CHAPTER 35
"WHY ME?!"
I was crouched down in a shrub near the entrance to the Everfree. I was hoping to Luna that Sean and his posse wouldn't see me.
"I just pull a few little harmless pranks, and now I'm running for my life!"
I heard a twig snap almost right in front of me. It was Vince... And he had a bottle of pink hair dye.
"Oh Kyle~... Come on out, I'm not gonna hurt you... Much."
"Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..."
My heart started racing, and I felt a tension in my chest. Of all the lousy times...
"Just control your breathing..."
As if an answer to my prayers, Vince walked away, satisfied with his look around. I felt my heart slow to a less deadly pace.
"Too close..."
I crawled out of the shrub, and brushed myself off. I decided that hiding in a dangerous place like the Everfree would NOT hinder their search, unlike I had thought.
"I knew Sean would come out here to look for me, but as for the others... Oh, lady luck has given me such a backhand today..."
"Hey there, ya' prankster you..."
I froze. The southern voice coming from behind me was all too familiar. And it was one of the last voices I needed to hear.
"Oh... Dear... AJ?"
I heard a slight giggle. "Guilty as charged. Now, are ya' gonna come quietly, or am Ah' gonna have t' hog tie ya'?"
"Wait. AJ has a crush on me..."
I turned around, and grinned like a sleazeball. "Oh, I bet you'd like that, huh?"
Her face turned red, and she fell onto her haunches. "Wh-Wha-"
I took a step closer to her. "I bet you'd like to just tie me up and drag me home, wouldn't you, you dirty girl you?"
And thus, Applejack's face was the color of the fruit she grows. Her eyes darted around, and sweat started to drip from her face. I leaned in, and whispered into her ear...
"I can't believe you just fell for that." Next thing you know, I'm flying, weaving in-between the trees.
"HAHA! Oh MAN! The look on her face... That was worth it. Oh, it's gonna be so awkward to talk to her for a while... Well, more awkward."
Sadly, with all of my thinking, I wasn't doing much paying attention. I slammed into a large stallion, and fell right onto my rear end.
"Oh... Hey, sorry dude..." I stood up, and rubbed the back of my head sheepishly, but on closer inspection...
"Wait. You're not a dude..." It was Twilight. She was still under the effects of the Gender Bender.
He... She... Er... I have no idea, smiled evilly. "Oh, that's right... You know, Kyle, I wonder what you'd look like as a woman..."
My eyes went as wide as dinner plates. "Eheh... Well... About that..."
Before I could even react, purple magic surrounded me, and I felt myself going under some rather awkward changes.
(Stop the music)
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I slammed the cloud door shut, and threw myself down on the couch.
"Assholes... I pull a few little pranks on them, and they turn me into a girl and dye my hair pink! Thank Luna that dye was only temporary... I know what I'm doing to Vince next time he's asleep..." I imagined myself shaving his head, and I must say, it was a satisfying mental image. I wasn't a girl anymore, and Twilight let me wash the dye out in his/her sink. But I did have a few choice words for them before I ran off in anger.
"Now I'm in a bad mood. Great... Man, having boobs was weird..." I shook my head, trying to get the image of my reflection in the mirror after my... Change.
Luckily, I didn't have to dwell on it much longer, because the door opened and closed again. Dashie was home, and she had her saddlebags full of stuff for a party.
"Hey, babe. So, I see shopping was a good turnout."
Dashie took one look at me, and fell over laughing. I slouched a little bit, and gave her a deadpan stare. "Lemme guess, somepony told you about what happened to me."
Dashie stoop up, and wiped a tear out of her eyes. "Heh... Yeah. I just wish I could have seen it for myself... I bet you're pretty cute as a girl." She walked by me, and brushed her tail along my chin.
"... I love my life."
I let out an exaggerated cough to get Dashie's attention. "So, you need any help setting things up for Scoots' birthday party?"
She shrugged, and dumped her bags out on the dinner table. "If you want. I could set it up myself, and you could just go off and hang out with everypony."
"SIGNAL RECEIVED. She wants to spend more time with me."
"I think I'll stick around and help." Dashie looked away from me, but I saw a smile.
"Thanks. And we don't need to worry about Scoots finding out about this. She's staying over with Apple Bloom tonight."
I put my hand on my chin, thinking of all the things that could happen. "I sure hope they don't try anything..."
Dashie and I let out a little chuckle, and she gave me a reassuring smile. "I'm sure we raised her better than that. And besides, they're practically grown up now. So even if they do..."
I shrugged. "Yeah, I just don't want Scoots rushing her relationship, lest it fall apart. I do appreciate the fact that since she's dating a mare, I don't have to worry about her getting pregnant... The stress from that would kill me."
Dashie stopped what she was doing, and looked at me, with concern in her eyes. I cocked my eyebrow. "Dashie? What's wro-"
She raised a hoof to silence me. "You know what's wrong... Please don't talk about dying. Remember what you said on the train when you were heading to Canterlot?"
I stayed silent. I knew what she was talking about. I'd everypony about my shortened longevity, and they must have told Dashie.
Dashie nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "Exactly... Just... Please, don't talk about dying or anything like that. I'm terrified of losing you. Every day, I'm worried that you're going to get hurt or have a heart attack... It's horrifying, knowing that the one you love could die at any moment."
"Wow... I didn't know how much I'd worried everypony from telling them that. Me and my big mouth..."
I picked Dashie up, and hugged her, and stroked her mane. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine..."
She nuzzled the side of my neck. "We don't know that..."
I sat her down, and crouched down to stay on eye level with her. "Listen, I've lived this long without any problems. I just have to be careful, is all. Do you really think I'll let myself get hurt and be taken away from you all? I don't think so. I promise you that I won't be dying any time soon."
Dashie smiled, and wiped her eyes. "OK... Pinkie Pie Promise?"
I smiled, and rolled my eyes. "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I slapped my hand over my eye. "Ow."
We both started laughing, and then looked around the half-decorated room. "Kyle... I think we'd better finish decorating."
I nodded. "Yeah."
The next hour or so passed in silence. I could feel Dashie's gaze staring at me every once in a while, and I could tell she was still very worried, but I didn't call her out on it. She was my wife, and she had every right to be scared of me dying. I didn't hold it against her, but it made me feel guilty. I never liked making anybody worry, and when I did, I felt like I was doing them wrong.
I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind, and just kept on decorating.