The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week
Chapter 53: Pinkie Vs. Yaoi
*****
“Hey, Pinkie! What’s up?” Elise asked into her phone.
“Uh…hey Elise…” Pinkie responded tentatively.
“Uh-oh, what did he do?” Elise said, recognizing Pinkie’s tone as a sign that something, likely Dan related, was the matter.
“Huh? I don’t know, what did he do?” Pinkie said in a confused tone.
“Wait, what?”
“OH! I get it, you’re playing twenty questions!” Pinkie responded excitedly.
“I am?”
“I knew it! Is he baking? Raking? Skating? Snaking? Wait, is snaking a thing?! Shoot that was a question. How many do I have left? NO WAIT! That was another question…uh…”
“Pinkie?”
“Skiing? Bee keeping? Snorkeling? Surfing? Driving? Flying? Lying? Buying?..uh…”
“Pinkie!”
“Hiking? Dancing? Prancing? Am I getting warmer? Colder? What’s Ya-oy?”
“PINK…wait, what was that last one?”
“Erm…’What’s Ya-oy?’”
“Uh…I’m not sure that’s a word, can you spell it?” Elise asked.
“Y-A-O-I.”
There was a pause on the other line. “I’ll be right over!” Elise said as she terminated the call.
Pinkie pulled her own phone away from her face and gave it a perplexed look. “Huh.” She placed it into her pink bag and walked back out into the living area, and sat down next to Dan.
“I take it Elise filled your head with even more unspeakable images?” Dan asked without looking up from his comic.
“Uhhh…not exactly…she said she’d be right over as soon as I asked her about y-o-a-i.” Pinkie explained.
“Huh, ominous. She’s, no doubt, coming to indoctrinate you into her twisted cult of depraved deviants.” Dan declared.
“What! Elise wouldn’t do that…” Pinkie’s expression changed from mild surprise to mild worry. “…would she?”
“Behind that façade of a normal, functioning adult lies a twisted killing machine who is not above using her friends and loved-ones to further her own goals…”
“Well, d’uh!” Pinkie replied.
“…and behind that lies a warped, debauched individual; no doubt stockpiling her strange cult paraphernalia behind closed doors and pouring over it when no one is around.” Dan turned the page on his comic. “Mark my words, when you come back you’ll be asking me to wear a cape, cover you in chocolate syrup, and flog you with a spoon as you call me ‘Count Chocula’…”
“…”
Dan looked up from his comic, having noticed that Pinkie had gone completely silent.
Pinkie’s face had flushed red and she was sporting a goofy smile, and a slightly glazed over expression.
“…You’re thinking that sounds ‘fun’, aren’t you, goofball?” Dan said, surprised to find a frown and smirk were vying for control of his mouth.
“Wellll…” Pinkie purred. “…It didn’t involve fire or violence, and you do have a cape, and I can make chocolate syrup…I mean…I’m willing to try anything once…or even two or three times…”
Dan rolled his eyes, keeping his comic in up high enough to hide his expression. “You must be the most bizarre girl on this planet or any other for that matter…”
“That wasn’t a noooo~.” Pinkie sang out.
Dan lifted his comic back over his face in lieu of providing a response, a tactic that would quickly prove to be ineffective as Pinkie simply walked over and lowered the item with an index finger to get a better look at her boyfriend’s face
Pinkie giggled. “Daaaan~? Is that a smirown I see?”
“That’s not even a word, moron…” Dan mumbled in reply, his face turning red as he broke eye contact. He felt warm hands on his cheek as his head was turned back to face Pinkie who leaned down to plant a sloppy kiss on his mouth, a kiss Dan quickly found himself returning.
“Well, I guess I know what we’re doing tonight…” Pinkie cooed as she broke the kiss and flashed Dan a sultry look.
Dan turned his beet red face back towards his comic. “Fine!” He growled out. “But this is how these things start, next thing you know you’ll have a strange desire to wrestle me in a kiddie-pool full of lactose free pudding.”
“…”
Dan sighed, and lowered his comic again where he was greeted by Pinkie’s luminescent red face and a giant, toothy grin.
“Note to self: shut up!” Dan said, chastising himself.
“I guess I know what we’re doing tomorrow…”
***
Pinkie looked over the shelves and shelves full of various sinister looking weapons and devices complete with radioactive symbols, skulls and crossbones, and bright yellow and black signs that said ‘DANGER’.
“Should I even be seeing these?” She asked the maroon haired girl walking in front of her.
Elise shook her head. “Absolutely not. And if you tell anyone about it, I might just have to kill them and you…sorry about that.”
Pinkie giggled. “That’s okay, Elise! Dan threatens to kill me all the time! The secret of your underground bunker full of frighteningly destructive looking devices is safe with me!” She declared.
Elise paused. “Huh? Oh right, yeah, don’t tell anyone about that, either…” Elise stopped in front of a heavy looking metal doorway. She waved a card over a reader next to it. This was followed by a small compartment that opened up to reveal a number pad. Elise rapidly entered a series of numbers, which resulted in yet another compartment opening with what looked like a tiny viewport that Elise stuck her eye in. Finally, a large green light above the door flashed as the door slid up.
Elise and Pinkie walked into a large circular room, the walls where covered with shelves full of various publications and in the center sat a comfortable looking couch next to an office chair, and a plain metal desk.
Pinkie took in her new surroundings.
Wow…it’s almost like a metal version of Twilight’s home…
…If Twilight’s library only had books with guys hugging and undressing each other.
“Wait…” Pinkie said as she looked around her. “So Ya-oy…”
“Yao-eee.” Elise corrected.
“Yaoi is like…some guys only hugging party?” Pinkie suggested as she reached for a random item of the shelves.
“Well…that’s sort of the idea…” Elise responded. “WAIT! Pinkie! That one’s really…”
“GHAK!” Pinkie exclaimed as she stared at an open page. Her face went red as she covered her own eyes, still holding the magazine like item open.
“…graphic.” Elise finished.
Pinkie opened her fingers slightly and took another look with a single eye, winced and closed her fingers back up.
“Uh…Are you okay?” Elise asked.
“Sorry,” Pinkie replied, “I can’t figure out if I’m traumatized or strangely intrigued…” Pinkie put the item back on the shelf and grabbed another at random and opened it.
She repeated the process of flinching, covering her eyes, and peeking out at the item again before wincing and covering her eye once more. “I think I’m strangely intraumatigued.” Pinkie replied.
Elise chuckled as she reached for the item and gently put it back in place.
“Why don’t I give you something a bit tamer to start with?” Elise suggested.
Pinkie nodded. “Yes, please! I think my brain is rapidly approaching some sort of ‘thingies being forcefully inserted into other people’s thingies’ critical overload, today…”
“Sounds like a good tiI mean, sounds rough.” Elise replied, searching her shelves. “Ah, here we go.”
Elise pulled out a dozen, small book like items and handed one to Pinkie.
Pinkie looked it over as Elise set the others on the desk.
“Gravitation?” Pinkie read out loud, looking over the cover of a grinning, pink haired, pink eyed man holding a microphone and wearing goggles on his forehead in front of the portrait of a smiling blonde haired, blue eyed man. She giggled. “Hey, he has pink hair, too!”
Elise smiled, “I think you’ll enjoy it…it’s strangely relatable to your current situation…”
“Oooo! Is someone stuck in another dimension in this as well?!” Pinkie asked excitedly.
“Uhh…”
Alright, that was weird…even for Pinkie.
“Not that situation.” Elise clarified.
***
Pinkie walked back into the apartment, carrying her pink bag in one hand, and a tote bag in the other.
Dan shot her a quick glance. “Is that your pervert cult supplies?” Dan asked.
Pinkie giggled and showed Dan one of the manga volumes. “Yeppers!”
“Huh, I was sure you’d break out edible underwear and handcuffs…” Dan commented.
“…”
Dan smacked a palm against his forehead and slowly dragged it down his face as he grumbled to himself.
“THEY MAKE UNDERWEAR YOU CAN EAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Me and my big mouth…” Dan grumbled to himself.
“I guess I know what we’re doing the day after tomorrow…”
*
“Hrrrmmmmmm…HRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMM…”
Dan looked up grumpily. “What is it this…” He paused and knitted his brow. “What are you doing?”
Dan looked over at Pinkie who was lying across the easy chair arm rests on her back and craning her neck to stare up at a manga she was holding sideways.
“This book doesn’t read left to righty, it reads right to lefty, so I’m seeing if reading from another angle helps.” Pinkie informed.
Dan sighed and went back to reading. “What’s sad is that’s the most sensible thing I’ve heard you say all day…”
**
Dan lowered his graphic novel, starting to get a tad unnerved by how quiet Pinkie was, “So…traumatized yet?”
Pinkie giggled, and looked up from her book. “Nopers! It’s kinda fun actually! And it reminds me of you and me!”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, the main character is hyperactive and strange like me, and his love interest is a jerk likeOWIE!”
Pinkie rubbed the side of her face that the spine of a graphic novel had just visited at high speed. “Of course, you know, this only proves my point.”
**
“EEEEK!”
Startled Dan looked up to see the familiar sight of a wide eyed, red faced, Pinkie Pie staring into open space with a frightened expression.
“Uh… I take it the unspeakable images finally made an appearance?”
Pinkie sighed as she closed the manga and rested it on her stomach, looking towards Dan with an upside-down pout. “Not exactly, though it was made abundantly clear what happened…” Pinkie paused. “You wouldn’t stick anything in my plot without asking first, would you?” She asked.
“Uh…sure?” Dan replied, not exactly certain what Pinkie was asking.
Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief.
“Well…shall we burn the books since they inflicted even more damage on your psyche?” Dan suggested.
“No way!” Pinkie protested, sitting back up and standing to her feet. “I want to find out what happens to Shuichi and Yuki!”
Dan paused. “Welp, it’s official, you’re a pervert.” He said, going back to looking at his graphic novel.
Pinkie hung her head and sighed. “Yeah…I know…”
Dan’s reading was soon interrupted as he felt something on his lap, he looked down to see a mop of pink hair attached to a pouting Pinkie Pie staring up at him with large, pleading, sky-blue eyes as she held one of the Hellsing boxes up.
“Do I have to?” Dan whined.
“I need something loud and violent to help blast away the day full of exposure to people being violated in every conceivable way…” Pinkie explained.
Dan grinned and grabbed the box, examining the back of it. “Judging by the look of things, I think you’re trading one form of violation for another…”
Pinkie whimpered. “Please, Dan?”
Dan sighed. “Oh, alright.” He said putting his graphic novel down.
“Yay!” Pinkie said triumphantly, sitting up and kissing Dan on the cheek.
“But if I don’t like it, I’m tying you to the bed and torturing you with a peacock feather.”
“…”
Dan sighed heavily and grasped the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.
“I know what we’re doing...”
“DON’T SAY IT!”
*Soon*
Pinkie and Dan stared wide eyed at the T.V. as a torrent of gunfire rang out from the speakers.
“I am pleasantly surprised by the level of carnage here…” Dan commented.
“Dan, I think I need that gun.” Pinkie said, pointing at the screen.
“Uhh…I doubt you’d be able to hold it properly, let alone aim and fire it…”
“But it’s so cool!” Pinkie insisted, motioning out to the T.V. with both her hands.
“Well…I can’t argue with you there…”
*Later*
“Also, I need that gun!” Pinkie insisted.
“…Fine! But I get a grey trench-coat and a few dozen bayonets.” Dan replied.
Pinkie grinned. “Just so long as I get a red trench-coat and a fancy hat.”
“…Deal”
*Many hours later *
“…”
“…”
“Okay, now I need that gun!”
“That’s not a gun, that’s a semi-mobile anti-aircraft system with a freakishly strong girl attached…”
“Dan…I think I’m in love…” Pinkie declared, gawking at the screen.
“Uh? With the girl or the gun?”
“…Both.” Pinkie replied.
“…I’m strangely okay with this…” Dan admitted.
Pinkie beamed at Dan. “Can that be my next birthday present?”
“Uh…I’m not sure how I would even acquire 345kg worth of 30 mm auto cannons, but if you’re good.” Dan assured with a smile.
“Yay!”
*And finally.*
“WHAT?! That’s it?! It’s over?! IT CAN’T BE OVER!” Dan roared at the screen.
Pinkie was on her laptop in a flash, not even paying attention to the gory images on her screen as she quickly typed away.
“Uh…” Pinkie mumbled to herself as she read. “It says the last two episodes haven’t been licensed yet…”
“But…” Dan protested. “We have to wait?”
Pinkie whimpered. “Looks like…”
Dan balled his hands into fists, threw his arms into the air, and shouted at the heavens.
“FUNIMAAAAAAAATIO…MMMMPH!”
“Dan, no!” Pinkie pleaded, as she held a hand over Dan’s mouth. “If we go and blow up their studio, then we’ll have to wait longer! They may not even make that at all!” Pinkie added with a whimper.
Dan sighed. “But I HATE waiting!” He whined.
“Well…it looks like this is based off a manga series.”
“What do fruit have to do with this?”
“Manga, not mango.” Pinkie corrected. She began to giggle. “Though, could you imagine if things were written on fruit and people had to read that? I mean, how hilarious…”
Dan lightly flicked Pinkie’s forehead. “Focus, goofball.”
“Uh, right! Maybe the comic book store has the manga and we can read that!”
“Huh…good thinking, goofball. We can head over now, and…”
“Dan, it’s the middle of the night. They’re closed.”
“…break a window, and crawl into…”
“Dan, I’m NOT breaking into a store my brand new friend works at just to read what happens next…even if the store was exceptionally traumatizing.”
Dan crossed his arms and put on a sullen look. “Fine…” His face let up. “Hey! You can call Becky and she can just let us in!”
“Uh…I’m sure she’s asleep by now.”
“So?”
“…Aaaaand maybe we should save that sort of desperate measure for someone who’s a big pushover, like Chris?” Pinkie said with a pensive grin.
“GHAH! You’re no fun at all!” Dan declared.
Pinkie pouted, but soon a mischievous grin and sly, narrowed eyes replaced her expression. “I know what we can do that’s fun…I mean…if you want to play vampire…”
Dan’s expression softened. “You are so weird…”
“Aaaaaaand~?” Pinkie asked as her grin went full Cheshire Cat.
Dan sighed as his face flushed crimson. “So am I, it would seem… I’ll go get a spoon and my cape…”