//------------------------------// // Badguy Ascension; or, An Alicorn's Crime of Fashion // Story: Background Ascension; or, Alicorns are "in" This Season // by MyHobby //------------------------------// King Sombra found himself in a bewilderment. It was only moments before that he had been plotting his final epic takeover of Equestria and its Crystal Empire protectorate. Now, he was standing in line behind a bevy of the very ponies he had plotted to enslave. He mused upon life’s little foibles. A glance to the side brought to his attention a variety of images flying past. They contained the very same faces that stood before and behind him, in a variety of actions and events. He squinted as a young, gray-coated colt came into view: his own self at a younger age. He sat upon his mother’s lap and giggled as he sucked on a crystal. “Hmm, crystalsss…” he muttered. “I say, that is a simply smashing ensemble!” Sombra faced forwards. His glowing green eyes met eyes shrouded behind sunglasses. An incredibly-quaffed, silver mane sat atop a tediously-brushed, gray coat. The stallion that all these adjectives belonged to raised his hooves to frame Sombra in an imaginary box. “The crown! The fur coat! The iron-shod hooves! It just reeks of power and confidence!” “Hrn,” said Sombra. He looked down at the steel breastplate that adorned his chest. “You really think so?” “In-DEED, sir!” The stallion drew closer to Sombra and peered at him over his sunglasses. “Would you please tell me who designed your outfit? I would be indebted to you for eternity!” Sombra could merely blink. “I did.” “Splendid! Simply splendid!” the stallion yelped. He took Sombra’s hoof in his own and shook mightily. “I am Hoity Toity, a fashion magnate from Canterlot. With my immense influence, you could be the next great fashion designer of Equestria!” A grin split Sombra’s face. “Really? Wait. What? No!” He raised a booted foot and prodded Hoity Toity in the chest. “I am King Sombra! I will rule this entire world, and nopony can stop me!” “You shall certainly take the fashion scene by storm,” Hoity said. He glanced at the mare standing behind Sombra. “Madam, you seem the discerning sort. Would you not say that this stallion is simply magnificent?” The mare turned away from the images floating past, her green curls bouncing as they took a moment to catch up with the rest of her face. Her eyes widened as she took in the imposing pony that was the former Crystal King. A bit of drool dribbled out of her mouth. Within a moment, she was leaning against Sombra and grinning mischievously at him. “Name’s Peachbottom, stud. I looove a guy in armor.” Sombra vomited inside his mouth a little. Hoity Toity cleared his throat. “If I could steal your attention for just a moment, madam?” Peachbottom gave Hoity a double take, as if she had only just registered his presence. “Oh, um, yeah?” “Would you not say that this stallion’s taste in finery is most exquisite?” Hoity asked. A slightly slack-jawed expression took hold of Peachbottom’s face as she returned her attention to Sombra. “Oooh, yeah…” Sombra’s bile returned for an encore performance. He brushed her aside with a powerful nudge of his hoof. “Do not touch me, peasant! I am a king!” Her eyes widened. “A king?” “A king!” “A king!?” “A king!!!” She swayed back and forth as she gradually lost her balance. “E-even better than a prince! Oooh…” Every stallion in proximity summarily failed to catch her as she tumbled to the invisible floor. Hoity and Sombra regarded her prone form with mild disinterest. The fashionable earth pony turned to Sombra and to business. “Really, though, you’d turn fashion on its head! Please, please, please, please allow me to be your patron!” Sombra allowed a growl to build up in his throat. “Don’t be a foal! I have much more important things to be concerned with!” While he was speaking, Princess Luna sidled up beside them with a notepad. “Names, please,” she said without looking up. Hoity Toity, though his head was hanging in defeat, was able to answer quietly. “Hoity Toity of Canterlot.” Sombra, for his part, looked askance at the alicorn princess beside him. “Princess Luna!?” Luna scribbled with a feather pen. “Either your parents were quite unoriginal, or they had an unhealthy obsession with the nigh—” Her eyes peeked up over the notepad. “Sombra. Huh.” Silence reigned over the entire assembly. Sombra and his mortal nemesis stared each other down as only two neigh-immortal foes can. Hoity missed the clue-by-four. By a mile. “I say, your highness, does he not look simply smashing in his daring ensemble?” “Smashing,” Sombra chuckled. “Smashing indeed!” With a roar, he transformed his body into a swirling mass of shadow and crystal. Two green-and-red eyes glared at the line of ponies. “Bow down to your new lord and master, my little ponies! Bow!” Rather than bow, the ponies began to glow. First just one by one, then in droves did they sparkle and flash. In concert, they exploded into a variety of colors and emerged from the smoke changed. Sombra suddenly found himself surrounded on all sides by a multitude of ticked-off alicorns. A dozen-odd horns glowed at once as lasers blasted forth, aimed right at his murky head. “Well, drat,” he mumbled. Then the explosions began. It was some time later that Sombra awoke to a biting pain in his head. And his butt. And everywhere in between. He flexed his wings and—He had wings! He looked at his back in alarm. Two feathery protrusions greeted him. “That’s new.” “Yes, I was quite surprised to see that you had them, as well.” Sombra looked up to the pony that had spoken. To his horror, it was none other than Princess Celestia of Equestria; Raiser of the Sun, Princess of the Morning, and Big Cheese. He scrambled backwards, only to find his legs and neck restrained by enchanted chains. It was with no small amount of effort that he sought to reform his body into his trademark swirl of shadow and pure evil, but he found his efforts failing in their entirety. A prod to his stomach confirmed that he was, indeed, as fleshy as any other pony. His ears fell as he considered the ramifications of no longer being a creature of shadows. Was he no longer immortal? No, he now had the wings and horn of an alicorn, of course he was still immortal. Was it his ascension that caused his body to return to its original state of meat-bagginess? It had to be. “It brings to the fore a slight predicament, you see,” Celestia said. Sombra found her eyes to be as hard as sparkling diamonds. “Alicorns are, by law, automatically promoted to the status of royalty.” Luna sat beside her sister, a tiny smirk on her face. “I wonder who thought that law was a good idea?” Celestia rolled her eyes. “Regardless of who is at fault, they have presented us with a pretty little puzzle with your ascension.” “I’m still curious about how you did it,” Luna said, her smirk ever-present. “Crystals,” Sombra mumbled. “Keeping on topic”—Celestia shot her sister a glare—“it seems that you are now an alicorn, and a prince of Equestria.” Sombra felt his mouth twisting upwards in a smile. “Which, though a bit of applied common sense, dictates that you are now a citizen of Equestria.” Sombra’s smile fell ill. “Dear Sister,” Luna gasped, “it sounds as though he falls within the laws of the land!” “Indeed he does, Sister,” Celestia replied. “Do you know what the law says is the penalty for coups and treason?” Luna asked, her smirk evolving into a grin. “I certainly do!” Sombra was unsure what was more unsettling; that she talked of such things with lightness, or that she was so eager to share the experience with him. He yanked feebly at his chains. “Banishment,” Celestia said, “and imprisonment in the place you were banished to.” He gnawed at his chains with his sharpened fangs. “Where shall we send him, Sister?” Luna asked. “The Far Equestrian Wastes? Back to the center of the planet? Or perhaps someplace nastier?” He briefly considered gnawing his legs off and squirming away. A knock reverberated around the room, prompting the Royal Pony Sisters’ heads to turn to the door. Before either could so much as ask who it was, said portal slammed open to reveal a frazzled, grey-coated alicorn. His colored sunglasses sat eschew on his nose, and his mane stuck out at several points. “Do not harm a hair on that stallion’s head, I beg of you!” Sombra and the sisters fell speechless. Hoity Toity stood before them, his chest heaving with every breath. “Pardon?” Luna asked. “That stallion, that beautiful stallion, is the future of fashion in Equestria!” Hoity proclaimed. Celestia and Sombra exchanged a disbelieving glance. The princess shook her head in an attempt to return to her senses. “Who the whatnow?” “Do you not see it!?” Hoity asked. “His masterfully crafted chest plate! His flowing red cape! His oh-so-regal crown!” Celestia coughed. “Yes, his clothes do contain a hint of fabulousness... But I hardly think—” “Please, Princess Luna! Princess Celestia!” Hoity Toity fell to his knees and lifted his forelegs beseechingly. “Release him under my watch! We cannot let his genius fall into obscurity!” Luna looked over his shoulder and out the door. “Who even let you in?” Celestia’s mouth opened and closed like a fish outta water. “I’m, um, I’m afraid that we cannot allow Sombra to leave. He is a highly dangerous prisoner, who has already tried to take over—” “There he is!” Four alicorns turned their heads, but there was no pony to whom the voice could have belonged to. Hoity shook his head and turned back to his princesses to continue the argument. But then, of course, the wall exploded. Celestia and Luna found themselves buried under rubble. Sombra gaped at the carnage, unable to move even as his enchanted chains fell from his legs. Hoity Toity was similarly immobilized by astonishment. From the other side of the pile of former wall loped a pale yellow alicorn princess with bright green hair, curled at the ends. Miss Peachbottom’s eyes twitched as she glanced at the other three walls and the low ceiling above them. “Heh… Heh, I told you I’d find him!” Her twitch turned to minor vibration as she gestured to the two alicorn stallions to follow her. “C-come on! We can still get outta here before the guards come to!” Sombra lifted an eyebrow. “You knocked out the guards?” “I told you to give me a chance to explain it to the princesses!” Hoity exclaimed. He pointed at the dazed mares reposing beneath the rubble. “Now we’re all wanted ponies!” “I could fix that,” Sombra chuckled. His horn glowed as he leaned closer, closer, closer to the helpless princesses. “No time for that, now!” Hoity Toity grasped Sombra’s tail and dragged him through the dungeon’s new window. He spread his wings and clumsily leapt into the air. “Let me go!” Sombra ordered as he dangled upside down from Hoity’s hooves. His legs waved uselessly in the air. “Let me go, now!” Peachbottom clapped her hooves together and flew after the retreating stallions. “Hot diggity! I got me a maaan!” The not nearly spooky town of Hollow Shades resided in darkness. Ponies huddled in their homes, afraid to set foot outside. It was Zap Apple Season, and the timberwolves were on the prowl. It was, in other words, Flim Flimflam’s favorite time of the year. “Here comes another one!” Trixie Lulamoon, Princess of Illusions, screamed. She ducked a swipe of an arboreal claw and fired off a magic firework. The attacking timberwolf splintered into pieces. “How long does it stinking take to harvest one of those trees, anyhow!?” Flim Flimflam, Prince of Zap Apple Cider and Its Derivatives, rustled around in the branches, knocking zap apples to the ground indiscriminately. “Any moment now! It just takes a little longer to do this by hoof, is all!” Trixie bucked another wolf into oblivion with a snort. “Alright, how long until that doofy brother of yours fixes the stupid Super Speedy Cider Squeezy Six-thousand?” Flim’s eyes darted towards town, where his brother was ostensibly repairing the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 in their recently-purchased garage-slash-bunker-slash-storefront. “It depends…” “On what!?” Trixie growled. A timberwolf whimpered at the fearsome sound. “On how long it takes him to realize that not Ribbon, nor Sky, nor especially Flower Wishes are at all interested in him romantically!” On that note, dear readers, let us look in on the life of the more gloriously-mustachioed of the Flimflam brothers. While ’tis true that he lacks wings, and is thus a simple unicorn, he still retains a good portion of that famous Flimflam wit. His mechanical mind leads to marvels of machinery (the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 being the culmination of them all). His strategic genius led him towards profitable business ventures (though some were slightly sleazy, all were completely legal). His vast intellect was fed from a variety of sources both academic and experienced (he was a well-read dude). All of that fell apart in the presence of a female of the species. He sat in his office chair with a goofy smile on his mustachioed face while Ribbon Wishes, a pink-coated unicorn mare, signed a lengthy legal document. “Your garage passed the safety inspection—” Flower Wishes, a pink-coated earth pony mare, interjected. “Your magical appliances are up to code—” Sky Wishes, a pink-coated pegasus mare, finished for the lot of them. “And your bills are paid. Everything looks—” “To be in order—” “From what we can see.” Flam blinked as his distracted mind parsed a sentence delivered from three sources. “That’s… Good.” Ribbon Wishes nodded. “So, you’ll be opening your business tomorrow?” Flam’s mustache twitched as his smile grew. “Yup.” Sky Wishes folded up the various sheets of legality and fluttered for the door. “Well, I think that covers everything.” Flower Wishes trotted towards the door. “We wish you the best of luck in your business.” “You’re going already?” Flam asked. The three Wishes turned to him with raised eyebrows. “Yes,” Sky said. “Unless there was something else?” “NO! No, no, no, actually, no,” Flam replied. His horn glowed as he opened the door with a flourish. “Farewell, and adieu, Madams Wishes.” The officious mares shared a bemused glance and walked out single-file. As sneakily as possible, Flam sauntered over to the door, ostensibly to close it. Ostensible is the word of the day for Flam Flimflam, it seems. In reality, he was peering after the mares as they headed to their next appointment. He cursed himself for his inaction. Surely with three of them, one would have agreed to some sort of dinner date! While he was at it, he supposed that he could lift the bally moon single-hornedly. Flam was mildly surprised to find that their next appointment landed them next door, a small shop whose previous owner had fallen ill to “the madness.” That is, he had gone stark raving bonkers. They say that he lived at the edge of the forest, surviving on tree bark tea and raw toadstools. The three Wishes disappeared inside the shop for quite some time. Enough time for Flam’s addled mind to realize that his goodself just sitting on his doorstep looked a little skeevy. He decided to go for the lesser of two skeevies and trotted over to the previously-empty establishment. Just to see what was new. Honest. “And you say you’ll be opening tomorrow?” That had to be Flower Wishes. Or Sky Wishes. Or maybe Ribbon Wishes… “Absolutely, madam!” a high male voice with a distinct Canterlot accent replied. “We’re certain to add a taste of high class to your little town!” Flam allowed his curiosity to overtake him, and he gave himself fully over to the skeevy side. He slithered and slunked up to the window and peeked in. He saw the three Wishes standing before a gray alicorn stallion whose mane was, to put it lightly, about fifty percent hairspray. A pale yellow alicorn mare sat off to the side with a completely-innocent-not-at-all-guilty-of-hiding-the-pony-personification-of-evil cringe on her face. Flam Flimflam mused on how oddly-specific her expression was. Ribbon Wishes smiled. Flam gasped; Ribbon Wishes never smiled. None of the Wishes ever smiled. They nodded, they sighed, and occasionally they shrugged, but they never ever never smiled. They had lived in Hollow Shades for their entire lives; they had the smile beaten out of them at an early age. In the little town of Ponyville, a tear ran down Pinkie Pie’s cheek. “May we see the clothing you will be selling, Hoity Toity?” Ribbon asked. “You don’t have to,” Flower said, “but if you wouldn’t mind—” “We haven’t had much exposure to finery since those Flimflam brothers popped into town,” Sky Wishes explained. “And they’re not exactly the height of fashion …” Flam pulled back in astonishment. He gripped his red-and-white-striped shirt and glowered. He was perfectly fashionable! By golly, he was the talk of the town in Fillydelphia. Ten years ago. Eh. “I’m afraid the master is unavailable to showcase his items at this time,” Hoity said. “We will, however, be revealing everything tomorrow.” The three Wishes returned to their usual disposition with a nod. Flam scrambled away from the window as the thrice-unique mares vacated the premises. He came back to the window in time to watch Hoity Toity rub his hooves gleefully. “Not even open and we already have customers! Truly, Peachbottom, this was meant to be!” “Yeah,” she muttered as she gazed at the four walls and the ceiling that entrapped her. “Can I go outside? Just for forever?” “We must remain inside! You know how dangerous it is out there!” Hoity shivered at the thought. “Will-o’-the-wisps, timberwolves… I shan’t think of it!” “Says the guy who outmaneuvered, outsmarted, and out knocked the Royal Guards.” “Knocked out, my dear,” Hoity said, “but that’s beside the point.” Flam felt a tingle go down his spine as the exchange passed by his ears. He crept away from the window in a daze and attempted to distance himself from the ponies that had fought the Guard and won. A sound caught his ear, coming from the back of the soon-to-be clothing shop. It sounded like singing. Skeeviness gave way to bemusement. A quick glance around confirmed that he was still in Hollow Shades and not, say, Las Pegasus. Now, he mused, who would be singing in a dark and dank and dreary little town like this? He tippy-tippy-tiptoed around the iron-wrought fence that separated the back yard from the front. Years of neglect had left it merely a collection of twisted stakes in the ground. The song became clearer as he neared the rear of the structure. “Clang by clang, forging it together Weld the plates, being sure the spark of power flows Making sure the alloy melts nicely And protects should it come to blows Ignoring nary an iota This boot could demolish a pagoda I’m forging my clothes line!” Flam balanced on a discarded wooden box to see through a high window. His jaw dropped at the appearance of a large, muscular, imposing alicorn that stood head and shoulders above Hoity Toity, and pretty much any other stallion Flam could think of. And he’d met Big Macintosh. “Chip by chip, cutting up the metal Family crest, carving out the details inch by inch Making sure the fabric dyes three times Add a drop of blood, oh, just a pinch Always have to mind my feeds and speeds Have to balance both the wants and needs Machining Hoity’s clothes!” A mighty forge filled with fire blazed on the far side of the room. The stallion grasped a chunk of metal and began to beat it into submission with a hefty hammer and a steadfast anvil. “Fashion is easy! For Sky Wishes something pink Flower Wishes wants a daisy Ribbon covers her horn, Do you think she is crazy?” Flam’s eyes narrowed as he took in the gray and black alicorn. Between his accomplices fighting the Royal Guard, and his own imposing appearance and manner, the brother could only conclude that he was evil, and this was his villain song. “Develop a rash, beneath the meshing Chain mail coat, will not all of your foes die? Making sure it fits with all the rest We’ll avoid the magical distress I’ll make this one ride low on the flank This one will be built just like a tank I’ll fill my money chest!” “Dastardly,” muttered Flam Flimflam. “Peace? Pah-lease! Chip by chip Cleats, sheaths, brace Barding, rip Pound by pound Rolled and gorged Take a trip To the morgue And that’s the heart of the forge!” It was then and there that Flam vowed to fight the stallion’s evil, and make the world safe one more. He would race to the princesses and get the help of the Elements of Harmony, the bravest, most powerful heroes in the land (whom he most certainly had never met before). He would lead the charge on the little fashion shop to abolish the tyrannical tyranny that lay inside. He lifted his forelegs in the air and gave a mighty shout of victory! The box wobbled beneath his rear hooves and threw him off balance. He tumbled to the ground and bumped his head on a stray iron fence post. He promptly fell unconscious for the remainder of the story. “Isn’t he a pip?” Hoity remarked with a grin. “Didn’t I tell you he was a pip?” Trixie Lulamoon looked up at the humorless face of the owner of… what was the place called again? A glance at the sign returned its name to the forefront of her mind: “Branded Fashion.” Eech. She swallowed a lump in her throat. “Nice place you got here, um, sir?” “Indeed,” Sombra said. He turned on his rear hooves and marched away, leaving a nervous Hoity Toity standing beside a befuddled Trixie. “A real pip,” Hoity mumbled. “Yeah,” Trixie chuckled weakly. “I’ll just be perusing the… stuff.” Armored suits lined the walls on both sides, while red capes hung on racks in the middle of the shop. Hoity himself wore a breastplate molded to look like his usual business suit, and his glasses were bright green, rather than their normal pinkish hue. Peachbottom wore a daring, sheer suit of armor that only seemed to cover the barest of minimums, and most certainly would not protect from any sort of serious attack. A crown bedecked her mane, which had become an unruly mess despite hours of care. It probably had something to do with being kept inside for so long. She glanced after Sombra and pouted her lip. “I wonder why my Sweet Baboo hasn’t given me any attention since we went steady?” “I am not your Sweet Baboo!” Sombra roared, frightening all of his customers. “And we are not dating!” Peachbottom tittered. “You’re cute when you’re stupid.” Sombra gagged and double-timed it to the doorway. He looked over his fashionables with excruciating detail, nodding occasionally at his worksponyship. A dingle in the air alerted him to the fact that his door had opened, and a new customer had entered the shop. A pristine white mare strode confidently through the entrance, her head held high. A small smile sat situated on her features as she perused the potential purchases. She spotted Sombra’s head bouncing above the cape racks and waved a hoof. “Hellooo there! Would you be a dear and point me in the direction of the shop's owner?” Sombra trotted up to her, letting his eyes run from her shining face, to her purple locks, to the three-crystal cutie mark that sat on her rump. “I am the owner,” he said with a grin that may have shown too much fang. “Splendid!” she exclaimed. “I’m looking for a business suit; I was wondering if you could assist me?” “I believe I have just the thing,” Sombra chuckled, taking her hoof in his own. “If you would just step this way?” Peachbottom poked her head out from behind a wall of capes. She let out a gasp. “That hussy’s musclin’ in on my man!” Hoity rolled his eyes, but then took the occasion to note just who the mare was. “My stars! It’s Lady Rarity!” Peachbottom frowned. “Who now?” “She’s an up-and-coming fashion designer from Ponyville,” Hoity said. “Her designs are quite magnificent.” “Now that you mention it, she does look sorta familiar…” Rarity gave an appropriate “ooh” as Sombra presented a set of armor to her. “My, the shoulder spikes certainly give it an air of authority, Mister—?” Sombra blinked. He hadn’t actually considered what he would call himself, now that he was in hiding. “Dark…” He glanced around, begging the universe for some sort of inspiration. “Shadow…” He turned back to the mare with an uneasy grin. “Lightning?” She nodded. “Well, Mister Dark Shadow Lightning, would you mind terribly if I tried it on?” “Of course not,” he said. “The changing rooms are right over there!” The mare disappeared behind the curtain, disregarding the fact that she couldn’t get any more naked than she already was. Peachbottom licked her lips and snuck up beside the changing room. She held aloft the anvil from Sombra’s workshop, ready to bring the rain upon the “woman” who would steal her “man.” She yelped in surprise as Hoity Toity grabbed the hefty tool from her with a glare. “No! No crushing the fashionista!” he commanded. “We like Lady Rarity!” Peachbottom lifted a hoof weakly. “But-but my man—!” “Peachbottom,” Hoity sighed, “if you love something, set it free. If it loves you back, it shall return.” The pale-yellow pony pouted profusely. “Oh, he’d better come back!” With a swish of the curtain, Rarity revealed herself, bedecked in a strikingly frightening ensemble. She was correct in her belief that the shoulder spikes lent an air of authority, and Sombra briefly felt the urge to bow. It passed quickly, of course. He bowed to nopony. “Do you like it?” he asked. “It is quite… invigorating,” she replied. She giggled into her hoof and took a step closer to him. “Yes, I do think I could get used to this look.” “Excellent!” He held his head high and placed a hoof on the small of her back, leading her to the cash register. “Would you like to purchase it now, or have a look around?” Rarity gasped at his touch. “Ah, well, that is…” Silence fell as she gazed into his glowing green eyes. They seemed so familiar, like something from a dream, she had to guess. It was as if she already knew this… Dark Shadow Lightning from somewhere. Though she knew she’d never forget that his forelegs were the size of her torso. “Oh, definitely, definitely have a look around.” Sombra’s fangs glimmered in the light. “Crystals…” he chuckled. He turned back to speak further with the mare, but she had disappeared in the time it took to blink. He twisted his head this way and that, hoping to catch even a glimpse of her. “Pretty mare or no, she’s not leaving without paying.” Rarity had been dragged backwards into a nearby cape rack, and found her mouth clamped shut by the super-strong hooves of a ticked off alicorn mare. “Now you listen here, Dark Shadow Lightning is my man, see? You keep your shiny little hooves offa him, see?” Rarity sighed as she pushed Peachbottom’s hoof aside. “Suddenly I’m in a mobster movie. You say that he’s your beau?” “I don’t know what that means, but he’s my Sweet Baboo, not yours!” “I’m not your Sweet Baboo!” Sombra shouted into the shop, nearly inciting his customers to stampede. Peachbottom’s eyes became dangerous slits. “You better watch yourself.” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I shan’t dream of standing in the way of true love, of course. I’m sure you make a lovely couple.” “We are not a couple!” Sombra shouted as he stomped a hoof. The entire building rattled, and a bevy of customers headed expediently for the exit. Rarity gave Peachbottom a tight smile. “The prosecution rests.” What happened next was wholly unexpected on Rarity’s part. She found herself bucked right out of the cape rack, sent flying across the room and behind the changing curtain. Hoity Toity grasped his mane and screamed aloud in shock. “What did I tell you about the fashionista!?” Peachbottom tore through the shop, charging right for Rarity. The white unicorn poked her head out of a pile of discarded garments and gave a tiny whimper of defeat. Hoity intercepted the galloping assailant midway, changing her trajectory to fly through the wall beside Rarity. Sombra gazed at the destruction surrounding him with a frown. He offered Rarity a hoof, which she took gratefully. “Well, seeing as how my store has been utterly destroyed, would you care for brunch?” Rarity nodded, and the two set forth for Hollow Shades’ only restaurant. Neither of the newborn alicorns knew much about flying. Neither Hoity nor Peachbottom had taken the opportunity to practice beyond airlifting Sombra into Hollow Shades. So they weren’t the most graceful things in the air as they tumbled through the sky, fighting tooth and hoof. Their path was more parabolic arc than flight plan, and their combat was more slap fight than epic struggle for survival. They didn’t stop until the collided with a rather sturdily-built wall, one that could hold up to even Peachbottom’s headlong charges. The wall was, ironically enough, located in Cloudsdale and constructed entirely from cloudcrete. Hoity Toity stumbled to his feet and attempted to gain his bearings. He looked up at the cloud-built building in puzzlement. “Cloudsdale… Army… Barracks? Oh, dear.” “Hey, check it out!” Peachbottom exclaimed, holding up an image of both of their faces. “We’re famous!” Hoity’s eyes widened as he read the red letters below his visage. “Well, not so much famous…” The clank of metal sounded from all sides. An entire flight of pegasi guards stood at the ready as they glared at the two ponies before them. “As infamous.” Peachbottom reclined on her cell’s bed, deep in Canterlot’s dungeon. She and Hoity had both pleaded temporarily insanity, though how effective it would be was up to the judge and the jury of their peers. “He woulda made for a pretty nasty boyfriend anyhow.” “And an entire clothing line of armor may have been a bit much,” Hoity Toity agreed. He paced back and forth in their cell, his wings flapping agitatedly. “It’s only a matter of time before he turns back to evil.” “Hindsight being twenty-twenty,” Peachbottom said, “I’m kinda sorry for bonking the princesses on the head.” “And I’m sorry for socking that one soldier in the jaw,” Hoity sighed. “Dashed inconsiderate of me.” They sat in silence, awaiting their fate, whatever it may be. Peachbottom lifted her head and smiled at Hoity. “Does this mean we’re going steady?” Hoity bashed his head against the bars with a groan. Rarity smiled at Sombra, and Sombra smiled back at her. The roar of timberwolves drifted softly in the background as they clinked their glasses of aged berry juice together. “I must say, I’ve had a lot of fun today,” Rarity tittered. The screams of Flim Flimflam and Trixie Lulamoon rose behind her as they raced for their garage with a payload of zap apples. Sombra chuckled. “Perhaps we should do this again sometime?” “Oh, indeed,” Rarity replied after taking a sip of her drink. Slowly, creepingly, a wicked grin spread across King Sombra’s face.