//------------------------------// // Weird History // Story: The Cream // by Nightyy //------------------------------// “Cadence, are you sure that this is right?” asked Twilight as she walked by Cadence’s side to the Broken Wing pub. “Why you ask so many times Twilight? Do you think that filling my mouth with whipped cream and then eating it from there is right?” argued Cadence. “No it isn’t, but your-”she responded, but Cadence cut her off even before she could finish her sentence. “You’re right! It isn’t! And I know that it is not an idea from head of my husband. I think that you know your brother as well so you think the same.” Twilight had nothing to say. Cadence was right. “Alright, so what are we going to do?” Twilight asked after a while. Cadence suddenly stopped. “What are we going to do?! You ask what are we going to do?! I told you like million times what are we going to do!” Twilight slightly blushed. “I’m… sorry? I mean I wasn’t listening. I thought that it was a joke.” “It wasn’t,” answered coldly Cadence and slowly started moving. Twilight followed her. After a while of silence, Twilight finally broke it. “Ehm, Cadence? So what are we going to do?” “Alright, I will tell you my plan once more, but it’s the last time I’m doing this. We are going to do one simple thing. I want to know everything, I mean EVERYTHING, about his friend. He called him something like… hmm… how did he… I think… Feather! Did your brother talk about him before? Do you know his name?” “Feather Grip, but-” “Great!” Cadence again cut Twilight off. “I mean, that name is strange, but we will know where to search!” “But Cadence,” quietly said Twilight, “we already know where to search.” Cadence stopped. She was somehow… dumbfounded. “Do we? Oh yeah, you’re right! We do! You know what Twilight? You are young and I am going to the pub. Go home, it will be better.” Twilight didn’t like Cadence’s idea. “But Cadence, you are drunk, you should go home.” “Oh, am I?” she said and silly smiled. “But I didn’t drink anything!” “Cadence quit lying! You did drink! And you drank pretty much of it.” “Mayyybeee. Just go home Twilight, I will tell you everything about it. I promise!” ------------------ Cadence finally got to her destination. The pub was in one of ugliest places in Canterlot. It was unbelievable that door to pub had handle. Most of buildings in this part of Canterlot didn’t have it. Cadence psychically prepared herself and tried to open the door with her magic. As her magic wrapped around the handle, somepony flew out of a window what was right next to the door. Well he didn’t fly out of it, he was flown out of it. “This ugly thing has a window? I couldn’t see it. It had the same color as the wall as it was so dirty.” Cadence then focused on that something what violently went out of the pub. It was young blue pegasus stallion. Cadence wanted to speak to him, but then she mentioned that something what was on him. “Oh this hurts. Sorry madam, do you know where is hospital? I think I broke my wing,” said the blue pegasus who was trying to stand up. “Now I know why they call it Broken Wing pub,” she said sarcastically. “Ehm, sorry, I didn’t hear you.” “Oh, it was nothing. Wait, is that a whipped cream?” curiously asked Cadence. “Maybe. I hope it is melted whipped cream, but I’m not sure. It somehow got on me and I don’t know what it is. Let’s say that I wasn’t brave enough to taste it. And I’m not going to do it. Anyway, do you know where the hospital is?” “Go on the town square and look around. You will see it,” she said. The blue pegasus painfully walked away. Cadence saw that some if this white fluid remained at place where he was. “If he didn’t taste it, I have to!” Cadence came close to it and picked small part of it with her magic. She was looking at it for a while and then she put it into her mouth. “Oh god…” The taste of it immediately filled her mouth. “It’s… it’s… the whipped cream. I hate that taste!” she shouted and spit it off. Cadence smashed in the pub and shouted, “Shining Armor! We need to talk, NOW!” Suddenly, whole pub felt silent and stared at Cadence. After a while, from a table where were sitting about ten ponies, orange pegasus, who was holding a can of whipped cream in wings, spoke. “He’s not here today. See you soon,” she said and continued shaking with the can. The rest of pub’s visitors did what they did before. Cadence looked around and saw that she was right. “Well, then where is Feather Grip?” As Cadence said the name, that standing orange pony immediately stopped shaking and smiled. She pointed the cream at beige unicorn, who was sitting on the opposite side, and shouted, “YOU WON!” Then she pressed the button as hard as she could and the entire load in the can got on that unicorn. After everything was done, the orange mare sat down and threw the can away. “The name is Spitfire, captain of Pegasus Air Force. Come to us, sit here and let’s talk about it, princess. Feather Grip is this beige, oh I mean white unicorn.” “How can Shiny work with someone like you?” “Oh wait!” Spitfire stopped Cadence. “He’s not working with us. Pegasus Air Force and Royal Canterlot Guards are completely different. We just go to this pub and meet together because we are friends for a long time.” After a while of hesitating, Cadence finally sat down. “I never saw you around him when we were young. Never mind. But I want to know one thing, what’s with this whipped cream?” “It was when we were young. Shining joined the Royal Canterlot Guard that day.” “I remember that day,” said Cadence thinking about their past. “We were celebrating that day with Shining. But I don’t remember the whipped cream. And it’s not mistake of my memories. There was no cream.” Spitfire just smiled. “You can’t even remember it. But there was whipped cream. And more than you can imagine. You had to go home early because Princess Celestia was afraid or something like that. That’s why she wanted your best friend to be part of the guards. He had to be in castle or near it and as Princess Celestia planned, you were with him so none of you were in danger.” “That’s not true!” Cadence shouted so loud that again whole pub stared at her. She mentioned that and blushed, but after a while, everything was as it was. “Shining joined the guards because he was the best. They chose him!” “No they didn’t,” replied Spitfire. “I was vising Canterlot often in that days and I remember that they wanted to choose somepony else. But then Princess Celestia came and gave them different orders. But that’s different story. So, where did I end… I know! After you returned to castle Shining came to me and we had a small party. I didn’t told him that little secret about his new rank.” “I still can’t believe you. That must be a lie,” said Cadence, hoping to get satisfying answer. “Stop it! I am now telling the story. You listen, I speak, got it? Anyway, do you know anypony else who got from rookie to Captain in less than one month? Try to beat this! And if you won’t mind it, I will continue. So… great I again forgot where I was. Yes, party! So, every party needs champagne, right? I went to the fridge. There was not even a wine. What a shame. But I saw something what had similar shape. A bottle of whipped cream. Yes, normally I don’t shake with wine or champagne, but it was written on the bottle. So I shook it and pressed the button. It all went out like champagne. That was funny. When it landed on him... that was so sweet… I couldn’t resist. I slowly licked it from his thigh. Yeah I remember that. It was his right inner thigh. I started in the middle of it and slowly and gently went with my tongue up closer to his crotch. Oh, that funny sound he did. Well and then he jumped on me. Could you believe that? Whipped cream is perfect lube!” “WHAT?” shouted shocked Cadence. “He never told me that he has slept with you.” “I’m not sure that it could be called sleeping. It was so wild and-” “STOP IT!” “Don’t be like that. It was only once,” Spitfire tried to calm Cadence down. “And that’s why I used this whipped cream in here like this. It is ten years when he joined them. I have to celebrate it.” Feather Grip, covered in whipped cream, looked curiously on Spitfire. “No Feather,” she said. “I am celebrating only the first part.” “Alright, so you are celebrating day then you had great night time with my husband? Anyway, where is he?” Spitfire thought for a while. “That’s a good question. I thought that he will come today, but it looks like he is at home.” “I would not be here if he would be home. I wanted to see what is he doing in here.” “Well I won’t care about your personal life and why you stalk him, but if he’s not home and not celebrating this day with you and also not here and celebrating this day with me then he will have to celebrate it with somepony else,” said Spitfire and circled her hoof around her beer. “All his friends, as you call them, are here. And he can’t be with Twilight, she was with me all the time.” Spitfire stopped circling and smiled after a while. “So he knows it. He will be with Princess Celestia. I can tell you that you went into this rat-hole for nothing, princess.” “Rat-hole?” Cadence though for a while. “That reminds me of that pony who was thrown out of this pub. Who was he and what have you done to him?” curiously asked Cadence. “That? Oh, no one. No one important. It was our newest cadet. I wanted to welcome him to this big family, but he didn’t like it. Never mind,” she said and drank whole pint of beer. “Is there anything with what you don’t use that cream?” asked sarcastically Cadence. Spitfire ordered another beer. “Well, I use it to clean my teeth. I also use it before shower, to make my fur shiny and sweet. I use it to make food taste better. I use it also as lubricant. Sometimes, when I can’t fall asleep, I eat some.” ‘I’m wondering how she can keep this figure when she’s living like this,’ said Cadence for herself. Finally, waiter brought Spitfire’s beer. “When I have some scars I put some cream on them. It really works. But there is one thing I’ve never tried,” she said and stood up. Pegasus, siting on her right side, gave her another can of whipped cream. “I’ve never covered MY BEER WITH MY WHIPPED CREAM!” she shouted and let the cream squirt right on her beer. When she finished there was only a small hill of whipped cream on the table. “It’s like a magic! I make things disappear and then make them appear in my stomach!” While Spitfire was hungrily looking at her hidden beer and deciding from what side she should start getting to it, Cadence stood up. “Feather Grip, I hope that you will visit me tomorrow. We have something to talk about.” “I think we don’t. Spitfire told you everything. It wasn’t my idea with that cream.” Cadence didn't want to believe him, but she had no choice. But there still was one question. Where is Shining?