Twilight's Basement(5:00pm)
Gregory's POV
Oh god my head.... What the hell happened? Wait more importantly...why cant I move? I slowly open my eyes to find I'm in what I can only assume is a basement. Considering there's a lot of junk down here. And the stairs leading up are a good indication. I look to my left to see some weird machine making this irritating scratching noise.
Oh yeah that feels great for my headache. *POP*Oh so now you work...stupid robes. Whatever. That solves one problem at least. Now how about you allow me to move? ...No pop. Of course not. I guess I have to find out why on my own. I look to my left expecting some sort of restraint on my arm. Nope. It's just sitting there mocking me. Tempting me to try and move it.
You know how they say don't tempt a holy man? Well that's not me right now. I think I lost all the holy in me when I died and it was decided that THIS was my fate. So right now I'm using all sorts of mental strain to try and move. Come on...move. I'll take a finger! A twitch! A MUSCLE SPASM! ANYTHING! JUST MOOOOOVE! Nada...but wait... Looking closer I see a glow around my glove...Purple?
"I wouldn't try to struggle too hard. I have several layers of back up spells stacked on the one holding you." Said a voice in front of me. Turning back towards my center focus, I see a purple pony that wasn't there before. She has a horn, purple eyes, purple mane with pink streaks in it, is named Twilight Sparkle, personal student to Princess Celestia, wielder of the element of magic, likes long watch on the beach and daisies. WHAT THE HELL? WHY THAT LAST PART?
Because It's funny.
Ugh damn it death... I wish I was dead. Er...alive. Er dead....I WISH YOU DIDNT PICK ME!
Too bad, so sad, now stop bitching and being mad. And technically you are dead alive dead.
Wait I thought I was just dead alive?
Nope. You died and got sent to me. I judged you to collect souls for me. In order to do that, I needed you to be alive. But at the same time your dead. Meaning...you cant die. Not because you're immortal. But because if you do die you'll be brought back to life. Which you already are. So you'll basically explode.
...Dude what the fuck are you talking about?
Im just fucking with ya man! If you do die I can just send you back again.
Oh god I feel another headache... *POP* Thanks robes.
By the way. You might wanna look at Twilight. She asked you a question while your were lost in thought.
I WASNT LOST IN THOUGHT! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT CONTACTED ME AND KEPT ME DISTRACTED!!
Did you say something? Because It seemed like you just ignored my request to listen to Twilight and started bitching a lot. I certainly hope for you're sake that isn't what happened. Because I can make your experience much worse.
Oh yeah? How?
I'll throw you in a pit with hungry rats, laughing while they feed on your flesh. Then I'll heal you and begin to break every bone in your body one by one. I'll rip out you're eyes and SKULL FUCK YOU WITH MY FEMUR! NOW STOP GETTING LOST IN THOUGHT AND LISTEN TO THE COLORFUL PURPLE PONY BEFORE I GET PISSED!
UH....ok Death. I um...I'm gonna talk to her now! Don't hurt me! As I pull myself from my inner thoughts, I see Twilight waiting expectantly with a notebook and a quill in her grasp. "Well?" She asks with slight irritation in her voice.
"Well what?" I respond back. She gives a little huff. "I just got through explaining that I would give you more movement then just your neck if you can answer my questions honestly."
"Oh ok. ask away then. I'm starting to itch. Also, I expect a few of my own questions answered"
"Fair enough. Ok first question, what exactly are you?"
"Human." Scribble scribble. "Where are we?"
"My basement." Creeeeeeepy.
"What is your name?"
"Gregory." Eyebrow raised. Scribble scribble. Why does my name sound weird to them?
PAY ATTENTION!
"What's your name?" I already know that but I don't need to make this weird and say I already know that.
"Twilight Sparkle. Where are you from?"
"A land called Nalarath. The place is ungodly colorful and the people are way to cheery. May not sound bad to someone like you but trust me, after twenty-five years of it...it gets old. Or in my case, painful. What's that marking on your butt?"
"My Cutie Mark. You hate color?" I nod at that. "That's probably why you passed out earlier right?"
"Yeah. I can stand bright colors only for so long. You, your friends, and this world were too much color for me to handle. I'm just glad that this room is mostly dark. And the wood is a nice dark shade. You however are an eyesore." She gasps at that. "Not like that! You're the brightest damn thing in this room! Well maybe second to my right gauntlet. It hurts to look at you. The only reason I'm doing it is to not appear rude." She winces slightly at that
"Well you can look another way if you need to." I thank her and decide to look directly up. Just the inside of a tree. Natural patterns in the grove. Its kind of calming. I think I'll just look at this during the interview. "Ok so its my turn?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Well since you asked two questions I get to ask two."
"Fine just ask."
"One. What is a cutie mark? Two. Can you shut that machine off? It's getting annoying."
"First. A cutie mark is something a pony gets when they discover their true talent. Since you don't know what they are I'm going to assume you don't have one?" I nod. "Ok and as for your second question. No. I need it to make sure you don't lie to me. And trust me, you don't want to lie while hooked up to that machine." I raise an eyebrow at the ceiling but decide not to question it. It's not my turn yet anyway.
"What does your species eat?"
"Were omnivores. Though most of us choose to eat more meat then fruit or vegetables. I do anyway." I say in all honestly. The only thing now is the scribbly scratchy noise from the machine. I chance a look at Twilight to see her staring at me. 'What?"
"Y..you eat meat?" I nod. "Even though you can choose to eat fruits and vegetables?" I decide to stop her there. "I still eat fruits and vegetables. I just like to eat meat more." She cringes at that. Oh this is gonna be a while...
Twilights Living Room (7:16pm)
Spikes POV
Oh geeze. I hope nothing bad happened. Twilights been down there with that thing for hours now! I keep pacing back and forth in front of the basement door. She told me not to go in because she wanted to talk to it alone. I still cant believe it talks! I didn't believe it when Rainbow said it. But when Applejack confirmed it, that kind of sealed the deal. Applejack would never lie! Well...if she did it wouldn't be too hard to tell. But she had that trustworthy face when she repeated what Rainbow had said.
I think I should stop pacing. I'm starting to see a rut. While scratching my belly, I decide to stop and look at the girls waiting with me. Applejack and Rainbow dash are near the front door talking about something. Probably the creature. Fluttershy is listening to Pinkie talk about something. Probably cake. And Rarity...Is alone on the couch? I'm such an idiot! I was too busy pacing and worrying to notice that Rarity was by herself! I should go comfort her. She seems to be lost in thought
I begin to walk to Rarity and ask, "H-hey Rarity. Something bugging you?" She doesn't answer. She just sits there deep in thought. Wonder what she's thinking about? "Uh Rarity? You In there?" She blinks and shakes her head.
"Oh Spike! Forgive me, I was just thinking about how this day got ruined! We had this planned for weeks! Twilight had the perfect date set and we had all the necessities We were just about to leave when that...THING shows up and ruins everything! I was looking forward to spending time with you and the girls in Canterlot. But now...who knows how long it will be before we can reschedule?"
I grow a concerned look on my face. She wasn't the only one looking forward to tonight... I was going to ask her out. It was a simple plan to. When she would excuse herself to the bathroom down the hall, I'd volunteer to walk her. When there weren't any guards nearby I'd simply ask. And now that plan is shot out the window. But I'm not too upset that I didn't get to ask her out yet. I'm more concerned about her. All she wanted was a night with her friends to catch up and have fun. And now its gonna be who knows how long until all of us are free to hang again. Wait a minute...
Looking around the room I notice that we are all in the same room. Wether this was planned or not, we all ended up together. Well except for Twilight in the basement. But she's busy with that creature. Maybe I can cheer everypony up if we play a game? I'll ask Rarity. "Hey Rarity?" She looks at me. 'Although its not Canterlot, we are all under the same roof. And it is Saturday night. So why don't we just make the party here? Twilights got that thing locked up tight in the basement with a bunch of spells so it wont be getting out anytime soon. And everypony already has their sleeping bags so sleeping arrangements shouldn't be to much trouble."
Her eyes grew at what I said. "Oh my little Spikey Wikey! You so are smart!" To both my surprise and delight she kisses my cheek. I barely register what she said next because I'm busy rubbing the cheek she kissed with a smile on my face.
Twilight's Basement. (8:00pm)
Gregory's POV
So that's what kerfuffle means. Huh. Twilight had released me from my bindings after our q&a. I first had to promise her that I didn't eat ponies. And that I would make my diet strictly vegetarian. At the time, Death had interrupted saying that I didn't technically have to eat anymore. I would never grow hungry nor could I become full. I was so relieved with this news that I agreed to her arrangement. My heart rate was smooth enough for her to consider it truth.
To be honest, I would have loved to tell her to fuck off and get me some bacon. But there were several factors preventing me from doing so. Death for one. Two...do you really need another reason? When she had asked why I was here I simply said, '"Powers out of my control or understanding." She seemed to accept that answer and now were just sitting across from each other and having a normal conversation. I still can't look at her for too long but she doesn't seem to mind. It feels really good to stretch out my sore muscles.
After some time she said that we need to go upstairs to tell the others I'm not dangerous. I was about to bring up the color issue before she grabbed something in her aura and wrapped it around my head. A blindfold. Perfect! Why didn't I think of that earlier?
Scatterbrain.
Ignoring that I ask for my cane and a hand up. As I feel the cane enter my right hand, I grip it tightly. Its so calming to hold. I don't see color and I have my cane. This is a good time. Which means something bad is about to happ- CRACK
I walked right into a table. The corner had dug into my flesh. "FUUUUUUUCK!" I don't hear Twilight trying to calm me down. All I can focus on is the pain that-*POP*. Well...that works. I stop rubbing my leg and cursing. Unfortunately, I know for a fact that it can only get worse from here on out.
"HANG ON TWILIGHT WERE COMING!" There it is. Of course they had to hear me cuss. And now I'm in a very bad postion. I'm blindfolded in an enclosed space with a group of ponies about to come after me. Doing the only thing I can think of on short notice, I sit down. I'm not about to try and fight blind and make more of a mess. I'll just have to hope on Twilight being able to explain what happened before they can do any serious damage. I hear a door upstairs open. Moment of truth...
"GIRLS WAIT!" Huh? "It's okay! He's not going to hurt me! This is actually working? "He just ran into the table because he couldn't see. And he can't see because of the blindfold I put on him." Oh god how weird this must seem... In someone else's basement for a few hours. I have a blindfold on. I scream out in pain. I can only hope that there not thinking what I am. I am. Kinky thoughts for a priest. How creeped out they must be if they do.
Did you just ignore me?
The human you have dialed is unavailable at this time, please leave a name, number, and a message after the beep. BEEP
Oh hey Gregory It's me death. You know. Your boss? Anyway I was just checking in to make sure you were getting my messages. You see I was wondering if you were free next week-HEY WAIT A MINUTE! STOP IGNORING ME!
"The person you are trying to leave a message for has a full inventory. Please try to contact them at a later ti-"
GREGORY!
Oh hey Death. What's up?
Oh not much. Just sitting here judging some souls, and waiting for SOMEONE to get me the souls from a certain world I SENT THEM TO!
Sounds tough man. Hey I'm gonna have to let you go. I think the ponies are talking to me. I think, cutting off the connection with a smirk. "What are you so happy about?" Applejack asks. "Oh just a joke I remembered from Nalarath." I said. Before she can catch me on my lie, I suddenly smell something directly in front of me. It smelled like baked goods.
"OOH OOH OOH! YOU KNOW JOKES? I LOVE JOKES! LAY IT ON ME!"
That's what she said.
Seriously how old are you?
I'm ignoring you.
Whatever. "Eh...sure just let me try to remember it correctly." Oh crap I have to think of something fast! I remember a certain joke spoken by some delinquents near Christmas. A bit inappropriate for a Priest to be in earshot of. I wouldn't have even been outside if Susan didn't need help with her broken window. Oh well....she wants a joke. Wait they don't celebrate Christmas. They celebrate uh...Hearth's Warming Eve. Whatever just go with the original.
"Three men die on the same day at the same time. This day happens to be Christmas. Which is similar to you're Heaths Warming Eve. Anyway, they all ascened to the sky until they reach the pearly gates with Saint Peter waiting there for them. He says that they had all lived terrible lives and did not deserve access into the kingdom of heaven. But since it was Christmas, he would give them a chance to get in anyway. They just had to give him something that resembled the spirit of Christmas.
The first man reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a lighter. Flicking it on he says 'It's a candle.' Peter lets him in.
The next man pulls out a pair of keys and starts to jingle them. 'They're bells' he says. Peter lets him in.
The last man becomes nervous and starts to frantically search his pockets. Finally he pulls out a pair of women's underwear. Peter raises an eyebrow and asks 'What part of Christmas does that represent?' The man smiles and says 'They're Carol's'.
HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAHAAAHAAA! OH It's been a while since I heard that one! Unfortunately Death is the only one who seemed to like it. If the silence I'm receiving is anything to go by. I start to grow nervous and feel a sweat on my brow. Then I hear something that gives me hope. A small chuckle slowly rising. More start to join in. Huh. I guess they were just a little slow to get it. Soon enough the room is enveloped in laughter.
Twilight's living room (10:30pm)
When the ponies had recovered from my joke, (Spike didn't get it), they invited me upstairs to join them. Twilight was kind enough to levitate me up the stairs. When we were all situated I told some more jokes. Most went over Spikes head. I threw in a few kid friendly jokes for him too though. Who would have thought that all it took to get on their good side was a few jokes? We also talked about a bunch of random topics. Rainbow wanted to know how tough I was. Applejack asked if I had any family I missed. Fluttershy wanted to know if I had a pet. Pinkie wanted to know what my favorite backed good was. Rarity asked me about my outfit. And Spike asked me to explain what I yelled in the basement when I ran into the table.
I told Rainbow that I'm not really that tough. I told Applejack that all my family was dead and I was the last of my kin. I told Fluttershy no but I was always interested in keeping one. I told Pinkie Pie. Get it? Ah damn it death is rubbing off on me. Anyway, I told Rarity that my outfit was given to me by a friend. Aw. I'm your friend now. And I just laughed Spike off nervously while saying 'when your older'.
Anyway its becoming past Spikes bedtime and Twilight decides to take him to bed. While she's gone I hear a bunch of shuffling and zipping. I ask what the noise is. Apparently, they had planned for a sleepover tonight in Canterlot. I think that's that city in the mountain to the North of here Twilight told me about. They had all decided that it be best if they just move the party here because of me ruining their original plans. Oops... I go to apologize when I feel a hoof on my shoulder.
"Don't worry about it darling. You didn't know about our plans. You also don't seem to be a mean spirit so we already know you're sorry. And I'm glad it turned out this way. I got to learn about a new creature and his fashion!" I just chuckled at that last part. When Twilight came down she offered me the guest bed. I gladly accepted and let her levitate me so I wouldn't run into any more furniture and wake up Spike.
Now its 1:27am. How do I know that? Magic robes. These stupid things woke me up by sending pain in different parts of my body just to tell me the time. I try to ignore the feeling of pain, but the more I ignore it, the worse it gets. Finally I throw off the covers and remove my blindfold.
"What is it?" I asked, irritated at my robes. Then I see it. Sitting in the corner of the room. Is a grey blob. It looks like a pony, only in mist form. It makes eye contact with me, and then starts to scream.