//------------------------------// // A Fool Royal // Story: The Fool in Equestria // by Autismo555 //------------------------------// A Fool Royal "Stand down, trickster! Your reign of chaos has come to an end!" Luna yelled. "Hohohoho-hahahahaha! It's so nice for someone to acknowledge me as a trickster! Everyone else just calls me a clown, freak or a monster!" The Fool chortled, bowing his head to the princesses with his hat off. "By the way, how is it that you've found me all the way up here?" "You're not the only creature who can reek such chaos," Celestia said, looking over The Fool's shoulder. "Isn't that right, Discord?" The timid looking draconequus peeked from from behind The Fool's shoulder. "Oh, heh, heh, heh...hello, Celestia. Nice to see you again. Such lovely, non-chaotic weather we're having, isn't it?" he stammered, waving his lion paw to the deadpanning alicorn. "Hold your forked tongue, Discord," Celestia scolded. "You've been in association with our newfound enemy." "Enemy!?" Discord began to laugh haughtily. "How funny! You think that I've been in cahoots with this colorblind creature just to help create chaos. Ahahahahaha!" The alicorns all glared at Discord as he continued to laugh until he ran out of breath. "Silly pony, chaos is for draconequui! I mean, what made you think I'd want to create chaos with this guy?" "You're with this trickster as we speak," Cadence answered. "You're still untrustworthy to us ever since the Everfree Forest incident," Twilight added. Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared out of nowhere, shocking everypony else. "And you said you wanted to give Equestria something to laugh at last chapter without giving a single thought that I might've wanted to join in on your pranking!" Pinkie brought her frantic face into Discord's. "Not a single thought!!" "Pinkie Pie? How'd you get here and when did you get here?" Rainbow Dash asked. Pinkie Pie giggled. "Oh, that's easy! I skipped a couple of chapters five minutes ago! You should've seen the author freak!" she giggled, earning confused looks from everypony, save for the draconequus and the human. Well, if the human didn't wear a mask, that is. "Author? Chapter?" Twilight asked again. "Well, this is a Random story, so go along with it," Discord said, giving the "shoo, shoo" motion with his talons before reaching out and pulling Pinkie in his grip. "But never that. Tell me, what is my favorite Element of Harmony doing here during such a time?" he asked, giving a noogie in Pinkie's cotton candy mane. "Oh, I heard that a certain somepony was in Canterlot and he looked like the guy was tons and tons of fun," the pink pony explained before she broke from Discord's grasp. "So I hopped on the train to Canterlot then I hopped all the way here and noooowwww...I'M HERE!" FWEEEEEE! Confetti and streamers exploded from behind Pinkie as she said "HERE." "Well, I'm sorry to cut your fun short, Pinkie, but we have to take your friend into jail," Twilight said, flying closer to The Fool. "Not only has he caused chaos in Ponyville, but he's also drugged the Royal Guards and he made an attempt against a member of the Royal Family. So he's gotta..." "That's not him, silly!" Pinkie interjected. "WHAT!?" everypony yelled. "What are you talking about, Pinkie? This is obviously the same guy who's been tricking us!" "Oh, Twilight, don't you get it!? He's an inflatable dummy!" "A dummy!?" "Yeppers! I mean, if this Fool really is The Fool, then he wouldn't have a plug on his back to keep the air in!" Pinkie Pie galloped behind The Fool and released the aforementioned plug and the air out of the dummy. Everypony, even Discord himself, were mortified by the trick played on them in plain sight. "Huh. Now how did I miss that?" Discord asked. "It doesn't matter now," Cadence declared. "What matters is that The Fool is running loose again." "Agreed. He could not have gone far," Luna deduced. "But where could he have gone? He could be anywhere in the castle. It's like a maze," Twilight pointed out. "Hohohohoho!" Everypony turned their gaze to a nearby spire, where who else but The Fool stood with both feet perfectly perched on the tip and eating a piece of cake. "Has it occurred to any of you I could be on the castle? It's kinda like switching the stickers on a Rubik's Cube except taller. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The ponies looked on with buggy eyes and slack jaws. There was no way The Fool could stand on something so tiny and pointy, he'd keep in perfect balance while he was eating cake. But there was something about the cake that seemed a little off to everypony... That was until... "Excuse me," Celestia said. "But where exactly did you get that cake?" "Oh, I was feeling hungry three minutes ago, so I went tod the kitchen without anybody else watching and found a cake just sitting alone on the counter," The Fool said, turning his head away to take a bite out of the cake. "Why? Did you want some cake, Your Highness?" "That cake..." Celestia's eyes widened in horror. "That wouldn't happen to be a vanilla cake with marzipan frosting and coconut bit toppings, is it?" "With a nice custard sauce, very nice," the jester said, giving it an "OK" sign with his fingers. Everypony gasped in shock. The Fool knew better than to take a bite out of Celestia's cakes and now he had to learn the hard way. Celestia's ivory face filled up with red before blows of smoke and fire burst from her nose, ears and ethereal mane. "Uh-oh. Looks like it's that time of the month again," Discord mused. "YOU DARE STEAL A PIECE OF MY ROYAL DELICACIES AND GET AWAY WITH IT!?" Celestia screamed in her Royal Canterlot Voice. She rose up in the air and was shaded by the bright light behind her, looking as if an angel fro Heaven was casting her final judgment on The Fool. "I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU, TRICKSTER, TO BE BANISHED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS...TO THE SUN!!" The worst type of banishment there was. Celestia's horn lit up a light as bright as the sun. Everypony else ducked out for cover as the ivory alicorn shot a blast of light the size of the Canterlot homes. The Fool chuckled as he disappeared into the light, which reached out of Equestria and out to sea. The light dissipated, Celestia staggered, feeling out of breath and a bell rang next to her ear. DING! "And the lady gets a cigar!" The Fool said, shoving in a bum cigar in the Princess's mouth. "Not that there are cigars in here. This is a kid's show. Hohohoho-hahahaha!" The Fool disappeared as Celestia glowered before she prepared to spit the cigar out. PTOO- BOOM! Celestia's face became black with soot, courtesy of the explosive cigar. The Fool clicked his heels and zipped away to another tower spire, where he landed on one foot, then jumped and flipped to another spire with the other. Celestia kept a deadpanned look as the winged ponies, plus Pinkie Pie surrounded her in worry. "Princess Celestia.." "Just. Celestia. Please," she growled at Twilight. "Celestia, are you alright?" the young alicorn asked. "Never mind me," Celestia said. "Just get that human and drag him down to Tartarus." "Uh...right." Twilight waved her hoof and she and the other ponies went after The Fool. This left Celestia on the tower, still deadpanning and pondering the worst ways to punish The Fool. Worse than imprisoning him in stone, in the ice of the Arctic North or in the cold, barren moon. Worse than death itself. ^W^ "HohohohohohoHO!" The Fool leapt off every spire of every tower he jumped on, using what wits he had to elude the ponies pursuing him. He came across armored pegasi using intercepting formations to block and capture the creature. If only they were informed of the pop that slipped The Fool past the guards and onto a tower behind them. He leapt off that same tower and slid down the stair railing with both feet. As a skilled skater, acrobat and show off, The Fool jumped up, revealed his staff and sat Indian-style on the green orb tip, meditating while he was at it. As he approached the doorway down the staircase railing, he saw a small phalanx of soldiers blocking the entrance and sheathing their spears. "Alright you! Freeze!" The Fool chuckled. "Hohoho-hahahaha! Freeze? Careful what you wish for!" The Fool shot light blue bubbles at the stallions, instantly freezing them upon popping. Soon, the armored stallions were reduced to nothing but ice sculptures. The Fool leapt off of his staff and over the frozen stallions before he turned back to them. "You know, I don't like leaving you like this without something to say first. Otherwise, I'd be giving the cold soldier. Hohohoho-hahahaha!" With that said, The Fool scuttled his feet and moved rapidly down the hallway. While his scurrying feet took him down the hall, the neatly-dressed jester took quick glances at the stained windows he passed in a second. Such artwork, such color, such detail. A picture's worth a thousand words, like his fellow humans said. He arrived at a fork in the hall... ...then he found himself surrounded by spears pointing at him and cornering him at the wall. Cadence and Luna had appeared at the scene just as The Fool found himself in a pickle. The ceiling wasn't tall enough for him to do a wall jump or doing his acrobats on the spear tips. Even if he could, the alicorns' magic was too powerful to elude from. Oh, if only miracles came in for The Fool, then right now is the only time he really needed it. "It's over, Fool. We have you surrounded and there is no way out," Cadence stated. "By order of Princess Celestia, Princess of Equestria and the Sun, you are hereby under arrest on multiple charges and will be subjected to interrogation upon your impending trial," Luna stated, narrow-eyed and seething. "It also by law that you remove your mask so we may identify your face." The Fool perked. "What?" "I said take off your mask," Luna repeated. "Umm...no." "No?" Cadence parroted. "And why shouldn't you reveal your true face to us?" "Well, let's just say that by the time you see my face, you'd be wishing I kept my mask on." "We do not care if your face is your own matter," Luna scolded. "Take off you mask, or your arrest may end painfully!" "No." "Guards!" "Alright, alright already!" The Fool screeched, throwing his hands up defensively before he gave the alicorns a bow. "As you command, Your Highness. Prepare for years of electro-shock thereapy." The Fool took off his mask. ^W^ "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Everypony in Canterlot and in Ponyville jumped to the sound of a mare's loud screaming. Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie turned their heads in shock as they realized who made the scream in the Royal Canterlot Voice and where the screaming came from. "Come on, girls! Hurry!" Twilight ordered. Meanwhile, The Fool put his mask back on his face and faced a crowd of ponies, all stiff, frozen or shaken with intense fright. It was like they've seen a ghost or something. The guards huddled close together. Cadence hiding in the ceiling rafters. Luna standing there, with fear struck deep within her eyes. "I told you so. Hohohoho-hahaha!" The Fool tipped his hat downward, scuffled his feet and proceeded his way down the hall, when he found himself walking in place...in the air...covered in a lavender aura. He looked and saw a very...no, scratch that...EXTREMELY peeved Twilight Sparkle with her horn lit. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie flanked the alicorn, with the pegasus scowling The Fool angrily. "You know, you girls aren't very fun," The Fool said, crossing his arms. "Hey! That's not true!" Pinkie Pie yelled. "I'm tons and tons of fun! Hey, we still have a party to--!" Pinkie's mouth was clamped shut by Rainbow Dash, but her muffled screams still continued on. "Meanwhile, we're locking you in the dungeons for assault against the crown," Twilight growled, venom mixed in with her words. "I'm sure a comedy flop like yourself deserves to get the hook." "Oooooh," The Fool shivered. "Someone give me some ice for that burn. Good thing I've got a few 'cornsicles standing at the end of this hall. Hohohoho-hahaha!"