fluttershy mean when she said ‘thank you for understanding’? Rainbow felt like she has not understood anything at all. She also felt sorry for pulling away from her. Fluttershy was probably only trying to find some sort of comfort. It was not uncommon for them to hug, especially during the group hugs, but doing so in such a public setting made Rainbow feel naturally uncomfortable. She almost literally kicked herself for letting her pride get in the way of her friend. ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ "Hey, why don't you pick on somepony your own size?" ... "Omygosh, are you ok? I didn't mean for you to fall." ... Doors slammed open. Bright lights beamed overhead. Ticking rang through her ears. ... "Is she gonna be ok, dad? Dad? Daddy?" ... "I'm sorry, but she didn't make it." Fluttershy woke with a start. She was in her own room. Her body was covered with cold sweat and was shaking uncontrollably. She was also panting heavily. Her nightmare replayed through her mind, as if it did not want to die off. She clutched onto her covers and rocked back and forth until the feeling weared down. Fluttershy later slid out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. After running her bath, she went to the sink and splashed water on her face. Her reflection in the mirror showed a gloomy Fluttershy with a frazzled mane, a sign of her tossing and turning during the night. She thought about what happened in the past two days, about the future, and about what she is going to do. She cleared those thoughts and decided to take it one day at a time. “I’ve got this” she said to herself. Fluttershy turned off the water to her tub and slowly lowered herself in. The warm water comforted her and hugged her. She let out a sigh as she visibly relaxed. She dipped her head underwater and brought it back out, replacing her frizzy mane with a pink curtain of wet hair. For a while, she just laid there, relaxing, thinking, wondering how exactly she would handle things. Eventually, the water started to cool so she finally washed herself and got out. The thoughts never left her mind. ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ After breakfast, Fluttershy was at work cleaning her cottage. She hummed a little tune to herself as she was dusting the living room. It felt nice to have some quiet time to herself without having to be a worry to her friends. There was a knock at the door, and the yellow pegasus nearly jumped. The disturbance brought her out of her trance-like state. She was then nervous again, wondering who could be at the door. She was not prepared to talk to Rainbow Dash right now. When she answered the door, Fluttershy was relieved to see Twilight was the one knocking. "Oh, hi Twilight, how are you doing?" "Hi Fluttershy, sorry for arriving at such an unexpected time, do you mind if I come in?" Twilight looked cheery, but her eyes told the yellow mare that she had something important to say. "Oh, of course, make yourself at home." Fluttershy stepped aside to let her in. Twilight trotted in and sat down in one of the chairs in the living room. Fluttershy closed the door behind her and followed her in. "Would you like some tea?" Fluttershy asked. "Actually yes, some tea does sound nice, thank you" Twilight responded. Fluttershy disappeared into the kitchen and moments later came out with a tray with two teacups on it. She placed it onto the coffee table and they both took their cups as Fluttershy sat on the couch. Twilight took a sip of her tea before speaking. "Fluttershy, there is something I need to talk to you about." The yellow pegasus’ nervousness returned yet again. Twilight seemed pretty quick about getting to the point. "Of course, what is it do you want to talk about?" "It’s about Rainbow Dash. She came by my library yesterday." Fluttershy’s stomach tightened, but she maintained her composure and decided to play innocent. "Well, that is very nice of her." "Yea, well she was very upset. Come to think of it, I have never seen her like that before. She said she was worried about you." Fluttershy looked down at her drink and swirled it around. She looked back up at Twilight, her head still hung low. She remained silent. "Quite frankly, I am worried about you as well." Twilight had a look of concern on her face. "What exactly did Rainbow say?" "She said that she is concerned about you and she doesn't know how to help" Twilight said. "She is also afraid that she did something wrong and that you are mad at her." Fluttershy's heart sank. She could not believe that she made Rainbow Dash upset. Even if it was unintentional, she felt like a terrible friend. Twilight continued. "She mentioned that you had some sort secret or something that is bothering you. Is this true?" Fluttershy looked back down. She let out a silent wimper. "Do you mind telling me what it is?" "I-I can't. I...don't want to talk about it" Fluttershy chocked out. Twilight placed down her drink. "Fluttershy, you don't have to be afraid of us. We just want to help you." A look of genuine concern was prevalent on her face. Fluttershy looked back up. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. She tried to summon up every ounce of courage she could, but failed. She started crying. The tears welled up in her eyes. She blinked once and they rolled down her cheeks and fell off her chin. Upon seeing this, Twilight felt guilty. She should have known better than to pressure the sensitive pony. "Oh Fluttershy" she said as she got up and sat down on the couch next to the pegasus and put a hoof on her shoulder. "It's ok, you don't have to tell me or anypony else if you don't want to." Fluttershy wrapped her forelegs around Twilight and began to sob on her chest. The unicorn simply returned the embrace by wrapping Fluttershy's head and neck. "Shh, it's ok" Twilight said. She lightly combed Fluttershy's mane with her hoof in an attempt to comfort her. Fluttershy continued to cry, her tears soaked into Twilight's coat. She felt like a burden, weak and dependent on her friends. She knew she was not getting anywhere by sitting here and sobbing instead of simply admitting her problem. However, it felt comforting to lean against Twilight and let out her emotions. They stayed that way for a few minutes, but it felt like several hours, Fluttershy crying, Twilight holding onto her and lightly stroking her mane. The studious unicorn checked the time on Fluttershy's wall clock. She did not schedule herself this much time at the cottage. She knew her friends came first, but the thought of having to schedule a new rescheduling window had still flashed through her mind. "Oh Twilight, I don't know what to do" Fluttershy finally said through her tears. "What do you mean?" Fluttershy composed herself. She slowly sat up and looked at Twilight. She managed to stifle her tears. "I just don't have the courage to tell anypony what is wrong with me." "But Fluttershy, you have plenty of courage. Remember when you helped lift the water to Clouldsdale? Or when you stood up to that dragon?" "But those times are different. Everypony needed me. You girls were in danger from that dragon. It would be selfish of me to tell you, I already feel awful for having you and the others worry about me so much." Twilight put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Do you remember what I said before, about doing it for yourself? It’s not about me, Rainbow or anypony else." Fluttershy pulled away and got up. She took a few steps away from Twilight and stared at the ground. Her tail swished uncomfortably while she stood there, deep in thought. Twilight figured it was time to go. "Well, I leave you to think about it. I’ll be at the library if you need me. I’ll check on you later, ok?" She got up and made her way to the door. "Twilight." The unicorn turned around and looked at the pegasus, and even though she addressed Twilight, she was evasive of any eye contact. "Yes Fluttershy?" "ok" "Ok what?" "I’ll tell you." Twilight had a look of disbelief on her face. Fluttershy wondered if she regretted her decision.