//------------------------------// // *Old* SS 1 - Operation: F*** YEAH, IT'S CHRISTMAS! // Story: But I AM Evil! // by TheNextGamer //------------------------------// A joyous day today is celebrated throughout all of Equestria! Good Ole Heartswarming Eve is today, and all the ponies are preparing for their happy holiday. The fillies and colt all play in the snow, the big adult ponies buy gifts and toys for each-other and the foals, and everyone was excited to be together with their families today! But everyone was wondering, "Where is that weirdo, Connery?" He usually comes by the town everyday! Perhaps he's at home, celebrating Heartswarming his own way? Ok, you know what? I'm not gonna fucking rhyme for the whole chapter. How the hell can those narrators in those Christmas specials handle this shit?! So, although everyone knows that Connery calls himself evil, they hope he has the decency to at least not ruin this holiday for them. Well do I? "OMAGAWD IT'S CHRISTMAS IN PONY LAND! IT'S CHRISTMAS IN PONY LAND!" An excited evil genius jumped all around his secret base. "Quickly minion-bots! You know the drill! Wear your elf costumes and bring me my Evil Santa suit! This is going to be a fun day again!" Yeah. I love Christmas. I don't follow that dumb cliche rule that all evil villains hate Christmas. Deal with it. No, I'm not gonna sing some musical number to sing about how "I really don't hate Christmas." I'm going to sing a musical number later! I travel towards the "Take Off" Panel of my base, where all of my flying machines would take off and fly out. Nearby were a team of construction-bots tinkering and adding the finishing touches to my wonderful device. You might be wondering what the hell I'm trying to do. Well, I'm not going to ruin the holidays, if that's what you're thinking. This is something that was tradition in my family. My dad would always dress up as Santa Claus, steal a government cargo-ship (Yes, I got my hatred for my former government from him.), and he would fly across the sky shooting presents at houses all over the country of Cluetopia. Yes, my father was a nut-job, but I'd like to see you having the balls to even steal a government cargo-ship, just to give away free boxes of money to random people. Christmas is suppose to be the time to spread happiness and cheer, and so that families everywhere can spend their time closer together. Even though I'm an evil villain that will one day take over this world, I at LEAST have some morals. Besides, everyone here is going to be my minions when I take over the world, and a good Evil Empire is ruled by an Evil Overlord with loyal and trustworthy minions! "Minion-bot! Status report. How's the 'Sinister Christmas Sleigh of Evil' coming along?" I ask, already donning my Evil Santa costume, which is... more like a black version of a Santa suit. "And what's the status for the plan?" "Engines are cleaned and ready to go, the Present-Auto-Cannon has been tested and fires nicely, the loudspeakers and microphones are checked. All of the other minion-bots hiding in Ponyville are in position, instruments tuned and ready. I'd say everything is going smoothly." My minion taps his clip-board and gives a thumbs up. "Excellent! 'Operation: FUCK YEAH, IT'S CHRISTMAS!' is ready to commence!" I cheered loudly. All of my Christmas moments were always full of happiness and love, and the only way to keep my Christmas moments like that forever, is to spread that happiness and love! *Cough* Or at least, that's what my dad says... Only doing this for myself to be happy... Don't care about anyone else. I jumped in my evil sleigh, and press all of the random colorful buttons till one of them got the ignition to start. A group of my minion-bots wearing their elf costumes hopped on board, equipping themselves to the cannons. As I press the big red button, the lights in the room turn off and the computer prepares us to fly off! "Ship is ready to launch." The giant hatch in front of us opens itself, and the reflective lights from the snow lit up the room. "Launching in 3... 2... 1..." FWOOSH! We fly out from our secret base hidden in the mountains, and set our course for Ponyville! Haha! Ah, that crazy old bastard. The citizens of Ponyville look up to the sky, and saw a strange sleigh. As they look closer, they notice that the one piloting the sleigh was none other than ME! Evil Lord Emperor Connery NotEvilGuy! As I slowly make my way and come to halt above the town, I saw some of the Elements of Harmony nearby, looking at me with eyes of curiosity, annoyance, and excitement. You can guess who is doing which by yourselves. I slowly look around and smile, and hold the microphone to my mouth, ready to begin. This particular song brings me back some of my most happiest memories, since I always use to listen it together with........ I wish she was here... Some of the minion-bots in town came out of their hiding spots, carrying instruments, surprising some nearby ponies. "Welcome back Winter once again." The sleigh slowly flew forward. "And put on your warm fuzzy sweater Cause you'll feel much better when," The minion-bots on the sleigh start throwing the presents off. "The snowflakes fall Gently to the ground." I notice some ponies looking at me with surprise. "The temperature drops And your shivers freeze all the rivers, around. But I keep you warm" As the tempo builds up, we start flying a little faster. The minion-bots sing their chorus, and they start firing presents out the auto-cannons, which they landed in front of the doors of random houses. "If speed's a pro Inertia must be a con Cause the cold wind blows at precise rates When I've got my ice skates on." More minion-bots come out of their hiding places around town, and started singing with me. Some giving out more presents. "If all the roads Were paved with ice that wouldn't thaw or crack" I hear happy gasps and cheers from the ponies when they opened the presents. "I could skate from Maine to Nebraska Then on to Alaska and back Cause you keep me warm!" Like a infectious disease spreading around, everyone started to dance to the song. The minion-bots, and the ponies. I nod my head to the rhythm as well, humming along. "Da dada da dada dadada, da dada da da dada." "Peer over the edge Can you see me? Rivulets flow from your eyes Paint runs from your mouth Like a waterfall And your lungs crystallize, I'll travel the sub-zero tundra I'll brave glaciers and frozen lakes And that's just the tip of the iceberg I'll do whatever it takes To change!" As all of my minion-bots hum in chorus, someone poked my shoulder. When I looked behind me, I saw Pinkie Pie holding out cupcake to me, smiling widely. I give back a smile in return, and take the cupcake. I started to dance when the piano was played, with Pinkie Pie dancing alongside. Throughout town, I see lots of dancing ponies, with happy faces. Looks like the mission was a success! As I start singing again, I gave a thumbs up to a minion-bot hiding in a nearby tree, which was the signal to prepare everyone to go back to the base. "Farewell powdery paradise We'd rather skate on the finished ice Fingers failed us before they froze Frostbite bit down on all our toes" We started to turn our sleigh around, and head back home. All of the minion-bots in town starting to follow us, while still staying in rhythm. Pinkie Pie waved and hopped off the sleigh, and landed on a convenient trampoline below us. "Snow drifts build up and enfold us As we wait out this winter storm So we snuggle close in the darkness And keep each other so warm." The song comes to an end, and we left town, leaving behind the Christmas happiness and gifts. I could still hear the cheers and applaud when we were a mile away from town. It's feels good to be the Emperor. The next day, we were celebrating for the success of our first Christmas mission on an alien planet. The minion-bots were give each others high-fives, cheering, having a good time. All in all, a great day. But don't get me wrong! I wasn't doing this for the ponies. This was all part of my Evil Plan! To... um... gain their trust, and tricking them into giving me leadership over the town! Once I accomplish this, it will later be THE ENTIRE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA! Where the fuck did this giant cake come from? ... Seriously. There is a giant cake in my main control room. It reached up to my waist. On the cake said the words, "Thank You For Everything Connery! -Pinkie Pie and Ponyville!" D'aw... that's adorable! They made a cake for me, and... somehow broke in to my... secret... base... Seriously, THE FUCK?!