A/N: Some scenes in this chapter may be slightly suggestive, but are not classified as mature.
Chapter 8: Shenanigans!
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I start pulling myself out of the darkness of sleep only to get slammed with a massive headache. I open my eyes and the fogginess that fills them slowly dissipates revealing a white ceiling with a really nice looking crown molding. My senses slowly start to come back. First up is taste, which isn’t much because my mouth feels like the Sahara desert, which I’m betting is from drinking too much. I do taste the aftertaste of a fruity drink involving rum though.
My hearing came back and I could hear my breathing as well as another’s. Spitfire must be sleeping nearby. Slowly the senses in the rest of my body, primarily touch, started to come back more prominently. As it did I felt a warm presence on my chest as well as a larger warmth coming from my entire left side. I look down to see a lithe arm crossing my chest, her (or at least I'm hoping that it's a her) fingers wrapped around my ribs. My eyes follow the arm which is connected to Spitfire, who is as naked as a jaybird with her breasts squished against the left side of my torso, and her left leg crossed around with mine. One of her wings had been wrapped around me as well contributing to the warmth I felt.
At that moment the third and final sign of a hangover showed up: the nausea. I pried off Spitfire’s as gently and as quickly as I could and I hightailed it to the bathroom where I found solace in worshiping the porcelain throne. I puked my guts out until I dry heaved. Fucking hangovers.
I went over to the mirror and splashed water on my face trying to get a grasp on the whole situation. Spitfire is buck naked in a bed cuddling with me, who is just as naked in what looks to be a hotel room. I have a monster hangover which means I got tanked last night. My hips and hipflexors feel like I’ve been on a bull ride. I lift my hands to rub my temples when I feel a cold piece of metal on my left ring finger. I quickly move my hand from my head and right into my line of sight. On it is a gold wedding band.
I walk back to the bed and find at least four open and used condoms, as well as the wrappers, scattered around the bed, floor, and bedside table. I then put the first pieces of the puzzle that was last night together: I had gotten blitzed, which Spitfire may also be included in that, and we had sex. At least four rounds by the evidence left behind.
I walked over to Spitfire and shook her shoulder gently, “Wake up.”
She started to stir, “Uhhh,” she groaned. “What happened last night?” She sat up a bit grabbing her head. “Why do you look naked and why do I have a migraine?”
“Well… we got drunk last night… and we had sex,” I replied. She immediately blushed after looking at my naked body and her own eyes shifting to her own nudity. She reached down and pulled up a sheet from the bed. I grabbed a robe and put it on. I brought one over for her too and turned around as she put it on.
“Why is there a diamond ring on my ring finger?” she asked lifting her hand close enough to look at the stone. It was massive!
“That’s the one I’m still working on,” I reply showing her my own ring. Then a knock on the door came and we both groaned in pain from the volume of it.
“Room service,” a muffled male voice said from the other side of the door. I opened the door to see a bellhop. “Delivery for you sir,” he said handing over a gift basket. I gave him a $5 and closed the door. I took it to the table and saw that it had a card in it, so I took it out and read it out loud.
“‘Congratulations on your sudden wedding. Sorry I couldn’t attend on such short notice. May you have many of years of bliss ahead of you. Have fun. –Colonel Hernandez.’” I set the note down to see Spitfire blushing while holding a massive box of condoms. Subtle boss, subtle. I looked at the table and found a marriage license for ‘Andrew Briggs’ and ‘Samantha “Spitfire” nee Pyre.’ Well it was official, that’s for sure.
“Well Spits, I think I have a good idea about what happened last night,” I say pulling out a chair for me and her sitting on the bed. “It started when we took off from the runway at Area 51-”
***
Canterlot Castle, 13 hours earlier
“So Twilight, why are we here again?” a young mage woman with blue marks on her arms said. She was wearing a white dress that would be classified as formal wear. The rest of the group entered the chamber and the door closed behind them.
“Well Rarity I need the Elements of Harmony to charge a conduit to allow me to use a spell to find where Spitfire went and-” Twilight said.
“SPITFIRE’S STILL ALIVE?!?” a rainbow haired angel clad in a cyan hooded sweatshirt and track pants exclaimed.
Twilight stuck her finger in her ears to get rid of the ringing in her ears, “Yes Rainbow Dash, I suspect that she may be marooned on another dimension or world and she can’t return home.”
“And this here condu-hoosit-whatsit will help how?” asked a blonde haired Stetson wearing earthborn.
“Well Applejack it’ll help by allowing me to perform a scrying spell that will allow me to see where Spitfire is and will allow me to figure out how much mana it’ll take to open a portal to bring her home.”
“Well why don’t you use that mirror that’s still in the Crystal Empire?” a poofy-haired earthborn said bouncing around the room looking at every little thing.
“Well Pinkie that mirror is permanently linked to that anthropomorphic cat world by a steady stream of magic from our end and magnetic forces from theirs. To cut that stream off would be possibly catastrophic for both of our worlds,” Twilight replied.
“How long is this going to take, if you don’t mind my asking? I need to go feed Angel or he’ll get fussy again,” a pink haired angel said, trying to hide behind Applejack in an attempt to not be there.
“Well Fluttershy if everything goes according to plan it’ll only take a few minutes to charge the conduit needed to fuel the spell,” Twilight replied and Fluttershy seemed to be satisfied with the answer. Twilight’s mana field flared purple and before her appeared the Elements. “Girls, if you would please,” she said gesturing to the summoned necklaces.
The girls put on their appropriate jewel embedded necklace and stood in a circle around the gold wrapped gem conduit. “Ready?” Twilight asked and the girls responded with nods. Her eyes glowed white as her markings on her arms glowed a bright lavender. She started to levitate as the rest of the bearers started to levitate as well. Each beam shot from their respective bearer’s necklace directly at Twilight’s crown making it glow brighter before it discharged a rainbow beam at the gem.
The beam made the gem glow bright white, as if it were going to melt into slag right in front of them. Time seemed to stretch on for hours before Twilight cut the spell and each bearer floated slowly to the ground. The air was hot from the heat of the gem in the small space. A few drops of sweat dripped off the young women in the room just from the heat itself and not the spell.
“So, now what?” Dash asked. Twilight levitated the gem from its pedestal to a pronged holding stand and let it cool down by casting a gentle freezing spell on it to make it safe to touch.
“Now I can cast a spell using the energy in the gem as fuel to view the place where Spitfire is,” Twilight replied as she put together the necessary spells that needed to be used in tandem to use the spell including but not limited to scrying and keeping a teleportation tunnel open for an enlongated amount of time, but also not forgetting a shield to protect those in the room from any odd radiation from in between worlds.
She linked the combined spells to the gem and cast it on a large mirror that had been set up earlier in the day. Slowly the surface rippled as two figures came into view. One was Spitfire and the other one was a male that looked about her age. They were sitting in some nice looking seats with small windows that showed a wing outside of it.
“Where is she?” Applejack asked.
“It’s a plane silly!” Pinkie said now wearing an airline captain’s hat.
“Who’s that with her?” Rainbow asked with a slight tinge of annoyance that her childhood hero was with a man.
“No clue,” Twilight replied. “Let’s just watch and see what’s going on.”
***
A/N: This next section will have some commentary from the Mane 6, but whenever it is in italics and single quotes and Andrew and Spitfire can’t hear it.
Area 51 runway, 5pm
Spitfire and I were seated on the plane. It was a newer DC model that superseded the DC-10 model or something like that, I never was the plane expert. There were at least twenty other people on the plane with us both military and civilian contractors alike. Spitfire was now dressed in a white collared blouse and a pair of jeans as well as a pair of one inch heeled boots. And now insert that song that had boots in it from the second Shrek movie.
For some reason I felt someone looking at me, I turned around for a second and saw that everyone behind us were reading books or were getting themselves settled in for the short flight.
“Something wrong?” Spitfire asked.
“No… I just thought someone was staring at us. Weird,” I replied.
‘He thought he almost felt us watching?’ Rarity asked. ‘I thought they couldn’t see or hear us.’
‘Maybe someone was looking at him for a second,” Twilight replied.
The plane started moving forward towards the runway. As I looked out the window I saw a stealth fighter jet take off in the opposite direction. This base was like any other Air Force base with planes constantly coming in and out with supplies for the personnel on base. I even saw some of those rumored black helicopters on a helipad while we were waiting for the plane earlier. Seems like there’s a grain of truth in those conspiracy theories after all.
“Hey Andrew, do you have any other tattoos?” Spitfire asked.
'His name is Andrew apparently,’ Twilight said answering Dash’s question from earlier.
“Yeah I’ve got one other one,” I said rolling up my left sleeve to show her the tattoo that I got shortly after getting my nickname by my squad.
She looked at a good minute or two before giving me a quizzical look. “It’s a ‘killjoy.’” Still nothing, “My nickname when I was overseas was ‘killjoy’ and this is the killjoy medal from the Halo series.”
‘Oh I get it!” Pinkie said. ‘It’s a smiley face that has the “no not enter” symbol on it.’
‘So he hates joy?’ Applejack asked. ‘How can anyone hate being happy?’
‘It has to do with him saying something was dangerous to one of his squad mates and that earned him the nickname ‘killjoy.’”
‘Pinkie, how would you know-? You know what, never mind,’ Twilight said.
The flight attendants told us to turn off any electronic items, which by the way were returned when we entered the plane, and were also told to fasten seatbelts and put our trays in the “locked and upright position." The plane taxied onto the runway and I waited my favorite part of any flight: the take off. I mean who DOESN’T like being pressed into their seat as the plane speeds up and gets into the air? Ok maybe those who get motion sick, but you know what I mean.
The plane finally took off and the flight took no more than ten minutes. Spitfire would have been confused on how fast we were going, but I showed her some schematics of how a jet engine worked a few weeks ago and she seemed to understand it, mostly. Well a pilot needs to know their machine, right? So she must have had some knowledge of working on engines.
‘That is going mighty fast there,’ Applejack commented seeing the speed at which the clouds outside were going.
‘Much faster than our propeller planes, that’s for sure,’ Dash added. ‘But not as fast as me.’
We landed at the airport and departed the terminal. Without any luggage this was done quite quickly. Now if only every trip through the airport could be made this fast. Stupid TSA and their sluggishness.
“You know what?” I asked Spitfire. “We should go celebrate your new citizenship.”
“Well what would you suggest?” she asked in return.
I thought for a second, “I know of a few Vegas bars we could go to,” I say pulling out my phone’s map app. “Here’s one.”
“Sounds… interesting.”
I hailed a cab and we got inside, “Take us to… The End.”
***
The End, 7pm
We arrived at the bar while it is still closed, but the line to get in in about an hour has already started to form. “Why are we waiting again?” Spitfire asked.
‘Yeah why are they waiting?’ Dash echoed.
“Well it’s a popular bar. A few years back it was fixed up on a show called Bar Rescue and the guy who did the remodel did give this bar some fame. Plus it’s got dancing as well as the drinks.”
As we waiting for the bar to open, we got bored so Spitfire and I started to watch some shows on my phone. Thank God for season passes to shows as well as large phone memories. Technology’s never ending journey has come a long way. The line finally started moving a part of the way through an episode of Dr. Who. I believe this was their fifty-seventh year of airing episodes, but of course I could be mistaken.
As we walked in I could hear the bass line of whatever song was playing in the bar. The door opened and we were hit by a wall of sound and cool air. Grabbing Spitfire’s hand I lead her to the main bar and ordered two house drinks. It only took two minutes considering the entire bar was swamped, damn they’re fast. We downed a few more assorted drinks from margaritas to whiskey sours. We spaced out the drinks with some water and food to help not getting too wasted. Then someone had the wise idea, not me, to do a few rounds of shots.
“Hey baby,” a man said to Spitfire. “How ‘bout you come home with me?” he flashed her a grin.
“Hey buddy, she’s with me,” I replied in an annoyed tone.
“Well maybe then we can share her then, if you know what I mean,” he said with a cheesy smile.
Spitfire and I stand up and a smile came to the creep’s face, thinking he was going to have his proposal accepted. I throw a jab in his larynx causing him to not being to shout and Spitfire swiftly kicks him in the balls making a sound similar to wet cabbage being smashed by a baseball bat, or that’s just what my mind filled in, and he crumpled to the ground on his knees.
‘Oooooh!’ the girls present cringed.
‘That had ta hurt,’ Applejack commented.
‘At least this Andrew fellow is a decent gentleman, though his methods are a little uncouth,’ Rarity added. Rainbow nodded in agreement that he wasn’t an ass at least.
‘Something about the creepy man doesn’t seem right,’ Fluttershy commented.
'Fluttershy, you're still here?' Twilight asked.
'I sent a message to Spike and said I was going to be staying here a little longer. He replied that he would get Angel fed for me.'
“Pig!” Spitfire yells loud enough for the bar’s bouncer to hear, then follows up with by spitting on him and dumping a still standing glass of beer on him. The bouncer arrives and grabs the creep and takes him away, I’m going to assume being thrown out near the dumpsters in back.
“The nerve of people like him,” Spitfire said sitting down before downing another shot.
I sat down, “Have you had to deal with people like that before?”
“I have, as have the Wonderbolts in the past, but never quite that bold before.”
‘Is that true Dashie?’ Pinkie asked.
‘Well Wonderbolts initiates, candidates, and members do get hit on by both genders for anything between a one night stand to a long lasting relationship. Most times they are shallow and want the money of the people they’re trying to woo,’ Dash replied. ‘I’ve had a few come up to me after my time at the Flight School, but I’ve never took them up on it.’
“Well I hope that guy is in pain because he honestly deserves it,” I reply.
“Do you want to go somewhere else?” Spitfire asked.
“Do you know what? Yes I would. I’ve always wanted to go do something that you can only do in Vegas,” I said with a smile.
‘What is he talking about?’ Twilight asked.
***
Bellagio Casino, 11pm
“Twenty-one,” the dealer said.
Around me people cheered as the dealer pushed my winnings towards the rest of my pile. What was I at now? Fifty thousand? Sixty thousand? No matter, it’s still a shit ton of cash. I had won money and lost it, but it had slowly accumulated over the last two hours. I had bought into the table with a little under two hundred and I’m fucking rich!
The server brought me another glass of Southern Comfort, this had to be the fourth glass they’ve brought me this hour alone. I should be dead by now from the alcohol alone. I placed another bet of $10k and watched the cards get put in front of me. The dealer has a seven of clubs and I have a ten of diamonds and a three of spades.
“Hitsme,” I say with a slur. He turns over the next card and it’s an eight of diamonds. That gives me twenty-one, again. The last deal had been an automatic win with an ace of spades and king of diamonds. The dealer turned over his card, a four of diamonds. He turned over another and revealed an eight of spades. That gives him nineteen. He turns over another card and reveals it to be a five of clubs.
“The house has busted, the player wins,” the dealer said pushing my winnings towards me.
‘Damn that guy is lucky,’ Dash stated the obvious.
‘How much is their money worth? Surely that amount in chips has to be quite an amount of money to draw that amount of attention,’ Rarity asked.
‘I don’t know, but if that crowd’s anything to go off of based off a trip that I may or may not have taken with Luna a few months ago to Los Pegasus, a lot,’ Twilight replied. The girls looked at her like they were looking at a whole different person. ‘What?’
‘Nothin,’’ Applejack replied pretty much answering for the rest of the girls.
“Shay Andrew,” Spitfire slurred, “yous should conshider callin’ it a night.” Spitfire had been drinking quite a bit. Apparently the casino floor manager thought that she was my card counter and was sending me signals. They soon learned that wasn’t the case. We took my winning to the checkout window and collected around thirty-five thousand after taxes, damn gaming taxes. We left the window with a duffel bag full of cash.
We rounded a corner and Spitfire pushed me against the wall and kissed me in one of those sloppy drunken kisses. Me being drunk, I melted into the kiss. It must have lasted a few minutes before we pulled apart because quite a few people walked past us clearing their throats as they passed by. One even said, “Get a room!”
“I loves yous,” Spitfire said drunkenly. “You’ve taken caresh of meh evar since ah gots here.” She planted another drunken kiss on my lips.
“I loves you too,” I also say slurred. I kiss her this time and time seems to slow down to a standstill. We separate again, “I’ve got an idea,” I say grabbing her hand and dragging her behind me. We both stumbled down the hallway. We find ourselves in the hotel’s 24-hour jewelry store. “Two rings mah good ladah,” I say drunkenly to the clerk.
I don’t take that long to pick one for me, a gold band. But I take a long time to choose the second one. Being drunk my eye drifted to the shiniest thing on display. “That one,” I said pointing to the shiny diamond ring. It only set me back a few thousand out of my newly found fortune. I took her hand and then lead her to a chapel. Who of all people would be the minister? Elvis. Or an Elvis impersonator. Ten minutes later we were signing a marriage certificate.
‘Wait, she didn’t get married in a casino chapel, did she?’ Dash said in disbelief.
‘That’s a marriage certificate, Dash. It’s legally binding according to what I’m seeing here,’ Twilight replied.
“Weshould continue the feshtivities upstairs,” Spitfire slurred.
***
Canterlot Castle
The mirror followed them to a hotel room and inside they started taking each other’s clothing off until they were naked. The girls blushed and Twilight quickly terminated the spell leaving the mirror its reflective self again.
“Uh Twi, what just happened?” Applejack asked.
“I’m going to need some maximum strength mind bleach after seeing that,” Pinkie said taking out none other than a bottle of 'mind bleach' and a funnel, and started pouring it in her ear, the liquid flowing out the other side. “Ah. Much better. What were we talking about?”
“I think I have all the data I need to start figuring out the portal spell,” Twilight said.
***
Hotel Room, present time
“-And that’s what happened,” I finished.
“So we got wasted, confessed love to each other, got married in a casino’s wedding chapel, and fucked our brains out,” Spitfire said looking again at the ring on her finger.
“Well if you want to be blunt, yes.”
“So now what?”
“Well, we could either put up a façade of being a married couple and just live like we’ve been doing for the last month or so.”
“Or-”
“Or we could attempt to be a married couple. I mean we both said we loved each other, even if we were both smashed to bits when we said it. Booze removes inhibitions and it isn’t called liquid courage for nothing. I mean we are married as stated by this certificate, we could give it a try.”
“And if it falls apart?”
“I remember a wise man saying once, ‘marriage isn’t just working through the easy times, but the tough times as well.’”
“Sounds like a wise man indeed. Was it your father that said it?”
I rubbed the back of my head in embarrassment, “Well actually I sort of paraphrased what a character on a TV show said one time. But that doesn’t make it irrelevant though.”
Spitfire sat there for a moment leaving us in a very uncomfortable silence, “Well I’m willing to give a try if you’re willing to. So what now?” Spitfire asked.
“Well I think it would be appropriate if we got dressed, and then we can find that house that our mutual boss has arranged for us.”
***
“The End” back alley, 10 hours ago
The disheveled man picked himself up from the trash heap and stumbled out of the alley towards his car. He was angry. No. He was pissed. His larynx was hurting, but not as bad as the family jewels.
‘She’s just like all the others. And she’ll suffer like them too,’ he thought.
*And fade to black with ominous music playing*