//------------------------------// // Chapter 11: Day 11 // Story: Whooves, Doctor of Psychology // by nowego //------------------------------// Day 11 Talk about a way to wake up... “It’s morning! Get up! Get up!” cheered Dinky in rhythm with her bounces, before the third bounce sent her off the edge of the bed. “Five more minutes...” I muttered, till I recalled that my alarm didn’t have a voice like that. In an attempt to sit up at the speed of sound, my head jerked what would have been up, had I been sitting. As it was, however, all I managed to do was ram the headboard. “...ow,” I groaned, sinking back under the covers. I shook it off soon enough and reappeared. Opposite me, Ditzy stretched and shook her mane into place. Behind her, the rising sun sent an amber ray lancing through the crack in the curtains, illuminating the edges of her hair like a lightbulb filament and casting her coat into a shadow of lavender. It gave me a timeless feeling of serenity. And then I noticed that she noticed that I was noticing her. “Good morning, my little stallion.” “...morning...” I continued to look at her. She turned her head self-consciously. “What?” “Nothing... okay that’s not true. But I don’t think I could put it in words right now.” “I... think it’s mutual.” She smiled. “It’s what you do to me.” “Come on!” Dinky said impatiently, bouncing in and out in a flash. “Heh...” I got up, trotting into the hall where Ditzy caught up along side. “Y’know, I’m not really comfortable with this happening again like this...” She stopped suddenly, staring at me with a hint of a frown, lower lip quivering slightly. I curved sharply, coming face to face with her. “...which is why I’d like to see us going steady. So that it can happen, over and over again. Would you like that?” I had no warning before I was on a rug with an ecstatic pegasus squeezing the living daylights out of me. “Yeah,” I managed, “me too.” “Wow...” Dinky stared at us with wide eyes. Ditzy quickly extricated herself from me and regained composure (relatively speaking). “So does this mean Whooves is going to be hanging out more?” asked the filly. “I’d say that’s safe to say,” I replied. “Come on, let’s get you ready for school.” I helped her make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (not much that I can do wrong there) while she bounced around, grabbing various things she needed. She seemed in very high spirits, especially after she found out I was going to be hanging around more. She’s one of those not very outgoing, but very trusting ponies that takes a while to warm up to you. Ditzy and I watched as she hauled her heavy pack off to the schoolhouse. “That’s one special little filly you’re raising.” “Yeah...” She said, voice fading and eyes wandering as she drifted in thought. She snapped back to the present. “Whooves?” “Yes?” “In your story last night...” Oh horseap- “Did they live happily ever after?” I blinked. “Well,” If I mess this up, I’m going to go put my head under a wagon wheel. “The great thing about that story is that it’s still being written as we speak.” She smiled and leaned against me for a minute. Then, “I should get ready for the mail.” “Do you need help? I can always take the ground deliveries.” “Thanks, but it should be a light load today. You’ve got your own business to run.” “If you’re sure...” I said, as it occurred to me that I hadn’t had any real customers–besides Rarity and maybe Bonbon–since moving in. Well, it might help if I was actually there some of the time. I really need a secretary. I trotted home at a cheerful gait. Turning the corner onto my street, I only narrowly avoided a collision with none other than Fluttershy. “Oh, I’m so sorry...” “N-no problem,” I stuttered, flattening against the nearest wall. She shuffled a hoof. “So, um... have you made any friends?” Oh but it sounded so innocent. “Yes! Yes! Lots of friends! And we’re all getting along very well!” I summoned a sheepish but toothy smile. “Oh, how wonderful,” she said. After moment, she continued, “Um, I should get going.” “Wait, what were you doing here?” I asked, before remembering that I was supposed to be fearing for my life. “Oh, Rarity needed my... help with something. With somepony, actually. Bye-bye now.” “Wha-?” I looked after Fluttershy as she trotted away, humming. How can she do that? She actually seemed sincere. I filed it away to be puzzled over later. Now what’s this about Rarity? I continued to my house, where I came to a stop on finding the door ajar. Stealing in quietly, I overheard voices from inside–one of which I easily recognized as Rarity’s. “-such a fuss. Now just look! You got my coat all sweaty!” “Me!?” replied an exasperated Applejack. “You’re the one that drug me here with your spa pal.” I had to do a double take on that one to make sure I heard it correctly. “It’s for your own good, darling.” “Ah have apples to buck... hold on now, just what exactly are you implyin’?” It was just too easy to imagine this as a totally different conversation. Time to break up that train of thought. “Good day, mares. What can I do for you?” The two had been practically head-butting, but stopped and looked at me when I announced my arrival. “Hello, Doctor Whooves! I was just keeping Applejack here company while we waited for you to return.” She smiled, then winked at me on the side the farm pony couldn’t see. Applejack huffed. “I’ll be going then,” the unicorn continued, trotting out and closing my door behind her. I idly tapped my hourglass. “Look, I can tell you don’t want to be here, so don’t feel obligated to stay...” Applejack waved a hoof dismissively, choosing to settle down in an armchair. “Naw, s’okay. Ah give Rarity a harder time about things is all.” “Interesting,” I replied, thinking. “Why?” “Huh? Oh, she just needs it more. Gotta have somthin’ keepin’ her from floatin’ away in her own lil’ world. Has a bit o’ trouble keeping all four hooves on the ground sometimes. Needs to re-prioritize once in a zap apple harvest.” “I... see.” “So, uh,” she tapped her hooves together. “How does this work exactly?” “Look, we’re not going to get anywhere if I have you talk about something I think you are thinking about that you’d like to talk about when you actually are thinking about something else. Tea?” “Uh...” She stared at me as I put on some water, before shaking her head vigorously for a moment, throwing off my spiel. “Do I look like the kind o’ pony that drinks tea?” “No offence intended,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Cider perhaps?” “Yes! Ah mean, sure, if it’s not too much trouble.” Uh-huh, sure. I went and got what was left in my gallon jug. Personally, I don’t drink it very often; what I had was left over from the last shindig down at Sweet Apple Acres. Anyway, after obtaining our respective drinks, we sat and sipped for a few minutes. “So...” I started. “What?” “Well, I guess that pretty much sums it up.” “Yup.” She swallowed the rest of her cider in a final swig. Then, wiping her muzzle, she said, “Well, mighty kind o’ ya to put up with this, but Ah reckon we both got things to do. Maybe Ah’ll... see ya around town?” “Yeah, maybe.” I escorted her to the door in my typical rich-Canterlot-client style, which only earned me an odd half laugh, half snort. She trotted away, smiling to herself, till she went out of my view around a corner. “That’s it?!” Rarity’s voice blindsided me, causing me to stumble back in surprise, tripping over my own hooves. “Rarity? What are you doing here? I thought you left.” “Yes, well, um...” I looked past her, and caught sight of a stepladder against the side of my house. I gave her a flat look. “I seem to remember you having a problem with spying and eavesdropping, but I must be mistaken.” “One could say it’s more that I have a problem with being used as a tool, Doctor.” “Right. You’d fit in perfectly in Canterlot.” I’m not entirely sure she took that the way I meant it. Anyway, I briefed her (briefly) on the nature of client privacy and anonymity, and also of the particular traits ladders can have on house siding when the ends aren’t properly protected. Afterwards, she left, excusing herself for lunch. I decided it was about time to think about that myself, too. Nothing eventful worth noting occurred during lunch, except that a fly landed in my beverage. I tapped my desk, bored. I had already reviewed The Equine Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for any information relevant to my various cases. Today’s Equestria Daily had been scanned for anything of interest multiple times now. I knew I should probably write a report to Princess Celestia, but... I felt like what I had learned in Ponyville wasn’t something that should be widely known. Of course, these reports were only for the eyes of the Princess herself, but I still didn’t want to write one. Not until I had achieved something. Till I had fixed something. But... There was another Princess willing to talk, and about less nationally sensitive subjects. I caught up my writing utensil and a sheet of paper. Luna, Not that this has any relevance to me in particular, but as a random–not specific–hypothetical question, how did dating work a millennium ago? Inexplicably unrelated, Whooves. I tossed it in my outbox and headed for the door. For being a pony who usually sits and listens for his job, I sure can get the jitters sometimes. My walking path happened to take me past Colgate’s apartment building, where I decided to stop and look in on things. The square was deserted except for a handful of ponies, who moved around sluggishly, or in the case of one pink earth pony with grapes and a strawberry for a cutie mark, just lay there unconscious. I spotted Colgate sweeping up confetti and cake and anything else that happened to occupy the ground. “Hello,” I said, trotting up. “Oh, hi Whooves. Did you come last night?” “Yeah... but where were you?” I asked, as it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen her there. “I was... at my landlord’s place.” “Okay... why?” “Well, see she doesn’t actually condone this type of of, uh, well she calls ‘em ‘shenanigans,’ so I went to make sure she didn’t find out. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?” “Uh, yeah, I guess,” I said, scratching my chin. “What?” “Huh?” “You’re thinking something, so say it already!” “Hmm? Oh, it’s just...” I stumbled, trying to form coherent words. “It seems a little weird that you’d do that... usually hosts try to attend their parties.” “Well I didn’t plan it that way, duh,” she said, sounding slightly insulted. “And besides, I made it here later. But I guess you were gone by then.” “Um, yeah. We... left early.” “Oh, so you did find somepony to bring along?” “Well of course, I’m not a socially inept.” Colgate cocked an eyebrow, which in combination with her lids half-closed, gave her face a clear ‘yeah, right’ look. “Well... thanks for, uh, hosting the party, I guess. Anything I can do to help here?” Colgate looked around. “No, I think I’d rather sweep up this big mess myself.” I blinked. “Grab a broom already!” I did as I was bid, although not too happy about being told how to do it. But I had offered; I guess I should expect an answer like that from Colgate by now. We swept in silence for a bit. “Sooo,” Colgate initiated after a while. I wanted to tell her to shut up because awkward silences are still less awkward than anything she might say, but I decided it probably wasn’t a productive thing to say. “Who exactly did you find to drag along? A mare I’m guessing?” I knew it. “Yes.” A few more seconds passed with nothing but the sound of the brooms we swept with echoing in the square. “You’re going to make me drag it out of you, aren’t you?” I thought for a moment. “Yes.” “Ugh, fine.” She grumbled, simultaneously sizing me up. “Hmm... you’re a pretty good hunk of a stallion...” I rolled my eyes. “...moderate sized, symmetrical face, neutral mane and coat, decent wages-” “Okay, okay, you can stop describing me now.” “Probably have a selection near the top... I’m gonna go with... Rarity?” I facehooved. “No.” “Oh. Um... Lyra Heartstrings?” Hehe... “No.” Colgate was getting discouraged, but persisted until she was eventually just guessing. “Aloe? Twilight? It wasn’t Carrot Top was it?” “None of the above,” I said smugly, confident she wasn’t going to get it out of me. Then a gleam of suspicion came into her eye. “You’re not seeing that bask- eh, that mailmare, Derpy, are you?” “Ditzy. And yes, I am.” “Oh. Huh.” We went back to cleaning. Then, in an attempt to dissolve the proverbial wall that had gone up, she said, “So, uh, if you two left before I got back, like, where did you go?” “Oh, um...” I tried to sound nonchalant. “...back to her place.” I kept sweeping for a moment, till I noticed a distinct absence of the sound of Colgate’s broom. I turned to find her staring at me, mostly unresponsive. I waved a hoof in front of her face. “Hey. Hello?” “I... I... you... with her?!” “Okay, first off, yes, we are dating now. Secondly, no, we haven’t ‘done it,’ I mean I’ve kinda slept with her once... okay, twice, but it wasn’t like that... Anyway! Thirdly, I... uh... Colgate? You okay?” The unicorn was staring at the ground as she crushed a dirt clod to dust under her hoof. Upon hearing her name, she looked up swiftly and blinked repeatedly in an attempt to dispel the glassy layer her eyes had acquired. “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Of course I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Wait a minute... “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” I immediately clamped my hooves over my mouth, but it was too late. I could only hope for a non-violent response now. “I... um...” She dropped her head. “Uh-huh.” Huh. That went better than it could have. “This might sound a little weird... but why? You’re an attractive young mare; you’re cool and hip... I guess I’m confused as to why you so desperately need a stallion’s attentions.” “...anypony’s attentions,” she sniffed. “Wait, was that out loud?” I nodded. “Oh, brilliant.” She looked away. “Now you think I’m some kinda sicko.” “Don’t be melodramatic,” I said, putting hoof on her shoulder. “I happen to know and get along with two mares who are... you know, into each other. Sure, maybe bi isn’t me, but I can respect that choice; it’s yours to make.” “Really?” Our conversation continued into dinner time, whereupon we procured some wraps and found a deserted picnic table in the park; there wasn’t a lot of ponies out under the overcast skies. “...I think that’s one of the reasons I kinda go for mares too,” she said halfway through our conversation and meal. “What is?” “Well... if a mare is willing to consider other mares, she’s more open-minded in general, usually.” “Yes... certainly willing to break the rules anyway.” “Uh, thanks?” I smiled. “You’re more than welcome.” I finished my wrap. “Y’know...” I said, deciding to vocalize something that had been rolling around in my head for a while. “I’m going out on a limb here, but... you weren't always this way, were you?” “...no.” “Care to elaborate?” “Er... long story short, way back when, I had no luck attracting a stallion... so when a mare hit on me once... yeah. But I never turned down any stallions either.” “If I may make a suggestion?” “Oh, great, I’m gonna get shrinked. Shrunk. Whatever.” When I didn’t continue, she waved a hoof. “I was kidding.” “Okay, well, you don’t seem particularly... satisfied.” “Maybe.” “Well, to me, it sounds like this all came out of trying to find ‘true love’ too forcefully... and now you’re stuck in a cycle. Maybe you’d find what you’re looking for if you didn’t sleep with every stallion–or mare–that gave you the opportunity. Think about it. Would the type of person you’re looking for find... your choices... attractive?” “...maybe not.” I got a shiver, suddenly making me aware that the sun was setting. “I really should be getting back.” “Hmm?” said Colgate coming out of a deeper well of thought. “Oh, yeah. Thanks for the help.” “No problem,” I replied, and turning and heading back to my house. As I trotted passed Lyra and Bonbon’s house, I slowed down. Something didn’t seem right... the lights were off, the curtains were drawn... Oh yeah. It was Thursday night. I hurried past and arrived at my place soon enough, where I’ve been making this and yesterday’s recording since. And now it’s time to hit the hay. Goodnight.