//------------------------------// // Third Degree Pinks // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash’s frowning lips were straighter than the equator. She floated before an open window to the second-story bedroom of Sugarcube Corner. “Somehow I doubt that’s what Applejack and I did after we broke off from the rest of the group.” Pinkie Pie blinked at her from where she stood on the end of her bed, forelimbs lifted high above her fluffy mane as she attempted to finish the harrowing tale. “Why not?” “Because if we freed a whole bunch of Equestria’s Most Wanted, then I’m sure we’d have the royal guard chasing after our hides right now!” “Well…” Pinkie sat back down and rolled her eyes. “Beats me what boring stuff two of my bestest of best friends did with their weekend!” She then leaned forward with a bright, bright grin. “But that’s totally what I would have done if Applejack and I went to spend some time in the Upper Dungeon District!” Rainbow Dash’s face scrunched in confusion. “Uhhhh…” “Cuz no matter how many poor ponies those ebil, ebil monsters may or may not have eaten…” Pinkie bounced felicitously around the room. “Every soul deserves a chance to party!” “Pinkie…?” “And living down there in such a deep dungeon--how could they possibly get any access to party streamers or disco balls or record players--?” “Pinkie, Twilight said that Applejack and I went to the Upper Diamond District! Not the Dungeon District!” Pinkie bounced painfully into a wall, shook the cobwebs out, and tapped her chin in thought. “Oh…” “I don’t think Canterlot even has a friggin’ ‘Dungeon District!’” Rainbow Dash snapped. “Much less any dungeon, period!” “Ya sure about that?” Pinkie Pie waggled her eyebrows. “Princess Celestia’s been around for a long… long time.” Rainbow Dash twitched. Her wings flapped more stiffly. “Uhhhh--” “Oki doki loki!” Pinkie trotted over and sat before Rainbow Dash. “So, you and Applejack went to the Upper Diamond District!” “Right!” Rainbow Dash nodded. “To get some cider, according to Twilight.” She shrugged her forelimbs from where she hovered. “But that doesn’t make any bucking sense! Why would Applejack of all ponies wanna sample another producer’s cider?” “Hmmmmm…” Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin. “A lot of times, Mrs. Cake goes to the Hayseed Restaurant across town to taste their Coconut Cookies. Something about checking to see if ‘the grass is indeed greener.’” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I have no idea!” Pinkie grinned innocently. “But we somehow end up swimming in coconut and baking mix the whole week after!” Rainbow brightened. “Oh! I get it!” She smiled. “So Mrs. Cake only went to find out if her competition was baking stuff better than hers?” “That, or it had something to do with the ambassadors who visited Ponyville from Eatern Samoats!” “Unnngh…” Rainbow Dash face-hoofed. “Mmmmf… I was hoping that you would help me out here, Pinkie.” “With what? Eating your own hoof?” Pinkie’s tail wagged. “You gotta open your mouth wider, Dashie! Heeheehee!” “What if Applejack… like… distributes to restaurants in the Upper Diamond District?” Rainbow Dash looked down at her with a lethargic expression. “It’s not everyday she gets to visit Canterlot. Because we were there for the Gala, that must have been her once chance to see how the local establishments were pushing her stuff.” “Orrrrrrrrrr…” Pinkie waved her hoof. “Oooh! Oooh!” She smiled even wider. “Maybe it wasn’t Applejack who wanted to drink any to begin with!” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Huh?” “Heehee… Think about it, Rainbow. Who here loves the stuff more than anypony else?” Rainbow Dash glanced around stupidly. “Gummy?” Pinkie only giggle-snorted. “Ohhhhh Dashie! That’s a good one!” She rolled back in a fit of giggles, hugging herself as tears flowed. “Ohhhhh… Gummy drinking anything that isn’t bottled…” Rainbow Dash blinked. Just then, her face grimaced. “M-me?!” “Yupperooni!” “But… No!” Rainbow Dash frowned and folded her forelimbs. “Nooooo… I… I would never!” “Pfft! Why not?” Pinkie rolled her eyes and sat back up with a smirk. “You had the gold to spare and a weekend to kill! It hasn’t stopped you before!” “I’m… it…” Rainbow Dash winced and hovered a bit lower. “It’s n-not as bad as it used to be, Pinkie,” she murmured in a quiet voice. A gulp. “Besides, I always got into the stuff alone. I wouldn’t… y’know… rope a pony like Applejack into it.” “Of course not! We all know how good she is at lassoing things!” “Pinkie…” “And how terribly bad you are! Heeheehee!” “Pinkie! Hear me out! I’m trying to be serious here!” Rainbow Dash sighed as she flew pacing circles in the room. “I lost a day and a half of stuff in my head and I don’t know why. The last thing I want to think about is bogging Applejack down with... with…” She gritted her teeth. “...a super tipsy friend.” “Why? What’s so bad about that?” Rainbow stared over her shoulder. “Doesn’t that sound totally miserable to you?” Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Applejack didn’t look miserable to me.” “Huh?” Rainbow’s eyes quivered. “In fact, she looked like she was enjoying herself as the two of you chatted it up--” Whoooosh! Rainbow Dash was leaning a negative seventy-degrees into Pinkie’s face. “You mean you were watching us?!” “Well, I only caught glances every now and then!” Pinkie said, leaning back with a humored shrug. “I kept chasing these little foals around! We played this absolutely wicked game of hide and seek! It was fun until we pumped into the Saddle Arabian trade stall and let loose a cage of Red Frilled Fire Lizards!” Pinkie Pie’s face scrunched up. “Then we had to play hide and seek with the little squirmy dudes, and they didn’t play too nicely. Especially Frank…” Her eyes went straight. “And Carl.” Wait… Fire Lizards?” “Red Frilled Fire Lizards,” Pinkie corrected with a wink. “They get super grumpy when you ignore their accessories.” “I’ve… heard about those things…” Rainbow Dash smiled wide. “So… duh!” She bonked her own fuzzy head. “That is what caused the random fires in Canterlot over the weekend!” Her whole body appeared to deflate with a relieved exhale. “Oh, thank Celestia…” “Pfft! Why? What did you think happened?” Pinkie asked. “You and Applejack don’t strike me as ponies to commit arsenic!” “It’s ‘arson,’ Pinkie.” “But we haven’t adopted any colts, Dashie!” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes with a slight chuckle. Touching down on shuddering hooves, she stood with a slight wobble and murmured, “So… uhm…” Gulping, she hid her slightly red cheeks. “Applejack didn’t… d-didn’t look bothered in anyway?” “Nope!” Pinkie shook her head. “Not even mildly ticked off?” “Nope nope!” Pinkie shook her head harder. “Or perhaps casually bored?” “Nope nope nope--” Pinkie’s swinging skull threw her off balance. “Whoah!” Rainbow Dash caught her, smiling. “Thanks, Pinkie. It makes me feel super happy to know that.” “Well, that’s what I’m here to do!” Pinkie smiled at her upside down. “Make my friends happy!” She then scrunched her face. “But you still don’t remember what happened over the last two days, do you?” Rainbow sighed and dropped Pinkie to the floor. “Nope. Darn it!” Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth and seethed towards the corners of the place. “As soon as I learned that cider was involved, it makes sense…” She stifled a whimper as she rubbed her hoof through her mane. “And yet it doesn’t…” “Whelp!” Pinkie rolled until she could reverse-somersault back onto her hooves. “If you ask me, Dashie, I’m not the pony you should be chatting up about having cidered it up!” “Buh?” Rainbow glanced at her. Pinkie merely smiled. Rainbow recoiled. “Oh no! Jeez… I… I can’t…” Rainbow bit her lip. “What if something really lame went down and she doesn’t even wanna see me?” “Applejack’s honest to the core! Like a red delicious apple! Only replace ‘honesty’ with ‘juiciness!’” Pinkie leaned in and nudged Rainbow’s shoulder. “Don’t you think that Applejack wants nothing more than to be juicy with you?” Rainbow instantly sweated, her eyes shrinking to ruby pinpricks. “Uhhh… uhhhhh…” “Er… ‘Honest,’ I mean!” Pinkie’s eyes shut as she giggle-snorted-again. “Heeee… Sometimes life swings a curve ball and misses the outhouse!” Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, fumbled, and decided to ignore that one. “You know what…” With a flap of her wings, she lifted towards the ceiling. “What’s the worse that could happen? I mean… she and I are friends, right?” “The most friendliest friendtastic of friendgasmic--” “Right. I get the point.” Rainbow smirked and turned around. “Thanks, Pinkie, you’ve been a big help--” Thud! “Owch! Nnngh… You know, everytime I look at Sugarcube Corner’s roof, I always expect it to be less bumpy on the inside.” “Imagine sleepwalking here!” “Yeah, no thanks.” With a wave, Rainbow Dash blurred out the window. “Catch you next time, P-girl!” “See ya, Dashie!” Pinkie picked her scaley companion. “Gummy and I are always happy to have you around! Isn’t that right, Gummy?” In response, “Gummy” hissed, flared a red crest, and breathed orange flames into Pinkie’s face. Singed and cross-eyed, the mare spat out smoke rings and giggled. “Why, Carl! How nice of you to visit!”