Twilight lay on her bed, staring up into the ceiling, the late afternoon sun pouring into her room. It had been two weeks since that fateful walk in the woods and the time following it had been some of the most tense that Twilight had ever felt in her entire life. She had kissed Spike under the leaves of a hickory tree on the bank of a pond then and it hadn't been a friendly kiss on the cheek either, but a sweet and deeply passionate kiss. He had said that he loved her, and she had smiled in the glow of their moment but as they had entered back into Ponyville, the power of their moment began to fade.
Twilight's rationality returned with disturbing coldness and her mind had since been troubled. The morning after that day he had kissed her gently, but she had awkwardly and shyly returned it, an act that had not been lost on him. He had, fortunately and correctly interpreted her awkwardness and reserved disposition, doing and said nothing more about his feelings toward her. Twilight sighed heavily, feeling lost in her mind and heart as she pondered the question that frequently plagued her, was what she was feeling right? Was it normal to feel this way about her dragon friend?
She couldn't deny the definite feeling of love for him that burned deep within her, but she also couldn't ignore her own reasoning. She felt that it would be wrong to encourage his feelings to a point more than they were now, half tempted to sit down and talk with him about finding him a nice dragon female to settle down with, but the thought of Spike marrying and having kids with anyone made her feel sick and angry, despite her numerous attempts to tell herself that it was probably for the best.
Turning onto her side she gazed out toward the setting sun, the rays blinding her but she tried to focus on the suns brilliance to distract her troubled mind. She had always envisioned in her youth of meet a handsome, strong, and very noble stallion who would whisk her away to some hidden castle and give her a happily ever after, with each passing year however, she realized that the chances of that happening were increasingly unlikely, until when turned nineteen and judged it as a childhood fantasy and nothing more.
Spike, he'd be a knight in shining armor to her, she knew it, he'd leap over the top of a volcano to save her, even if he didn't have wings as such was his devotion. She smiled a little at the thought of being heroically saved by him from almost certain death, her head tilting towards his, their lips inching closer. Realizing that she was fantasizing about the very thing she said to herself was impossible and unnatural, she mentally forced herself to expel the images, feeling a sense of regret as the images fade from her mind, a feeling she deliberately ignored.
She sat up and looked over to the wall across from her, the wall that divided her room from his. Inside was Spike, her friend, her companion, her stalwart and faithful dragon, who had been with her through all her troubles. She relied on the bonds that they had formed over the years more than she cared to believe, his friendship had been what carried her through the most difficult of times.
She shook her head sadly, lamenting her own inability to decide on what to do with her conflicted thoughts and emotions. She desperately wanted to make a final decision, to put her waring thoughts to peace, but she couldn't do so...at least not alone. She looked back out the window at the setting sun and wondered about how she hadn't thought of it before.
Celestia, her mentor and guide, she could go to her for advice in the matter. Twilight nodded vigorously to herself as she slid off her bed and prepared to teleport to Canterlot Castle. She was sure the princess would be able to set things right with some sound advise.
She allowed her magic to flow and felt the familiar shift of time and space around her as she moved from her room into the Princess' chambers. Celestia stood on the balcony, her eyes closed as her horn glowed with magic, the sun slowly dipping down toward horizon. Twilight knew not to interrupt her and sat patiently on the Princess' bed as the minutes ticked by until the sun finally sank beneath the horizon and darkness began to fill the sky.
Celestia released a soft sigh and turned back to her room, slightly surprised to see Twilight sitting there watching her. "Have you been waiting long dear?"
Twilight shook her head and said in a hesitant voice, "Princess, I need to talk to you about something."
Celestia smiled and said as she sat down next to Twilight, "You needn't be so formal Twilight, not here in my room, please relax and tell me what it is."
Twilight gulped, now that she was here, starring into the Princess' kind eyes she couldn't help but feel scared to retell of her feelings and thoughts, particularly of her and Spike's first kiss. She licked her lips gently while Celestia waited patiently for her to respond and after a few more minutes of silence Twilight could avoid it no more and whispered softly, "I think that I've fallen in love..."
Celestia grinned broadly and said with obvious cheer, "Well, what's wrong with that? Love is a truly wonderful thing."
Twilight nodded in agreement before finishing the sentence, "I think that I've fallen in love with Spike."
A look of understanding came into Celestia's eyes as she said, "Ah, I see, that's why your troubled, you doubt whether or not this can be real."
Twilight shrugged, she knew well enough that the feelings were real but whether or not it was normal was her question.
Twilight looked away from Celestia and said in shame, "It isn't normal, I shouldn't be feeling this way about him, its not right." Celestia frowned, and nudged Twilight's cheek gently before saying, "Its perfectly normal, I know dear, believe me." Twilight couldn't help but get angry at this, what did she know about how she was feeling. She had never once mentioned to her about being in love or of having been in love and you'd have thought she'd have told her this in their many conversations, particularly when she began to reach adulthood.
Twilight pulled away from Celestia and said, "What do you know of what I'm feeling, you haven't said anything to me about experiencing love, or of being in love. So before you tell me you know how I feel, actually..."
Before Twilight had finished Celestia's voice thundered out over hers, the walls, floor, and ceiling quaked, the windows cracked as Celestia bellowed, "Twilight Sparkle, Be Silent!"
Twilight cowered from the Princess as her mane began to emit such heat the the air around her began to ripple.
Twilight knew that she had spoken far out of line and simply sat there, ears ringing as Celestia glared at her until a single thought occurred to her, the simple fact that Twilight did not know the truth. Celestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her anger quickly fading as she thought to her self. After so long...could she real find it withing herself to speak of it again? She looked at the trembling pony, who had sought after her advise but had now been scared witless by Celestia's anger, an anger directed at Twilight's comments, but caused by a lack of knowledge created by Celestia herself. She sighed and gently nuzzled the scared pony and said, "Twilight, I'm sorry for yelling, you are wrong about what you said, but its my fault that you were."
Twilight gently relaxed under Celestia's gentleness and asked cautiously, "Wha...What do you mean?"
Celestia sighed heavily, a sigh that seemed to carry the weight of the centuries with it as she slowly rose from her bed and walked over to her bookshelf, her horn glowing softly as she touched it. To Twilight's surprise, the bookshelf split in two and slid aside, reveal a very large, thick set book, resting alone on a pedestal of stone.
Celestia picked the book up and turned back to Twilight with a sadden look on her face as she moved back to the bed asking, "Twilight, what I am about to show you, you must never speak of to anyone, it is my most cherished and closely guarded secret. Can you promise me that you will not utter a single word of this to anyone without my permission?"
Twilight, after a brief moments hesitation nodded and swore to the Princess that she would say nothing of this conversation. Celestia sat back onto the bed and set the heavy book in front of Twilight, who was repulsed to see had a leather cover. Leather had been banned in Equestria shortly after its founding, as the hide of another living being was needed to make it, that meant that this book predated Equestria, or its laws at any rate. Twilight inspected the cover to see words etched into in runes that she only vaguely recognized.
She looked questioningly up at Celestia who smiled and touched the book with her horn, the runes reshaping into words that Twilight could read. The words at the top of the cover read, "My Diary."
Twilight's jaw fell open again as she realized that what lay in front of her must be a complete account of the princess' entire life, from when it began till now. Twilight reached out for the cover and when Celestia made no attempt to stop her, gently opened it. The cover peeled back effortlessly and Twilight tried to see when the first entry had been made.
The date was scribbled at the top in childish hand writing, so unlike the princess's current writing style. Twilight couldn't believe her eyes as she read the date, only with her knowledge of old time keeping was she able to determine the date, this same day some three thousand years previously. She looked up at the princess with a look of understandable disbelieve but the princess simply smiled and nodded in conformation. Twilight returned to the book and read the first entry,
"Dear Diary,
Today Princess Solaris picked me to be her apprentice and I'm already being taken to the castle to begin training. Mom and Dad said they were proud of me and gave me this diary to keep me company while I'm there.
I don't know if it's likely I'll have many friends, but I know that it'll be okay in the end."
Cramped under this was a different date, dated some 5 years after the first date, it took Celestia explaining that the first date was her birthday and the second was the actual date of the entry. The realization that today was the Princess's birthday made Twilight smile as she opened her mouth to wish her a happy birthday, Celestia forestalled her by saying with a smile, "Twilight, I stopped celebrating my birthday for a number of reasons, the main one being that it took the royal bakers all day just to put the candles on."
Twilight giggled and nodded as she tried to turn to the next page, but found that she couldn't. She looked questioningly back up at the princess who said, "I don't think you need to read my entire life history, besides, it would take you to long."
Twilight nodded again in understanding and turned to the next available entry, dated some two years after the first. It read,
"Dear Diary,
Today I made the most amazing discovery! I found a dragon egg! Solaris says that the egg was probably abandoned by its mother and has given me permission to take care of it. I don't know if its a boy or a girl, but what I do know is that I'll make sure this little one enters the world unharmed."
Twilight was beginning to see quite a few similarities between her own childhood and Celestia's, looking curiously out of the corner of her eye at her, seeing that the princess face remained deliberately blank. Twilight noticed a small photo, taken with magic, fixed to the corner of the page. It showed a dragon's egg, easily the same size as Spike's had been if the photo was any judge, the pattern on it was curious to say the least but the colors were unmistakable as silver and gold. Twilight wasn't sure where this was going but she flipped to the next entry, which was a full year later. The picture on this page was of a young infant dragon, awkwardly trying to correct itself while bits of shell lay around it. The entry read,
"Dear Diary,
Today the egg hatched! Even though everyone kept telling me that it was probably dead and that was why it was abandoned, I knew that they where wrong. He's such a cute little thing! I asked Solaris if I could raise him and she agreed without pause. I decided to name him Valukan, after a dragon hero I read about during my studies. That dragon was a miracle in what he did, and its a miracle that my Valukan came into the world."
Twilight smiled widely at these words and continued to read the entries allowed to her. She read of Luna's birth, of how a few years after she was born that the then Prince of the moon, Prince Noctus had taken her as his apprentice. Twilight had found this odd, believing that there had only been princesses of the sun and moon, and not a prince, but also at the very young age in which Luna entered into apprenticeship. She flipped to the next entry, which was dated at around the time that Celestia would have been sixteen. It read,
"Dear Diary,
Today marks the first every Royal Canterlot ball, that my mother and father are hosting in honor of my sixteenth birthday, I have the princess's permission to go but...no one has asked me to be their date. I think that my position as both the daughter of the king and queen as well as the apprentice to the princess of the sun intimidates them. I want to go, but not alone... Hold on diary, some one's at the door."
Here the entry broke off and from what Twilight could deduce was continued after the ball had concluded,
"Diary,
Valukan is so sweet. He asked me to the ball, though hesitant at first, I realized how much courage he had to have had to ask me. When we got there I introduced him to mother and father and they took an instant like to him. It wasn't long before the dancers started and to my great surprise, he asked to dance with me. I'll admit, I was afraid, having never done so in my entire life. As we danced, I couldn't help but notice a change come over me, as if my heart was beating for the first time, my face hot and my mind in a spin. I didn't realize it at first, but I knew that he was feeling the exact same thing I was. When was it that I stopped viewing him as a friend and more as a companion, who had come to mean so much to me."
Twilight felt her mind racing a little as she quickly came to the realization of where this tale was leading, and as she turned to the next entry, she was only slightly surprised to see what the photo contained, her breath catching as she saw it. The photo depicted a radiant Celestia, as a grown adult, walking arm in arm down the isle with the gold and silver dragon that was Valukan. Twilight knew that this photo was of her wedding, of so very long ago. Twilight was taking in every single detail she could about this photo, of Celestia's gown, right down to the arrangement of the wedding procession.
She felt honored that Celestia would share such an important event with her and wondered why she hadn't done so before. Without bothering to read the entry Twilight turned to the next entry in which she learned of Luna's inauguration as princess of the moon, about a year after Celestia's wedding which surprised Twilight until she realized that Luna was younger than Celestia, which means she stopped aging before Celestia did. Smiling at the photo she turned to the next entry and her jaw dropped open yet again, there in the photo on this page sat Celestia, with her husband standing behind her, a small tightly wrapped bundle lay against her side, the face still clearly visible, a perfect mix of dragon and alicorn blood. Twilight had to force her eyes from this stunning scene and read the entry in the diary. It read,
"Dear Diary,
I barely have the strength to write this. Today I gave birth to my first born, a son. I haven't thought of what to name him as of yet, but I simply needed to put down on ink and paper, that this day, I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life."
Twilight couldn't contain herself as she flung her forelegs around Celestia's neck and began congratulating her.
Celestia smiled as she said, "Thank you, though your a fair bit late for that."
Twilight giggled again but a thought occured to her, why had she never met the boy, or any of the other children she must have undoubtedly had. She returned to her reading, thinking that surely the answers lay further along. The next entry explained how Celestia's parents stepped down as the rulers of Equestria and how She and Valukan had ascended the throne.
At this, Twilight thought for a moment about what her position would be then, if she was the princess of the sun and queen, then what did she rule as? After a few moments, in which Celestia reread the old entry she deduced why Twilight had paused and explained, "I am a princess Twilight, but by blood only, The title of Princess of the Sun is just that, a title to represent the importance of my position. In reality the princess of the sun commands only the sun."
Twilight nodded, though slightly confused and flipped to the next entry. This entry was the birth of Celestia's daughter, Twilight smiling as she saw the picture of the tottering child.
The entry after this one however, was nothing like the earlier ones. The photo depicted Celestia standing beside her husband, but her outfit alone hinted at the true depth of the event. Celestia was robed in black, a veil of equal black around her face as on her other side stood Luna, also dressed in mourning and Celestia's two children in front of her. Twilight dared not to read the entry but did so as if compelled, it read,
"Dear Diary,
I barely can form the words to express what I feel. Today, was the day I said my last goodbye to my mother and father, who both died within hours of each other earlier this week. All of Equestria came to mourn their passing, but the pain of my family, of Luna and by extension Valukan, is the greatest of all of them. I shall miss them dearly, diary, but I know that deep in my heart, that as long as I have my family, that everything will be well in time."
Twilight felt a sadness in her heart at reading these words, looking up into the princess's eyes to see a shadow of an ancient pain reflected in them. She mentally wondered how they could have died within such a short time of each other. She Decided to let the matter alone, but Celestia spoke before Twilight could continue by saying, "They got sick, a rare illness from another land that has long since been cured."
Twilight frowned and nodded somberly before flipping to the next entry learning of Celestia's coronation to the position of Princess of the Sun, a little after she learned of her third pregnancy. She flipped to the next entry and her frown deepened as she read of Solaris' death. Twilight had thought it impossible for the princess of the sun or those who came before her to ever die. Celestia knew what Twilight was thinking as her pupil had paused her and explained, "I was not immortal always Twilight, upon assuming Solaris' position, her immortality passed to me. Time can only be delayed and upon becoming mortal again, it rapidly caught up with her and she died."
Twilight nodded in understanding, hoping to never have to witness that event ever. She flipped to the next available chapter smiling as she saw the baby boy child posted the, skimming briefly to learn its name.
As Twilight moved to flip to the next one, she found that it was by far the largest jump, mostly likely stretching hundreds of years. She she finally laid eyes on the page she felt her heart stop.
The page glowed silver, a bright silver that Twilight had only seen once before, when she had first seen Celestia weep. The whole page shone bright with the pure tears of Celestia, tears that had been shed so long ago. Around the edges of the page where several photos that painted a clear picture of the events that had unfolded and Twilight felt intense sorrow by what she saw. The first photo depicted Celestia, hunched over the still and unmoving form of Valukan, as several knights, maids, butlers, and all manner of creatures from all over the land knelt around the death bed.
Twilight felt tears running down her cheeks as she shifted her gaze to the next one, another stab of sorrow hitting her as she saw the silver streaks of Celestia's tears running down her cheeks, outfitted in a far more regal funerary garb than Twilight had remembered seeing, her eyes closed as all of Equestria and beyond was gathered around Canterlot to mourn the passing of this king. She looked down at the entry, penned by magic with liquid gold,
"Diary,
My world has ended... Valukan, my dear, sweet, and most precious love has died.
Every minute that I breathe is agony, every beat of my heart is torment, and every morning that I awaken from my sorrowful sleep is like dying as I no longer feel him beside me. This is the price that I pay for the immortality of my position, that for every generation I live, more and more of my friends and family are lost to the flow of time. But this one event has left me scarred more deeply than I can possibly put into words. My soul screams for him, to be with him one more time, to mend my shattered heart. I would give all that I have and more, if only that I could undo time itself. Valukan, my love, we will be together again, but I pray, that I have the strength to see my task to completion. My love, be there for me, my light when all others go out. My Love, farewell...we shall be together again."
Twilight could not put into words the deep pain she felt in her heart for the princess as she hugged her again, sobbing pityingly into her shoulder, Celestia's own tears mingling with her own. Twilight knew that had she not had the gift and curse of immortality, that she would have died long ago, from the pain of her shattered heart alone. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Celestia truly understood the depth of true, unrequited love and that she above all others knew of its beauty and pain.
Twilight's sobs slowly began to fade away as she listened to the firm beating of Celestia's heart. She eventually managed to pull away and look at the princess, who's eyes echoed a deep pain that she had tried for all her life to keep at bay. Celestia closed her diary and cleared her throat before saying, "Twilight, do you understand now why I asked why your love for Spike should be a problem? Is what I have endured for nearly two thousand years, a life bereft of the man that I love what you want?"
Twilight vehemently shook her head and said, "No Celestia, it isn't I want to experience love, and I don't care who or what the man I love is, you have shown me that that doesn't matter."
Celestia smiled as she returned the book to its rightful place and said, "Well good, then I believe you have some one at home you need to say something to." Twilight smiled a little as she wiped her eyes and nodded but before she left, Twilight had one final question for the princess, "Why? Why is it that no one knows of your love, of your history, why can't I remember ever having seen a hint of it?"
Celestia smiled sadly and looked away from her pupil as she answered, "Twilight, it was for a short time recorded, but with each passing generation that learned of my life with him and of the family I had, they would come from far and wide to offer their condolences, which always caused me to relive the pain. I removed all trace of my life with him from history, erasing the books and scrolls that contained the information and altering the memories of those who knew. By removing the knowledge from history, I allowed myself to keep my pain hidden and the memories at bay."
She looked back at her student who wore a shocked expression as she continued, "Only myself, Luna, you, and both of my surviving children know the truth." Twilight looked like she was about to ask of Celestia's children but Celestia raised a hoof to forestall her and said, "In time Twilight, bu not now, all you need to know is that as I watch over the sun, they too watch over aspects of Equestria in the same way. Now, the hour is late and both of us need our rest."
Twilight had a million more questions to ask the princess but knew that the conversation was effectively over. Twilight nodded and said as she turned to teleport home, "Wish me luck Celestia."
Celestia smiled and said as Twilight teleported home, "I have a feeling you won't need it Twilight."
Twilight landed on the ground in front of Spike's room and hammered on the door, determined to wake him, it having been several hours since she left. There was no response so she continued to beat on the door until she heard Spike's voice from behind her, "I'm not in there, you can stop trying to beat the door down." She wheeled around and saw a grinning Spike who simply motioned for her to follow him before she could say anything.
She did so, following him down into the Kitchen. Once there he turned at the table and said, "Twilight, I know that our first kiss caught you a little off guard, so I made you something to make you feel better. A way of apologizing I guess"At this he pulled a tea towel of a large apple pie that was still emitting steam into the air, the smell of it alone was mouthwatering. Spike shifted sheepishly and said, "So, will you forgive..."
He didn't finish the sentence due to Twilight flying at him and planting a firm, passionate kiss on his lips. After she finished kissing him she placed her head on his shoulder and whispered into his ear, "Spike, I Love you too."
Grinning from ear to ear, Spike wrapped his arms around her and held her close, pure joy the only emotion he felt as the stood there together. The day had concluded and both of them with their feelings known to one another and the secret past of Celestia revealed to Twilight.
She had no Idea where things would go from here, but she knew that they could only get better.