//------------------------------// // Stoned // Story: Lessons From a Draconequus // by Terrasora //------------------------------// Stoned. It’s a funny word, don’t you think? It used to be something terrible, something to be feared. You never wanted to be stoned, hardly even wanted to think of a stoning. Now it’s common enough. I hear them talk about it all the time. Not around Canterlot Castle, certainly, but every once in a while when I’d venture out to Manehattan-- What? No, I didn’t do anything. Honestly, you have no faith in me. You really should, too, I’m reformed, remember? Nothing but a puppy dog on a leash. Especially now that there’s four Princesses poking around. I could hardly deal with two, after all. So don’t worry. I’m harmless. Where was I? Ah, yes. Manehattan. Stoned. I must have heard that word a dozen times every--I mean--that one time I snuck out of the Castle and headed there. No, they didn’t see me there! What do you take me for? You’ve seen my professor’s disguise, its perfect, nopony can see past it! Yes, I’m sure that my eyes didn’t shine through this time. Now, will you let me get back to my story? Honestly, you’re the one who asked in the first place. In any case, stoned. The point that I was trying to make until you so rudely interrupted me is the sheer strangeness of the word. I simply can’t bring myself to connect it to smoking. I do have a certain connection with being ‘stoned’ after all. Not that I have to tell you that. Wait, yes I do. You asked, after all. How was it to be a statue, that’s what you want to know? You want to know how it felt as my nerves died, as I felt myself rooted to the spot, as I realized that I had failed that I of all possible beings had failed and was being reduced to nothing more than a mere garden gnome?! Oh, I felt positively peachy. That was sarcasm, by the way. You always seem to have a problem recognizing it. And that’s the way I felt for the first few centuries. Wait, no, that’s not entirely true. There was that brief stint where I decided to be a dog, just to see how it was. Surprisingly pleasant. Don’t look at me like that. I needed some way to distract myself. You try not having a body. It’s the strangest sensation. Hmmmm? Ah, yes. I didn’t exactly have a body when I was stoned. It wasn’t like I was just covered by a thin layer of plaster. I was the statue. And at the same time I wasn’t. There aren’t many nerve endings in stone. Or fur. Or talons or feathers or skin. To that end, I was little more than a consciousness for those 1231 years, seven months, three days, two hours, 32 minutes, and 43 seconds that I was in the garden. Not that I was counting. The entire time. Dogs aren’t particularly good at counting. But yes, I had to stay in the confines of my own mind during my forced lessons in statuary. I built worlds, destroyed worlds, buried bones, drank wines of glass, all at a thought’s whim. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t much different than the real world. And yet, it was completely different. Like a dream. Oh. Ooooh! Oh, that explains a lot. Yes, it was a dream. A very long dream. Oh, that explains it. I wasn’t alone, you know? In my mind. I had a visitor. She came to see me. And it makes so much sense now that I think about it! It’s amazing that I didn’t draw the connection before! Ah, stupid me, stupid! Hmmmm? Princess Luna, of course. Or was it Nightmare Moon? Both of them, I think. If you still think that they’re separate ponies. Yes, she came to visit. Or, rather, it would be a bit more accurate to say that she stumbled into my mind. Like a vagabond. She was crying mostly. Kind of flickering between that sweet alicorn that banished me and the dark shape that she had become. Yelling at herself, turning towards the side and yelling with a slightly different voice. She never cared for us! We weren’t loved! They only cared for her! Sister did what she had to! It got annoying, really. She didn’t even realize that I was there. That must have been some two centuries into my imprisonment. She’d show up randomly for the most part, but I could always count on her being there every two weeks or so. When the moon was full. It was strange to watch. The first Luna, the one I had known, got quieter as time went on. Ran out of the strength to argue with herself, I suppose. That darker alicorn, Nightmare Moon, dominated the arguments. One day, Luna didn’t show up at all. It was only Nightmare Moon. It was a shame, really. I didn’t have any entertainment to go with my popcorn. Anyway, once the yelling stopped the alicorn seemed to actually notice where she was. It was a beautiful sight, one of the best works of chaos I’ve ever done. You really should see it one day. Of course, it was all in my head, but I’m sure that Princess Luna would give you a full reaction to it if you asked her. If she remembers. I had to knock Nightmare Moon down a few pegs and I may have been a bit too rough. Don’t look at me like that! She was challenging me in my own head! Hitting her with a rubber chicken was the least terrible thing I could do. But one of the most amusing. That was 1231 years into my sentence. I never spoke to her. She was, after all, so busy speaking to herself for one thousand years. You know, in all of my years of living I don’t think I’ve ever seen somepony so consumed with anger and pain and jealousy. Especially jealousy. But you can’t really blame her, can you? Completely eclipsed by her sister; it’s a bit ironic, isn’t it? The Sun eclipsed the Moon. Oh, that’s pretty good, if I do say so myself. I should write a book. Oh, but that tale has such a happy end, doesn’t it? She came back to Equestria and was saved by the power of friendship! After the millennia that her body spent on the Moon and her mind spent… Well, I honestly have no idea what happened to her mind. I joined her a few months later, came back to Equestria and met my own welcoming committee. But we all know how that turned out. It was stupid of me, really. I had thought that after 1231 years, the seeds would have finally had enough time to strangle the Tree of Harmony. I even decided to take insurance, separating the Elements of Harmony, rendering them useless. But it didn’t work, did it Celestia? Your student was able to stop me. Where were you back then, by the way? You just disappeared after I greeted you. I was terribly lonely, you know. “It wasn’t my place to fight. Twilight and her friends are the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, not Luna and I.” It all worked out in the end, didn’t it? Twilight Sparkle and her friends learned valuable lessons and I was returned to masonry. It was terrifying, Celestia. Having to return to that. “What other choice did you leave me?” None. None at all. You were right in that regard. Sealing me away is the only option. At least, until you decided to set me free. I’m terribly grateful for it, Celestia, but what in the dark depths of Tartarus possessed you to do such a thing? “Because I felt that you could be changed.” How sure of that are you? “You already have changed.” Chaos changes all the time, dear Princess. And not always for the better. “Would you rather return to your post in Canterlot Gardens?” Of course not. Now, I don’t suppose that you came to my room to have a nice chat. Has it anything to do with Twilight Sparkle coming in here asking for ‘lessons’? “She needs to hear it from someone. I’d like it to be you.” You’re insane. “Please, Discord?” … Fine. For a price. “Name it. Within reason.” I’m not very good with reason. I’d like freedom, Celestia. I grow tired of yellow curtains and bare walls. I need to stretch out and exercise my magic. “I can’t give you that.” Then I can’t give my lessons. “I won’t allow you to head out into Equestria and do as you please to it. But I can give you this room. You are free to do as you like with it so long as it does not affect the rest of the world. It will be your own personal realm of chaos.” That’s a very large step down. “It’s the best I can do.” Fine. I’ll take it. But Twilight Sparkle must come here to learn. I will be a teacher but I will teach in my own way. “Thank you, Discord. One last thing. A gift.” Chocolate, Celestia? You do realize that I can conjure this on a whim? “It’s a gift. Just take it and appreciate it.” A pause. Celestia cocked her head, listening to the hoofsteps coming back down the hallway. “Twilight’s coming back. I’ll take my leave.” She disappeared. I heard it too, hoofsteps pausing just outside of the door. I snapped my talons, once to change into my more proper attire and again to make the door insubstantial. Twilight Sparkle fell through the door with the grace of a hippo. Miss Sparkle, I’m so glad you could join us. Please take your seat.